The Unfortunate Flauta Incident

When BFF and I are in California for our DL trips, we like at least once (of course we would like more) to meet up with the Boss Bean, the C.E.O of Inknbeans, just to have a fun lunch and check in with her cuz we super like her….and she puts up with our brand of crazy.  Plus, I like to say I have a meeting with my publisher.  It makes me sound all important and authory and stuff.  This last trip. we made arrangements to meet up with her for some Mexican food at Tortilla Joe’s (our favorite Downtown Disney restaurant) and she told me to bring the whole crew along so we did…good thing BFFE and her brood didn’t mind.

I have to tell you that when I was having the conversation with Boss Bean about how many of us there were going to be, she didn’t even flinch.  She instead replied she would bring the funny hats.  When we showed up at the restaurant, Boss Bean had beat us (of course) and we met her inside to find gift bags at our seats.  What is this?  Boss Bean always follows through and yes…inside those gift bags were indeed funny hats!  Pirate hats and all the trimmings to decorate them.  Eye patches included.  Needless to say, it didn’t take us long to immediately start to decorate them appropriately and of course wear them.  Because if I took the time to decorate said pirate hat, then I was gonna wear the hat.  Plus, I have always said that DL is one of those places where anyone can wear a silly hat and no one even thinks twice about it.  It really is all about being a kid…big or small.  So pirates we all became during our meal.

BFF makes a pretty awesome pirate with that hair. She didn’t want to mess up the bang.
Nice eye patch BFFE!  So sexy…

BFF and I were sitting surrounding Boss Bean since she was at the head of the table so she got to be entertained by our brand of crazy.  I mean…we are pretty funny.  Just saying.  After stuffing tableside guacamole in our gobs, our lunches came and we all got to eating.  I was pretty proud that I got Book 3 to Boss Bean BEFORE the deadline and before going on vacation and BFF and I were discussing how much of a whip cracker she was while I was writing.  Boss Bean then brings up me doing a 4th book….wait… want another one?  HOLY SHIT.  Book 3 hasn’t even gone to editing and she already is talking about book 4?  How is this my life?  You mean this isn’t just a fluke?  I was flabbergasted to say the least.  As I was shoving food in my gob and sitting there stunned, that is when it happened….the unfortunate flauta incident.

Boss Bean and BFF were animatedly discussing book 4 while I sat there dumbfounded.  Here is how it went down:

Boss who turns to me and says:  “I am going to give you a deadline of next November for book 4 already so get writing.”

Me:  too stunned to say anything so I nod and shove more carnitas in my face.  I might have mumbled something.

BFF calmly shoveling carnitas into her mouth: “Oh good because I already have named the 4th book.”

Boss:  “You have?  Lay it on me.”  Here is where the crucial error occurred as Boss then took a bite of flauta.  Pretty sure you should never eat as BFF says she has an idea…just saying.

BFF matter of factly, her eyes wide and innocent: “Rise of the Recliner.  Pretty sure the recliner should also have a crown and scepter with it” She then shoved more food in her gob as if this was the most natural idea in the world to her.  I adore her.

I look up giggling, also knowing BFF was serious because she probably had been thinking up names for my next book knowing her, in time to see Boss Bean laugh and cover her mouth and nose with her napkin.  She is laughing hysterically and manages to tell us she snorted a piece of flauta up her nose.  This is why we can’t have nice things BFF!!  Luckily all was well and said flauta did not come shooting across the room to ping some poor inncocent unawares customer in the forehead or ricochet off the wall to land in some tableside guacamole.  Also, no Boss Bean was hurt in the naming of book 4.  Despite the unfortunate flauta incident, we all had a grand time with lots of laughs and good food.  I am always lucky when I get to spend time with Boss Bean….she is good people.  And she puts up with me and BFF….that is saying a lot.

Boss Bean doesn’t like to be in the photos (we included her pirate hat to prove she was there) so she took the photo even if BFFE looks like she drank too much rum…

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however wonder if Boss Bean might as she snorted flauta up her nose but I didn’t die (and neither did Boss Bean thnak goodness).  I am Fat Girl with a BFF you really should not eat around while she is talking Running.  The experiment continues….





Boss Bean’s Angels

Until recently, I had never met my publisher.  You see, Inknbeans is located in California and it is not like I have a private jet at my disposal to jet around meeting people.  I mean if anyone wants to loan me their private jet, I would be glad to take advantage of it.  Think of all the cool places I could go.  Oh who am I kidding?  You know I would just use it to fly to DL.  Speaking of…at my birthday trip to the House of Mouse, I was fortunate enough to finally meet the head of Inknbeans, who we all lovingly call Boss Bean.  I was super excited when she suggested we meet up and that she would meet us for lunch.  Plans were made and we even discussed what we were wearing…I felt like I was a spy meeting with my contact in a busy restaurant for my next assignment.  Although, I must admit, I loved that Boss Bean said she was going to be wearing a Mickey Mouse top hat with a sprig of holly….jolly good sport that Boss Bean.

