Full Service Snafu and Little Red’s Big Day

When BFF and I travel, we usually choose to stay in nicer hotels.  Why?  I will be honest…we are hotel snobs.  It’s true.  We always joke that if the hotel does not have room service, we don’t stay there.  But there is a bit of truth to that.  We like to stay in nicer places, even when we just go down to Phoenix and last weekend was no exception.  Last weekend, BFF and I had the pleasure of going to Little Red’s first communion and confirmation.  Little Red had asked for both of us to be her sponsors so we went down to be the proud Ninas and of course I booked us a nice room just about 10 minutes away from the church at a nice full service Hilton.  Now, this was one we had never stayed at before, but since it was a Hilton, we were not worried at all.

We got to our hotel and waited patiently to check in as there was an older couple in front of us.  I will say this…if you are going to work at a full service hotel, then please smile.  The front desk girl had Resting Bitch Face the entire time she was checking us in.  I am not kidding.  And BFF and I are the Queens of Resting Bitch Face so we really do know.  Also…don’t have chipped nail polish.  Sigh.  It is the little things.  I know Pocket GF, who works front desk at a hotel, NEVER has Resting Bitch Face and always looks put together.  I don’t even think she is capable of Resting Bitch Face.  For reals….her personality is so bubbly and wonderful I could see her working at a hotel in DL and everyone loving her.  But, I digress. We followed the map and parked back by the elevator to our room and unloaded our car.  We went to get into the elevator and the older couple who was checking in before us joined us.  They were super nice and chatted us up about why we were there and why they checked in (their house was having work done).  We all got off and walked down the hall, chattering away  together until they stopped a couple of rooms down from where ours was and we said goodbye.

As we went to go into our room, the gentleman asked us where room 273 was locate.  Uh….that would be our room that we just opened with our key.  BFF and I looked at each other with obvious confusion and asked him if he was certain that was his room number.  He walked down and showed us his key portfolio….yup 273.  The EXACT same room number as ours.  We all stood there with our hotel room door open and laughed a little.  We tried their room keys which, of course, did not work.  Well huh.  Now what?  The gentleman asked if he could come in and use the phone to call the front desk and find out what the what was because we are pretty sure that all four of us did not want to share a room.  Can you say awkward?  I mean I love a good cuddle as the next one, but pretty sure that cuddling up next to a stranger is not what I had in mind.  In fact that might be qualified as creepy.  What if they wanted to get some freaky hotel sex on and we were stuck sharing a room with them?  We all know people get all freaky deaky in hotel rooms.  Ask my Bubby and Pocket GF.  They can tell you stories.  But I am pretty sure BFF and I did not want to be party to someone’s freaky hotel sex, no matter how nice they are.  And before you say “But they were older”…older people like to get their freak on too.  Don’t judge.  I just don’t want to have to watch it is all.  We also let his wife use our potty because she had to pee super bad.  No way was I gonna make someone wait to pee while their husband is arguing with Resting Bitch Face about the fact that yes we were all checked into the same room.  And I do mean ARGUING.  Resting Bitch Face finally told him to come back to the front desk and she would check him into a different room.  I would think a full service Hilton would have apologized, not argued, and run up a new set of key cards to the couple instead of making him go all the way back down.  At least they had a good sense of humor about it and we could all laugh about it.  Although BFF and I did wonder if we would get back from rehearsal and find someone else checked into our room have freaky hotel sex on our luggage.  You never know.  We are happy to report that this didn’t happen.  We did open our door rather cautiously but nope.  No strangers going at it in our hotel room.  Whew.

