As you may all know, every year I go to the ultimate ninja nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon to hone my ever powerful ninja nerdy Fat Girl skills. This year was no different. One of the reasons I go is because…yes…you guessed it…Wil Wheaton. I mean come on…who wouldn’t be excited to be in the same building as Wil Wheaton? Bubby’s Pocket GF also shares the obsession love that BFF and I have for Wil and it was her goal this year to get his autograph. A few days before we left to go down to the sweltering abyss that is Phoenix, I decided to check out the prices of actually doing an official photo op with him and to my surprise it was quite affordable. It was only $20 to be close enough to Wil to get a photo taken and we could get all four of us in the photo!! WHAT?? Oh this was so happening. We decided to see when he was doing photo ops so as to fit it into our schedule (remember you MUST plan out your con experience) but it was happening. Oh yes. It was happening.
We all venture into the cesspool that is Phoenix to make our nerd dreams come true and Thursday night we see that there is an opportunity for photos on Friday. I check online and there it is…the opportunity of a few glorious minutes of our lives available for purchase for only $20. It was quickly purchased and jumps in the air were achieved. I believe a dance of joy even happened Fat Girl style. I barely contain my excitement for Friday afternoon and as we got in line we were all excited to get to stand close to Wil Wheaton. Standing in line was a whole different experience. We spent some time discussing whether or not the girl directly across from us in line dressed as an avatar was covered in just body paint or a body stocking because it was hard to tell (for the record it was JUST body paint on the top and a painted body stocking on the bottom. At least her nipples were covered). Of course there were some parents of the year in front of us who allowed their child to run his tongue on the handrail repeatedly. Ew. So gross. They might have earned a spot on my list of worst parents. And as if the child running his tongue on the handrail wasn’t bad enough, we actually witnessed the Mom flossing her teeth in line. Pretty sure I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Having never done an official photo op with anyone before (our other photo with Wil was done by the graciousness of his heart when he autographed photos for us), we were unsure what to expect. Would we be herded through like cattle? Would we get a photo with our eyes closed or a booger hanging out of our noses? We were surprised they provided us with buckets to put our stuff in so our bag of sacks wouldn’t be in the picture and also a large mirror so we could check for hanging boogers or lunch in your teeth (I could have asked that gal in front of us to borrow her floss). We rounded the corner and I saw him…WIL WHEATON…and realized I should have gone pee. I was really hoping that I would not create a puddle near Wil’s feet as we take a photo. OMG…this was so happening. One last check of hair, teeth and noses and we were ready.
We walk up to Wil Wheaton and I immediately feel like my tongue has become glued to my mouth and no words are going to come out but my nervous hysterical giggle I get in such occasions just might make an appearance. Oh great. I am gonna look like a complete and total idiot giggling hysterically while peeing my pants. Or my cheesy Fat Girl Disney face might happen. Seriously. I am hopeless. At this point I am hoping I don’t trip, stutter, or accidentally grab his ass in an attempt to take a non cheesy picture. Wil turns to me and BFF and says “Oh you two are the sparkliest superheroes ever!” Then he spots Pocket GF, whose excitement has overcome her and she has approached with her hands over her ears barely containing her excitement and is speechless, and says “Are you ok?” Realizing that neither myself or Pocket GF has the ability to speak right at that moment besides maybe meowing in a desperate attempt at speech, BFF speaks up and says “It is the realization of a dream come true for her for the past two years to meet you.” Wil, being the ever gracious man he is to his fans, says “Aren’t you adorable!” And then it happens. Wil sticks out his hand and says to Pocket GF “Hi! I’m Wil!” and shakes her hand. It was all I could do right then not to do a Fat Girl Dance Of Joy for her. Picture was taken and Wil again says what a pleasure our group was. Trying to not look nerdy we all thank him and then Pocket GF and I jump up and down in true fan girl excitement and give a huge double high-five. We might have been in full view of Wil Wheaton but we just didn’t care. What just happened? The most incredible experience in all our lives is what! And our picture shows it…thank goodness I didn’t pee.
