Best Butt Dial Ever…Swear!

I realized today it had been 10 days since I amused all of you so I thought maybe I should catch you up.  My life was a whirlwind of crazy work week (I worked like 7 out of 8 days and most of those 12 hours….ugh) and having my beloved red-headed god daughters up for a visit.  Boy can a 6-year-old and an 8-year-old wear out a Fat Girl.  And right after I had them for the weekend, I went back to work.  Now, I have something more to look forward to….I leave for Mickey’s House in 4 sleeps!  Yahoo!  Yup, thursday night I will be boarding the train and hurtling through the darkness only to wake up to head right into the Happiest Place on Earth!  You have no idea how much I cannot wait to take a vacation.  Now as a Fat Girl, I must admit I have a slight anxiety about this trip because we are also going to Six Flags and you remember how I felt about the one in Texas.  Guess I better bring a can of Crisco to slather on my Fat Girl hips to squeeze into the seats there.  That and the fear of heights might be a problem.  I actually have to be talked into going on Tower Of Terror at Disneyland because of the height factor.  I hate that ride.  But I do have a great Fat Girl story about it.

Every year, I plan a trip to DL around my birthday and on my 40th, I invited all my family and close friends to join me.  I just wanted to celebrate my birthday by being the big kid that I am.  We had a great group of people who went, including my niece and my seester and BIL.  They talked me onto getting in line for the dreaded Tower and I complied because my niece said she would sit by me and protect me (she lied).  So, after dreading the ride and feeling my rising panic as we stood in line, my BFF and BIL tried to ease my fear with distracting comments about the surrounding atmosphere ( I must say Disney does a fantastic job of making you feel a part of all the rides) and my seester promised I would survive.  I sort of believed them as we climbed into the car and I was seated in the back row next to my niece.  I made sure my purse was secured in the flimsy lap belt…ok I must say what part of dropping in the air does not require a harness?  Just saying.  I have seen people’s belongings fly upwards on this ride and didn’t want that to happen.  I braced myself and survived once again the ride I dread the most.  As we were getting off and I was making sure my legs were still working, my niece comments that someone was calling her during the ride because she felt her phone vibrate.  She took it out, looked at me quizzically and said “You called me!”  I checked my phone, which was tucked INSIDE my purse and indeed I was calling her and ended the call.  We giggled over it and then she said “You left me a voice message?” She quickly listened to it and began laughing hysterically.  Immediately, she put her phone on speaker and replayed the voice mail I left her.  You can clearly hear the beginning of the ride start and the Twilight Zone voice talking.  Then, the best butt dial ever begins.  I hear myself say “I hate this fucking ride” and then you hear nothing but me SCREAMING.  I mean screaming like a little girl.  Screaming bloody murder through the entire ride.  There is no break but me screaming like I being chased by a mass murderer or maybe being captured by SOTL man.  It was hysterical.  At the end of the message, when the ride ends, you clearly hear me say to my niece “Fuck. This. Ride.”  Pretty sure we all laughed long and hard over it and it got replayed A LOT while we were there and I believe my niece still has it saved in her voice mail.  It is that great.  I am just glad I didn’t accidentally call my Mom.  Can you imagine her getting a phone call and hearing nothing but me screaming on it?  Oh lordy…that would have entailed a lot of explanation.  I can just hear me telling my Mom that I was not being murdered or having my skin cut off for the SOTL man’s fat girl skin suit.  No, Mom, I did not get into the strange man’s van, I promise.  I am just riding what I deem the scariest ride in the park.  Thank goodness I call my niece instead.  Best. Butt Dial. EVER.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did almost die laughing thinking about my butt dial but I didn’t die.  I am fat girl screaming like a little girl on scary rides running.  The experiment continues…