It Isn’t a Family Reunion Without Hatchet Throwing

As you read last time, my family reunions are always one that bring the unexpected and some hilarious moments.  Most of our activities are unplanned, like 15 of us taking up an entire row at the movies to see Jurassic World, or the epic Cards Against Humanity game.  I am always amazed that we can find the most bizarre and often country things to do.  My family is always what I describe as “country” and for those who don’t know, yes there IS a difference between “country” and “redneck”.  BFF didn’t believe me till she looked online and found out I (for once) was right.  Go ahead and GTS that and see for yourself.  So being we were out near my Aunty T’s farm, I knew things might get a little crazy and sure enough, one night there was a wholesome family activity of hatchet throwing.  Yup.  You read that right…hatchet throwing.  What?  Your family doesn’t do this at their family reunion?  Apparently ours does…

I am not sure how the subject even came up but all of a sudden, my Daddy is pulling out a homemade target in the outline of a human for people to throw the hatchet at…wait…..are we preparing for the zombie apocalypse or training a bunch of murderers?  Either way, this skill might prove handy someday.  I mean, you never know during the zombie outbreak when throwing a hatchet might come in handy.  It is quiet, and would take the head shot needed to kill a zombie without attracting other zombies.  So, I was all for watching and learning how to throw the hatchet.  The enthusiasm with which my family embraced this activity without any qualms was a little frightening.  Maybe they all want to be prepared for when the zombie plague happens as well.  Either that or there will soon be a rash outbreak of murder by hatchets in Iowa and we will know who is to blame.  Despite my thoughts of what might possibly be wrong with my family, I proceeded to watch and join in on the hatchet throwing.

My Daddy showing the rest of us how to get the perfect head shot on a zombie...I mean hit the target
My Daddy showing the rest of us how to get the perfect head shot on a zombie…I mean hit the target

Now, this hatchet throwing was not just for the older generation.  We even decided to let the little ones give it a go and throw the hatchet at the human target.  Hey…they need to learn how to defend themselves too ya know.  I mean, I don’t want my little cousins not knowing how to get out of a zombie jam if they can’t help it.  It is a vital concern.  The kids were surprisingly good, each hitting the target quite violently with their first try.  I was not so lucky….I finally hit the target the 3rd time, but not nearly with the anger or velocity as my baby cousins.  Guess I need to channel some of their energy into my throwing.  I was surprised, actually, at how hard it was to hit the target so I need to obviously practice on my head shots so I can survive.

My sweet baby cousin (also my mini-me) showin g us all how it is done with one throw.  I want her on my apocalypse team....
My sweet baby cousin (also my mini-me) showing us all how it is done with one throw. I want her on my apocalypse team….

Pretty soon, this happened.  I will just leave it there.  The pic really speaks for itself.  Prepared family I tell ya.

I have no words....I love the boys in our family
I have no words….I love the boys in our family

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however contemplate planning future family activities vs letting us come up with our own since we do things like train our children to be dead shots with a hatchet.  I am Fat Girl with a hatchet throwing, gun-toting kind of family reunion Running.  The experiment continues…

Games NOT to Play With Your Family

Last month I enjoyed the biannual family reunion in Iowa and had a great time with those crazy people, despite the hot and humid weather.  We had an all day event where we loaded down tables full of food, enjoyed each other’s company, went for walks, played with the kiddos and eventually a group of us played a game together.  This game left us sore from laughing, shocked at some of our relatives and needing some therapy.  What game did we play?  Cards Against Humanity of course.  Not every family should play this game together, but boy am I glad we did….I learned so much about my cousins and really I think I might need some therapy after playing it with them.

Now I must tell you something about my family,  We are not only loud and obnoxious, but we also hold nothing back and there aren’t too many secrets we keep from each other.  I am sure there are a few but we pretty much acknowledge everyone and love them for who they are so really there is no need to have them.  That being said, if your family is not as open as mine, then you really shouldn’t play Cards Against Humanity with them.  One of the older kids had purchased the game ad brought it to the reunion hoping we would play it,  My Seester, BIL and I were all game so we sat down and proceeded to play.  It started out with all of us being hesitant but took no time at all to develop into a full force laugh a minute game.

My crazy cousins.  Somethign tells me we should play this more often
My crazy cousins. Something tells me we should play this more often

We all know my past experiences with this game have brought some rather hilarious results but some of the ones my cousins threw down…what in the world are they eating in Iowa?  Especially some of the teenagers!  At some points, we were laughing so hard that we could not even read the cards.  Seester had one of the best rounds when she pulled the card “During his midlife crisis, my Dad got really into ____”.  Mind you, our Daddy is all of the cousin’s Uncle so to see the responses put Seester into a fit of laughing so hard, that she needed her inhaler.  Also, we might need some serious counseling thinking of our Daddy doing some of these….ew.  Who thinks of these things anyways and what exactly are Backwards Knees?