I cannot even begin to describe the gloriousness that this moment was but trust me in saying it was made of awesome sauce. It will forever be a step closer to actually being able to use my mouth to form words to tell Wil Wheaton about my blog and how I stalk him sometimes in it. Some call it stalking. I call it love. And now to wait another year…sigh.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. Well, I almost did die of fan girl excitement in meeting Wil Wheaton (and yes I shamelessly tagged his twitter in an attempt to get him to read this) but I didn’t die. I am Fat Girl having a truly nerdy dream come true and not peeing my pants while achieving it running. The experiment continues…
I am back from the most awesome ninja nerdfest that was Phoenix Comicon…what a geeky fun-filled weekend it was. Pretty sure nerdgasms were had (Wil Wheaton!!), pants were peed a little (Wil Wheaton!) and my legs felt like I had walked a million miles but it was all so worth it! I also witnessed some things that were shocking, appalling and down right gross. This leads me to the Fat Girl’s Rules For Attending Comicon.
Don’t Be The Mayor Of Poopsville. Who is this mayor you ask? The guy who we had the unfortunate experience of sitting next to during The Walking Dead panel. Thank goodness he left before TNG because I am sure that we could not have stood his stench for much longer. I don’t care how much time you spend holed up in your room gaming, reading comics, watching midget porn on the internet, or watching your favorite geeky shows. Let’s spend a few minutes on some personal hygiene please. For the sake of all the thousands of people around you at Comicon, we do not need to get nauseated sitting next to you. Pretty sure I thought poor BFF who had food poisoning the night before but still dragged her butt to go see TNG was gonna hurl when he sat next to her. We quickly traded seats. Seriously, the stench was like he was rotting from the inside out. A few minutes taking a shower, using deodorant, and putting on clean clothes might actually get you laid Buddy. Instead we all just made fun of you, tried not to hurl, and had to all sit really close together so that your stench would not invade our group. We also made the last person who arrived in our group ultimately sit next to him. Punishment for making us save you a seat. This leads me to rule number 2….
Don’t Be The Last In Your Group To Arrive For A Panel. Why? Because you get seated next to The Mayor Of Poopsville. See rule number 1.
An Eye Patch Does Not Make A Bikini/Costume. I understand the fun of dressing up for Comicon. We all do it. We were all of our geeky t-shirts and plan our costumes so when we are all together it makes sense. It’s part of the fun of Comicon. Truly I get wearing a costume. However, let’s keep in mind that CHILDREN also attend these events and your costume should be family oriented. Yes…lady who was wearing an eye patch as a bikini and it barely covered her coochie let alone her nipples…I am talking to you! Walking around with 4 boys at the Comicon made me even more aware of your butt crack, coochie, and nipples hanging out. Also, saran wrap…..really? How is this a costume? And pretty sure my retinas are severely burned from the man in a speedo, blue cape and some sort of trifecta symbol SHAVED into his immensely hairy body. Yes you read that right. Shaved. He was even passing out kleenex and lotion. So gross. My niece saw him, immediately turned to me and stated “I like girls now”. So don’t blame her. So let’s try to make it a fun family event for all and not gross me out or make me quickly slap my hands over the 11 year old’s eyes as they pop out from the amount of boobies and side butt he was seeing. Also, this makes me ponder on those people who wore the same costume for the entire 3.5 days of Comicon….did they wash them in between? Personal hygiene is important people even to geeks and nerds. Really, if you have good personal hygiene it really might get you laid. If you can smell your own stench, you might need a shower. Again…see rule number 1.
Plan Out Your Agenda For Comicon Ahead Of Time. This one is important for first time attendees. Seriously. It can be a little overwhelming to be in a crowd of 30,000 trying to figure out what you are going to next, how to get there, where to eat, what that stench is next to you, and getting there so you don’t have to sit next to the Mayor Of Poopsville (see rule number 1). We bring snacks, drinks, jackets (the temp gets to be below sub arctic in the rooms) and practice our potty runs to time them. Truly we scope out where the potties are before hand so we can get there quickly and get back and not have to sit in the dreaded seat next to The Mayor Of Poopsville. We did think about catheter bags but that was a little hard-core. Also, in sitting for long periods of time, you must practice your mad lunging skills to avoid a DVT. Bubby’s Pocket GF has some seriously mad skills in this area. She was even practicing lunging while asking a question. She is hard-core I tell you. She could kill you if she lunged on your neck. BFF even offered her money to do it. Mad skills. Planning way ahead of time is really necessary to get great seats to see the ones you want to see. For example, we got to the ballroom at 10 am to see the TNG panel at 1:30 pm. Yup, we had a great time listening to Ed Asner, Jon Bernthal from The Walking Dead and avoiding the unwashed stench that made us giggle uncontrollably for several minutes just to get to ensure our 12th row seats to see TNG (Wil Wheaton!). TOTALLY WORTH IT. Hearing LeVar Burton sing Reading Rainbow twice in 2 days…..priceless. We also enjoyed the giant belly laugh of who I am certain was Santa in one panel just to get good seats for Eureka (Wil Wheaton!). Who laughs like Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho so loud? The whole group of us could not stop laughing and I had tears running down my face at the whole thing. I mean honestly. Santa must love Comicon as well as us.
