Always Answer When Your Mom Calls


When BFF and I go to the annual Nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon, we usually spend time shopping in between panels and photo ops.  The very first day?  Oh no…that is dedicated completely to shopping.  The exhibition hall where all the vendors are opens at 4p and we are there, ready to shop till we drop.  Why?  Because we are girls…NERDY girls.  And Comicon is the perfect place for us to get our nerdy shopping on.  We actually have certain vendors that we repeatedly shop and search out before we even get there so we know where there booths are.  I mean, come on…there are not a lot of places for girls to get things like nerdy jewelry and purses and such like Comicon.  The exhibition hall is HUGE.  It actually takes us quite a while to get through all the vendors and artists, so that is why we dedicate that first day to just that…shopping.  This year, we were completely oblivious to a major incident that occurred while we were in our shopping haze.  Apparently, this year, someone had a BIG problem with The Green Power Ranger.

There we were, just minding our own business, wandering around fulfilling our nerdy little shopping desires, when my phone started vibrating in my pocket.  I pull it out and notice that it is BFF’s Momma.  I was actually quite a bit freaked out by this.  Why would her Momma be calling me and not BFF?  What was happening?  Who died?  Is the world ending?  Is the zombie apocalypse starting and here we are stuck in the vendor hall with all these people and no escape?  Are we going to get eaten? All these questions frantically ran through my brain as I went to answer the phone.  In my panicked state that the world was possibly ending, I actually hung up on her Momma and never even got to hear if they were under zombie attack.  Luckily, BFF had seen it was her Momma calling when I pulled out my phone and started calling her back right away.  My sense of panic rising that maybe the zombie virus had, in fact, been let loose and we were going to need an escape route, I then started scanning for our quickest route out of the nerdy shopping heaven.  I had already decided who we could shove in the way of the zombies so that we could get out.  The dude dressed as Link would be useful with his bow and arrow, so he could tag along.  But the kid dressed as Iron Man…nope.  I am so shoving him in front of a zombie so we can escape.  I mean, what good is a plastic mask and a puffed up suit to look like muscle?   Nothing I tell you when it comes to a zombie eating his face or mine.  That fake Iron Man has no value in the zombie apocalypse unless he somehow turns into the real Iron Man.  Then I am catching a lift for BFF and me out of there.  Also the first to go?  The gal dressed as Princess Peach from Super Mario Brothers.  Useless. The big poufy dress might help slow some zombies down but I assure you, unless she has weapons stored under that hoop skirt, she is a goner.

Luckily, as BFF was talking to her Momma, I realized I could stop planning our escape route as I heard her say “No we are fine.  Why?  What is going on? Nope.  We haven’t heard anything about that and we haven’t been evacuated and nobody looks like they know.  Huh.  That is weird.  Is everything else ok?  No, Momma, we really are ok but we will let you know.”  She hung up the phone with a puzzled expression on her face.  Her Momma had called because she heard on the TV that a shooter had been taken down at Comicon and arrested.  Well, whew.  At least it wasn’t zombies.  That would be worse.  We looked around to see if anyone had any clue that this was happening.  Nope.  In the vendor hall, it was business as usual, with all sorts of other nerds wandering around in their nerdy shopping haze.  Hmmmm.  We quickly got on social media and indeed saw that a dude who thought he was The Punisher had brought a bag full of guns to Comicon to apparently kill the actor who plays The Green Power Ranger.  Why the Green Power Ranger?  What had he done to him?  Had he used the wrong color powers?  Was the Green Power Ranger inherently evil and I didn’t know it?  Wait…did he have the zombie virus and this Punisher dude was trying to protect us?  I am still unsure if we ever got the answers to these questions, but at least they got him subdued and arrested before anyone at Con was actually hurt.  I still wonder what The Green Power Ranger ever did to this dude to make him want to actually kill him.  After the phone call from BFF’s Momma and reading about it on social media, BFF and I decided the nerdy shopping heaven would wait.  We peaced out and went back to our hotel.  Also, I was still concerned that maybe the Green Power Ranger was a code for zombie apocalypse and needed a better escape plan anyways for the next day.  Priorities man.

