On Being Evacuated From Hyperspace Mountain

When you go to a place like Disneyland, they create a certain amount of “magic” on every ride.  They take it very serious.  Once, we asked a Cast Member how Tinkerbell flew over the castle during the fireworks and she answered “Why Pixie Dust, of course!”  We laughed but then tried to ask her again and we got the same answer.  You will recall, that we went this last trip for the Star Wars “magic” and were not disappointed….well, once we were.  Only once.  And this is how BFF and I had to get evacuated from Hyperspace Mountain.

Normally at Disneyland, Space Mountain is a fantastic roller coaster ride in the dark, that simulates you flying through space.  It is so much fun and goes super fast.  For the Star Wars release, Disneyland changed Space Mountain to Hyperspace Mountain and we really had no idea what to expect.  The four of us decided this was one of the first rides we would go get fast passes for since we knew the lines for it were going to be horrendous due to the enhancement.  When we all finally got in line, we were super excited.  You are talking about four Star Wars geeks, all wearing Star Wars t-shirts, getting on a favorite ride (it is BFF’s absolute favorite ride in the park) that is now Star Warsed up.  We climbed into the rocket cars (you step into them as there are no doors) and pulled our lap bars down.  AS we started, and the Stars Wars theme music started, there might have been four Star Wars geeks in the front two rows who all cheered, clapped, and squeed with delight but I can’t be for sure. No really, that happened.  We really did get that excited and the Cast Member sitting up in the “control booth” might have laughed and smiled down at us.  The ride was AMAZING!!  None of us really thought Space Mountain could get any better, but imagine not only flying through space, but being part of a battle between the Rebel Alliance and the Galactic Empire and you have Hyperspace Mountain.  Tie Fighters and X-Wing Fighters swooshing around you, lasers going off in front of you, the Death Star above you….nothing prepared us for the experience of Hyperspace Mountain and we left satisfied and wanting to ride it again immediately.  We did ride it several more times over the next few days, but it was when BFF and I rode just the two of us, that it was not so magical.

The excitement is real.  As is BFF’s hair in Bubby’s face.

On our last day, BFF and I had these “magic” fast passes from staying at the Grand Californian.  They allowed us to get on any ride that had fast passes available at any time of our choosing.  We chose to use these for one last ride on Hyperspace Mountain since we loved it so much.  We climbed in the back of a rocket car, pulled down our lap bars, and started our journey….well sort of.  As we turned the corner to start the climb up into hyperspace, the lights all came on and our car stopped.  We looked at each other, a little frightened and laughing a bit as we had discussed with Bubby and Pocket Fiance about what this ride must look like with the lights on at some point in line.  All of a sudden, there was a loud booming voice overhead, alerting us to the fact that Cast Members would be by soon to assist us in our evacuation of the ride.  Evacuation?  So, ok….this ride was not gonna happen today.  BFF and I got super nervous….I mean we were on a hill.  How were they gonna get us out?  A few minutes went by and 2 girl Cast members walked by, asked everyone in the cars if we were alright and then let us know that they had to go further in to the ride to rescue those people and would be back for us.  How long was that gonna be?  Were we going to have to resort to cannibalism?  Can we squeeze out of the lap bars ad get out of the cars?  These were all questions we asked each other as we waited and thanked our foresight for having gone to the restroom before the ride.  What seemed like an eternity later, with the same voice repeating the same announcement in this incredibly ear-splitting volume every few minutes, two male Cast Members came by and stood by our cars, joking with us and waiting for the girls to come back before we could be evacuated.  Finally, they climbed down all the stairs (yes!  There are stairs all along the sides) to our car to explain the evacuation procedure.

Will we have to resort to cannibalism?  This is a pressing question.

