On Being Evacuated of How I Learned That Seester Did Not Know Who Her Grandparents Were


I don’t know if you heard, but California is on fire.  No really.  There are currently several fires being fought over there and some of the video looks like the next apocalypse.  I know that fire fighters from here in Arizona have been sent to help fight and people I know are being evacuated.  It is a scary situation.  I know because I have been there.  Many years ago, there was a fire by my house and my Seester and I had to be evacuated.  It taught me many things, like what was important, but also that my Seester had no idea who her Grandparents were.

My Seester was visiting me for the weekend when we heard there was a fire nearby that had been started by a tire blowing out on the freeway.  You see, I live in the world’s largest Ponderosa Pine tree forest and every summer fire is a true problem.  The forest service is even known to shut down the forests around here to hiking, biking and camping if fire danger is too high.  Seester and I wondered how close the fire actually was and decided to go outside and see.  As we walked outside, I noticed that it looked like it was snowing outside, which was weird since it was June.  Well, not too weird since I have known it to snow in June here as well (Yes, it snows in Arizona. I live at 7000 ft, remember).  Seester and I looked at each other and shrugged.  We then heard the sound of a chopper and saw it fly overhead with a giant bladder full of water.  Huh.  This fire must have been going either awhile or it was moving fast.  Then my Seester gasped, grabbed my arm, and pointed to the trees behind our neighborhood.  Flames.  Giant flames.  We could actually see the flames above the trees.  Then I put two and two together.  That wasn’t snow.  It was ash.  So, what do Seester and I do?  We take out our phones and take pictures.  Yup.  This is us, dear readers, with a fire so close it is raining ash and we can see flames and Seester and I decide to take photos.  As we are taking photos, I happened to look down the street and notice something.  My neighbors are all loading up their cars with their belongings.  Huh.  Oh crap!  Maybe we should do that!  Seester and I agree that we should go grab stuff and start loading up both our cars.  Because obviously we needed to do that.  So we ran inside to try to determine what stuff needed to come with us.  Where we were going to go was not even a thought.  Just getting out was.

Now, if ever you are put into this situation, remember this.  Some stuff is just that….stuff.  It can be replaced.  I immediately packed a bag of clothes and Seester gathered up her stuff.  Of course, pets are a first priority and at that time, I had a sweet Heeler dog named Princess Fatty and all of her stuff was gathered up (Shhhh…this was before Ninja’s time with me).  After that initial gathering, it was time to decide what else needed to be put in the cars.  The CPU from the computer was a no brainer as was all the important papers for the house.  But what else to pack?  The one thing I wanted that cannot be replaced were family photos.  Seester and I gathered up all my photo albums and placed them in boxes.  As we took them out to the car, we noticed everything was covered in a red film.  Slurry.  My house and driveway had been coated by a fire-retardant and now smoke was filling the area.  Holy crap.  The fire was closer than I thought.  It was then that we were approached by a police officer.  He quickly asked if we were ready to leave and then told us we had 10 minutes to gather anything that we wanted and to evacuate the neighborhood.  I noticed my elderly neighbors being helped out by an ambulance and was grateful they had a way out.  Quickly, Seester and I ran back into the house to gather the photos off the walls and shelves.

Seester was busy pulling photos off the walls and I the shelves, when she turned to me and we had this conversation

Seester (pointing to old family photos on the wall):  “So do you want these old pictures of these babies and people we don’t know?”

Me (a little confused):  “Um…yes!  I mean do you think I just put up photos of people I don’t know on my walls?  Those are family photos.  Don’t you know who they are?”

Seester:  “I mean, I don’t question your decorating taste.  I just thought you had some fascination with old photos you found at an antique store or something.  Who the hell are these people?”

Me (laughing):  “Your Grandparents.  They are your Grandparents. Not random photos I just put up but our Mommy’s parents.  Please take them off the wall so they don’t burn up.”

Seester:  “Well good thing I didn’t say these were creepy old photos of people I though you had randomly put up.  That would have been bad.”

