Today’s Bloggable Moments…Brought to You by the Letters A…B…and C

Today lots of weird and funny things happened to me so I decided to include them all in one post because really…I cannot make this stuff up.  I sometimes wonder why BFF and I always seem to find ourselves in these situations,  I mean, it is not like we create them…they just, well, happen when we are around.  I was laughing so hard about these events that I had tears running down my face and even BFF agreed I had to write about them and share them because they are that funny and bizarre.  I decided to present them to you like an episode of Sesame Street because well…when you think about it isn’t that show a little funny and weird too?  So here goes…

A stands for AWKWARD.  Ever been in a situation where you are out in public and you see someone you REALLY don’t want to interact with and so you go at all costs to avoid them?  AWKWARD!  BFF and I, after consuming mass quantities of this new waffle at IHOP (OMG the staff know us now because we go in like every day for this berries and cream waffle.  Next time I am wearing a pig nose when we go in…just saying) decided we would go to Staples because I needed a few things like printer ink (which, of course, I forgot).  So we pull into the parking lot and go to park when all of a sudden, we see someone we really did not want to run into or talk to at that point in time loading stuff into a car.  BFF points out the person and we quickly decide to back out of the parking slot slowly and drive around the lot all stalker like till they pull out.  At this point, as we drive slowly and watch this person all serial killer stalker like, we are ducking behind the dash and whispering to each other.  Yes.  I said WHISPERING to each other like this person, who is now across the parking lot from us, could hear us.  Oh and did I mention that we ARE IN AN ENCLOSED CAR whispering to each other.  In fact, at one point, BFF asked why we were whispering and I could not answer but started laughing uncontrollably and continued whispering as if the person we did not want to interact with could hear us in our car across the parking lot.  We started to pull back up to the store thinking this person had left but they were still there!  I almost yelled “ABORT! ABORT!” and ducked under the dash again, but luckily, the unwanted target of our stalking finally pulled out and we were able to complete our mission to Staples without further incident, except forgetting the printer ink.  I am sure if this person had walked back into Staples, mayhem would have ensued as BFF and I darted for cover under office supplies and making a camouflage hideout of backpacks.  We could have then thrown pens and post it notes at anyone who came near us to talk to us.  Sometimes we can be very antisocial in case you could not tell.

B is for BATMAN, my BFF’s absolute all-time FAVORITE comic book superhero of all time.  Why Batman?  Because the casting for the new Batman in the Batman vs Superman movie was announced.  Pretty sure BFF is in mourning over the choice.  In fact, she even chose to wear a Superman shirt today and not her normal Batman one (she owns like a gazillion).  This is the text message that occurred over the announcement:

Me:  “Ugh.  Ben Affleck announced as the new Batman.”

BFF:  “Huh.  Interesting choice.  Not sure how to feel now.  The world makes no sense to me anymore.  Cats and dogs living together.”

Me:  “Total chaos.  I have lost faith in humanity.”

BFF:  “why why why”

Me:  “Possibly the worst choice since Val Kilmer.”

BFF:  ” Val was still worse and he was blonde!  And George Clooney may have also been worse.”

Me:  “True.  But Ben Affleck?  Cuz his acting is so stellar?”

BFF:  “At least he looks the part I guess.  I have to try to find the positive in this turn of events otherwise I will become severely depressed.”

Me:  “I agree.  He is no Bruce Wayne.”

BFF:  “More like Bruce Willis. Why did you break my heart?”

Me:  “I didn’t mean to!  I just saw the article!”

BFF:  “We need to start a support group to help each other through this.”

Me:  “We so do.  It’s a sad day.”

BFF:  “Sad sad sad.  I think I like Aquaman now.”

Seriously….the conversations we have are hysterical.  And quite geeky. Which brings me to the weirdest and funniest thing that happened today…

C is for Creepster.  We all know I have a creepster in the neighborhood who I call SOTL Man.  I haven’t seen him lately so was actually hoping he took his skinsuit hunting to another neighborhood but this morning, we were awarded with the CREEPIEST interaction yet.  BFF came by to fetch me for our aforementioned gorging of waffles and fateful stalkerish trip to Staples.  There we were, minding our own business, I believe still discussing the Batman conversation that had taken place prior to her coming over, we turned the corner and there was SOTL Man.  Not only was he there, just around the corner from my house, but he was laying on the sidewalk.  Yup. LAYING on the sidewalk.  And what was he doing?  CUDDLING HIS WEINER DOG!!  WTF?  Who does that?   Who lies on the sidewalk randomly cuddling their dog?  How creepy is that?  Not just that but he was also gazing longingly at the poor doggie.  EWWWWWW.  His status is now upgraded to super creepster.  And I felt like I needed a shower after seeing that.  Like I had witnessed some sort of weird skinsuit making creepster porn ring movie that I was never meant to watch.  I felt so unclean.  If that is what he does with his dog in public, what does he do in private.  I shudder at the thought.  I am not kidding.  Laying on the sidewalk cuddling his dog. We started screaming in the car, averting our eyes and yelling about why he would be doing that and laughing to the point of my stomach hurting.   I thought BFF was going to have to pull her car over she was laughing so hard.  When we drove back to my house later in the day, we were scared to turn don my street for fear he might still be there.  It was ultimate creepster activity. I really cannot make this stuff up.  And all in one day mind you.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did wonder how the heck BFF and I wind up in these totally random weird but funny situations but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who needs a shower after seeing the ulimate super creepster running.  The experiment continues…