First of all, I want to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all those out there that choose to be mothers.  You have a hard job and not one I choose for myself but I respect what you do.  I don’t know how my Mommy did it with three kids and such an age gap between us, but she did.  Being a Mom is hard but sometimes being an adult child with older parents is also hard.  Adult being a relative term, since we all know I don’t adult well.  At all.  As your parents get older, you worry more about their health.  My Mommy, being retired, lives by herself and does a lot of stuff like volunteering for the public library so she is always out and about.  I worry about her even though she only lives 2 hours away because I am afraid I won’t find out till later that something happened.  Last week, my fears came true.

My Mommy and I talk on a regular basis, yet when I am working nights, I don’t always heck in as much as I would like too.  I mean, the world kind of stops when you are working 12 hour night shifts.  Ask any night shift worker and they will tell you the same thing….life revolves around working and sleeping with some meals thrown in there for good measure.  You are lucky if I even get anything else done on those days, like even shower.  Ok maybe sometimes I shower and my co-workers thank me.  But because I work these crazy hours, I sometimes rely on Facebook to keep up with my busy Mommy.  So, I got up on my stretch of working and logged into my phone to catch up before I had to hit the ground running at work.  What do I see as the first status that pops up and is my Mommy’s status?  This: “Now just to show what a klutz I am, I fell in the Fry’s parking lot looking for my car. Somebody with a wheelchair lift on their car left it down on the ground. I now need new lenses & a dental appt. My four front teeth were moved out of place but I put them back by gently pushing on them. The paramedics came & checked me out. I am going to have a black & blue face tomorrow, along with a skinned knee & bloody elbow.”  Wait.  What?  Excuse me?  My Mommy fell and got hurt badly enough that paramedics were called yet she doesn’t call her daughter the NURSE?  Nor did she call my Bestie, her “other” daughter, who lives just a few streets from her to come and check her out or to have her call me.  For reals?  I hear about my Mommy falling from freaking Facebook?  WTF?  And then to top it all off, pictures followed of her black and blue face and her knee.  Ok…now I know she doesn’t always know what days I work because my schedule changes, but it was after 6pm which meant it was safe to call me even if I wasn’t working.  Hello!  Come on…Facebook?  Mom….you have been properly admonished.

I immediately picked up my phone and called my klutzy little Mommy to make sure she was ok. Besides being banged up and shaken, she was indeed ok.  Thank goodness.  The thing with her teeth freaked me out a bit so I told her she better go see a dentist and she agreed.  I also told her what to do for the skin tear on her elbow …you know since I might know a little bit about that stuff.   Sigh.  Your daughter is a NURSE in case you forgot Mommy….a freaking nurse.  And no daughter wants to hear about how you got hurt on Facebook of all things.  In fact, none of your kids want to hear about that through Facebook.  A text or call would be appreciative by any of your kids.  Then, you can put it on social media but for the love of all things good, tell your kids first so they don’t panic.  I was so panicked that I left my house without my lunch because I was talking with my Mommy and had to get my Bubby to run over and bring it to me at work (yeah my Bubby is pretty awesome like that…just saying).  So note to all you older parents out there….tell your kids stuff first before you post on Facebook.  Actually, that s a good rule of thumb for anyone.  For serious.  But I am glad my Mommy is ok and not hurt badly at all.  Just banged up and she had to have her teeth bonded and get new glasses but she is ok.  Guess I know where we all get the klutz gene from.  I mean, my Seester just had to have surgery on her other foot, I am always bruised up to high heaven, and Bubby only has half a thumb due to an unfortunate incident with a circular saw.

I am grateful to have gotten to spend the weekend with my klutzy Mommy for Mother’s Day and told her one more fall and I will wrap her in bubble wrap…or a home.  Either will work.  Does that seem harsh?  Don’t judge. I told you I don’t adult very well and those are the only two adult choices I could come up with to keep her safe.  I think they sound perfectly fine.  And it’s not the first time we have threatened her with a home. Once when my Mommy was looking for a new apartment complex to move into, my Bubby and Seester suggested one that was being built up the road.  The sign clearly said “Convalescent Home” and they knew it.  They might have meant it knowing our Mom’s preclivity to being a klutz.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did have a minor freak out about my finding out my Mommy fell on Facebook and threaten to put her in a home but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl telling older parents how to talk to their adult (or kinda adult in my case since I don’t adult very well) kids Running.  The experiment continues…