PSA: Don’t Let BFF Get Hangry

There is one thing I have learned when traveling with BFF over the years….you have got to feed her.  For reals.  Otherwise she gets hangry.  Do you know what hangry is?  It is when you get hungry and then you get angry and then you snip and snap and are hangry.  It truly is a fine line.  One minute you are fine and the next…boom….hangry.  Nasty things can be said in this state of being hangry.  Take a look at this nice Venn diagram…I love Venn diagrams.  I feel like these can explain just about anything and so simply.

Because who doesn't love a good Ven diagram?
Because who doesn’t love a good Venn diagram?

BFF and I like to eat and usually we are very aware when one of us is getting hangry or needs to eat.  For some reason, on this last trip to DL, I was unable to tell that BFF needed to be fed.  Poor BFF.

We went on our usual Halloween trip and BFFE and her family came with us again like they did 2 years ago after my baby box was ripped from my body.  This year, it was unseasonably hot.  I mean it was in the 90’s most days.  BFF and I ended up wearing tank tops and capris and didn’t even touch our jackets.  Usually, it is t-shirt and jeans with hoodies.  I would have died of heat stroke if I had worn that this time around.  There is something you should know about BFFE….she is a super FAST walker.  Like faster than BFF (if that is possible).  I am more like Baymax from Big Hero 6….I am not fast.  I am sure it is cuz my fat slows me down. Fat Girls just are not fast.  There is always a lot of walking when we are there, but we walked on average of 13 miles a day this time!  A half marathon each day!  It was crazy.  I felt like all we did was walk back and forth between parks…..we did not plan well to say the least.  We also did not plan meals very well besides those that we had reservations for.   That was the mistake.

On one day, we ate a nice breakfast and then got started in the park.  It was like Lord of the Rings (or Lord of the Walking as I call it) were they walk and walk and walk and walk and walk… get the picture.  I mean we ended up walking 55 miles this trip.  Almost as much as the 3 day event.  I think we might have stopped for churros at one point…because churros.  Not quite sure what it is, but the churros at DL are some of the best around.  Maybe they are sprinkled with pixie dust or something but dang…they are delicious.  But I know we didn’t have lunch that day.  Mistake #2.  The heat and the lack of food made all of us a crabby or in BFF’s case hangry and yet we kept walking.  Snipping a little at each other and having fun, but hangry.  I didn’t notice the signs and I should have.

Stop! I't churro time!  BFF might be getting hangry here....oh wait....nope.  That is just her face.
Stop! It’s churro time! BFF might be getting hangry here….oh wait….nope. That is just her face.

It got to be late in the evening and we decided to finally stop walking and grab some dinner.  I was relieved because I was starving.  A Fat Girl has got to eat.  I mean, I don’t keep up my shapely figure by not eating.  Just saying.  And I love to eat at DL.  Plus, my body hurt so bad and I really needed to sit.  So, I ordered BFF and I a couple of burgers and fries (onion rings for me).  We sat and started eating.  I was so busy savoring my burger that I didn’t look up or talk for awhile and I noticed BFF did not either.  When I finally did look up, BFF was literally shoveling fries into her gob as fast as she could.  Like she had been a POW in a camp somewhere and had just gotten out and been given a meal.  I don’t think I have ever seen her eat so fast (except for the Popcorn Incident of 2015 where she slapped my hand out of the bucket) and you would think she was never going to get another meal again.  I started laughing uncontrollably as did BFFE’s Hubby.  We could not help it.  BFF looked up at me and stated “You HAVE to feed me!!!”  I am sorry my dear BFF….you are right.  I do need to feed you.  Here is evidence of how tired and hangry we had been….these snapchat videos are hysterical (and you SHOULD be following me there —->ladymiryaa)

So there you have it….don’t let BFF get hangry and if you do, by all means gie her fries.  She likes them.  I adore her.  Consider this your Fat Girl PSA of the day.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did walk enough miles to walk a half marathon every day we were there and mistakenly let BFF get hangry but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with a BFF who likes fries Running.  The experiment continues….

How To Make A Mistake An EXCELLENT Experience….Thanks Disneyland!

