Let me tell you a story. Bear with me here. This is not one of my funnier ones, but I always promise to be honest and share all parts of my life with you. So keep reading. It is worth it. I promise. Take a breath. Just one breath.
The last year has been one of the worst periods in my life. No really. It has. I dealt with losing two members of our family, my Mommy being in the ICU twice and the closong of InknBeans Press. To top it off, I was miserable at work. Miserable. I don’t even know if that word accurately describes how I felt about my job. No, I don’t think it really does. I sank into a deep depression and had a hard time seeing the good in anything. I decided to take one step. Just one.
That one step? I decided to change my job. The push to do so was knowing that where I was at was seriously making me cry every night. I sat one night on the couch and decided to get off of it and apply for different jobs. Living in a small town means there is not a lot for nurses to choose from and it also means a pay cut. To say I was scared was an understatement. I was terrified. Who is going to want me? How can I afford it? Can I even start over after 20 years at the same facility? All these doubts races through my head and honestly made me want to crawl right back in hed and never get out. But, I did it. I put in applications and decided whatever happened was meant to be. I never expected how it would happen.
I was sleeping for a night shift and got a phone call from a care facility for an interview. Yes! An interview. Ok that I can do. Well at least I can try and not sound like a complete moron who maybe knows how to speak English during an interview. I could only hope that my personality would shine theough and I would not have to complete the interview by interpretive dance. How embarrassing would that be? I laid there contemplating what I would say in an interview that would not make me seem like a complete moron when my phone went off again. I got a message from the place that was making me miserable and I knew. I knew I needed another job. Right then and there, fifteen minutes after agreeing to an interview, my whole world had gone upside down and I needed to make a change fast.
I crawled back into bed, stressed and tired. Defeated and exhausted. I needed to figure out what I was going to do. The world felt like one crazy merry-go-round and I really wanted off the ride. But you know what I did? I laid there and took one breath. Just one. That one breath allowed me to stop and listen to my soul. That one breath allowed me to take control of my life once more and see above the water of life I felt like I was drowning in.
I realized my self worth was not wrapped up in a dollar amount. I realized through that one breath that I could take that one step. I finally was able to see myself as capable. I slowly treaded the water of life. I pulled myself up out of that drowning depression and took a step. I went to the interview two days later. I took the job they offered me a week later. Six months later, in a company that appreciates me for who I am, I am taking a promotion. Change sucks but change can also be good and make you better. As long as you don’t change into the Stay Puff Marshmellow Man like in Ghostbusters. That is still terrifying to me.
So take that step towards happiness. Take that breath. You will be glad you did. Just one step. Just one breath.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did step back and make my life better and i didn’t die. I am The Fat Girl who can take just one breath and does not turn into a giant marshmellow figure Running. The experiment continues…