In her defense, our Mommy’s parents both died before she was ever even thought of so that is probably why she didn’t recognize the photos (or at least that is what I am telling myself).  By the way, ten minutes goes by super fast and soon the police officer was back, banging on my door, telling us to leave NOW.  We ran out to our cars, Princess Fatty in tow and watched him put a big X on my door.  It all seemed so surreal as we drove out of the neighborhood and I wondered if my house would still be standing soon.  Luckily for me, the fire was contained and the neighborhood was spared.  We were able to return in the morning and the creepy old photos put back on the wall as I explained who everyone was to Seester.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however get evacuated and have to explain wh the people in the family photos were to Seester, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who apparently takes photos amongst the falling ash and nearby flames when there is a forest fire Running.  The experiment continues…

How To Have Fun With A Head Injury


I know I told you all about my Mommy falling and getting hurt because that is when I discovered she had a potty mouth.  But what I didn’t tell you is that she also had a really good concussion from the fall.  Now if you have never dealt with anyone with a head injury, it can be a little frustrating.  You see, head injuries repeat themselves quite a bit.  They can’t help it and they are not aware they are doing it.  It is part of the injury to the brain.  I always tell the parents of my patients that this is normal and it will pass but as the daughter of the patient, it was hard.  I didn’t realize how hard it was being a family member of someone with a head injury.  I didn’t want to get frustrated with my Mommy because it wasn’t her fault she couldn’t remember.  To make it easier, I decided to have some fun.

After she fell, my Mommy was in the ICU and I got down there the next morning after her accident (there had been a wicked snowstorm the day before and the freeways had closed so I wa unable to get there sooner).  She luckily knew who I was (not always the case) and who BFF was so that was good.  I knew I would need to be down there for a bit, so I proceeded to move in to my Mommy’s apartment and stay with her during the day.  The first day or two were rough as Mommy asked about every 15-30 minutes what had happened.  It went something like this”

Mommy:  “Where am I?  What happened to me?”

Me:  “You had a nasty fall Mom.  You are in the hospital and you broke some bones.”

Mommy:  “Oh yes.  I remember now. ”  and then she would proceed to talk about something else for 15-30 minutes.

15 minutes later….

Mommy:  “What happened?  Where am I?”

Me:  “Remember Mom, you fell and broke some bones.  You are in the hospital.”

It was a never-ending and tiring situation.  To make it easier, I decided to make it a little more fun on my end.  I mean, she wasn’t going to remember what I said so what did it matter, right?  The next time the conversation went like this:

Mommy:  “What happened?  Where am I?”

Me:  “Mom.  Aliens abducted you.  They took you up in their spaceship and probed you.  You had to come to Area 51 to get checked out, but it is a secret military hospital so we have to stay quiet.”

Mommy (whispering):  “Oh my goodness.  Do you think they will come back for me?”

Me (trying not to giggle):  “Do you want them to?”

Mommy (still whispering):  “Well, no!  But we better not talk about it in case the room is bugged. I sure don’t want to be probed again.  That could not have been comfortable.”

Me (really tying not to laugh loudly):  “Ok Mom. I am sure they won’t come back. Let’s just watch tv.”

I know you may think I am a horrible daughter, but after so many hours of being asked the same question over and over, I really just needed some comic relief.  It worked for awhile and I think she fell asleep for a bit.  Then when she woke up…

Mommy:  “What happened?  Where am I?”

Me:  “You ran away and joined the circus Mom. You fell off the tightrope and broke some bones.  Luckily, the Strong Man carried you here and the clowns called me.”

Mommy:  “No why would I do that?  That is stupid. Are you fucking around with me?”

Me (deadpan serious):  “Mom.  Would I ever do that?”

Mommy (glares over at me):  “Yes.  Yes you would.  I don’t believe you.”  The nurse walks in and Mommy looks at her “Did I really fall off a tightrope at the circus like my daughter says?”

Nurse (horrified and trying not to laugh as she looks at me):  “Did you really tell her that?”

Me (not at all ashamed):  “Yup.  What?  She isn’t going to remember in 15 minutes anyways.”

Nurse (shaking her head turns toward my Mommy):  “I am sure whatever your daughter tells you is correct.”  I start giggling uncontrollably and have to turn away.  I mean bravo to the nurse for playing along.  My Mommy caught on to that one and smacked me.  but 15 minutes later…

Mommy:  “What happened?  Where am I?”

Me:  “Ummmm.  Well, you decided to take up break dancing.  As you can see, that didn’t turn out so good for you Mom.”

Mommy:  “Guess I shall have to cancel those lessons then.”

Me:  “I already did Mom.”

I can now hear the nurse outside my Mommy’s room laughing as she listened in while she was charting.  At least she didn’t think I was terrible and found it funny.  Because 15 minutes later…

Mommy:  “What happened?  Where am I?”

