Comicon Creepers And How BFF And I Couldn’t Escape

Earlier this month, BFF and I returned to the Giant Nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon to get our geek on and squee like the fangirls we are over different celebrities.  We also might have shopped till we dropped (such great geek shopping there, no joke).  Unfortunately for us, it also happened to be during a heat wave in what we have now termed the Devil’s Butthole.  There was even a hot wind so it felt like you were walking in an oven.  So not enjoyable.  But luckily, we were inside for most of the time and did not have to deal with the heat too much.  What we did have to deal with was the people.  And not just any people…some of these people were the creepers of the world.  The weird socially awkward types.  You know what I mean.  The kind of people who you usually shy away from in a social setting because they make you feel so uncomfortable.  Or you try to run away from but don’t want to seem rude.  BFF and I unfortunately had this experience this year at Comicon.  One that made us feel like we needed a creep detector.  It was not pleasant.

On the last day of Comicon, BFF and I decided the last minute to purchase a photo-op with one of the actresses from a BBC Doctor Who spin-off, Torchwood.  This meant we had some time between the last panel we went to go see and the photo op, so we decided to get some food and find a table to sit down and shove it in our gobs.  All the other days, we had left the convention to eat at some amazing pubs where we could consume some alcohol (which makes dealing with all the people at one of these events a lot easier) but seeing how we were driving home after our photo, we decided staying at the convention and eating there was easier.  We got our food and saw some seats open at a large table, so we went and grabbed them.  I sat next to this older guy and BFF had the luck of having the seat next to her empty.  We proceeded to start to shovel food in our mouths when the guy next to me starts talking.  I thought he was talking to someone else when all of a sudden I realized he was talking to me.  About Star Wars action figures.  Seriously Creeper Comicon Dude?  You don’t even know me or even took the time to introduce yourself.  Just started talking out of the blue to no one in particular but staring at me.  Why me?  I stopped mid bite to stare at this guy with what I am sure was either RBF or shock as he kept talking.  About Star Wars action figures.  How much is there to say about Star Wars action figures?  Apparently a lot.  After my initial shock wore off and BFF and I continued eating, I even turned slightly in my chair toward her, giving him my back.  What would that say to you?  Would it say keep talking or would you take that as a hint that I really did not give a care about your Star Wars action figures?  He kept talking.  Also, this guy was like 20 years my senior…no joke….rambling on and on about the action figures he couldn’t find at the convention.  Um….hello….I am eating here.  Go away.  Do not speak to me Creeper.

At this point, as BFF and I continue to eat while making pointed eyes at each other, Creeper Comicon Dude (CCD as we shall now call him) pulls out his phone to actually show me exactly what he is talking about and how much he has seen these sets going for outside the convention.  Now what am I supposed to do with this?  I don’t want to seem rude, so I feign interest and nod while I hurriedly shove more food in my face because I want to leave as soon as possible.  Wrong move on my part.  CCD took this as that I was truly interested.  Oh help me.  He started going on and on about a certain set of Star Wars action figures that is rare and how nobody has it and he can’t believe nobody has it here in the vendor hall.  I cannot eat any faster at this point.  BFF is trying not to laugh next to me but she understood my need to escape. She saw the desperation in my eyes as I turned towards her silently signaling that I needed help and eats faster than I have ever seen her, frantically shoving nachos in her mouth.  I almost burst into laughter at this point as she tried to shove like 10 nachos in her mouth at once so we could leave.  The silent language between us is crazy sometimes. As I watch her put so many nachos in her mouth that she looks like a chipmunk, CCD starts to pull out the action figures he has purchased to show us and I quickly stand up.  He continues to talk as I nod to say goodbye and say “Have a nice Con.” As BFF, who is still trying to fit as many nachos as she can into her mouth at once, and I walk away, he is still talking out loud about the action figures.  I can’t make this stuff up.