I must say, BFF and I are super proud of Little Red.  Despite having a major meltdown over the dress and the shoes (which I think was anxiety on her part), she did well.  She did have one moment, right before we went up to the priest, where she panicked and asked me what she was supposed to say.  I whispered it to her and we helped her out and then she was all confirmed and took her first communion.  Never have we seen such a fidgety group of kids as the row in front of us.  Every single one of them was fidgeting…except Little Red.  She sat straight up so her dress wouldn’t pop open (one of the pearl buttons popped open and we didn’t have time to safety pin it).  She was super duper cute and we are so proud of her!!  I shall now give you some cuteness overload

Be still my heart.  For reals.
Be still my heart. For reals.
Two proud NInas with Little Red!!  She is so special!!
Two proud Ninas with Little Red!! She is so special!! There were so many cameras going off at once we had no idea where to look hence the gazing into the distance.
The 4 amigos!  Big red joins us for a photo op
The 4 amigos! Big red joins us for a photo op
Bestie and me.  I am lucky she asked me to be the Godmother to those two beauties
Bestie and me. I am lucky she asked me to be the Godmother to those two beauties

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did wonder if we were going to have to watch some strangers have freaky hotel sex when we got checked into the same hotel room but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who is so proud of her Little Red and hoping our next hotel clerk does not have Resting Bitch Face Running.  The experiment continues…

Being Neighborly Fat Girl Style

When I was growing up, I lived in a small town in Iowa where everyone knew everyone else.  You knew all your neighbors by first name and always watched out for each other.  When someone moved into the neighborhood, I can guarantee you several of the neighbors brought over food to welcome the interloper like cookies, brownies, hot dish or pie.  Mmmmmmmm….pie.  I moved into my neighborhood over ten years ago and since having moved in, most of the houses around me have become rental properties.  I once knew my neighbors because we all moved into the new area around the same time and because my ex was friendly.  Being an introvert, meeting new people is not really my thing.  I could really care less who my neighbors are unless they bug me like the driveway parking assholes or the garage band rejects.  I have no need to be social.  Why would I?  I know you extroverts out there may find this hard to believe, but introverts really are quite comfortable in their own little bubble.  For reals.  It is BFF who makes me leave my house and do stuff.

One day, where she made me leave my little bubble and go on a shopping excursion with her, BFF and I returned to my house to work on a work project she had to finish.  In other words, she needed my craft skills and my supplies in my craft dojo.  Oh…and free labor.  When we were finished, I helped her carry stuff to her car and was going to walk to my mailbox after saying goodbye.  You will remember that we have those big mailboxes for everyone in the next three-mile radius it feel like.  Ok…maybe just half my street and around the corner since I know SOTL Man gets his mail there as well.  Yeah…I get the pleasure of him getting his mail right across from my house, probably scoping me out for his latest fat skin suit creation.  Fun times.  We get outside and right away I notice several of my neighbors have also stopped to get their mail.  I inwardly cringe, knowing that at least one of them will want to stop and talk to me and I will have to be friendly and not have Resting Bitch Face (this is something I excel at, trust me.  I don’t mean to, but somehow BFF and I manage to have it quite a bit).  It’s a real thing.  You can look it up and I bet you will see my picture.  I let out a big sigh, causing BFF to look at me questioningly and then one of our conversations happened.

Me (with apparent Resting Bitch Face):  “I guess I will wait to get my mail.”

BFF (now noticing others are at the mailboxes talking to each other and being all neighborly): “Why?  You don’t like those neighbors?”

Me (noticeably disgusted by the thought of having to actually have a neighborly conversation):  “That one on the left is annoying and weird and lives over across the street.  She totally bugs me.  The other one is a weirder guy who lives around the corner and is friendly with SOTL Man.  There are too many weird people here who want to like talk to me and stuff.  I really don’t like my neighborhood.”

BFF (with a slight knowingly smile on her face):  “You don’t like your neighborhood or your neighbors?”

Me (thinks for a moment):  “Well…ok my neighbors.”

BFF (laughing):  “So what you are saying is you don’t like people.”

Me (now laughing a little):  “Yeah.  Basically.  I don’t like people”

I adore her.  So glad she gets me.  Oh and by the way, by the time this conversation was over, the neighbors had left the mailboxes and I was able to go get my mail in peace. Thanks BFF!

Oh yeah…I didn’t die today.  I did avoid being neighborly and discover I just don’t like people, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who is not a friendly neighbor with Resting Bitch Face Running.  The experiment continues…