This month BFF had to have surgery. Twice. Nothing major and everything is fine but she had to have some lumps removed from her breast. All is benign and good! So don’t you all go worrying cuz she would hate that. She had what is called a phyllodes tumor, which is benign but can turn cancerous, so it had to be removed before it caused trouble. Silly boobie. So, surgery it was and I went with her and her parentals to be her support and to entertain her Momma so she wouldn’t be too stressed. Let me tell you, BFF on meds is hilarious! Also she was pretty hungry which led to the discussion of tacos. Because it was Tuesday. And because tacos. Always tacos.
BFF had to have one of her lumps marked by a wire because it was small and the surgeon wanted to make sure she could find it during the surgery. So that procedure was supposed to take place about an hour before the actual surgery. That had to be done with a radiologist and she said it really was not pleasant. But she returned with a numb boobie and we sat waiting in the pre-op area. From where we were, we could see all the activity of the area and that was quite fun. But the waiting. Ugh. So much waiting. And waiting. And waiting. BFF was scheduled for surgery at 12:45 and had not had anything to eat since midnight. She was starving. So guess what our topic of conversation was? Yup. The food she was going to shove in her gob as soon as she was released. She had quite the list. But topping that list? Tacos. It was, after all, Taco Tuesday and she wanted some tacos dammit. She must have talked about the kind of tacos she wanted for like an hour. And this was before they gave her drugs. BFF’s surgery time came and went. Unfortunately for her, she got bumped back because of trauma patients. This meant one thing. Her boobie was now not numb and she could feel the wire. Also, she was still hungry. I imagine the wire felt like a giant splinter sitting in her boobie so it could not have been that fun. Can you imagine? So BFF did the only thing she could since she couldn’t have tacos. She asked for pain medication.
This is where it got fun. They gave her medication and a few minutes later she looked at me and said “Whoa”. Immediately she said she didn’t like it and could not understand how people could get addicted to stuff like that. Good thing to know BFF won’t suddenly become a drug addict. I won’t have to worry about her becoming a bag lady pushing a shopping cart down the street that contain all her worldly possessions muttering to herself about demons and yelling profanities at people. Oh wait. Maybe I do. But not because of drugs. Just because. Pretty soon the sleepy factor hit her and she was out. Which means this happened.
You knew that would happen right? I mean what else was I supposed to do while waiting? Luckily, only 3 hours after she was supposed to go back for surgery, the crew finally came and got her. Which meant we were left with this image as they wheeled her back.
If you have ever waited for someone in surgery, then you know it can be so long even if it is only 45 minutes or so. We had the joy of hearing some dude eery 15 minutes tell everyone within ear shot of him that he was going to go out and “smoke his cancer”. You go right ahead buddy. Thanks for telling us the umpteenth time. I thought BFF’s Momma was gonna stab him in the eye with a spork from the dining room when he said it for the 4th time. I would have handed her the spork. Just saying. Our hospital does this thing where they give you a tracking number and you can look up on this giant board to see where your loved one is. I felt like all I did was stared at this board waiting to see if BFF was in the recovery room yet. It just kept saying she was in the OR. Even when the surgeon came to talk to us and said she was done and everything was fine, BFF’s number never moved her to the recovery room. It was like she was stuck in permanent limbo! Maybe the Doctor came and picked her up in the T.A.R.D.I.S. and she is flying through time and space. Wait. And she didn’t come and get me? Rude.
Eventually I knew she was in the recovery room. How? Because all of a sudden I got a text from her. I looked at her Momma because I thought she had BFF’s phone but she didn’t. I opened up the text message and started laughing. The text was nothing but taco emojis. A ton of them. Only BFF would subtly let me know she was out of surgery and feeling fine by texting me taco emojis. Best recovery room text ever. Her Momma and I laughed pretty hard over that.
After being discharged, I was helping BFF to the car while her Momma went and got it. She looked at me and said “I am starving. Can you go get me tacos?” Nope. Not happening. I carefully explained to her drug addled brain that I didn’t want to see tacos come back up and I would get her some the next day. She sighed, agreed and again told me could never be a drug addict. Well good, because I didn’t want to have to find her a shopping cart. Although if it came filled with tacos at that point, I am sure she would have just walked down the street muttering to herself and eating tacos. I mean it was Taco Tuesday.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did, however, have to explain to BFF why she couldn’t have tacos fresh out of surgery, but I didn’t die. I am Fat Girl with a BFF who texts me taco emojis from the recovery room Running. The experiment continues…