BFF and I are now laughing and trying to decide in his own creeper way if he was trying to flirt with me as we get in line to get our picture taken with Eve Myles.  I am not sure.  I mean he was nice but so socially awkward that maybe he was trying to flirt.  Or maybe he was just a talker and could not tell that I was not in the mood to people.  Especially with a Creeper Comicon Dude.  It is hard to tell.  As we walked back through the hall to leave after our photo, CCD was still sitting at the table and waved at us as we walked by like he wanted us to come back over and sit with him.  Nope.  Hard pass.

Us with Eve Myles from Torchwood.  Could I be any more excited?

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did learn more about Star Wars action figures than I ever wanted to know but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who didn’t want to people with Creeper Comicon Dude but just wanted to eat in peace Running.  The experiment continues…

Why BFF and I Do Not Like to People

At the beginning of December, BFF and I decided to try something new…you see Phoenix Comicon had started doing a FanFest last December and our inner geeks were dying to go and get our geek on so we went.  I would say this was like Comicon Lite….a smaller version of the main event in June but with a smaller venue, fewer guests and such.  It is even held at a completely different place than the main one.  We were pretty stoked though, as December means BBC isn’t filming and so this means a lot of BBC stars were going to be at FanFest.  We were most excited about two in particular:  for BFF it was Gareth David-Lloyd (Ianto from Torchwood) and for myself it was Karen Gillian (Amy Pond from Doctor Who).  So, reservations were made, photo ops purchased and the planning began.  You all know how BFF and I hate to people but really we hate to people in large crowds and any type of event like this was sure to bring people and not just any people…Comicon people.  Let’s be honest….you have read before about the strange people we meet at Comicon and this was no exception.  One such incident really stressed why BFF and I do not like to people in this case.

Since this was a smaller event, the main panels were in a largish room, but not as huge as the ballrooms at the convention center.  We discovered that this meant not as many people in the panels and you could basically get pretty close to the front without having to wait through the entire day, which I must admit was kind of nice.  We had decided to go to a film screening the first day that Gareth David-Lloyd was starring in and hosting the panel afterwards.  We had arrived early during another panel (per usual and before we realized we probably didn’t have to do so) and moved up when that panel was over to the 3rd row to get a get view of the screen and of course Gareth himself during the panel.  You have to understand something here…BFF is obsessed with Ianto Jones.  About as much as she is obsessed with Barrowman.  Like legit obsessed.  I was afraid she would lick him or something during our photo op but luckily she contained herself and just squealed and jumped up and down afterwards (it was pretty adorable).  So there we were, minding our own business, waiting the 30 minutes before the film screening to start when the incident happened.

BFF was crocheting Stormtroopers to give to her family for Christmas and I was messing around on Facebook and Snapchat (follow me there for funny stuff  ——> ladymiryaa).  No really, BFF was crocheting Stormtroopers.  Except for they didn’t have arms so they looked….well….like a penis.  No joke, BFF turned to me and asked me what it looked like and without hesitation, I answered “A Dicktrooper”….hence they became known as Dicktroopers till they got their arms attached.  No joke.  Judge for yourself.

Admit it…it looks like a penis.  #dicktrooper

Like I said, we were minding our own business, when a lady came up and asked if the seats next to us were taken.  We were the only ones in the entire row.  Do we look like we have that many friends?  Nope.  Seats aren’t taken.  Much to BFF’s chagrin, Strange Lady sits right NEXT to her…no comfort chair between them…and let’s just say she is not a small lady.  She practically sat ON BFF.  I looked around to see if there were other seats this Strange Lady could have taken…pretty sure most of the room was empty.  Unfortunately for BFF, this Strange Lady was a talker.  Like a she won’t shut up no matter how much you ignore her or have RBF talker.  I actually leaned over to BFF at one point and asked her if she wanted to switch seats but she said no.  She should have taken me up on it.  BFF has since stated that she is the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville (remember him??)  and I believe her.  Poor BFF.  She was forced to make small talk with the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville even though she didn’t want to people right then.  At all.  She was soon spared more chitter chatter when the film started and she shut the fuck up.

