On Being Evacuated From Hyperspace Mountain

When you go to a place like Disneyland, they create a certain amount of “magic” on every ride.  They take it very serious.  Once, we asked a Cast Member how Tinkerbell flew over the castle during the fireworks and she answered “Why Pixie Dust, of course!”  We laughed but then tried to ask her again and we got the same answer.  You will recall, that we went this last trip for the Star Wars “magic” and were not disappointed….well, once we were.  Only once.  And this is how BFF and I had to get evacuated from Hyperspace Mountain.

Normally at Disneyland, Space Mountain is a fantastic roller coaster ride in the dark, that simulates you flying through space.  It is so much fun and goes super fast.  For the Star Wars release, Disneyland changed Space Mountain to Hyperspace Mountain and we really had no idea what to expect.  The four of us decided this was one of the first rides we would go get fast passes for since we knew the lines for it were going to be horrendous due to the enhancement.  When we all finally got in line, we were super excited.  You are talking about four Star Wars geeks, all wearing Star Wars t-shirts, getting on a favorite ride (it is BFF’s absolute favorite ride in the park) that is now Star Warsed up.  We climbed into the rocket cars (you step into them as there are no doors) and pulled our lap bars down.  AS we started, and the Stars Wars theme music started, there might have been four Star Wars geeks in the front two rows who all cheered, clapped, and squeed with delight but I can’t be for sure. No really, that happened.  We really did get that excited and the Cast Member sitting up in the “control booth” might have laughed and smiled down at us.  The ride was AMAZING!!  None of us really thought Space Mountain could get any better, but imagine not only flying through space, but being part of a battle between the Rebel Alliance and the Galactic Empire and you have Hyperspace Mountain.  Tie Fighters and X-Wing Fighters swooshing around you, lasers going off in front of you, the Death Star above you….nothing prepared us for the experience of Hyperspace Mountain and we left satisfied and wanting to ride it again immediately.  We did ride it several more times over the next few days, but it was when BFF and I rode just the two of us, that it was not so magical.

The excitement is real.  As is BFF’s hair in Bubby’s face.

On our last day, BFF and I had these “magic” fast passes from staying at the Grand Californian.  They allowed us to get on any ride that had fast passes available at any time of our choosing.  We chose to use these for one last ride on Hyperspace Mountain since we loved it so much.  We climbed in the back of a rocket car, pulled down our lap bars, and started our journey….well sort of.  As we turned the corner to start the climb up into hyperspace, the lights all came on and our car stopped.  We looked at each other, a little frightened and laughing a bit as we had discussed with Bubby and Pocket Fiance about what this ride must look like with the lights on at some point in line.  All of a sudden, there was a loud booming voice overhead, alerting us to the fact that Cast Members would be by soon to assist us in our evacuation of the ride.  Evacuation?  So, ok….this ride was not gonna happen today.  BFF and I got super nervous….I mean we were on a hill.  How were they gonna get us out?  A few minutes went by and 2 girl Cast members walked by, asked everyone in the cars if we were alright and then let us know that they had to go further in to the ride to rescue those people and would be back for us.  How long was that gonna be?  Were we going to have to resort to cannibalism?  Can we squeeze out of the lap bars ad get out of the cars?  These were all questions we asked each other as we waited and thanked our foresight for having gone to the restroom before the ride.  What seemed like an eternity later, with the same voice repeating the same announcement in this incredibly ear-splitting volume every few minutes, two male Cast Members came by and stood by our cars, joking with us and waiting for the girls to come back before we could be evacuated.  Finally, they climbed down all the stairs (yes!  There are stairs all along the sides) to our car to explain the evacuation procedure.

Will we have to resort to cannibalism?  This is a pressing question.

The Cast Members explained that they would release the lap bars, we would climb out and slide down the side of the car until we hit the stairs.  Now for the front of the car, this is not that far as they were closer.  For BFF and I, our end of the car, the back end, was about head high for the male Cast Members.  All I could think of, as I watched the people in front of me easily climb out of the car, was how in the world was I going to hoist my Fat Girl Butt over the edge of this rocket car and slide down it to the ground below?  It was a real concern.  I really did not know how I was going to get over the side of the car.  I was starting to sweat with stress, knowing that everyone is going to be watching The Fat Girl attempt to hoist herself out of the car and not fall.  I started to giggle nervously as I waited for my turn to come.  The lap bar was released and all the people in front of BFF and I got out easily.  Then it was my turn.  Oh lordy.  Here we go.  I turned and tried to figure out how I was gonna get over the side.  I can’t lift myself up with my arms cuz I am fat.  As I struggled for what felt like forever but in reality was only a minute or two, the Cast Member asked me if I needed help.  Yeah.  The last thing I need is to crush some poor Cast Member as I fall out of the damn ride. Or to be the one person, the Fat Girl, that has to be helped out of the ride, with some sort of crane, because I am too fat to do it myself.  I finally figured out if I stood up on the seat, I could slide down the car, my shirt riding up the entire time exposing my stoob to everyone, and safely land on the floor.  Yeah that wasn’t embarrassing at all.  BFF climbed out easily and our group is led out through the empty building.  It was way creepy, the empty building with all the lights on and nobody around.  The good thing to come out of being rescued from a ride?  They give you and even more “magic” fast pass that is good for immediate entrance to any ride in the park.  ANY ride people!  BFF and I chose wisely and used it for Peter Pan…Booyah to not having to wait that 45 minute wait! SCORE!

When the lights come on, it is not so Hyperspacey or magical for that matter.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  BFF and I did have a not so magical experience and have to e rescued from Hyperspace Mountain, but we didn’t die (or result to cannibalism I am happy to report).  I am Fat Girl who extricated herself from the rocket car and showed a bunch of strangers my stoob but got a magic fast pass and bypassed everyone on Peter Pan Running.  The experiment continues….