Taco Tuesday?


This month BFF had to have surgery.  Twice.  Nothing major and everything is fine but she had to have some lumps removed from her breast.  All is benign and good!  So don’t you all go worrying cuz she would hate that.  She had what is called a phyllodes tumor, which is benign but can turn cancerous, so it had to be removed before it caused trouble.  Silly boobie.  So, surgery it was and I went with her and her parentals to be her support and to entertain her Momma so she wouldn’t be too stressed.   Let me tell you, BFF on meds is hilarious!  Also she was pretty hungry which led to the discussion of tacos. Because it was Tuesday.  And because tacos. Always tacos.

BFF had to have one of her lumps marked by a wire because it was small and the surgeon wanted to make sure she could find it during the surgery.  So that procedure was supposed to take place about an hour before the actual surgery.  That had to be done with a radiologist and she said it really was not pleasant.  But she returned with a numb boobie and we sat waiting in the pre-op area.  From where we were, we could see all the activity of the area and that was quite fun.  But the waiting.  Ugh.  So much waiting.  And waiting. And waiting.  BFF was scheduled for surgery at 12:45 and had not had anything to eat since midnight.  She was starving.  So guess what our topic of conversation was?  Yup.  The food she was going to shove in her gob as soon as she was released.  She had quite the list.  But topping that list?  Tacos.  It was, after all, Taco Tuesday and she wanted some tacos dammit.  She must have talked about the kind of tacos she wanted for like an hour. And this was before they gave her drugs.  BFF’s surgery time came and went.  Unfortunately for her, she got bumped back because of trauma patients.  This meant one thing.  Her boobie was now not numb and she could feel the wire.  Also, she was still hungry.  I imagine the wire felt like a giant splinter sitting in her boobie so it could not have been that fun.  Can you imagine?  So BFF did the only thing she could since she couldn’t have tacos.  She asked for pain medication.

This is where it got fun.  They gave her medication and a few minutes later she looked at me and said “Whoa”.  Immediately she said she didn’t like it and could not understand how people could get addicted to stuff like that.  Good thing to know BFF won’t suddenly become a drug addict.  I won’t have to worry about her becoming a bag lady pushing a shopping cart down the street that contain all her worldly possessions muttering to herself about demons and yelling profanities at people.  Oh wait.  Maybe I do.  But not because of drugs.  Just because.  Pretty soon the sleepy factor hit her and she was out.  Which means this happened.

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She really shouldn’t sleep around me.

You knew that would happen right?  I mean what else was I supposed to do while waiting?  Luckily, only 3 hours after she was supposed to go back for surgery, the crew finally came and got her.  Which meant we were left with this image as they wheeled her back.

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That is one sexy blue cap BFF

If you have ever waited for someone in surgery, then you know it can be so long even if it is only 45 minutes or so.  We had the joy of hearing some dude eery 15 minutes tell everyone within ear shot of him that he was going to go out and “smoke his cancer”.  You go right ahead buddy.  Thanks for telling us the umpteenth time.  I thought BFF’s Momma was gonna stab him in the eye with a spork from the dining room when he said it for the 4th time.  I would have handed her the spork.  Just saying.  Our hospital does this thing where they give you a tracking number and you can look up on this giant board to see where your loved one is.  I felt like all I did was stared at this board waiting to see if BFF was in the recovery room yet.  It just kept saying she was in the OR.  Even when the surgeon came to talk to us and said she was done and everything was fine, BFF’s number never moved her to the recovery room.  It was like she was stuck in permanent limbo! Maybe the Doctor came and picked her up in the T.A.R.D.I.S. and she is flying through time and space.  Wait.  And she didn’t come and get me?  Rude.

Eventually I knew she was in the recovery room.  How?  Because all of a sudden I got a text from her.  I looked at her Momma because I thought she had BFF’s phone but she didn’t.  I opened up the text message and started laughing.  The text was nothing but taco emojis.  A ton of them.  Only BFF would subtly let me know she was out of surgery and feeling fine by texting me taco emojis.  Best recovery room text ever.  Her Momma and I laughed pretty hard over that.