Me:  “Mom, remember how we talked about that sex position I didn’t think you should try?  Well, I was right.  Look what happened.” I hear even more laughter from outside and from more than one person so I am assuming the nurse has called her co-workers over.

Mommy (giving me stink eye):  “Shut up. You are totally fucking with me.”

Me:  “Yup.  Sure am Mom. But next time let’s not try something new without fully reading the description.”

Mommy rolled her eyes at me and laughed.  At least she had her sense of humor.  And so did I because 15 minutes later…

Mommy:  “What happened?  Where am I?”

Me:  “You decided to drive in a Nascar race and crashed into the wall.  So here you are, in the hospital and broke some bones.”

Mommy:  “Well, I guess I didn’t win the race. Shit.”

Me (giggling softly):  “Nope.  But there is always next time.”

Mommy:  “I don’t think so.  I think I better not drive those fast cars anymore.  Sounds pretty dangerous.  I mean I am no Danica Patrick.”

Me (laughing out loud):  “No Mom, you aren’t.  Better stick with a regular car.”

Mommy:  “Yup. What made me think I could do that anyways?  That was dumb.  Remind me never to get some wild stupid idea again.”

Me:  “You got it Mom.  Check Nascar off the list of career choices.”

I think you get the point.  Luckily, the episodes got fewer and fewer as the day progressed, although she still doesn’t remember a lot of what happened and that is ok.  Brains are weird that way.  I don’t know if I would recommend this method as a nurse, but let me tell you, it sure made those first few days a lot more enjoyable and made me, my Mommy and the nurses laugh.  A lot.  And sometimes in times of stress, you need a little laughter.  Every 15 minutes.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did have to come up with new reasons my Mommy was in the hospital every 15 minutes, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl whose Mommy even with a head injury knew I was fucking around with her Running.  The experiment continues…

 

 

The Time I Thought I Was In a Secret Porn Video


You might be surprised at this information, but I see a massage therapist.  Yup.  This Fat Girl gets naked every week to get her rolls massaged and all the stress worked out. It really does make a difference in my mood and my migraines.  If you have never tried one, you really should.  I have been seeing my massage therapist for over ten years and she knows my body well and where are my areas of stress.  Just once have I cheated on her by seeing another therapist while on vacation.  And that one time convinced me I was currently starring in a secret porn video.

Sometimes, when you are on vacation, you just want to really relax.  That is what I had in mind when I booked a massage, even though I was weirded out by someone other than my regular massage therapist putting their hands on my fat rolls.  I mean, she has done my massages forever so I am super used to the way she does them.  And plus, she knows my knots and areas of tension.  But, I really wanted to relax so I thought I would give this whole spa thing a try on my vacation.  Everyone always raves about how awesome it is to do a spa thing.  I wonder if they ever had my experience.  I was at least comforted by the fact that my massage therapist was a woman (although to be honest it really does not matter to me).  I started out with a sea salt scrub and that was quite messy.  Would have been nice if they had told me to put my hair up while they were doing it as I felt a little like it got everywhere.  But my skin did feel amazing afeter the scrub.  So soft.  I was anticipating the massage to be just as relaxing.   I was told to shower the scrub off and get back on the table.  This is where the massage started to feel a bit like a secret porn video.

After I situtuated myself back on the table, the massage started.  The massage therapist opened up the oil bottle and proceeded to pour what felt like the entire bottle on my back.  No joke.  I have never felt so oily in my entire life.  I could feel the oil filling in all the fat roll spaces, creating little puddles where I didn’t think oil could pool.  I was so greasy that when she started to massage me I could only feel her hands sliding all along the rolls.  I was actually scared her hands might slip into places that no massage therapist should enter because I was that slippery.  As she moved on, she proceeded to pour more oil on me, like another full bottles worth.  On just my arm.  I am not kidding.  It was right about then that I started to wonder if the porn music was gonna start and the bright lights were going to go on as someone shouted “Action!”.  There was so much oil on me you could have deep fried me.  I waited for the massage therapist to remove her robe and be dressed in some scantily clad unders or something else quite bizarre.  Maybe this was a fetish porn video.  I mean I am a big girl, so that could be it.  Like a hidden camera fetish porn.  Is there such a thing?  It was either that or I was being prepped for some girl on girl oil wrestling match that I was unaware of.  As the massage continued, more and more oil was slopped on me and I was starting to feel it flow down into places it shouldnt.  That is when I really wondered if the secret porn video was going to start.  Any minute now.  I wanted to look up and see but was afraid that oil would spill into my eyes and blind me.  It really was a problem.  I didn’t want to be blinded by oil but I also didn’t want to be part of some Fat Girl fetish porn video without my knowledge. I mean, at least warn a girl so she can make sure her girly bits are properly shaved.