BFF and I decided to take another trip to The Happiest Place on Earth off our normal schedule last week because they are celebrating the 60th anniversary of the park being open. We knew there was tons of special stuff being done to celebrate and we didn’t want to miss out on any of it.  Now, if you follow our exploits regularly, you will know that we usually avoid going to DL in the summer because of the crowds.  We decided to go when we knew both AZ and CA had already started school , hoping this would limit the crowds and prevent us from having some sort of Disney throw down because we got cranky.  So we packed up BFF’s car and headed out to have an adventure.  Little did we know this trip would be the craziest trip from the beginning.

We don’t usually do the drive out there in one shot because we decide to stay the first night in a cheaper hotel about an hour outside of LA.  We then get up and drive on in after rush hour knowing we can check into the Grand Californian early and they will hold our bags in bell services till our room is ready.  We were totally excited to try out the Club Level at our favorite hotel like we did at the Disneyland Hotel and couldn’t wait to check in and see their Club because we like to pretend we are fancy.  I think I secretly hope we will run into someone famous since The Grand is the hotel all the celebs stay at, but why would they even come to the Club?  I mean, if I were famous, I would just room service it up since I make a gazillion dollars.  Why would I socialize with commoners to get a free continental breakfast, snacks, desserts and watch the fireworks?  Pssssshhht….I would totally room service it up in the themed suites.  Yup…themed suites people….it is a dream of mine to stay in one of them sometime.  Sigh.  A Fat Girl can dream.

Now, let me tell you something about Disney’s customer service.  It is the best.  Hands down.  If you are in a job that requires customer service, you should take a trip to a Disney resort and see how they do it.  Never have we had a problem with the hotels we stay at there.  Ever…..until this time.  But let me preface this statement by it was NOT with the customer service and you will see why.  It was just the weirdest series of events we have ever had there.  When you pull up to the hotel, they say “Welcome home!”  and it always makes me smile.  Because they do such a good job of making you feel welcome, it is like pulling up to your home with a gazillion people to clean your room, park your car, carry your luggage and cater to your every need/want/desire.  I wish my home was like this!  We pulled up to valet, handed over our keys and the million pieces of luggage we had between us…I am shamed to say the bell hop wrote 11 on our claim ticket for the number of bags…and he was correct.  Ridiculous amount of luggage for 2 of us.  I tried to make BFF feel better when I saw another car had that much till she said “Yes and they have 2 kids with them!”  And just think…this is BEFORE we shopped at DL…..I won’t tell you how many bags we had when we left…. Don’t judge.

We then went in to check in, anticipating the Club Level check in we had gotten at the DL Hotel.  As we started the check in process, the gal started checking us in like normal and BFF and I looked at each other curiously having had a different experience before with Club Level.  Then she made the statement that we had a premium view room…ummmmm….nope.  We never do that because why pay to see the park when all you are gonna do is sleep there?  Confused, I asked her if that room was Club Level and got the confused look back from her and she asked if it was supposed to be.  I explained that I had asked for Club Level when I called and booked the room and immediately she apologized profusely.  She told us to hang on a minute and she would see if she could get that for us and went to the back.  As she went to try to clear up our reservation, which by the way, indeed was even wrong in our email and I didn’t catch it, BFF and I started talking about how it was weird that passholders weren’t being given a special fast pass this time like always.  We then overheard the people next to us checking in and getting those fast passes as passholders….huh. Now we are truly confused as to what happened to our reservation as I know I told the agent we were passholders.  The registration gal comes back, apologizing again for the wait, and tells us she can get us Club Level service but it would be on the 4th floor and not a premium room if that was ok.  BFF and I both assured her that we didn’t care about the room just about the Club Level so she started making adjustments to our rate.  Poor girl….I then asked her about passholders rate/special and she again was confused as to why that was not on our reservation.  Apparently, our reservation had been changed several times in the computer, but quickly, our little gal changed it all and got us what we wanted all with a smile on her face and telling us how wonderful we were to work with and pleasant we were because we weren’t yelling or mad…I guess we didn’t have Resting Bitch Faces on this time. All said and done, she bent over backwards and fixed everything on our reservation (including the special fast passes), even making a special trip back to the back to get the concierge to take us to the Club (bet she got her steps in on her Fitbit).  We knew checking in so early that our room wouldn’t be ready and as she was stating that they would text me with a room number, my phone went off with a room number…..on the 6th floor….a premium room.  Even she was surprised as the concierge came over and told us she upgraded us because we were so patient and pleasant.  All the gals who helped us were AMAZING and really went out of their way to fix everything so we headed up to get into our room and see the Club after asking for comment cards so we could praise our registration gal.

