Things I Have Learned Recently….And FREE Midget Porn!

My life has been many ups and downs, but recently, I have learned to look towards the fun and funny things to help me get through all the bad icky yucky ju-ju that sometimes happens.  When left on my own, like recently after surgery, I have time to realize that it is really funny.  So, I thought I would impart some fun wisdom with you on the things I have learned while being off of work and left to my own devices recently.

My BFF and I are truly the world’s best packers.  When we were coming back from our recent trip to DL, we discovered how much stuff you can pack in two large suitcases and still get it under (just barely) the weight limit for the train.  I am pretty sure we could have packed a small child in both our suitcases but the amount of stuff we take on a trip is RIDICULOUS!  You would think we were packing for a month-long trip to the Outback for goodness sake.  Then, on top of it all, we have to pack all the stuff we bought in DL.  You would think, since we go there every few month, that there would be nothing left for us to buy…WRONG!  We discover new stuff every trip and somehow manage to bring it all home.  How you ask?  There is this little trick we have where we each pack an EXTRA empty duffel bag.  That way, we can shove all our breakables in the big bags and all our clothes or toiletries or dirty chonies and stinky socks in the other bag (because who wants their dirty chonies next to all the cool shit you bought? NOT me!).  We also each bought another bag to put our purses in and then use it as a “purse”…such a clever little trick.  Yup…you would never guess we hadn’t been there for a month.  Seriously…the 2 of us had an impressive 7 bags between us hen we checked them with the bellhop.  I actually heard him grunt as he picked up my bag….my bad.

Being recognized as an author is cool.  I went to the optometrist this week with BFF (because friends don’t let friends pick out ugly glasses) and the optical tech who came out to help BFF came up to me and asked if I was working on book #2 yet.  I literally wanted to scream “STALKER!” almost immediately and run screaming from the office without cool glasses. But I warily looked at her and asked how she knew I wrote a book all the while trying not to look at her like she was a total creepster.  Turns out she is NOT married to SOTL Man like I thought, but had come to one of my book signings downtown and loves my book.  Whew…now I don’t have to find a new eye doctor.  Of course afterwards, BFF and I giggled like schoolgirls over the fact that I got recognized as an author…because that was pretty cool.

Don’t lean on the garage door opener when someone is standing in the opening.  When you lean on the garage door opener and BFF is standing in the opening, both of you might scream and jump thinking there was a ghost in the garage working the garage door because it is Halloween.  True story.  The door started to come down, sensed she was there and quickly retreated leaving both of us screaming and running from the house. Literally we screamed “Ghost!”  and ran down the driveway.   Took us several minutes to realize I leaned up against it.  Yup.  This happened….today.

When you do a big re-model project (currently Bubby is painting every room in my house and soon the new flooring will be installed), you might discover as you move stuff from room to room that you look like you belong in an episode of Hoarders.  No joke.  My craft dojo right now has boxes and bags of stuff in it from other rooms and now I can’t remember where I had it all stored.  So, instead, I just closed the door to the craft dojo.  I don’t need to find a place for it all again, right?  Let’s just hope a film crew doesn’t show up on my door for Hoarders.  I would rather be on Home Makeover or Undercover Boss or something cool like that and not because I discovered a VS bag full of panties with tags still on them that I have no idea when I bought…huh.

Now for the real reason you came to read my blog today…the promise of FREE midget porn.  Ok, so maybe not midget porn, but I really am giving away something for free. Right now, on Goodreads, I am having a giveaway for 2 autographed copies of my book The Running Experiment:  A Weekly Walk Away From The Sofa.  The contest started yesterday and is set to end on my birthday in two weeks so come on and enter!  Celebrate my Hatching Day with me and try to win a copy of the book.  I promise to personally autograph it and appropriately stalk you once I have your address.  I could become your own personal SOTL Man if you want.  Here…I will make it even easier for you and provide the link:

Hurry!  Get in on the midget porn action  I mean the giveaway!  I promise you free laughs and a good time.  Wait…that didn’t sound right.  Maybe I should write for porn or just quit watching it so much….

Oh yeah…I didn’t die today.  I did learn some things recently and realized I might have a shopping problem but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl giving away some free books while trying not to be on Hoarders Running.  The experiment continues….