And the LAST, FINAL AND ULTIMATE rule is this: YOU MUST LOVE WIL WHEATON! Do I need to say more? Pretty sure I don’t. You just must stalk love him. Some call it stalking….I call it love.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I almost died this weekend from the amount of fun or from the stench of some people but I didn’t die. I am fat girl who didn’t need bail money this weekend for stalking Wil Wheaton running. The experiment continues….
I’m baaaaackkkkkk! I know, I have been very absent for like a month. Sometimes life just gets in the way or I was just too damn lazy to actually sit down and write. Really I have no good excuse but I am here now. I could try to come up with one if you would like. Ok….see I was beamed up to the Enterprise and was so excited to meet Capt Jean-Luc in person that my brain tried to explode and then there was this run-in with the Borg and I was almost assimilated and then there was the issue of returning me to my own time. Does that work for you? I might have really just shown my inner geekiness with that excuse. Although my brain might try to explode when I actually meet Patrick Stewart in person at ComicCon in May. Yes. This IS happening. And once, I actually thought I might get assimilated by the Borg when BFF and I went to Star Trek the Experience in Vegas. I did what any normal girl would do when the Borg was walking towards her. I screamed and pushed BFF into the Borg path instead of me. I think she is still bitter about that. I just didn’t want to be assimilated! But I do love Star Trek TNG….in fact I am listening to a most awesome song that I must share with you. Make it so.
As for my diet/exercise journey, I am going to start a new leg of said journey. I am tired of the yo-yo of my weight. So, I am gonna try a 30 day jump-start with the Biggest Loser 30 day jump-start diet plan. This does require some planning on my part, which we all know I suck at but I have some time off of work in a couple of days and figure this would be a good time to try it. I even bought books, exercise videos, a food journal and calorie counter. Yup. I am serious about this. I have been trying some of the recipes off and on for a couple of weeks and they are pretty damn tasty so I think I can do this. This food plan at least uses real food and not pre packaged processed food or the gross liquid diet I did before my sister’s wedding (I still wonder what I was thinking). So I really learn to eat healthier and use food I have to prepare myself. That will be the hardest part for me. I am just not real into cooking for myself but to get my weight gone I will try anything right now. Except for surgery or the gross liquid diet. I just am not into being a patient in my own hospital by choice. I just don’t want everyone to know how fat I am that I work with. Scrubs do a wonderous job of hiding that fact from my co-workers and I would like to keep the illusion that I am a struggling skinny person under all that fabric for now. Pretty sure I am the only one I am fooling but hey…that I ok with me right now. And did I mention how gross that liquid diet was? Disgusting. I even renewed my membership to the Y this week so I just need to drag my fat tired ass there now instead of making excuses like I am hungry instead of working out. Sigh. That damn love hate relationship I have with exercise. It is like a necessary evil in my life. Even now, I have plenty of time before work and after writing to go and do something, but the pull of the couch and the fact that I took a 14 hour coma today might tell you how tired I am! Pretty sure that is not gonna happen today. Once I start the BL plan, however, I will have no choice but to exercise 20 minutes a day at least. It is part of the torture I am gonna put my body through. Probably will try to do it before I go to bed as I sleep better after working if I try to wind down that way. Other things work to help me sleep too, but they require either medication or batteries and we just won’t go there.
