How I Became The Star of an Avant Garde Adult Film or How Not to Be Rude in the Theater

Just this last week, BFF and I traveled down to Satan’s Armpit AKA Phoenix to go see the So You Think You can Dance tour show. For those not familiar with the TV show, it is a competition dance show and the top 10 contestants go n tour every year to showcase some of the dances done on the show. We have gone for several years and we were excited to see some amazing dancing and have a good time.  What we were not expecting was to encounter some unbelievably rude people in the theater.  And I do not man just inconsiderate people. I am talking abut down right rudest people we have probably ever encountered in a theater.  I mean I thought at one point I was the star of some weird avant garde adult film as a result.  So let’s talk about how not to be so rude.

First off, don’t be obnoxiously drunk.  We all know theaters now serve adult concessions and BFF and I even grabbed us a good old whiskey and diet coke for the show.  If you do decide to imbibe at a show, please stop before you become the gals a couple rows in front of us that were so loud, obviously drunk, and stood up to perform their own version of the routine.  Nobody wants to see that.  They luckily were escorted out by staff before someone fell and got hurt, but it should have not gone that far.  This was not a rock concert.  This was a dance performance.  No need to get that intoxicated that you get thrown out of the theater.  Nice waste of your over $100 tickets.

Secondly, know how your phone works if you are going to take photos or film.  The gal in front of us obviously did not know how hers worked.  Every time she turned on her camera, her light went on as well. And not just once.  Nope.  EVERY time.  Then, she would act surprised the light was on which was blinding those in front of her, probably the dancers on stage and annoying the crap of those of us behind her.  She must have done this five times before the intermission.  During intermission, she gave her phone to her husband who also could not figure out how to turn the light off or the flash for that matter.  So guess what she did?  She KEPT TRYING during the show.  How about you just enjoy the show and not try and film the whole thing?  UGH.  There is a special place in hell for people like this.

But the worst offender?  The absolute worst was the guy sitting next to me.  Now let me preface this by saying I had no issue with him during the show.  What happened afterwards was the single most rudest thing I have ever had happen.  The show ends and what do you do after you finish clapping?  You gather your things and wait for people to start filing out of the long rows.  Now, mind you, we were in the middle of the row so we knew it would take a bit.  I stood up and started to grab our stuff and put on my leather jacket when I heard an “Excuse me” from behind me.  I turned slightly and there is this guy and his wife trying to get past me.  Um. Where do you think you are going to go?  There is a line of people gathering their things and attempting to leave at the same time as you Buddy.  He then pushed on my arm and said it again.  At this point, I turned around and politely told him it would be a few moment as the row was just starting to empty.  Was this good enough?  Apparently not.  As I bent over to pick up my purse, this asshole behind me, grabbed my arm and pushed me into my seat, blazing his way past me, He even shoved his wife behind me so I could not even stand up.  At this point, I am stunned and bent over the seat with my booty in the air like I am making some sort of weird avant garde adult film, when I hear BFF say “Excuse me!” as he attempted to push past her as well.  She luckily stepped slightly back in her astonishment so he did not push her into her seat as well.  I am still there with my ass in the air as I hear BFF start to go full out angry girl Mexican on him.  I was half expecting her to hand me her shoes and earrings as she loudly starts to shame him.

“Ooooh. So glad you could push right past us to get right in front of me. Why are you in such a rush?”  Her voice got louder and louder as he continued to try and push past the gal in front of her.  “Where do you think you are going?  Think you can just push women around? Nobody else is going anywhere Buddy!”

I was struggling to get my ass out of the air to help her and all I could say was “Yeah!” as I stood up.  I am so helpful to BFF in a confrontation.  Finally upright, I witnessed his shoving continue as he shoved the gal in front of BFF causing her to drop the entire contents of her purse on the floor.  We watched, astonished, BFF continuing to yell at him, as he shoved his way out of the row and out the door.  I mean, who does that?  As BFF turned to make sure I was okay and not starring in some weird avant garde adult film, she noted that if he had gone the other way in the row, he would have gotten out faster and how it was actually closer to the exit.  I still am stunned that anyone would be so rude as to shove their way through the row to get out instead of just waiting your turn.  Did he have to pee that badly?  Was he hoping to beat the traffic in the parking garage?  Hint:  then buy your tickets at the end of the row, not the middle.  Did he think the zombie apocalypse was starting?  Was he trying to escape before we all got eaten?  Do I need to start planning our escape route?  Did he release the virus?  Whatever his thought process, it does not excuse his behavior.  Do not be like this guy. Unless you are really trying to make some sort of avant garde adult film in which people are ass in the air over theater seats.  Then at least have me sign a release and give me some Skittles for my performance.  Geez.