I finally was told to turn over and gratefully snuck a peek around the room.  Nope.  No cameras or sudden wrestling ring.  Whew.  I was hoping she would use some of the leftover oil puddles that had rolled onto my front, but no such luck.  I swear she opened another bottle of oil and lubed me up even more.  I couldn’t even relax because I kept expecting the porn music to start and hear all sort of weird sex noises as I was being massaged.  I was never so grateful for a massage to be over in my entire life.  Totally not relaxing.  Not when you kept wondering when you would hear the cameras rolling.  I was so greasy that the towels couldn’t even soak it all up and my hair looked like it had been drenched in oil.  I mean if I wanted to do a porn shoot or have the slicked back look to my hair, I was killing it.  I even felt like my body squished as I walked as all the oil had no other place to go because my skin was saturated.  I quickly slid back to my room and took what felt like the longest hottest shower to get all the oil off and I still didn’t succeed.  I actually checked in my room to make sure there weren’t any cameras set up to continue filming the secret porn video that I felt like I starred in.  Thank goodness there weren’t any.  So spa experience while on vacation is obviously not my thing.  Nope.

I vowed never again to cheat on my massage therapist.  Not worth it.  Not unless I suddenly wanted to change careers and become a fetish porn actress.  Hmmmm.  I mean I could make a good living.  But maybe in another life…. (Note to self:  clear browser history on how to become a fetish porn actress).

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did cheat on my massage therapist and regret it once but I didn’t die today.  I am Fat Girl who thought she was secretly in a porn video instead of a massage Running.  The experiment continues…

 

 

 

 

When You Discover Your Mom Has The Mouth of a Sailor


Earlier in this year, my Mommy gave us all a scare. She fell and broke several bones, including her pelvis. It was scary because we think she laid on her floor of her apartment for about 16 hours before Bestie found her and called for help. Some of the scariest moments of my life were when I couldn’t get a hold of her and was waiting to hear if she was ok. Mommy made a full recovery but during that time was when I discovered for the first time in my life that my Mommy has the mouth of a sailor.

Because my Mommy broke her pelvis when she fell, she had to have physical therapy and go to a rehab center to get well enough to go back to her apartment. Now, luckily, she did not need any surgery. While we were in the hospital, she had physical therapy working with twice a day to walk. There we were, sitting in the ICU, when she sees the physical therapists coming towards her room. Mommy turns to me and says “Well here come those mother fuckers again”. Shocked, I looked at her, probably with my mouth hanging open and gasping at her word choice. She just looked back at me matter of factly and said “What? That is what they are. Straight up mother fuckers.”

Never in my life have I heard my Mother say words like this. Ever. I really was shocked beyond words and sat there stunned while she muttered under her breath at the physical therapists as they got her out of bed and made her walk. I am certain she used those words a few more times as well. I even heard her say she was a “foul mouthed old lady” at one point. I felt like a parent wondering where the heck she learned how to cuss like that. I mean…was my mother hanging out in biker bars or with military men when I wasnt around? Maybe I needed to put a GPS tracker on her and find out who she was spending all her time with or what movies she was watching. Was she taking a course in how to swear? Where the heck had she learned that phrase and why was she calling people that? My Mommy had never used language like that. Or at least not in the presence of her children.  I decided I really couldn’t handle her calling the physical therapists that phrase so when she got back we had a conversation.

Me (still shocked): “Um Mom. You can’t call the physical therapists names.”

Mommy (indignant): “I most certainly did not call them names.”

Me (slightly giggling): “Yes you did Mom. You called them mother fuckers.”

Mommy (matter of factly): “Oh yeah. Well they are mother fuckers.”

Me (now trying not to laugh): “Oh ok. So glad to know what you think. Can we try not to call them that?”