The view from our 6th floor room....hells yes
The view from our 6th floor room….hells yes

After a tour of the Club, which was gorgeous,and grabbing a couple of complimentary Diet Cokes and bottles of water, we walked over to where our room was located.  It was next to a HUGE themed suite and in a corner….nobody on either side of us and right around the corner from the elevators.  I desperately wanted to break into the themed suite and see what it looked like in there. I really had to resist not trying to see if my key might work on that door like magic. I then called bell services for our luggage. 10 minutes later and I opened the door to the bell services guy with an empty cart. Hmmmmm.  He looked at us and our clearly made up room and said “You aren’t checking out?” Ummmmm…nope.  WTH was happening with this trip?  Are we in the Twilight Zone?  Are we being punked?  Do they know I am The Fat Girl?  I smiled and showed him our claim ticket.  He apologized profusely and said he would be right back with our bags.  10 minutes later, he knocked and I opened the door to a cart full of luggage….somebody else’s luggage.  I quickly said that it wasn’t ours and he was so embarrassed and kept apologizing and ran back down to hopefully return with our bags this time.  10 more minutes later and he returns sheepishly with a cart full of…OUR bags!  Yippee!!  He quickly unloaded them, apologizing for the wait and mistakes.  We assured him it was ok and I went to hand him the tip I had ready.  Immediately he pushed it away and said he couldn’t take it because he had messed up and walked away.  I even practically ran after him, insisting he take our tip as he was so upset at making us wait and I finally tucked it into the pocket of his vest…I almost felt like I was intruding on his private space….like I mean I know you are not a bell hop stripper but here is your $20 tip.  Please do not break out into bad porn music and give us something else with our “Club Level” service please.  I wanted to hug him because he was so visibly upset about the wait and mistakes made with our bags.  Never have I had a bell hop refuse a tip and not just once…he kept refusing it until I tucked it into his vest.  I really hope he didn’t get fired…I mean that could have been totally a horrid situation for him if it wasn’t us.  Luckily, BFF and I can laugh about all the mistakes to the start of our adventure (because we knew a good blog would happen).  Plus it really hard to have a bad time when I am with BFF.  I mean look at this:

THIS is what I get when I travel with her....I adore her
THIS is what I get when I travel with her….I adore her

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover what excellent customer service looks like when everything seems to be starting off wrong but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who hopes the bell hop didn’t get fired and is super glad I stuck that tip in his vest Running.  The experiment continues….

Just a Day in the Life of The Fat Girl

Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out what to write about when I blog.  Mainly because I feel like my life is pretty boring.  However, I recently asked my fan group…wait did you know I had a fan group?  It’s true.  I have a fun fan group called Fat Girl Nation:  Revenge of the Fans on Facebook.  You should look it up and join in because it is lots of fun.  You might even get to meet some of the crazy people who allow me to write about them on a regular basis.  For reals though I asked the crazy fans what I should write about.  Pocket GF suggested I blog about what a typical day in my life is like so here goes nothing.

I kind of feel like those gossip magazines that show celebrities doing real things like “Look! Julia Roberts goes grocery shopping!” or “Channing Tatum goes to the dentist!”.  I am sure that some paparazzi is gonna snap a pic of me and BFF shopping at target or me shoving Chick -Fil-A n my gob or me binge watching Friends on Netflix because that is what normally happens in my life.  Of course, the shoving Chick-Fil-A in my gob usually is sans pants as well and nobody wants to see that.  I mean, SOTL Man might wanna see that but really nobody else does.  Would that be considered Fat Girl porn or food porn or both?  Huh.