Now don’t get me wrong,  I had skyped with Boss Bean, but her image was never on the Skype calls and no live video feed, so really I had no idea what she looked like. It really was like a secret agent meeting in a restaurant.  BFF and I decided that since I had never met her, that maybe she was really like Charlie on Charlie’s Angels.  We wondered if a speaker box would greet us at Tortilla Joe’s and Boss Bean’s voice would materialize saying “Good Afternoon Angels” and we would be given our secret mission to be completed in DL…a mission sure to include a Dole Whip or two.  I mean, really…what secret mission wouldn’t include Dole Whip?  We also wondered…would the speaker box have the Mickey Top Hat on it all jaunty like?  What would her secret mission be?  Run through DL throwing pie at people and shouting Viva #FatGirlRevolution?  Hold up copies of my book on the rides that take photos so everyone can see it?  Needless to say, we eagerly waited in anticipation of our meeting.

The day of our meeting with Boss Bean, we walked into Tortilla Joes and I have to admit…I was slightly nervous. I was not sure what to expect out of the meeting.  Would she tell me she was disappointed in me?  Would they let me go?  Would I get a slap on the wrist for my lack of commas?  BFF was afraid she would make a fool out of us and I would have to banish her to the bathroom to eat guacamole in a stall.  Gross.  We were unsure as to who to look for besides the speaker because honestly, I didn’t think she would really wear the Mickey top hat.  When we didn’t see anyone in the lobby of the restaurant, we sat down to wait to see who else might be looking for someone.  Luckily, the hostess came back and said she thought our Boss Bean was already in there and led us to a table.  There sat, not a speaker box, but a wonderful woman who indeed had a Mickey top hat complete with a sprig of holly on it!!  We half expected her to still say “Hello Angels” but were so excited at the prospect of meeting her that we might have talked at lightening speed for the two hours we sat there eating.  Good thing Boss Bean can keep up with us and laugh with us (or at us sometimes).  BFF jokingly told her about how we thought she was like the elusive Charlie and she giggled, telling us the reason there were no pictures of her on the website or on Skype because she is NOT the face of Inknbeans…the authors are the face of Inknbeans.  Yup…pretty sure I made the right decision on publishing houses.  I cannot say enough how wonderful Boss Bean is and how much she means to me.  She took a chance on a Fat Girl and shined me up like a new penny I tell ya.  And she has a great sense of humor.  It is not everyone that can keep up with BFF and I word for word, but she can.

Lots of guacamole and food later, none of which BFF had to eat in the bathroom stall since she behaved herself, we reluctantly said good-bye to the Boss Bean.  We would have loved to have taken her into DL and played, but she had to do things like work and promote books and such things of that nature.  Much to my relief, she did not tell me I sucked or that they did not want to publish me anymore.  BFF and her already named book 3 so I guess I had better get blogging more!!  I told you I had a lot to catch you up on…We all parted ways, with Boss Bean walking away in the sunshine, jaunty Mickey top hat on her head, just like Charlie was always portrayed walking down the beach. Except we weren’t on a beach and she isn’t Charlie but you get the point.  It was a great meeting…one I cannot wait to repeat because she is not only my publisher, but also a friend.  Love Boss Bean!!

And she might have given me a special mission….one I cannot tell you or I would have to kill you but one I am working on now.  It might have involved throwing pie at random people in DL but we won’t discuss that either.  You shall just have to stay tuned to see what comes of this special mission she handed to me…one of her Angels.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, meet up with my publisher in person and have a wonderful meeting complete with guacamole, laughter and a jaunty Mickey top hat complete with a sprig of holly.  I am Fat Girl who is also a Boss Bean Angel with a a secret mission Running.  The experiment continues…

A Quickie…..Complete With Bruises in Places




Am I living in a dream?  Did all this just happen?  I must admit that when I saw this today upon waking, I thought I was in someone’s dream.  Then I got to thinking…why would someone want to dream my life?  I mean, I know I am pretty awesome and I have mad ninja skills, but I don’t know if I am really dream material.  Maybe a confusing dream where people get wings and fly or run through fields of Skittles and donuts. Or maybe, in the dream, I could be like a mystical oracle who delivers cryptic messages like bad fortune cookies that make you wonder if you should take the red pill or the blue pill.  That would be cool.  I actually pinched myself pretty hard today to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.  Don’t ask BFF to pinch you though.  She leaves bruises in places like the back of your upper arm, where your skin is super sensitive.  Not cool.  In pinching, I realized I was not dreaming.  Pretty sure this is happening. Also, note you can now see what websites I visit most frequently.  Thank goodness my porn ones didn’t show on here.

I discovered I apparently have an aversion to commas so I publicly apologize to my editor.  I swear every other edit was “insert comma here”.  Sigh.  So now you know why I have not written in a while.  I have been buried in commas.  I might have had a dream that commas were attacking and chasing me down the street.  Note to self:  I probably should not eat pizza before I lay down to sleep. Skittles, yes.  Pizza, no.

This weekend BFF, Bubby, Bubby’s Pocket GF, Seester and my BIL(the whole crew!) are all traveling to the land of corn and pig farms….IOWA.  That is right.  It is family reunion time!!  Time to go back and hang with family.  I am sure I will come back with some fun stories to tell you all!!  Let’s hope Uncle M does not leave Aunt P at the McDonald’s again.

I leave you with this tidbit.  SEVERAL Fat Girl Dances of Joy have occurred this week.  Some without clothes.  Just saying…

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did pinch myself to make sure that I was not in a dream and pretty sure I left some bruises but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who wrote a book and going to corn fields for family fun running.  The experiment continues….