Mommy: “Well I guess I can try. But I am not making any promises”

The next time the physical therapists came around, I braced myself. But even though she complained and muttered under her breath, she did not call them MFers.  She did use a string of swear words that I have also never heard her utter as they made her walk, but she didn’t call them names. Seriously where did she learn to seear like this? When she was getting back into bed she said quite loudly “Oh kerflufflebunny”. I busted out laughing with tears running down my face. What the heck was that phrase?

Mommy: ” What are you laughing at?”

Me (in between laughs): “Kerflufflebunny? What in the world is that?”

Mommy: “Well. You told me I couldn’t call them mother fuckers any more.”

Point made.

Oh Mommy. You are too funny. And yes, she made a full recovery (with a lot of swearing).

Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did get the shock of my life with the words that came out of my Mommy’s mouth but I didn’t die. I am Fat Girl who wonders who my Mommy hangs out with to learn such words Running. The experiment continues…

And The Winner Is…


Ever had a surreal moment in your life?  Like you feel if you are in a dream and someone should pinch you to make sure you really are awake and experiencing it?  This happened to me this past summer, when I was nominated for a major award of my career as a nurse and ended up a state finalist for the award.  I know I don’t talk a lot about being a nurse, but it really is my calling to work with kids and I have been a pediatric nurse for over 11 years now.  So, when I was nominated for The March of Dimes Pediatric Nurse of the Year for the state of Arizona, I was stunned.  Never in a million years would I have thought that anyone would have nominated me for such a thing.  And never would I have thought I would be sitting at a luncheon as one of the state finalists for the award.  But yet, there I was, awaiting to hear my category called and to see if I was a winner.  And the winner is…

Wait…let’s back up a bit and let me tell you first what it was like to even get to this point before I tell you the results.  I know, such a tease, I had to fill out this long ass application to even complete my nomination.  Holy cow.  As I sat and read through all the questions they wanted to answer, I doubted whether or not I should even continue,  I mean, I have no special certifications as a nurse and I don’t teach or activate policies or anything like that.  I am a floor nurse.  I take care of sick kids.  But what I do outside of that is something I am super good at…I do community outreach.  Since that is what I was nominated for, I wrote about starting a quilt program and doing the giant 13 foot high duck in the 4th of July parade every year and collect comic book donations to encourage kids to read.  But really…nobody is going to pick me.  I don’t have all those letters after my name like my co-worker who also was nominated.  She has a tone of credentials, teaching and higher degrees.  I just come to work, take care of sick kids and nice families and go home.  How is this even worth a nomination or a consideration for this award?  Nope.  I even told BFF that my application would go nowhere.  When I got the email that I was a finalist?  I sat there looking at my phone in disbelief.  Wait. What?  They must have read the wrong application and contacted me by mistake.  My co-worker and I have almost the same name so it must be her.  I was stunned.  But it was true and BFF and I headed to Satan’s Asshole to attend the award ceremony.

It was at a fancy swanky hotel and BFF and I were lucky enough to stay the night before and hang out before the luncheon the next day.  My boss and my co-worker, also one of the 3 finalists, were also coming so we met up with them and sat with others from our hospital that had been nominated for other categories.  I mean…BFF and I can clean up real nice when we have to as evidenced by these photos.

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BFF cleans up real nice
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Adulting hard core

 

I was super nervous and kept telling myself it really didn’t matter if I won or not.  My c-worker was way more qualified than me.  She would for sure win or the other gal that was a finalist who worked with cancer kids. Yeah…this was just a fluke that I even made it this far, so I just needed to calm down and eat my lunch.  So much easier said than done.  I was a nervous wreck.  My stomach felt like there was a million little faeries fluttering around in there and they were taking up so much room, there was no room for food.  Plus, I didn’t want to to come spewing back up at the wrong moment. That would be unfortunate.  And gross.  At least I had BFF with me to distract me.  She is good at that.  Finally it got to my category and my co-worker and I sat there anxiously as they explained what it took to even become a finalist and again I was floored.  10 people blindly read my application and sent it through?  Really?  Nah.  Must have been one of those days where people were feeling generous towards the lowly peds floor nurse who really had no business filling out the application let alone even getting nominated.