So, what do I normally do on my days off?  Well, normally BFF and I have the same days off (or pretty similar) so that we can hang out.  Let me describe to you my last day off so you have some idea.  It starts with breakfast. I mean, let’s face it, BFF and I love to eat so breakfast is a must and I loves me some waffles so we went and got waffles.  After shoving food in our gobs at our favorite diner, we went to drop off BFF’s car for an oil change.  Of course, this meant we had to pick up my car from my house (since she picked me up for breakfast) and I follow her out to the dealership by the mall.  I got in my car and noticed I had no gas, which is a source of contention for BFF.  She never lets hers go below half a tank….something I am frequently reminded of when I drive her car to California and back.  I, on the other hand, let mine go till the light comes on like a normal person and sometimes lower.  Because I live on the edge like that.  BFF repeatedly reminds me that if the zombie apocalypse happens, I will be grateful for her half a tank of gas because we will be able to drive somewhere on that half of a tank.  I think we will have bigger problems than that if the zombie horde comes through town, but hey…what do I know?  I stopped for gas and drove out to the mall to find BFF walking down the street cuz she didn’t want to wait for me at the dealership.  Silly BFF.

After dropping off her car, BFF and I proceeded to the mall. Why?  Because it was there and we love to shop.  A lot.  So in we went to spend money and buy stuff we didn’t need.  To be honest, we really only wanted to go into VS because we had coupons, but we of course had to stop in Hot Topic because I was desperate for Harry Potter Pop! figures, which of course I found 3 of the 4 I needed to complete my collection.  Not like I don’t have a wall of these figures in my office.  BFF proceeded to talk herself out of everything she was gonna buy and then ended up in line with 3 things to get that she didn’t need.  It is a vicious cycle.  After we fulfilled our buying need and picked up her car, we decided to head back to my house to watch some episodes of So You Think You Can Dance I had on my dvr.  We are obsessed with this show.  Legit obsessed.  Fun fact you might not know about me:  I am a classically Russian trained ballet dancer.  For serious.  Hence why I love to dance.  There we are watching an episode and we are discussing how one dancer is going to pull out of the competition and BFF says “If he pulls out, she can still get pregnant.”  My BFF ladies and gents.  While we are watching, my housekeeper shows up.  Now, before you start in on me having a housekeeper, I am gonna say this. I am the world’s WORST housekeeper.  If left to my own devices, my house would be piles of crap everywhere, food wrappers surrounding the couch and my friends would turn me into the show Hoarders.  Sometimes, I do watch that show to really prove to myself that my house is not as dirty as those houses.  So, I hired a housekeeper….use your genius my friends….house cleaning is not mine.  Let me pay other people to do things that I am not good at is how I think.  We continued to watch SYTYCD with our own running commentary that is similar to MST3000.  BFF was admittedly a little freaked out by sitting there on the couch while someone cleans my house, but I am so used to it that it doesn’t bother me.

After BFF and my housekeeper leave, I am left to my own devices.  This is where it can get quite scary.  First off, pants almost always come off.  No pants are the best pants.  Once the pants have come off, then you might think I am limited to activities inside my house….and you would be quite wrong.  I have been known to drive to Chick-Fil-A without pants to get some grub.  But mostly I stay inside for the sake of the children.  This where the couch usually eats me.  I might take the time to contemplate unpacking the boxes sitting in my office from when I had my floors done in December, but then I turn on Netflix or open a book and it is all forgotten.  The rest of my day is usually spent trolling the internet, eating, reading, eating, watching tv, eating, or sometimes eating.  This is my life.  It isn’t that exciting but there you have it.  Now let’s see the paparazzi find something to publish about me!  “Look!  The Fat Girl doesn’t wear pants when she goes to Chick-Fil-A just like us!”

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however realize how much I do in a day and how much time I spend eating but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who hates to wear pants and hopes some paparazzi don’t capture me in without them Running.  The experiment continues….