The Cast Members explained that they would release the lap bars, we would climb out and slide down the side of the car until we hit the stairs.  Now for the front of the car, this is not that far as they were closer.  For BFF and I, our end of the car, the back end, was about head high for the male Cast Members.  All I could think of, as I watched the people in front of me easily climb out of the car, was how in the world was I going to hoist my Fat Girl Butt over the edge of this rocket car and slide down it to the ground below?  It was a real concern.  I really did not know how I was going to get over the side of the car.  I was starting to sweat with stress, knowing that everyone is going to be watching The Fat Girl attempt to hoist herself out of the car and not fall.  I started to giggle nervously as I waited for my turn to come.  The lap bar was released and all the people in front of BFF and I got out easily.  Then it was my turn.  Oh lordy.  Here we go.  I turned and tried to figure out how I was gonna get over the side.  I can’t lift myself up with my arms cuz I am fat.  As I struggled for what felt like forever but in reality was only a minute or two, the Cast Member asked me if I needed help.  Yeah.  The last thing I need is to crush some poor Cast Member as I fall out of the damn ride. Or to be the one person, the Fat Girl, that has to be helped out of the ride, with some sort of crane, because I am too fat to do it myself.  I finally figured out if I stood up on the seat, I could slide down the car, my shirt riding up the entire time exposing my stoob to everyone, and safely land on the floor.  Yeah that wasn’t embarrassing at all.  BFF climbed out easily and our group is led out through the empty building.  It was way creepy, the empty building with all the lights on and nobody around.  The good thing to come out of being rescued from a ride?  They give you and even more “magic” fast pass that is good for immediate entrance to any ride in the park.  ANY ride people!  BFF and I chose wisely and used it for Peter Pan…Booyah to not having to wait that 45 minute wait! SCORE!

When the lights come on, it is not so Hyperspacey or magical for that matter.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  BFF and I did have a not so magical experience and have to e rescued from Hyperspace Mountain, but we didn’t die (or result to cannibalism I am happy to report).  I am Fat Girl who extricated herself from the rocket car and showed a bunch of strangers my stoob but got a magic fast pass and bypassed everyone on Peter Pan Running.  The experiment continues….

Why BFF and I Do Not Like to People

At the beginning of December, BFF and I decided to try something new…you see Phoenix Comicon had started doing a FanFest last December and our inner geeks were dying to go and get our geek on so we went.  I would say this was like Comicon Lite….a smaller version of the main event in June but with a smaller venue, fewer guests and such.  It is even held at a completely different place than the main one.  We were pretty stoked though, as December means BBC isn’t filming and so this means a lot of BBC stars were going to be at FanFest.  We were most excited about two in particular:  for BFF it was Gareth David-Lloyd (Ianto from Torchwood) and for myself it was Karen Gillian (Amy Pond from Doctor Who).  So, reservations were made, photo ops purchased and the planning began.  You all know how BFF and I hate to people but really we hate to people in large crowds and any type of event like this was sure to bring people and not just any people…Comicon people.  Let’s be honest….you have read before about the strange people we meet at Comicon and this was no exception.  One such incident really stressed why BFF and I do not like to people in this case.

Since this was a smaller event, the main panels were in a largish room, but not as huge as the ballrooms at the convention center.  We discovered that this meant not as many people in the panels and you could basically get pretty close to the front without having to wait through the entire day, which I must admit was kind of nice.  We had decided to go to a film screening the first day that Gareth David-Lloyd was starring in and hosting the panel afterwards.  We had arrived early during another panel (per usual and before we realized we probably didn’t have to do so) and moved up when that panel was over to the 3rd row to get a get view of the screen and of course Gareth himself during the panel.  You have to understand something here…BFF is obsessed with Ianto Jones.  About as much as she is obsessed with Barrowman.  Like legit obsessed.  I was afraid she would lick him or something during our photo op but luckily she contained herself and just squealed and jumped up and down afterwards (it was pretty adorable).  So there we were, minding our own business, waiting the 30 minutes before the film screening to start when the incident happened.

BFF was crocheting Stormtroopers to give to her family for Christmas and I was messing around on Facebook and Snapchat (follow me there for funny stuff  ——> ladymiryaa).  No really, BFF was crocheting Stormtroopers.  Except for they didn’t have arms so they looked….well….like a penis.  No joke, BFF turned to me and asked me what it looked like and without hesitation, I answered “A Dicktrooper”….hence they became known as Dicktroopers till they got their arms attached.  No joke.  Judge for yourself.

Admit it…it looks like a penis.  #dicktrooper

Like I said, we were minding our own business, when a lady came up and asked if the seats next to us were taken.  We were the only ones in the entire row.  Do we look like we have that many friends?  Nope.  Seats aren’t taken.  Much to BFF’s chagrin, Strange Lady sits right NEXT to her…no comfort chair between them…and let’s just say she is not a small lady.  She practically sat ON BFF.  I looked around to see if there were other seats this Strange Lady could have taken…pretty sure most of the room was empty.  Unfortunately for BFF, this Strange Lady was a talker.  Like a she won’t shut up no matter how much you ignore her or have RBF talker.  I actually leaned over to BFF at one point and asked her if she wanted to switch seats but she said no.  She should have taken me up on it.  BFF has since stated that she is the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville (remember him??)  and I believe her.  Poor BFF.  She was forced to make small talk with the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville even though she didn’t want to people right then.  At all.  She was soon spared more chitter chatter when the film started and she shut the fuck up.

