I hate flying.  I know it is a necessity sometimes, but I really hate it.  BFF agrees with me here as she hates flying more than me.  She is a super nervous flier. I just hate the stress it causes me and I hate how people are so rude when you fly.  I would so rather travel by train or drive but that is not always possible, like when I went to Austin for a quick weekend.  I had to fly and luckily had great flying companions but really there are other reasons I hate to fly anymore.  Because people are assholes when they fly.  No really, they are.  It is like people forget common courtesy and manners when they fly.  Is it that hard? For some reason, I get irrationally irritated at these asshole people when I fly.  I don’t even know why I get so irritated.  Maybe it is because I hate flying so I take out my stress by being annoyed by these people but I think it is justified.  Because they really are assholes.

First off, let’s talk about carry on luggage.  Unfortunately, with airlines charging for checking your luggage anymore, more and more people are opting to use carry on luggage which means they become even bigger assholes.  Have you seen the size of bags people try to pass off as carry ons?  I am pretty sure a duffel bag big enough to put a full-sized body into is not going to meet the carry on size requirements.  Not even close.  And then there are the people who have full-sized garment bags and five carry ons all strapped together to try to make them one.  It is seriously crazy.  Then, these people get annoyed when the attendant tells them they have to check their bags.  Look Buddy, you are not getting away with that body in the duffel bag getting to fit in an overhead compartment.  It has to be checked.  No need to be rude to the attendant trying to do their job.  And really lady, do you think all five bags strapped together is going to fool anyone?  No need to yell and throw your arms about and complain loudly.  Don’t be an asshole.  I managed to bring two carry on bags(hint to you ladies out there…use a large purse and put your smaller purse inside it.  This large purse or bag can be the one you shove under your seat) and they will both fit because I am not carrying a body in mine…well unless I cut it up super small and even then, I think the head would take up most the room in my carry on bag.  But I digress. And hey guess what?  Because everyone is bringing so many carry on bags now, chances are high that the attendants will ask for people to volunteer to check their carry on bags FOR NO CHARGE.  Um…yes please.  We took advantage of that in a heartbeat when we flew back from Austin and didn’t have to stress whether or not we could find room anywhere near our seats to store our bags.  That part is stressful for anyone.  You don’t want to have to put your bag in an overhead compartment that is at the back of the plane when you are sitting at the front of the plane.  So, don’t be an asshole with your carry on bags and I won’t get so irritated.

The other thing that irritates me when flying is the boarding.  Why is this so complicated?  It used to be that there was a pre-board group and then they called by sections or whatever.  Now there is the pre-board, the gold level, the premiere level, ruby level, ambassadors, if you have a letter T in your name level and if you have a full on 70s bush of vagina hair level.  Why are there so many levels?  I don’t understand.  Are there any people left to board besides me and the lady with 5 carry on bags?  Oh maybe the one guy who smells like garlic and patchouli that you know is assigned to sit next to you.  You just know it.  And come on people, you all have a pre assigned seat so there is no need to crowd the gate, pushing people out of your way with your body bag to stand there when you are the last boarding group.  It is not like they are giving your seat away.  You already have it.  Nobody is going to sit there.  Just chill out and wait your turn.  Don’t be an asshole that stands there blocking the entrance to the line so that people have to ask you to move your body bag so they can get through.  What is the hurry to get to the gate?  So you can sit crammed up next to the stranger who smells like garlic and patchouli 30 minutes longer?  Gee that sounds like fun!  Let me rush right up there too!  Hell I will even grow out a full on 70s bush of vagina hair to get on earlier so I can sit there longer because it sounds like so much fun.  Sign me up!  Hey airlines…I know…let’s just go back to just loading the first class and people who need extra time or assistance first and then by sections or boarding groups.  Get rid of all these ridiculous levels and everyone use your manners and play nice.  Do you see why I get so irritated?  Ugh.  I just want to get home and not deal with someone coughing all over me or someone who stinks so bad I can’t breathe during the flight because I might choke and die on the amount of garlic that my row mate seems to have been consuming.  And I certainly don’t want to deal with assholes. So don’t be one.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did realize that people become assholes when they fly and think the rules don’t apply to them but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl irritated at body sized duffel bags and growing out my vagina hair to a full on 70s bush to get on my flight earlier Running.  The experiment continues…