After being discharged, I was helping BFF to the car while her Momma went and got it.  She looked at me and said “I am starving.  Can you go get me tacos?”  Nope.  Not happening.  I carefully explained to her drug addled brain that I didn’t want to see tacos come back up and I would get her some the next day.  She sighed, agreed and again told me could never be a drug addict.  Well good, because I didn’t want to have to find her a shopping cart.  Although if it came filled with tacos at that point, I am sure she would have just walked down the street muttering to herself and eating tacos.  I mean it was Taco Tuesday.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, have to explain to BFF why she couldn’t have tacos fresh out of surgery, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with a BFF who texts me taco emojis from the recovery room Running.  The experiment continues…

 

 

BFF And Her Grandpa


I have always heard how girls can have special relationships with their Daddies (being a Daddy’s girl myself) but you can also have a wonderful and close relationship with a grandparent.  Grandparents can be so special and I can say without a doubt some of my best memories are the ones with my Grandma.  I preferred to spend time with my Grandma and even went there after school.  My Grandma was my world and I lost her when I was 18, so I understand having a close relationship with a Grandma.  However, I have learned through my BFF, how special a Grandpa can be.  You see, both my Grandpas were gone before I was born so I never experienced what it was like to have one until I became a part of BFF’s family.  It was then, over 22 years ago, that I was introduced to one of the most special relationships I ever witnessed:  the one between BFF and her Grandpa.  This week, unfortunately, we lost this beautiful soul of a man at 101 years young and one of the things I can offer her family in our grief are my words.

BFF’s family is like my other family and so I got to witness BFF’s relationship with her Grandpa all the time.  Truly, this was one of the most precious relationships I have ever witnessed.  BFF spent as much time as she could with her Grandpa, taking care of him when he was sick, sitting with him when he needed to have someone there, talking with him even if he tried to talk in Spanish (she doesn’t speak Spanish), and singing with him.  It was obvious to me how much he meant to her and that she would drop everything if he needed anything at all.  It never bothered her and she didn’t hesitate.  She would just say “It’s Grandpa” with a shrug and a smile.

I was lucky enough to get to know Grandpa at family functions and by hanging out with BFF when she was taking care of him.  He was a quiet man but if you asked him a question, be prepared for a long quite involved answer or story.  I loved it when he would tell me stories about his past.  I learned from these stories that he worked in a mine, rescued a cow from a well and that he was a sort of cattle rustler back in the day.  Grandpa told me how he would look to see what cows were not branded and he would take those and brand them with his brand.  When BFF and I exclaimed in shock, he shrugged and said “Well.  They didn’t brand them so I did.”  Yup.  Cattle rustler.  He even told us how when Grandma was mad at him, he would go out and sit in the shed till he felt he could come inside.  I loved listening to these stories when he felt like telling them.  What an amazing and full life he led.

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Afternoon snoozles with Grandpa

One of my favorite things at family gatherings was watching BFF with her Grandpa.  She would make him laugh and I really loved it when she would have him sing in Spanish.  BFF would start singing and he would join right in, belting out songs one after another.  He would throw things at her like an empty (or not) water-glass and she would tell him he threw like a girl, which would make him laugh.  She took such great care of him and at the end was there.  I got a text from her one night, near the end of his life, where she told me she was sitting in bed just holding hands with him as he slept.  I wished I had been there to capture that moment for her.  I tried every chance I could get to take pictures of her and Grandpa because their relationship was so precious.  I learned how important a Grandpa is from her.  I learned that a girl can be attached to her Grandpa and that he could become her world.  You could tell when she talked about him how much he meant to her and how much she loved him.  I once gave her a framed picture of her and Grandpa for her birthday and she told me it was the best present anyone could have given her.

