The Reason For the Hiatus

I realized today how much I needed to tell you all because I have had a month-long hiatus from blogging.  Why?  Because I had a deadline for Book 3 to make and it took all my energy.  But I am happy to report that Book 3 is now in the hands of Boss Bean!!  Can I get a HOLLA!!!!  Such a relief.  You would think it would be easy with all the blogging I do, but it isn’t at all.  So much time is spent picking the blogs, editing, and writing the extras….ok wait.  Let me explain what really happens when I go to write because it is nothing like you think.

Most people imagine that writers have this special writing space all carved out and they just sit and ideas magically flow from their fingertips for hours on end without any interruptions.  Not this gal.  For example, right now, I am stretched out on my couch, laptop on my lap and watching The Amazing Race on Amazon Prime as I write.  Sometimes I go to Barnes and Noble, sometimes I go to my office, sometimes I am at work.  But I can’t just sit down and make magic with my fingertips (wow…that sounded way dirtier than I intended.).  The creative process is actually quite complicated for me.  It involves many factors like screwing around on the internet, eating my weight in snacks and staring at an empty page for hours.  This is really how it goes.

This is so true
This is so true

I really do have good intentions when I sit down to write.  I gather the necessities:  drink, snacks, laptop, no pants…the very important essentials.  I open up my computer and try to get started.  Staring into space or at the page happens first for sure.  Trying to find words.  And then something exciting happens on The Amazing Race or I decide I need to check Facebook.  Because those are way more exciting than writing.  You know I am right.  And then of course I see something like a quiz on Facebook or I need to google something that relates to midget porn (because this might help me write you know…it is research I swear).  This is gonna require some time to get through this quiz or “research” before I can start writing again.  You never know…this might lead to another quiz because I really do need to know which Disney character I am or if I can master the hardest Disney quiz around (you know I can). Then let’s “research” some more with some popcorn.  Cuz don’t you watch your internet porn with popcorn?  Maybe I am “researching” how to have magic at my fingertips.  You don’t know.  Don’t judge. Finally, after much fucking around on the interwebs, I will get back to writing.  Then I read what I have written and erase the whole thing cuz it sucks.  Then I will have to go check Facebook again or play a game on my phone or pee or eat….anything but write.  So then I will stare at the empty page and say “Fuck it.” and close up the computer.  A few moments later, I will get an idea, open the laptop and the whole process begins again.  Yup this is my reality.

You know what really works for me?  The pressure of a deadline or BFF yelling at me to get the damn book done before we go on vacation (wait till you see those blogs and the snapchat videos….hysterical).  That is what really and ultimately worked.  So there you have it.  How I really write.  Even writing this blog took me 2 hours because I was screwing around on Facebook and watching Survivor and doing “research”.  It happens.  I am sure other writers will agree with me.  Sometimes we are brilliant and we cannot stop writing, other days we walk away saying “Fuck it”.  Look for Book 3 Dec 30th and more blogs to catch you up on my life for the last month!

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, complete book 3 despite the screwing around I did and I am back to blogging!  I am Fat Girl gonna go some “research” on magic with my fingertips Running.  The experiment continues…

Why Colleen Hoover Is Like Santa Claus

We all know I think Colleen Hoover is one of the best people on the planet, not to mention on of my favorite authors.  I think I might have mentioned that a few times or two.  Well, I have now decided she is like Santa Claus.  I have not come to this conclusion lightly, but with a great deal of thought.  I mean Santa is pretty magical, but so Colleen.  Pretty sure she would ride across the sky on a unicorn if she could.  For reals.  Let’s discuss why I came to this conclusion.

Last night, There I am sitting on the couch, watching reality tv and eating kumquats.  I mention this because I like to say the word kumquat.  It is a fun word to say.  It sounds a little dirty and also a little weird.  Kumquats are indeed a little weird…sweet and sour all in one bite and wicked addictive….peel and all.  I had forgotten how much I like kumquats so there I was mindlessly enjoying these weird little fruits and squeezing their oil all over the place when BFFE messaged me.  She proceeded to tell me Colleen was doing a giveaway (Reason #1 why Colleen is like Santa…she gives away shit…for free.  Like presents).  Ok…no big deal, Colleen does giveaways all the time.   I figured this one was in relation to her new book that she co-wrote with Tarryn Fisher, Never Never Part 2, that had just come out.  But no.  BFFE blew my mind with the following conversation:

BFFE:  “She is doing a giveaway with YOUR books in it!! Yea!!”