When Bathrooms Attack or How BFF Was A Klutz At Comicon

When BFF and I travel together, there is ALWAYS an adventure. This year at Comicon, it was a rather klutzy one for poor BFF.  We headed down to the Ultimate Geekfest as usual to commune with our peeps and to hopefully stalk some celebrities.  John Barrowman was unfortunately not there this year so we could not stalk him or Wil Wheaton.  After checking into our gorgeous cottage room at our hotel, we headed over to join the craziness that is Phoenix Comicon.  Here is where BFF’s tale of woe begins.  A tale of terror in 2 different bathrooms that ends up with BFF being traumatized by bathroom stall doors and razors.

We were up wandering around where all the celebrities were going to be housed so we could see who to stalk and see where to get our photo op done when we both decided to visit the urination station on that floor.  We go in and go to do our thing.  I hear BFF say “Ow!” kinda quiet and figure she had hit herself somehow.  It happens.  I say things quiet like that all the time, although I swear BFF has supersonic bat hearing.  Once, we were discussing gummi vitamins and BFF said she didn;t like gummi anything.  I proceeded to say under my breath in the quietest whisper “Cuz you’re weird.”  She quickly turned her head and said “I am NOT weird!  I am texturally challenged!” How the heck she heard me is still beyond me to be honest.  But I did hear her say “Ow” as we were in the potty.  I was at the sink washing my hands when BFF came out to join me in the washing.  SIDE NOTE:  What the heck is up with people NOT washing their hands after using the restroom?  Ew.  Do you think your parts are so clean that you don’t need to wash your hands after peeing or pooping?  And then you go and touch things or people.  Gross.  I might have just gagged.  I swear I am gonna create and alarm system that will go off if you walk out of a public restroom without washing your hands so people will know how gross you are.  End rant.

BFF then explained the source of her quiet pain…the bathroom stall door had attacked her.  She had run into it pretty hard with her armand she turned to show me.  Holy Bruises Batman! It had immediately bruised bcause she hit it so hard and was starting to swell a little.  She really did get attacked by the door!  Crazy attacking bathroom stall doors at Comicon!  I even documented the bruise to prove it…you can see the progression and feel bad for BFF’s traumatic experience in the bathrooms at the Phoenix Convention Center.

The grevious injury caused by the bathroom stall immediately after it happened...ouchie
The grevious injury caused by the bathroom stall immediately after it happened…ouchie
Nice shade of 2
Nice shade of purple…day 2
Day 3...still looks gnarly
Day 3…still looks gnarly

BFF’s other tale of terror takes place in our hotel bathroom.  She is in there taking a shower and I am watching TV, awaiting my turn, when I hear a slew of curse words come sreaming from the bathroom.  Now, BFF doesn’t curse very often and rarely uses the Eff word, so to hear this coming from the bathroom repeatedly was a bit of a shocker for me.  When she finally emerged, still swearing, I saw why.  BFF, in shaving her legs, had somehow managed to shave off part of her fingernail. Now, I did not photo document this grevious injury as I was so horrified that I could not even fathom a picture of it.  Her fingernail was missing a chunk from the middle to a ragged point at the end.  It was quite horrifying and made me shudder with how badly that must have hurt to get wet.  Now I understood the proclivity of profanity that came out of her mouth.  She swears like a sailor when she gets injured.  Words I didn’t even know she knew came out of her.  I helped bandage her up and went to take my shower to discover the inside of the shower looked like something out of Psycho….blood spatters everywhere.  I was in a horror film for sure.  It was so gross to look at for the next few days and I can only imagine what it felt like to BFF.  Klutzy BFF.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did experience how bathrooms attack you and leave you with grevious injuries and considered an alarm system if you don’t wash your hands after using a bathroom (again GROSS) but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with a klutzy BFF (who can swear profusely) this trip to Geekfest 2015 Running.  The experiment continues…

This Is What Happens When BFF Picks Your Topic…..Super Glue

Today in the midst of my writer’s block, I asked BFF what I should write about since usually she can spark me to write something for you all to laugh at.  Want to know what she came up with?  Super glue.  Yup.  You read that right.  She wants me to write about super glue.  All because we were discussing fixing her broken headband today and how I fixed mine last week with super glue.  Hmmmm….super glue.  Ok let’s talk about my recent experience with super glue.  Or as I like to call it…glue that gets everywhere but where you need it glue.