After the film was over, Gareth David-Lloyd and the guys who made the film held a panel where people could ask questions and they could talk about the film.  It was awesome.  So if you ever get a chance to see the movie I Am Alone, do it.  You won’t regret it. let me tell you something about BFF and I when it comes to panels at a Comicon event.  There is NO WAY IN HELL we are going to get up and ask as question.  Ummm…nope.  Hard pass.  We just enjoy listening to the questions others as and the answers the panelists give.  Our introvertness would never allow us to get up and do something like that in public.  So we sat, listened and endured the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville, who by the way, had finally moved over enough to where she was not sitting on top of BFF.  The panel ended and the moderator told all those that had asked a question to come up and see him (remember way smaller group of people).  We packed up our stuff quickly and tried to get the hell away from the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville.  As we were walking out, we heard her say “Nurse?  Oh Nurse? Excuse me Nurse?” (at some point BFF had said she was a nurse to her) and I think we both groaned out loud.   We turned around to see her frantically trying to catch up with us and as she did she asked us the most bizarre question.  The conversation went something like this:

WotMP:  “When you go up to get your prize for asking a question, can I have it?”

BFF (with severe RBF and super annoyed now):  “I didn’t ask a question.”

WotMP (confusion on her face):  “Yes you did.  And the moderator said you should go up and get something.  Can I have whatever you get?”

BFF (Murderface has now replaced RBF and she might punch this lady in the vagina):  “I did not ask a question.” (mind you we are still walking at this point) followed quickly by me stating: “No she didn’t.”

WotMP (even more confused and adamant): “Yes you did!”

Me (now I am pissed and want to punch her in the throat and the vagina):  “No she didn’t.  And she never would. So go away.”

At this point we were able to walk away from WotMP and out of the room and looked at each other incredulously.  First off, who the fuck are you to ask us if you can have whatever swag or photo or whatever was being given out for asking questions in a small panel?  We don’t know you.  Neither one of us asked a question.  Not once.  We might have drooled over Gareth but NEVER would we have asked a question.  Secondly, don’t you think we are fans too?  We would probably want whatever was being given to us for asking a question so why the fuck would we give it to you?  Go away.  We are not friends.  And lastly…who the fuck do you think you are?  Rude.  Can you not tell we don’t like to people?  OMG….you cannot sit with us.  Period.  Rude.

You can’t sit with us.  For reals.  Go away WotMP.

This is exactly why BFF and I don’t like to people at events.  Unless we know you.  Nope.  Because of weird rude experiences like this one.  Guess we need to practice our #murderfaces instead like someone else we know (BS girls you know who I am talking about!).  Seriously we don’t like to people.  Despite the WofMP, the day was not a waste because this happened and BFF’s smile says it all:

Ianto!  He even said “I will be the filling in your sandwich any day!”  Swoon.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however discover that there is a new level to the weird and rude people you can meet at events like Fanfest which almost made me punch someone in the throat and vagina but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl working on my #murderface and meeting Ianto Running.  The experiment continues…



Would You Like Fries With That Barrowman Sandwich?

You all know by now, or at least you should, that BFF and I attend the local Geekfest every year known as Phoenix Comicon.  We proudly let our geek flag fly and join thousands of other like-minded geeks in squees of joy over our favorite celebrities, shows, costumes…you name it and everything geeky, nerdy and cool can be found at Comicon.  Being HUGE Firefly and Doctor Who fanatics, BFF and I were particularly excited this year for two panels in particular:  Nathan Fillion and John Barrowman.  But especially Barrowman…we absolutely adore Capt. Jack.  So we packed nerdy t-shirts and headed to the hotbox of Phoenix in the summer…the only thing that would get us down there in the summer is Comicon and the chance to stalk Barrowman.