Me (completely confused and trying to not choke on my kumquat I had just shoved in my gob): “What the what?”

BFFE:  “On Facebook.  I tagged you.  Go look.  For reals”

I now have scrambled to open Facebook on my phone and go to where BFFE has tagged me.  This is what I see:

What are those I spy with my little eye?  MY books!!!!!!  On Colleen's giveaway photo!!
What are those I spy with my little eye? MY books!!!!!! On Colleen’s giveaway photo!!

I have now choked on my kumquat and scared Ninka Kitten by screaming out loud “HOLY SHITBALLS!”  (Another reason Colleen is like Santa…she makes you scream uncontrollably when something happens like when you get the present of a lifetime). It might have been screamed a few times actually and again I might have peed my pants a little (which we know also happens with Santa by my previous post about my Seester).  The conversation between BFFE and I then continued:

Me (incredulous and can hardly type):  “What is happening in my world?  It feels like a dream that I just got exposed like that by such a huge author.” (Reason #4…Colleen grants dreams like Santa).

BFFE:  “You so deserve it.  Hopefully people will buy your book.  So excited.  Is this cuz you donated some for Bookworm Box? ”

Me:  “I donated them and told her to use them however she wanted, for a giveaway or in the store.  Never did I think she would use them.  Ever.  First the charity announcement and now this…what is happening?  Am I in a parallel world?”

BFFE:  “Crazy awesome.  That is what it is.  Crazy awesome.”

A few more screams might have come out of my mouth as I reposted the giveaway and watched people like my facebook page of The Fat Girl Running (which of course you should go do right now!!)  Also I will now shamelessly provide you the links to both my books pictured above because I would be stupid not to do so!

The Running Experiment and The Revenge of The Sofa (click on the titles to go buy them cuz I know you want to!!  Then leave me a review to tell me how much you liked it.  Shameless plug I know).  Of course they are also available from my publisher InknBeans if you want to support indie publishing (hint, hint)

Today I have watched my twitter get followed, people follow my blog and more followers on Facebook….it is really like a dream that I got exposed like this and I didn’t even have to get naked, sell my soul to the Crossroads Demon and have Dean and Sam save me (although would that be bad?  Nope.) or sacrifice Ninja Kitten in order for this dream to come true.  Ever since my Seester introduced me to Colleen, I feel like things have happened that I would have normally had to do one or more of the above things for them to occur.  All I did was wish like a child on Santa’s lap….although I didn’t sit on Colleen’s lap.  I could have.  Although then I might have looked like some weird stalker if I had babbled about sitting on her lap and climbing on it at ABF when I met her.  Tarryn would have laughed at me…Colleen might have filed a restraining order.  Especially since I probably would have peed my pants in excitement.  Seriously…I need to wear Depends around that woman.  Colleen Hoover is one of the most generous souls I have ever met (like Santa she fulfills dreams, gives away presents, gives of herself and cheer up people with her writing….need I say more?).  I mean look at all she does to give back to people.  I have seen her countlessly give people copies of her books (she gave me an e-copy of a novella once because I was at work and couldn’t get it!) and raises thousands for charities that she just decided to do.  More and more like Santa every day.  Santa sometimes can be seen ringing the Salvation Army bell afterall…raising money like Colleen.  And Santa is magic that is full of good.  Pretty sure the magic that is in Santa is in Colleen.  Thank you from the bottom of my indie author heart.  Thank you Santa Colleen.

Now excuse me while I go back to eating kumquats….because kumquats is why.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover that Colleen Hoover is like Santa Claus but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who got a giant wish answered today and also discovered how much fun it is to eat and say the word kumquat Running.  The experiment continues…