This particular headband was missing a few crystals that I had managed to save when they fell off and since it was one of my favorites, I was determined to fix it.  It can’t be that hard, right?  First off let’s talk about the container the super glue comes in.  The little tube with applicator seems like a good idea to carefully apply your uber sticky substance that seems to never become un-sticky.  I mean what in the world is it made of?  We have all seen the crazy commercial where the dude glues himself in his hard hat to the construction beam to prove how sticky it holds.  Wait….You really want to glue your hard hat to a steel beam and hang there hoping you don’t crash to your fiery death because you relied on super glue?  This seems a little fishy to me to be honest.  I don’t think I would trust my life to some weird unholy product that claims it can glue your noggin to a beam and allow you to dangle over certain death to prove how sticky it is.  Nope.  I will stick with it fixing my headband thank you very much.

Let’s get back to the container.  As I open it, all of it comes out, rushing like sperm escaping in an attempt to fertilize the egg but they just end up making a mess….ladies you know what I am talking about here.  Am I the only one who opens the container and 3/4 of the now crazy glue that gets everywhere but where you need it comes spooging through the tip and proceeds to get all over you, the cat, the table, your clothes…but never any on the item you are gluing?  What the hell?  Now most of my tube of the spawn of satan glue is everywhere but where it should be.  Now there is no way I can make a neat little line of glue as it is now stuck to my fingers.  The entire tube is now stuck like some sort of unholy tentacle creature to my fingers and I do not see a way to get it off, let alone try to fix my headband.  Argghh.  Some of it at this point is probably stuck to the Ninja Kitten and I don’t even want to think about how to get that off.  Scissors might be my best bet there.

Back to the task at hand…the fixing of my headband.  Now that this tube of almost empty alien substance is stuck to my fingers, making me painfully aware that they are not supposed to be webbed together, I attempt to make a nice neat line to glue the crystals back on it in a neat and orderly fashion.  I laugh out loud as nothing comes out of the tube.  Are you freaking kidding me?  I have it everywhere else because like a teenage boy, it cannot control itself and now when I need it the most, it is empty?  Maybe I can scrape some off my fingers.  Nope.  Now my other hand is stuck to that one.  WTF super glue?  I just wanted to glue some crystals down and you punish me by making my hands stick together.  I even go as far as to try to wipe it off on Ninja…hey she was close.  And already trying to remove it from her fur with her tongue,  Damn.  I hope her tongue doesn’t become glued to her fur.  This is a hot freaking mess.  I now have a small bead of super glue finally coming out of the tube and I able to put it on the headband. Not neatly, mind you like they show in the commercials, but somehow my now webbed fingers and I manage to get the crystals in place.  You shall not win today super glue!  Ta-Dah!  I go to triumphantly hold it up in the air with my hands that are glued together like lobster claws and discover I have glued the headband to the paper towel I had put it on.  I look at the headband, my now webbed hands, my clothes, my table, Ninja trying to un-stick her tongue from her fur and try to decide if I open up a new tube and start over.

Fuck it.  I threw away the god damn headband.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did rely on BFF to break me out of my writer’s block and was pleasantly surprised but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with lobster claw hands stuck together with some unholy alien tentacle substance called super glue Running.  The experiment continues…

A New Show At the Next Stoplight…You Are Welcome

BFF and I, in general, usually do not pay attention to what other people think about us and our craziness.  I mean….we are who we are and we tend to have a generally good time when we are together that includes lots of laughter.  So, if we do this around others, consider yourselves lucky.  You are welcome.  When we are in a car, we really have a lot of fun because it usually involves singing at the top of our lungs and jamming out to good music.  My god daughters can attest to this as they have been in many a car ride where BFF and I get down to the music blaring from the speakers.  And I do mean blaring…I don’t listen to music softly.  BFF used to complain about my music level in my car till recently when I got in her car and it was just as loud and we giggled that she was taking lessons from me.  When we were in Phoenix for Little Red’s big day, this was no exception.