So, here I am. Back at blogging and I promise to be more consistent and provide you your daily LOL as one my friends put it. I hope I succeeded today in brightening your life. Maybe I will go see how my supply in batteries really is…. Engage.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I made a decision to take a different leg of my journey and get back to sharing it with you but I didn’t die. I am fat girl jump starting the experiment once again running. The experiment continues…….
One of my readers gave me food for thought today about being healthy and being fat. This was in reference to a fat friend of hers being upset that the doctor told her that her health problems were because of her weight. Weight definitely causes health problems but is there such a thing as a healthy fat girl? Hmmmmmm. Well as a nurse, I can say that I for sure see health related weight problems in my patients and they are children. And we all know that most adult onset diabetics are overweight. Yes, there are health related issues that come about because you are fat. Yes, you can shorten your lifespan by being fat. You can also shorten it by drinking, smoking, doing drugs, eating fast food, red dye #6, driving your car, flying on a plane, eating hormone laced meat, stress, working nights, getting less sleep, getting less sex….you get the point. Then there is the combo of all of this with your genetics, age and sex. So I guess what I am saying is that is anyone actually really healthy? You can be the healthiest person in the world with no stress and no issues and STILL get cancer or get hit by a speeding car or meet Dexter in a back alley and die. Seriously. If someone cannot face the fact that they have issues due to their weight, then they cannot admit they are fat. If they get offended by the doctor telling them they need to lose weight, then they get offended by the word fat. There is no way around that. I say you have to own up to your health problems and lifestyle choices, no matter what your weight is and FIX them however you can. I, personally, do not know anyone who is completely 100% healthy, no matter what their weight. I know that I do not have weight related health issues. Yes, I am asthmatic. Have been all my life. Pretty sure that has nothing to do with my weight. Yes, I have migraines. Have had them since I was 16 and since my Bubby also has them there is some genetic factor playing into that one as well. And for the record, my knee troubles did not start because I am fat. They started because of incorrect body mechanics at work and trying to restrain a patient who was a very large 16-year-old. Those are my only health issues that I am aware of and I take no medications except for the occasional hit on my puffer. So am I a healthy fat girl? Is there such a thing? I would say, besides my weight…yes. I may get some flack on this because I know that some would argue with me that being fat makes me unhealthy. I would also say that not eating makes me crabby and makes your life unhealthy if you are near me. Less sleep can also make me crabby and endanger your life. And not having sex….well that makes anyone crabby and is not healthy. A good orgasm cures most ills in my opinion. Hell, a good orgasm can clear up a lot of things….lets not go there but I better make sure the girl gymnastics get done just in case. What? Fat girls need orgasms too ya know.
Do I enjoy being fat? NO. Do I enjoy a donut and is it hard not to shove the whole box of them down my throat? YES. That is why I am on this journey. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of not owning up to what I put in my mouth. And I am tired of being grossed out by what I see in the mirror. Now that I feel better…the journey is gonna get kicked in the ass. Well as hard as my ankle will let it. I may not be working out due to the ankle and the bronchitis but I for sure can own up to what I am eating and be better about that. I need to find better snacks and better meals. Pretty sure the skittles don’t get in my mouth by accident. What sparked this today? BFF and I were discussing what to dress up for this year at Comic Con and we want outfits that go together so trying to figure out different comic/sci-fi outfits (yes….I am a fat girl nerd and proud of it). As we are discussing our options, I realized something….there is no way in hell I can pull off a shiny latex black cat suit or a corset and booty shorts or anything else revealing that goes into such outfits. Comic Con is a family friendly place and pretty sure I cannot pull off the 5th Element Girl outfit like we saw last year. The strips of fabric might get lost in my fat rolls. And I don’t wanna cause lots of children years of therapy. Finding outfits for a fat girl cause some stress like Halloween does but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to do that stuff cuz I do. Last year our group dressed up as the cast from Firefly and we looked AWESOME! Of course that costume involved green coveralls for me so easier to find in fat girl sizes. Doesn’t mean I won’t end up wearing a Slayer costume because I am pretty sure BFF and I would make ass kicking Slayers. Yup. Pretty sure. Come on…admit it. You wanna go to Comic Con with us. You know you do. All the cool kids are going.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did decide to kick-start the experiment in the ass but I didn’t die. I am healthy fat girl dreaming of comic con outfits that require more than strips of fabric running. The experiment continues….