After the film was over, Gareth David-Lloyd and the guys who made the film held a panel where people could ask questions and they could talk about the film.  It was awesome.  So if you ever get a chance to see the movie I Am Alone, do it.  You won’t regret it. let me tell you something about BFF and I when it comes to panels at a Comicon event.  There is NO WAY IN HELL we are going to get up and ask as question.  Ummm…nope.  Hard pass.  We just enjoy listening to the questions others as and the answers the panelists give.  Our introvertness would never allow us to get up and do something like that in public.  So we sat, listened and endured the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville, who by the way, had finally moved over enough to where she was not sitting on top of BFF.  The panel ended and the moderator told all those that had asked a question to come up and see him (remember way smaller group of people).  We packed up our stuff quickly and tried to get the hell away from the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville.  As we were walking out, we heard her say “Nurse?  Oh Nurse? Excuse me Nurse?” (at some point BFF had said she was a nurse to her) and I think we both groaned out loud.   We turned around to see her frantically trying to catch up with us and as she did she asked us the most bizarre question.  The conversation went something like this:

WotMP:  “When you go up to get your prize for asking a question, can I have it?”

BFF (with severe RBF and super annoyed now):  “I didn’t ask a question.”

WotMP (confusion on her face):  “Yes you did.  And the moderator said you should go up and get something.  Can I have whatever you get?”

BFF (Murderface has now replaced RBF and she might punch this lady in the vagina):  “I did not ask a question.” (mind you we are still walking at this point) followed quickly by me stating: “No she didn’t.”

WotMP (even more confused and adamant): “Yes you did!”

Me (now I am pissed and want to punch her in the throat and the vagina):  “No she didn’t.  And she never would. So go away.”

At this point we were able to walk away from WotMP and out of the room and looked at each other incredulously.  First off, who the fuck are you to ask us if you can have whatever swag or photo or whatever was being given out for asking questions in a small panel?  We don’t know you.  Neither one of us asked a question.  Not once.  We might have drooled over Gareth but NEVER would we have asked a question.  Secondly, don’t you think we are fans too?  We would probably want whatever was being given to us for asking a question so why the fuck would we give it to you?  Go away.  We are not friends.  And lastly…who the fuck do you think you are?  Rude.  Can you not tell we don’t like to people?  OMG….you cannot sit with us.  Period.  Rude.

You can’t sit with us.  For reals.  Go away WotMP.

This is exactly why BFF and I don’t like to people at events.  Unless we know you.  Nope.  Because of weird rude experiences like this one.  Guess we need to practice our #murderfaces instead like someone else we know (BS girls you know who I am talking about!).  Seriously we don’t like to people.  Despite the WofMP, the day was not a waste because this happened and BFF’s smile says it all:

Ianto!  He even said “I will be the filling in your sandwich any day!”  Swoon.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however discover that there is a new level to the weird and rude people you can meet at events like Fanfest which almost made me punch someone in the throat and vagina but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl working on my #murderface and meeting Ianto Running.  The experiment continues…



Would You Like Fries With That Barrowman Sandwich?

You all know by now, or at least you should, that BFF and I attend the local Geekfest every year known as Phoenix Comicon.  We proudly let our geek flag fly and join thousands of other like-minded geeks in squees of joy over our favorite celebrities, shows, costumes…you name it and everything geeky, nerdy and cool can be found at Comicon.  Being HUGE Firefly and Doctor Who fanatics, BFF and I were particularly excited this year for two panels in particular:  Nathan Fillion and John Barrowman.  But especially Barrowman…we absolutely adore Capt. Jack.  So we packed nerdy t-shirts and headed to the hotbox of Phoenix in the summer…the only thing that would get us down there in the summer is Comicon and the chance to stalk Barrowman.