We were in my car, driving to the church to do our thing as Little Red’s Godmothers and were talking about something or another when one of our favorite new songs came on…Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars.  What a great song.  You just can’t be in a bad mood with that song.  And unless you have been living under a rock, you know how catchy and dance worthy that song really is (video is down below for your enjoyment).  So, there we were at a stoplight when it cam e on my Zune and BFF turns it up even louder so that I am sure it could be heard for blocks away.  We like to share.  And then it began…RANDOM DANCE PARTY!!!!!  BFF and I are known for shouting this in certain situations (like a ride line at DL or an elevator) and dancing to our heart’s content.  Try it sometime…it will make you laugh, smile and feel good.  So we begin Random Car Dance Partying to heart’s content.  And I mean full on car dancing.  That car was rocking and rolling I tell you.  There was singing, hair tossing, butt wiggling and synchronized arm movements.  No car dancing is complete without synchronized arm movements.  We really are pros at this.  It is a skill I want to put on my resume:  Car Dancing Skill Level:  Expert.  I think this could really help me someday in the workplace.  I mean who wouldn’t want to hire someone with expert level car dancing skills.  I know I would.  The light was long so we enjoyed ourselves for almost the full song and continued car dancing as we turned onto the next street on our way to the church.

Suddenly, I hear honking and see out of the corner of my eye, a truck with some landscaper dudes in it frantically waving at me.  Thinking maybe there is something wrong with my car, I roll down my window to see what they want, the music now spilling out for their enjoyment.  BFF and I look at each other quizzically and then at the truck full of guys as they start cheering, clapping and giving us thumbs up.  We glance at each other and BFF shrugs, not quite knowing what it is they want.  Suddenly, as they hold up a piece of paper with a “10” written on it, it hits us…they must have been behind us at the light and witnessed our epic car dancing show.  We bust out laughing and I yell at them “New show at the next stoplight!”  BFF yells “Any requests?” as the hoots and hollers get louder and suddenly I have a feeling that they might make it rain dollar bills on us at the next stoplight if they could.  They continue clapping as we take little bows and blush a tad bit having been caught in epic car dancing but hey….we need to keep up our skills.  I mean…you are welcome guys in the landcaping truck.  Glad we could make your day more enjoyable with a random dance party.

Take a lesson from BFF and I…turn up your music and have an epic car dance or do a Random Dance Party to the elevator music, the music in the grocery store or the music in your head.  Go right now, turn on Uptown Funk and do it.  You won’t regret it.  You might even get some hoots, claps and some strange landscapers making it rain dollar bills on you while you do….although that last part is a little scary and I might have been afraid for our lives if the landscaper dudes had followed us all the way to the church.  Don’t turn into to SOTL creepers landscaping dudes.  Applauding is ok…creeping is not.  And you are still welcome.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did hone my car dancing skills to the expert level and wonder if the landscaper dudes would turn creeper but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with a BFF who likes to Random Dance Party and apparently we put on a good show at stoplights Running.  The experiment continues…

The Time BFF and I Try to Adult and I Try to Conquer Childish Fears

April is BFF’s birthday and we like to try to find something fun to do and this year, I treated her to go see the Broadway production of Disney’s Newsies in Tucson.  We love going to Broadway shows and Newsies is one of BFF’s favorite musicals.  So we set out to spend a couple of fun-filled days in Tucson and hit the road.  A road trip with us involves lots of singing, laughter and stopping to shop at every outlet mall we can find…no joke.  BFF and I can shop like nobody’s business and we love a good outlet mall.  We literally stopped at two on this trip.  Once in Tucson, we checked into our hotel and decided on what to do while we were there.  We decided it would be fun to go to Old Tucson Studios, an old west movie studio before going to see the show the next day.