Then the moment arrived and they said a name.  Wait.  They said MY name.  What?  I looked to BFF and she said “Oh My God!  That is you!  Stand up! Go!”  I felt like it was so surreal as I stood up, hand covering my mouth, tears in my eyes and told myself “Do not trip up the stairs”.  I want to say that I don’t remember much after that except for smiling a lot and pictures being taken.  BFF said she really wanted to jump up and scream “Suck It Bitches!” to everyone but thought better of it and just clapped and whooped it up for me.  Remember how I said I would be happy just being nominated?  I lied.  People who say that are liars.  I was super stoked I won and there is no feeling like it.  Screw that being happy to be nominated stuff.  Winning feels AMAZING.

18953517_10213397657639764_4335904565425899135_o
Boom.

So yes…I am The March of Dimes Arizona Pediatric Nurse of The Year.  #winning

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did win the biggest award of my entire career but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who lied when I said I was happy to be nominated Running.  The experiment continues…

Always Answer When Your Mom Calls


When BFF and I go to the annual Nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon, we usually spend time shopping in between panels and photo ops.  The very first day?  Oh no…that is dedicated completely to shopping.  The exhibition hall where all the vendors are opens at 4p and we are there, ready to shop till we drop.  Why?  Because we are girls…NERDY girls.  And Comicon is the perfect place for us to get our nerdy shopping on.  We actually have certain vendors that we repeatedly shop and search out before we even get there so we know where there booths are.  I mean, come on…there are not a lot of places for girls to get things like nerdy jewelry and purses and such like Comicon.  The exhibition hall is HUGE.  It actually takes us quite a while to get through all the vendors and artists, so that is why we dedicate that first day to just that…shopping.  This year, we were completely oblivious to a major incident that occurred while we were in our shopping haze.  Apparently, this year, someone had a BIG problem with The Green Power Ranger.

There we were, just minding our own business, wandering around fulfilling our nerdy little shopping desires, when my phone started vibrating in my pocket.  I pull it out and notice that it is BFF’s Momma.  I was actually quite a bit freaked out by this.  Why would her Momma be calling me and not BFF?  What was happening?  Who died?  Is the world ending?  Is the zombie apocalypse starting and here we are stuck in the vendor hall with all these people and no escape?  Are we going to get eaten? All these questions frantically ran through my brain as I went to answer the phone.  In my panicked state that the world was possibly ending, I actually hung up on her Momma and never even got to hear if they were under zombie attack.  Luckily, BFF had seen it was her Momma calling when I pulled out my phone and started calling her back right away.  My sense of panic rising that maybe the zombie virus had, in fact, been let loose and we were going to need an escape route, I then started scanning for our quickest route out of the nerdy shopping heaven.  I had already decided who we could shove in the way of the zombies so that we could get out.  The dude dressed as Link would be useful with his bow and arrow, so he could tag along.  But the kid dressed as Iron Man…nope.  I am so shoving him in front of a zombie so we can escape.  I mean, what good is a plastic mask and a puffed up suit to look like muscle?   Nothing I tell you when it comes to a zombie eating his face or mine.  That fake Iron Man has no value in the zombie apocalypse unless he somehow turns into the real Iron Man.  Then I am catching a lift for BFF and me out of there.  Also the first to go?  The gal dressed as Princess Peach from Super Mario Brothers.  Useless. The big poufy dress might help slow some zombies down but I assure you, unless she has weapons stored under that hoop skirt, she is a goner.

Luckily, as BFF was talking to her Momma, I realized I could stop planning our escape route as I heard her say “No we are fine.  Why?  What is going on? Nope.  We haven’t heard anything about that and we haven’t been evacuated and nobody looks like they know.  Huh.  That is weird.  Is everything else ok?  No, Momma, we really are ok but we will let you know.”  She hung up the phone with a puzzled expression on her face.  Her Momma had called because she heard on the TV that a shooter had been taken down at Comicon and arrested.  Well, whew.  At least it wasn’t zombies.  That would be worse.  We looked around to see if anyone had any clue that this was happening.  Nope.  In the vendor hall, it was business as usual, with all sorts of other nerds wandering around in their nerdy shopping haze.  Hmmmm.  We quickly got on social media and indeed saw that a dude who thought he was The Punisher had brought a bag full of guns to Comicon to apparently kill the actor who plays The Green Power Ranger.  Why the Green Power Ranger?  What had he done to him?  Had he used the wrong color powers?  Was the Green Power Ranger inherently evil and I didn’t know it?  Wait…did he have the zombie virus and this Punisher dude was trying to protect us?  I am still unsure if we ever got the answers to these questions, but at least they got him subdued and arrested before anyone at Con was actually hurt.  I still wonder what The Green Power Ranger ever did to this dude to make him want to actually kill him.  After the phone call from BFF’s Momma and reading about it on social media, BFF and I decided the nerdy shopping heaven would wait.  We peaced out and went back to our hotel.  Also, I was still concerned that maybe the Green Power Ranger was a code for zombie apocalypse and needed a better escape plan anyways for the next day.  Priorities man.