We had decided this year to stay away from all the hotels in the Comicon general area to avoid the con-goers.  Don’t get us wrong, we love our fellow geeks but they can be pretty excited about Con and quite noisy.  One year, we had a room full of boy gamers next door to us…to say they were over exuberant as they gamed into the wee hours of the night was an understatement.  Plus, BFF and I are admittedly hotel snobs and decided to stay at a resort instead.  What can we say?  We like soft beds and room service.  Especially room service.  For reals.  Nothing like having someone bring food to your hotel room so you can scarf to your heart’s delight in private.  So, after a fantastic night’s sleep and great room service breakfast, we headed down to retrieve my car from valet.  Of course, we had on our comic book shirts (Batman of course!!) and our passes that said we were allowed entry into Geekfest 2014.  When we arrived at the valet, the dude asked me if we were waiting for the shuttle to the Con. The what?  Wait…why do they have a shuttle?  Huh.  When I said no we were getting the keys to my car that was parked there he went to get them.  BFF started walking to the car and I looked up at the guy standing in front of me on his phone.  He looked up and smile and I about died…Barrowman was right there!  Capt. Jack Harkness in the flesh…in front of me…me unable to speak with my mouth open.  Wait…my brain is trying to decipher this info.  This means Barrowman is at my hotel. Wow.  I recovered my ability to speak and quickly called BFF.  She came back, slightly annoyed that I didn’t have my keys yet and asked “What?” in an annoyed way.  I whispered “Look” to which BFF immediately lost her ability to speak as well and uttered some sort high-pitched alien sound and quickly pulled me toward the car.  I didn’t even realize my keys had been handed to me at this point but since we had lost our ability to speak English, we figured it was best to just get into the car.  Once inside, BFF and I looked at each other and screamed like the fangirls that we are..loudly, I might add.  A fangirl dance of joy also might have happened in my car.  BFF then turned to me and asked “Do you think he realized we love him?”  I took a look in my rearview mirror, saw him smiling at our car, and replied “Pretty sure since he totally heard us squee.”  Probably made his day…I know it made ours.

On the last day of Con, BFF and I had purchased a photo-op with our love Barrowman.  Our love for him is truly only matched by our love for Wil Wheaton, who was not at this year’s Con so we stalked Barrowman instead of Wheaton.  A photo-op, for those non Con-goers out there, is when you can purchase the opportunity to have your photo taken with a celebrity.  Totally worth it, in case you were wondering.  We even went as far as decking ourselves out in complete Doctor Who shirts and jewelry for our photo.  John Barrowman seriously loves his fans and really is one of the best celebrities to ever have an encounter with…he is extremely grateful for all his fans.  Before all the photos started, JB (that is what I call him now cuz we are so close and all) came out to the crowd and addressed everyone, telling us all that anything goes in his photo ops except for kissing because he got super sick his first Con when he made that mistake.  BFF and I could not think of what we wanted to do…we were at a loss.  Do we do some silly pose?  Or do we just make a Barrowman sandwich and get as close to our love as we could?  We got nervous as we got closer and BFF grabbed my hand for support.  Would we be able to remember how to speak English this time?  We gripped our hands tighter as it became our turn, hoping that words would come out and I also hoped I would be able to not vomit as we got so close to him.  JB turned to us and said “What do you two lovely ladies want from me?”  BFF, surprisingly, remembered how to speak English and immediately enthusiastically blurted out “We want a Barrowman sandwich!!”  Totally out of character for BFF who hates to talk to strangers, especially a celebrity we have been stalking online and off at Con (and our hotel to be honest…BFF wanted to run screaming Barrowman’s name through the resort to see if he would come out).  I think her love for Barrowman had overtaken her shyness at this point and her face immediately broke out in a big grin when he replied “Well then…get right in here and hold on tight!”  We scrambled over and BFF wasted no time in wrapping her arms as tightly as she could around him.  I still had not remembered how to speak English but went to put my arm around the other side, when he grabbed my hand and put it smack on his tight little butt and pulled me in tight.  Barrowman sandwich complete!  Would you like fries with that Barrowman sandwich?  Why yes…yes I would!!  The result?  This:

The love shines here in our Barrowman sandwich.  Where are my fries?
The love shines here in our Barrowman sandwich. Where are my fries?