Neither one of us had been to Old Tucson since we were younger so we really could not remember what it was like so it was fun to explore all they had to offer.  It is a real working movie studio so there were actually places we could not go while we were there because there was a production team scouting locations.  We had a lot of fun walking around looking at all the shops, movie memorabilia and watching a bank robbery and gunfight.  Even though there was a permeating smell of horse poo throughout some parts of the town.  Cuz that is pleasant while you try to eat or breathe.  Mmmmm…I love the smell of horse poo in the morning.  We even caught a fun little show that was a tribute to the songs from films that were filmed there. It was fun seeing all the old film clips and hearing the songs we knew from the movies being sung. Plus it is always good when you can sing Bon Jovi from Young Guns II at any point in your day.

Old Tucson even had a haunted mine and the minute I saw it, my heart started pounding in my chest.  We all remember the last time I went into a haunted house, right?  If not check it out here and see why I got so apprehensive.  BFF started talking to the guys at the haunted mine and I knew she wanted to go in.  She could tell from the fear in my eyes that I didn’t want to go but she gently pulled me toward the opening getting the guy to tell us it wasn’t as scary as I thought. He assured us it was Pirates of the Caribbean scary and somehow I was being led into a haunted mine with a death grip on BFF’s hand.  The guide told us that during Halloween, they hire actors to be in there and jump out at people and stuff.  I believe he heard from BFF “Awesome!” and from me “Fuck that!” at the exact same time and he laughed.  He didn’t really understand I meant every word of that.  Pretty sure BFF will have to get Bubby to go back with her at Halloween to do that because I sure as hell won’t go in it if people jump out at me or chase me or anything like that.  It was bad enough I agreed to go in it this time and felt like at anytime I would either pee or shit myself with fear.  That would be fun.  Of course no one would notice either since it was hot out so the pee would dry and the smell of horse poo would cover up the liquid fear that would fill my unders.  Oh who am I kidding…I almost broke BFF’s hand with my fear but I did it.  I will say that I survived the haunted mine without filling my unders with liquid fear and really felt like I deserved a t-shirt that said so but settled for sharing an Icee with BFF.  We love Icees. Who doesn’t love a cherry flavored brain freeze when it is hot out?

We are going to take over the Old West!
We are going to take over the Old West!
Sharing cherry flavored brain freeze and trying to figure out how to take pictures with the new phone
Sharing cherry flavored brain freeze.  My reward for going into the haunted mine
We don't waste Icee!!
We don’t waste Icee!!

After we played like little kids at Old Tucson, we went back to our hotel to be adults and go to Newsies.  Let me tell you something about BFF and I in case you hadn’t figured it out…we are two big kids at heart.  We don’t adult very often and when we do, it often ends up with something childish happening because we just aren’t good at acting like adults at all.  But we try.  We got all dressed up in our little black dresses and high heels and headed out to the theater at U of A.  When we got there, we noticed something….we were WAY over dressed.  Apparently, people in Tucson do not dress up to go to the theater at night like they do in Phoenix.  Most people (and by most I mean 99%) were in jeans, t-shirts, flip-flops, tube tops…you name it that is casual they were dressed in it.  I half expected daisy duke shorts and a half top to be sported by some of the girls complete with hooker heels.  I was so surprised but duly noted Tucson. The next time we come down to a show, we will just come naked or in our pajamas because it felt that casual.  No need to even bring clothes!  We will just do nude showings of Broadway.  The actors won’t even have to picture the audience naked or in their unders to get rid of stage fright, because we won’t wear anything!  So I guess there was no need for us to try to adult that night since everyone else didn’t.  Even though we were over dressed, we had a grand time and the show was AMAZEBALLS!  It is one to put on your list to see for sure!  Do it!  Right now! Hope you had a happy birthday BFF….glad I could share it with you!!

How to tell when there are girls in a hotel room
How to tell when there are girls in a hotel room
Newsies!  Happy Birthday BFF!
Newsies! Happy Birthday BFF!
This is what happens when you ask us to adult.
This is what happens when you ask us to adult.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did try to brave my childish fears by going into a haunted mine and tried to adult by going to a Broadway show but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who is glad I didn’t fill my unders with liquid fear and who got to enjoy cherry flavored brain freeze for BFF’s birthday Running.  The experiment continues…