Ummmmm....what?  I need some therapy.  I cannot look at my Daddy the same way ever again
Ummmmm….what? I need some therapy. I cannot look at my Daddy the same way ever again

But the best round was one that we will never stop laughing at…like ever.  My cousin (hmmmm…they all are so let’s call him Big D since he is one of the tallest of the boys) Big D pulls his card, shakes his head and says “What killed my boner?”  We all immediately burst into laughter and a few smart ass remarks were made as people looked at their cards and decided what to play.  As we all turned over our cards, Big D’s daughter #2 turns to him and matter of fact says “So Dad.  What did kill your boner?” Big D immediately burst into laughter and I almost peed my pants.  Shocked looks went all around as we all doubled over with laughter that she actually asked her dad that question.  Things you never thought you would hear your teenage daughter ask you, huh Big D?  Yup.  That really did happen.  Also the term “Reverse Cowgirl” will now forever be tied to one of those crazy cousins….I swear this is not a game for those who are easily offended.  Good thing none of us ever are.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I almost died from laughter as I played one of the most inappropriate games with a group of the most inappropriate group of people around who I am proud to say are my family.  I am Fat Girl who wonders if there are games you should not play with your family Running.  The experiment continues…

Family, Food, Fun and Even More Food

Last month, as you may recall, I went to my family reunion…An event I have been planning since December.  Yup.  Someone decided it was a good idea to let the Fat Girl be in charge of an event several states away and involving about 60 people.  Whose bright idea was that?  They probably knew that I would not let there be a lack of food at such and event.  I am sure that is the reason.  Let the Fat Girl take care of the food.  Well, after months of planning, we arrived, ready to take Big Creek by storm with our loud Irish family and spend the weekend together.

We started the weekend by gathering at our Aunt B’s house and lots of harassing, teasing and loudness occurred.  A bunch of us went out to eat (where BFF fit right in hijacking phones and making up statuses on Facebook) and then about 25 of us went to the movies in honor of our cousin Billy’s birthday.  Since he had been a lover of zombie movies, we went to see World War Z…opening night…25 of us.  Pretty sure we took up a quarter of the theater.  It was a great way to celebrate Billy’s memory. Now, BFF HATES those types of movies.  If I want company seeing any type of horror or zombie movie, I usually go with my Bubby and his Pocket GF cuz BFF will refuse to go.  This time, however, she agreed seeing as how most of my cousins were gonna go and she didn’t want to be left behind.  First thing we noticed upon getting to the theater, besides how it was crowed, was the size of the popcorn.  A small popcorn was the equivalent to a large bucket out here in AZ…we could not believe that it was a small.  I was in Fat Girl movie theater popcorn heaven.  It meant I didn’t have to pace myself through the movie and could shove as much of that buttery goodness into my face as possible.  Bring on the greasy stains on my jeans please.  (Huh…that didn’t sound quite right)  Movie started and BFF was anxious about the whole zombie thing, even though I assured her they would not eat her face.  She has an aversion to things eating her face…go figure.  I thought all was good, so I was sitting there, in Fat Girl Buttery Movie Theater Popcorn Heaven, minding my own business when all of a sudden…WHAM! My arm got pulled out of its socket by BFF scared by a zombie jumping out.  I don’t know if I was more upset by my shoulder possibly being dislocated or the fact that in jumping in response to my arm being dislocated, I spilled some of the buttery goodness.  Probably the latter to be honest.  Don’t get between a Fat Girl and her movie theater popcorn I tell you.  Luckily, my shoulder was not dislocated and BFF made it through the movie without her face getting eaten off.  We even laughed when we decided the zombies movie like they were doing the robot.  Pretty sure.

The day of the all day reunion arrived and I admit I was a little apprehensive that we would not have enough food to feed 60 people.  I mean, you ask people to bring food and then you worry that not enough will show up or someone will forget.  Little things like that.  I did not have to worry.  Holy Motherload of Food Batman! We were in a large picnic ramada and ended up filling four huge picnic tables FULL of food.  I am pretty sure that the tables might have been groaning under the weight of all that food.  One of my cousins was standing behind me while we were getting food and he commented “I fucking love my family.  We seriously know how to eat!”  It really is the best thing about our family (besides the company)…we know how to feed a crowd.  There was a whole table full of nothing but desserts.  And let me tell you, the BOYS in my family are the bakers and make the tastiest yum nummies for your tummy you have ever eaten.  Plus, this is the Midwest, so all of this food was so filling.  Pretty sure we all ate our weight in food and then went back for more.  It was a great day.  BFF fit right in to my family, teasing them and randomly hacking people’s Facebooks (learned quick didn’t ya cousins?) through their phones.  It was a great time and we all agreed we need to do it more often…I even got a stripper dance complete with beatbox stripper music by one of my cousins….oh how I love them all.  Also…side note:  How do you just barge in on what is obviously a family gathering in a ramada ad decide to take over half of it?  Are you wearing a green shirt?  Can you not tell we are having a gathering?  Were you confused by the sea of green shirts?  Do you not see my name on the ramada as having rented it?  Ummm…no.  Thank goodness for my Stepmother, who is not afraid to go and tell people to leave.  It was quite awesome.

The Monaghan cousins...I could not have spent my weekend with a better group of people
The Monaghan cousins…I could not have spent my weekend with a better group of people

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did spend the weekend with an amazing group of people I am proud to call my family.  I also needed a bigger pant size after the weekend.  Ugh.  I am Fat Girl full of Midwestern Irish Iowa food needing a bigger pant size and loving my family running.  The experiment continues…