So next time you go to a theater, make sure you are not like the people we encountered at this show.  Do not be rude.  Be polite and enjoy the show.  Unless the zombie apocalypse has truly started.  Then it is every person for themselves in the theater.  For real.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did experience some extremely rude people at a dance show but I didn’t die.  I am the Fat Girl who does not want to be the star of an avant garde adult film or rude in the theater Running.  The experiment continues…

My Blog, My Opinion…a Small Timey Wimey Rant

Please forgive me, dear readers, for my absence.  I could blame the holidays (which are partly to blame because we all know how busy those are) or I could blame a million other things, but really the reason is wibbly wobbly timey wimey.  Yes, I have been stuck in another space-time dimension with The Doctor….Doctor Who if you are not familiar.  Damn you Netflix and your ability to stream endless seasons of this great sci-fi gloriousness into my living room.  I am, in fact, watching an episode right now while I write this.  I tell you, it is addictive and has made me a certified Whovian.  I now have debates with my friends on which version of The Doctor is better and whether bow ties are cool or not.  It is a vicious cycle.  But now, brace yourself for a small timey wimey rant.

I feel like I must address something that happened to me after I wrote my last post about what not to say when someone has cancer.  I got TONS of support and lots of survivors like myself who agreed with what I said.  I did, however, have a rather nasty encounter with someone who felt as if I was overstepping my boundaries by stating what I found was not comforting.  I was accused of being self-centered, publicly humiliating my loved ones and friends for saying these things, and bringing judgment on others. She did this in the rather public forum of Facebook (pot calling the kettle black) using very hateful language and while I did defend myself there, it got me to thinking.   Hmmmmm…well let’s address these things, shall we.

First off, this is MY blog and therefore MY opinion.  You do not have to agree with me in all things that I say, in fact I rather like engaging in healthy debate with people.  But to call me self-centered about my own cancer….well yes.  I am.  Why?  Because it is MY cancer and MY journey.  Yours might be different.  But I feel that I have every right to discuss what I found to be not comforting.  And since many survivors have said the same thing to me, I think that this person is more in the minority than the majority.  Yes, I understand that people are trying to relate or “show their understanding” of my diagnosis, but really…can they understand?  Can they know what it feels like to have cancer?  Unless they have cancer themselves, then I say no.  Do not try to understand what I am going through.  Just take my hand and go with me on the journey.  This does not make me the “Queen of what not to say”.  Rather, a voice in what many find comforting and maybe a chance to step back and re think what you might say to a loved one.  It has made me re-think what I say when people tell me things.  If you found what I said offensive, then I suggest you think about WHY it made you feel offended.  Chances are, you have used these phrases yourself and do not like the fact that maybe someone does not appreciate what you are saying.

As far as publicly humiliating my friends and loved ones, there you are mistaken.  My friends and loved ones KNOW I am a blogger and anything they say can and usually will be used in one of my blogs.  If there is something they would rather me not discuss, they tell me.  I do not feel I offended any of them because they would have told me.  It is a strictly honesty policy I have with all my friends and loved ones and if they don’t like it, then they are not my friends.  And if I did publicly humiliate one of them, then let me take this opportunity to apologise publicly for doing so.  It was not my intent.  My intent by that blog post was again, to make people think about what they say before they say things.  It can be applied to any time you are faced with something terrible..several of my friends said that when their spouse or loved one has died that people said similar things to them that they did not find comforting.  And really, if anyone should complain about being publicly humiliated, then my BFF really should, since most of the things I write involve the funniest things we say or do.

The last thing she accused me of was judging people for what they said to me.  Yes, I did.  Don’t we all judge people?  I mean, we can say all we like that we don’t, but I see it in everyday life.  And yes, I am just as guilty as the next for judging others.  But again, this is MY blog and I can say what I like because it is my forum for expressing myself.  If you don’t want to hear what I have to say, then don’t read my blog.  As for judging others…I rather believe that this person judged me by my blog post.  So that is again the pot calling the kettle black. So, see…we all judge people.

Ok…wibbly wobbly rant over.  I feel better.  Again, I love hearing people’s opinions about what I write, I would just prefer that they weren’t so hateful when expressed.  So express yourself!  I know I do…here in my blog.  My forum for my opinions.  Glad you read them!

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however get lost in the TARDIS with The Doctor for a while but returned to this dimension and this time to continue to write my opinions in my blog.  I am the ever opinionated blogger The Fat Girl Running and I love my readers.  The experiment continues…