We had decided this year to stay away from all the hotels in the Comicon general area to avoid the con-goers.  Don’t get us wrong, we love our fellow geeks but they can be pretty excited about Con and quite noisy.  One year, we had a room full of boy gamers next door to us…to say they were over exuberant as they gamed into the wee hours of the night was an understatement.  Plus, BFF and I are admittedly hotel snobs and decided to stay at a resort instead.  What can we say?  We like soft beds and room service.  Especially room service.  For reals.  Nothing like having someone bring food to your hotel room so you can scarf to your heart’s delight in private.  So, after a fantastic night’s sleep and great room service breakfast, we headed down to retrieve my car from valet.  Of course, we had on our comic book shirts (Batman of course!!) and our passes that said we were allowed entry into Geekfest 2014.  When we arrived at the valet, the dude asked me if we were waiting for the shuttle to the Con. The what?  Wait…why do they have a shuttle?  Huh.  When I said no we were getting the keys to my car that was parked there he went to get them.  BFF started walking to the car and I looked up at the guy standing in front of me on his phone.  He looked up and smile and I about died…Barrowman was right there!  Capt. Jack Harkness in the flesh…in front of me…me unable to speak with my mouth open.  Wait…my brain is trying to decipher this info.  This means Barrowman is at my hotel. Wow.  I recovered my ability to speak and quickly called BFF.  She came back, slightly annoyed that I didn’t have my keys yet and asked “What?” in an annoyed way.  I whispered “Look” to which BFF immediately lost her ability to speak as well and uttered some sort high-pitched alien sound and quickly pulled me toward the car.  I didn’t even realize my keys had been handed to me at this point but since we had lost our ability to speak English, we figured it was best to just get into the car.  Once inside, BFF and I looked at each other and screamed like the fangirls that we are..loudly, I might add.  A fangirl dance of joy also might have happened in my car.  BFF then turned to me and asked “Do you think he realized we love him?”  I took a look in my rearview mirror, saw him smiling at our car, and replied “Pretty sure since he totally heard us squee.”  Probably made his day…I know it made ours.

On the last day of Con, BFF and I had purchased a photo-op with our love Barrowman.  Our love for him is truly only matched by our love for Wil Wheaton, who was not at this year’s Con so we stalked Barrowman instead of Wheaton.  A photo-op, for those non Con-goers out there, is when you can purchase the opportunity to have your photo taken with a celebrity.  Totally worth it, in case you were wondering.  We even went as far as decking ourselves out in complete Doctor Who shirts and jewelry for our photo.  John Barrowman seriously loves his fans and really is one of the best celebrities to ever have an encounter with…he is extremely grateful for all his fans.  Before all the photos started, JB (that is what I call him now cuz we are so close and all) came out to the crowd and addressed everyone, telling us all that anything goes in his photo ops except for kissing because he got super sick his first Con when he made that mistake.  BFF and I could not think of what we wanted to do…we were at a loss.  Do we do some silly pose?  Or do we just make a Barrowman sandwich and get as close to our love as we could?  We got nervous as we got closer and BFF grabbed my hand for support.  Would we be able to remember how to speak English this time?  We gripped our hands tighter as it became our turn, hoping that words would come out and I also hoped I would be able to not vomit as we got so close to him.  JB turned to us and said “What do you two lovely ladies want from me?”  BFF, surprisingly, remembered how to speak English and immediately enthusiastically blurted out “We want a Barrowman sandwich!!”  Totally out of character for BFF who hates to talk to strangers, especially a celebrity we have been stalking online and off at Con (and our hotel to be honest…BFF wanted to run screaming Barrowman’s name through the resort to see if he would come out).  I think her love for Barrowman had overtaken her shyness at this point and her face immediately broke out in a big grin when he replied “Well then…get right in here and hold on tight!”  We scrambled over and BFF wasted no time in wrapping her arms as tightly as she could around him.  I still had not remembered how to speak English but went to put my arm around the other side, when he grabbed my hand and put it smack on his tight little butt and pulled me in tight.  Barrowman sandwich complete!  Would you like fries with that Barrowman sandwich?  Why yes…yes I would!!  The result?  This:

The love shines here in our Barrowman sandwich.  Where are my fries?
The love shines here in our Barrowman sandwich. Where are my fries?

It was a brief shiny blissful moment.  And when it was over, squees were uttered and dances of joy were had as we left.  Best. Sandwich. Ever.  And I had also magically regained my ability to once again speak the English language.  Funny how that happens.  So fellow geeks…if ever you get the chance to get to a Con and your favorite celebrity is there…I encourage you to do the photo-op.  So worth it.  Oh and Barrowman…please ignore the girls next year running through the resort screaming your name like an elaborate game of hide and seek (well wouldn’t THAT be fun?)…we only stalk you and Wheaton we swear.  So feel honored you have achieved Fat Girl adoration stage that leads to stalking (and hopefully not jail time).  Our ultimate photo-op would be Barrowman and Wheaton together…sigh…a geeky Fat Girl can dream.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did stalk John Barrowman at the Phoenix Comicon and think about an elaborate game of hide and seek with him at our resort, but I didn’t die.  I am geeky Fat Girl who had a Barrowman sandwich and finally regained my ability to speak English (although not in his presence) Running.  The experiment continues…