 

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover that while in the nerdy shopping heaven, you can plan a good escape route in case the zombie apocalypse does start while you are there, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl still curious about what the Green Power Ranger ever did to deserve almost dying Running.  The experiment continues…

On Being Geeky Cattle and Possibly Starting My Own Dairy


You know by now that BFF go to the annual Nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon to get our geek on and one of our favorite things to do is to get our pictures taken with our favorite celebrities from the world of sci-fi and geekery.  We plan this out quite carefully actually.  It is a fine balance between going to panels to hear the stars speak and ties to grab photos with them.  Of course we did it again this year but this year things had changed.  What we didn’t expect was to be herded like cattle into pens to our biggest photo opportunity, Alan Tudyk.

For those that are unaware, Alan Tudyk is HUGE in the geek world.  He has starred and voiced in things like Frozen, Moana, Wreck It Ralph, Dodgeball, A Knight’s Tale, Dollhouse and our favorite Firefly.  We were super excited to get a photo with him and there was no way we were missing it.  We showed up 45 minutes early to be put in a LONG line that had already formed.  In fact, it went into the exhibition hall and it was super hard to find the end.  We just kept asking people if they were there to see Alan Tudyk till we found the end.  No employees told us where to go except with a wave of a hand in the general vicinity of the line.  It was very frustrating.  BUt in line we got and stood because we were not missing this opportunity.  Not even if it meant standing in line all day.  We are that dedicated.

While standing in line, we ran into our favorite Comicon photo worker.  This guy comes in all the way from Chicago to work at Phoenix Comicon and we had the pleasure of meeting him the first year we went to do photos and John Barrowman felt him up in front of the whole crowd.  He is amazing and always makes the photo process smooth and fun.  I am unsure if I should be afraid or flattered that he recognized us and came over to chat and do his own photo-op with us, but it really did help make the time go by faster.  We make our own fun while waiting in line.

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Once the line started moving, we all of a sudden realized that we were being shuttled like cattle into pens created with barriers to wait for our photo-op, which was now an hour late.  Why?  Because they oversold the photo op.  I heard several people wondering if they would make the next panel or photo op they had going on due to the delay.  We didn’t have anything at Comicon scheduled but we did have other plans we jammed into that weekend (more about that in another blog) At least our wait was not as bad as the day before when Dick Van Dyke was there and people waited ALL day.  No really, ALL day and some didn’t even get their photo due to the delay.  It was a complete mess from what we heard.  Not only did we have to stand in line, but then we are herded into pens.  I felt like I needed to have a giant bell around my neck or have my name changed to Bessie.  I don’t normally produce milk products but if we were going to be herded into pens, then maybe I should try.  It could be another way to earn income.  Start my own human dairy.  It could be a thing, right?  I mean this could be a new career opportunity.  We could call it Fat Girl Dairy.  It would be a cash cow. Get it?  Cash cow?  So there we were, shuttled like cattle into the first pen, and then the second pen and finally the third pen.  Oh yeah…all before we actually hit the line for the photo-op.  I have to tell you though, no one shoved, no one cut in line and people were polite,  Nerds may get angry and mad but they did not try to take advantage of the situation.  All in all, even though we were shuttled like cattle, we had a good time.  We even made cow noises.  Yup.  That happened.  As did this

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OMG Alan Tudyk!!!! Mooooooo!

Even despite the cattle pens and cowbells, we had a great time and managed some amazing photos with our favorite celebrities and our favorite Comicon photo op volunteer.  Also, we heard the phase “you two are so adorable” over and over from the celebs.  Take a gander….

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It’s Lex Luthor from Smallville!
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For all my Supernatural fans out there
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I must admit I about geeked out over Anthony Michael Hall!  #BreakfastClub4Life
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BFF might have had a small fangirl moment with the Star Trek Voyager duo.  And they could not stop telling us how adorable we were.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I was herded like cattle into pens for a huge photo-op, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who needs a cowbell and is contemplating a new career choice with a Human Dairy Running.  The experiment continues…

Some Call It Stalking. I Call It Love. The Annual Encounter With Wil Wheaton (@wilw)


As you may all know, every year I go to the ultimate ninja nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon to hone my ever powerful ninja nerdy Fat Girl skills.  This year was no different.  One of the reasons I go is because…yes…you guessed it…Wil Wheaton.  I mean come on…who wouldn’t be excited to be in the same building as Wil Wheaton?  Bubby’s Pocket GF also shares the obsession love that BFF and I have for Wil and it was her goal this year to get his autograph.  A few days before we left to go down to the sweltering abyss that is Phoenix, I decided to check out the prices of actually doing an official photo op with him and to my surprise it was quite affordable.  It was only $20 to be close enough to Wil to get a photo taken and we could get all four of us in the photo!!  WHAT??  Oh this was so happening.  We decided to see when he was doing photo ops so as to fit it into our schedule (remember you MUST plan out your con experience) but it was happening.  Oh yes.  It was happening.