 

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover that while in the nerdy shopping heaven, you can plan a good escape route in case the zombie apocalypse does start while you are there, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl still curious about what the Green Power Ranger ever did to deserve almost dying Running.  The experiment continues…

On Being Geeky Cattle and Possibly Starting My Own Dairy


You know by now that BFF go to the annual Nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon to get our geek on and one of our favorite things to do is to get our pictures taken with our favorite celebrities from the world of sci-fi and geekery.  We plan this out quite carefully actually.  It is a fine balance between going to panels to hear the stars speak and ties to grab photos with them.  Of course we did it again this year but this year things had changed.  What we didn’t expect was to be herded like cattle into pens to our biggest photo opportunity, Alan Tudyk.

For those that are unaware, Alan Tudyk is HUGE in the geek world.  He has starred and voiced in things like Frozen, Moana, Wreck It Ralph, Dodgeball, A Knight’s Tale, Dollhouse and our favorite Firefly.  We were super excited to get a photo with him and there was no way we were missing it.  We showed up 45 minutes early to be put in a LONG line that had already formed.  In fact, it went into the exhibition hall and it was super hard to find the end.  We just kept asking people if they were there to see Alan Tudyk till we found the end.  No employees told us where to go except with a wave of a hand in the general vicinity of the line.  It was very frustrating.  BUt in line we got and stood because we were not missing this opportunity.  Not even if it meant standing in line all day.  We are that dedicated.

While standing in line, we ran into our favorite Comicon photo worker.  This guy comes in all the way from Chicago to work at Phoenix Comicon and we had the pleasure of meeting him the first year we went to do photos and John Barrowman felt him up in front of the whole crowd.  He is amazing and always makes the photo process smooth and fun.  I am unsure if I should be afraid or flattered that he recognized us and came over to chat and do his own photo-op with us, but it really did help make the time go by faster.  We make our own fun while waiting in line.

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Once the line started moving, we all of a sudden realized that we were being shuttled like cattle into pens created with barriers to wait for our photo-op, which was now an hour late.  Why?  Because they oversold the photo op.  I heard several people wondering if they would make the next panel or photo op they had going on due to the delay.  We didn’t have anything at Comicon scheduled but we did have other plans we jammed into that weekend (more about that in another blog) At least our wait was not as bad as the day before when Dick Van Dyke was there and people waited ALL day.  No really, ALL day and some didn’t even get their photo due to the delay.  It was a complete mess from what we heard.  Not only did we have to stand in line, but then we are herded into pens.  I felt like I needed to have a giant bell around my neck or have my name changed to Bessie.  I don’t normally produce milk products but if we were going to be herded into pens, then maybe I should try.  It could be another way to earn income.  Start my own human dairy.  It could be a thing, right?  I mean this could be a new career opportunity.  We could call it Fat Girl Dairy.  It would be a cash cow. Get it?  Cash cow?  So there we were, shuttled like cattle into the first pen, and then the second pen and finally the third pen.  Oh yeah…all before we actually hit the line for the photo-op.  I have to tell you though, no one shoved, no one cut in line and people were polite,  Nerds may get angry and mad but they did not try to take advantage of the situation.  All in all, even though we were shuttled like cattle, we had a good time.  We even made cow noises.  Yup.  That happened.  As did this

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OMG Alan Tudyk!!!! Mooooooo!

Even despite the cattle pens and cowbells, we had a great time and managed some amazing photos with our favorite celebrities and our favorite Comicon photo op volunteer.  Also, we heard the phase “you two are so adorable” over and over from the celebs.  Take a gander….

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It’s Lex Luthor from Smallville!
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For all my Supernatural fans out there
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I must admit I about geeked out over Anthony Michael Hall!  #BreakfastClub4Life
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BFF might have had a small fangirl moment with the Star Trek Voyager duo.  And they could not stop telling us how adorable we were.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I was herded like cattle into pens for a huge photo-op, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who needs a cowbell and is contemplating a new career choice with a Human Dairy Running.  The experiment continues…