It was a brief shiny blissful moment.  And when it was over, squees were uttered and dances of joy were had as we left.  Best. Sandwich. Ever.  And I had also magically regained my ability to once again speak the English language.  Funny how that happens.  So fellow geeks…if ever you get the chance to get to a Con and your favorite celebrity is there…I encourage you to do the photo-op.  So worth it.  Oh and Barrowman…please ignore the girls next year running through the resort screaming your name like an elaborate game of hide and seek (well wouldn’t THAT be fun?)…we only stalk you and Wheaton we swear.  So feel honored you have achieved Fat Girl adoration stage that leads to stalking (and hopefully not jail time).  Our ultimate photo-op would be Barrowman and Wheaton together…sigh…a geeky Fat Girl can dream.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did stalk John Barrowman at the Phoenix Comicon and think about an elaborate game of hide and seek with him at our resort, but I didn’t die.  I am geeky Fat Girl who had a Barrowman sandwich and finally regained my ability to speak English (although not in his presence) Running.  The experiment continues…

Direct TV or a Tardis? Just Ask My Mom…

We all know how big of geeks me and BFF are, but what I might have failed to tell you, is that my siblings and their significant others are all nerds as well.  It is like one big nerdfest when we all get together.  There is usually not one serious style of grown up shirt amongst us…it is almost as if we are all trying to out nerd each other with our collection of nerdy shirts.  We frequently have discussions that, if overheard by non nerds, might qualify us for a mental institution.  I mean, who really would have an hour long discussion on who was more evil…Darth Vader or The Borg?  I still say The Borg, by the way…they would assimilate Vader’s ass.  See…geeks are us.  Now our parents, are a little less geeky to say the least….especially our Mom.

Don’t get me wrong, our Mom likes good sci-fi like all of us, but she does not harbor the love like we do (I might get my unholy love of reality TV from her though).  She does read a lot of sci-fi books, but is really not into all the shows or movies or pop culture references like we are.  So, sometimes our conversations seem to go a little over her head or she looks at us all like we have three heads each, like that dog on Harry Potter.  I also get my electronically challengedness from my Mom.  I considered it a feat worth dancing and whooping too when I connected my XBox to my TV system all by myself.  Usually, I am that girl that calls her nerdy computer building Bubby to come and do something as simple as hooking up a new gaming system.  My Mom is the same way.  When she got a new TV recently, she called the cable guy to come hook it all up for her…and bless his heart he did.  I completely take after her in this way, so I kind of understand the difficulty she had with my large remote that works everything and is complicated in so many ways…like picking what source will be playing on my TV.  So our nerdiness is slightly lower than my Bubby or BIL, who build their own computers.  I just call one of them to fix mine.

My Mom was visiting me and we were all over at my house when the following incident occurred.  It was one that left us nerdy kids of hers laughing so hard and she sat there looking at us like we had three heads and eventually told us to shut it.  Mom really wanted to know what time some sort of show was on TV that night and was attempting to figure this out through the cable listing.  I have no idea what she was doing with my remote, short of throwing it through the TV, but all of a sudden she was practically phoning to E.T through my TV trying to do so.  My Bubby looked at her and asked her what she was doing and the following conversation occurred:

Bubby:  “Mom?  What in the world are you doing besides making us deaf by the volume of the TV?: (She had hit the volume button instead)

Mom:  “I am trying to find out when that show is on.  I don’t understand this remote at all.  I want to go forward in time.  How do I go forward in time?”

Bubby:  “Mom, you can’t go forward in time unless you have a Tardis” (For those non geeks out there…this is the Doctor Who space time travel machine)

Mom:  “Well, I don’t have a Tardis!  I have Direct TV!”

Pretty sure my Mom thought a Tardis was the name of my cable company, which got me, Bubby and Pocket GF laughing so hard tears were rolling down our faces.  Mom continued to mess with the remote, alternating between making us deaf and calling E.T. or The Doctor, himself, until Bubby took it away from her and found what she was looking for, without a Tardis.  She then looked at all of us, still laughing, mind you, and told us to shut it with a smile on her face.  Mom is obviously not a Whovian.  Good thing she puts up with her geeky nerdy kids.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, discover that my Mom wants to go forward in time but without a Tardis.  I am Fat Girl Whovian geek with a non nerdy Mom who has Direct TV Running.  The experiment continues….