Random Sprint Blog: Thoughts On Tofu (Assigned By BFF)

Sometimes when I can’t figure out what to write, I ask BFF and she gives me a random topic (and I do mean random) to stir up my creative process.  You all want to shoot me some random topics, then please do so!!  Today, I decided to sprint with some author friends to get some writing done for you all.  Sprinting (not the running kind) is when we all, in different parts of the US, at a designated time write as much as we can for an hour and see who wins.  It really makes me write (because I like a challenge and I like to win) and sometimes get a blog for you which I am hoping this will be but we shall see.  Today’s random blog topic, brought to you by BFF, is tofu.  Yup.  Tofu.  I warned you it would be random so let’s see….what can I say about tofu, except for it is disgusting.  Hmmmm…

A lot of people I know have been trying to get healthy, something I am always trying to do and failing at…repeatedly.  Everyone on my unit seems to be doing the Whole 30 or clean eating or some shit like that and I am over here eating frosting out of a can.  No joke.  The struggle is real.  I am surrounded by people trying to eat well and fill themselves full of veggies and fruit and other such weird things.  To say I am unsure of all of this stuff is an understatement.  I want to eat healthy.  I want to lose weight.  I want to look good naked.  But I also want tacos…and pizza…and noodles.  Sometimes I feel like yelling like Oprah does on the new Weight Watchers commercial about loving bread to all these people.  Because I do love bread.  One thing I cannot stomach, no matter how hard I try is tofu.  I am pretty sure this is a texture issue for me and is why I cannot stomach tofu.

Tofu to me has the weirdest consistency and texture.  Hence the texture issue.  What?  It is a real thing.  BFF has texture issues too.  She thinks anything gummy tastes human to her.  Not that I want to know if she knows what human tastes like and how, but that is how she described it to me.  I personally love gummi anything, but since I have a texture issue with things like tofu, eggplant and especially flan (I just gagged writing that word), I get her texture issue.  I know, I know.  Everyone tells me tofu tastes so good because it takes on the flavor of whatever you cook it with, but really I cannot get past the conglomerated blob of mush that it looks like when you take it out of the tub it comes in.  I mean, what the hell is tofu supposed to taste like if it takes on the flavors of things around you?  Does it taste like nothing?  Does it have a flavor?  Tofu kind of freaks me out a little to be honest.  It just looks like something you would eat in a science fiction movie.  Weird little block of gelatinous goo that people eat with relish.  Ew.  Nope not me.  I don’t even eat it in my miso soup.  I pick it out so I don’t have to put the offensive stuff in my mouth. Talking about this though, reminds me of a funny story involving Little Red and tofu.

tofu blog
You shouldn’t be able to cut your food off a block.  This grosses me out.  

My god daughters absolutely love sushi.  Those girls beg me to take them to our local favorite sushi place when they visit (of course I say yes, because sushi) and they have a Christmas Eve tradition with their parents of eating sushi.  Parenting done right I tell ya.  Kids, if introduced to something early enough, will usually eat it or grow to like it.  The Reds have no problem eating things like quail eggs and love to pick out different sushi rolls to try.  I love it.  Sometimes, Big Red will just get some tempura shrimp and quail eggs.  It is her favorite thing.  Little Red also has a favorite and hers is miso soup.  The first time I took them to eat sushi and ordered some for myself, she asked to try it.  She must have been about 3 or 4 at the time.  I gave her some and she proceeded to eat the whole bowl, declaring it her favoritest thing ever.  So much for me eating my soup.

The next time we went out to eat sushi, BFF and I were in the car with the Reds and asked the what they wanted to eat.  Little Red proceeds to tell us all about how she wants “cheese soup”.  BFF and I look at each other in confusion, because there is no cheese soup at the sushi restaurant.  BFF asks her again and we are given the same reply…”Cheese soup” complete with an exasperated look that only a 4-year-old can give you.  We both just sat there and looked at each other and the menu trying to figure out what the heck she meant by “cheese soup”.  I think we must have scoured that menu over and over looking for the “cheese soup” trying to figure out what the heck she meant.  Finally, BFF leans towards her and asks if she has had the “cheese soup” at the restaurant before.  Little Red gives her an annoyed 4 year old look and replies that she had it last time because I let her eat mine.  OHHHHHH!  She must mean miso soup!  We giggled a little and then I ordered some for her.  When it came, she looked at us and calmly held up her spoon with a chunk of tofu in it and said  “See!  Cheese soup Nina!”  Neither of us had the heart to tell her it was tofu and we all to this day call it “cheese soup”.  To this day, I don’t even know if Little Red knows that it is tofu she is eating because she still calls it cheese.

Now, don’t try to convince me that I just haven’t had tofu cooked the right way or that I am wrong.  It really is a texture thing.  I can’t do it  And don’t try and sneak it to me either.  I will know.  Really I can tell.  Ew.  Just ew.  As for all this Whole 30, clean eating, sugar purge stuff….nope.  Not going to happen.  I like to eat way to much.  I will stick with Weight Watchers and walking.  I can’t limit myself and cut things out of my diet.  I will try to eat healthier but I can’t cut hings out of my diet just because everyone else is doing it. Fresh veggies and fruit…sure.  But no tofu.  That is totally not happening.  Not in this lifetime.  I am going to go back to eating my frosting out of the can thank you very much.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did get assigned a random topic by BFF and actually wrote about it even though it is gross (Little Red made that topic even better) but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with texture issues and giggling about “cheese soup” Running.  The experiment continues…