We all venture into the cesspool that is Phoenix to make our nerd dreams come true and Thursday night we see that there is an opportunity for photos on Friday.  I check online and there it is…the opportunity of a few glorious minutes of our lives available for purchase for only $20.  It was quickly purchased and jumps in the air were achieved.  I believe a dance of joy even happened Fat Girl style.  I barely contain my excitement for Friday afternoon and as we got in line we were all excited to get to stand close to Wil Wheaton.  Standing in line was a whole different experience.  We spent some time discussing whether or not the girl directly across from us in line dressed as an avatar was covered in just body paint or a body stocking because it was hard to tell (for the record it was JUST body paint on the top and a painted body stocking on the bottom.  At least her nipples were covered).  Of course there were some parents of the year in front of us who allowed their child to run his tongue on the handrail repeatedly. Ew.  So gross.  They might have earned a spot on my list of worst parents.   And as if the child running his tongue on the handrail wasn’t bad enough, we actually witnessed the Mom flossing her teeth in line. Pretty sure I threw up in my mouth a little bit.  Having never done an official photo op with anyone before (our other photo with Wil was done by the graciousness of his heart when he autographed photos for us), we were unsure what to expect.  Would we be herded through like cattle?  Would we get a photo with our eyes closed or a booger hanging out of our noses?  We were surprised they provided us with buckets to put our stuff in so our bag of sacks wouldn’t be in the picture and also a large mirror so we could check for hanging boogers or lunch in your teeth (I could have asked that gal in front of us to borrow her floss).  We rounded the corner and I saw him…WIL WHEATON…and realized I should have gone pee.  I was really hoping that I would not create a puddle near Wil’s feet as we take a photo. OMG…this was so happening. One last check of hair, teeth and noses and we were ready.

We walk up to Wil Wheaton and I immediately feel like my tongue has become glued to my mouth and no words are going to come out but my nervous hysterical giggle I get in such occasions just might make an appearance.  Oh great.  I am gonna look like a complete and total idiot giggling hysterically while peeing my pants.  Or my cheesy Fat Girl  Disney face might happen. Seriously.  I am hopeless.  At this point I am hoping I don’t trip, stutter, or accidentally grab his ass in an attempt to take a non cheesy picture.  Wil turns to me and BFF and says “Oh you two are the sparkliest superheroes ever!”  Then he spots Pocket GF, whose excitement has overcome her and she has approached with her hands over her ears barely containing her excitement and is speechless, and says “Are you ok?” Realizing that neither myself or Pocket GF has the ability to speak right at that moment besides maybe meowing in a desperate attempt at speech, BFF speaks up and says “It is the realization of a dream come true for her for the past two years to meet you.”  Wil, being the ever gracious man he is to his fans, says “Aren’t you adorable!” And then it happens.  Wil sticks out his hand and says to Pocket GF  “Hi! I’m Wil!” and shakes her hand.  It was all I could do right then not to do a Fat Girl Dance Of Joy for her.  Picture was taken and Wil again says what a pleasure our group was.  Trying to not look nerdy we all thank him and then Pocket GF and I jump up and down in true fan girl excitement and give a huge double high-five.  We might have been in full view of Wil Wheaton but we just didn’t care.  What just happened? The most incredible experience in all our lives is what!  And our picture shows it…thank goodness I didn’t pee.

See the McCheesy grins we all have...yup.  Nerd dreams come true
See the McCheesy grins we all have…yup. Nerd dreams come true.  Pretty sure he is lucky I didn’t grab his hand or his ass or giggle hysterically.

I cannot even begin to describe the gloriousness that this moment was but trust me in saying it was made of awesome sauce.  It will forever be a step closer to actually being able to use my mouth to form words to tell Wil Wheaton about my blog and how I stalk him sometimes in it.  Some call it stalking.  I call it love.  And now to wait another year…sigh.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today. Well, I almost did die of fan girl excitement in meeting Wil Wheaton (and yes I shamelessly tagged his twitter in an attempt to get him to read this) but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl having a truly nerdy dream come true and not peeing my pants while achieving it running.  The experiment continues…