Grandpa grew to have a special place in my own heart throughout the years.  Once when I brought BFF lunch when she was sitting with him, he was already at the table eating and he looked up at me and said.  “You are late.  I am already eating.”  Mind you, it was 11 am and I was right on time.  I tried to say I was not late and he just chuckled to himself and said “Nope. Late.”  Sometimes he remembered me by the fact that I was from Iowa.  Sometimes it was by name (or as close as he could get which might have been Grandma’s name).  I always took time to greet him, say goodbye and kiss his cheek, and grab his hand as I walked through the pew at church (even if he did accuse me of pinching him).  I was lucky enough to help care for him at times and listen to those great stories.  I was always on the lookout every trip to help BFF find the perfect Grandpa gift, whether it be playing cards, cookies, a ball cap or a personalized ornament from Disneyland.  I gained a Grandpa over the years.  I will miss that.  I will miss him.

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The picture I gave BFF and my favorite one

BFF…thank you for sharing your Grandpa with me.  Thank you for allowing me to help care for him.  Thank you for showing me how special of a relationship can be between a grandchild and their Grandpa.  Thank you for sharing that wonderful man with me.  Grandpa…thank you for always making me a part of the family.  Even though you were not my biological Grandpa, you were the only Grandpa I ever knew and I miss you.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  Sometimes grief feels that way and all I can offer BFF are my words but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who learned what it is like to have a Grandpa through BFF Running.  The experiment continues…

Why BFF and I Do Not Like to People


At the beginning of December, BFF and I decided to try something new…you see Phoenix Comicon had started doing a FanFest last December and our inner geeks were dying to go and get our geek on so we went.  I would say this was like Comicon Lite….a smaller version of the main event in June but with a smaller venue, fewer guests and such.  It is even held at a completely different place than the main one.  We were pretty stoked though, as December means BBC isn’t filming and so this means a lot of BBC stars were going to be at FanFest.  We were most excited about two in particular:  for BFF it was Gareth David-Lloyd (Ianto from Torchwood) and for myself it was Karen Gillian (Amy Pond from Doctor Who).  So, reservations were made, photo ops purchased and the planning began.  You all know how BFF and I hate to people but really we hate to people in large crowds and any type of event like this was sure to bring people and not just any people…Comicon people.  Let’s be honest….you have read before about the strange people we meet at Comicon and this was no exception.  One such incident really stressed why BFF and I do not like to people in this case.

Since this was a smaller event, the main panels were in a largish room, but not as huge as the ballrooms at the convention center.  We discovered that this meant not as many people in the panels and you could basically get pretty close to the front without having to wait through the entire day, which I must admit was kind of nice.  We had decided to go to a film screening the first day that Gareth David-Lloyd was starring in and hosting the panel afterwards.  We had arrived early during another panel (per usual and before we realized we probably didn’t have to do so) and moved up when that panel was over to the 3rd row to get a get view of the screen and of course Gareth himself during the panel.  You have to understand something here…BFF is obsessed with Ianto Jones.  About as much as she is obsessed with Barrowman.  Like legit obsessed.  I was afraid she would lick him or something during our photo op but luckily she contained herself and just squealed and jumped up and down afterwards (it was pretty adorable).  So there we were, minding our own business, waiting the 30 minutes before the film screening to start when the incident happened.

BFF was crocheting Stormtroopers to give to her family for Christmas and I was messing around on Facebook and Snapchat (follow me there for funny stuff  ——> ladymiryaa).  No really, BFF was crocheting Stormtroopers.  Except for they didn’t have arms so they looked….well….like a penis.  No joke, BFF turned to me and asked me what it looked like and without hesitation, I answered “A Dicktrooper”….hence they became known as Dicktroopers till they got their arms attached.  No joke.  Judge for yourself.

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Admit it…it looks like a penis.  #dicktrooper

Like I said, we were minding our own business, when a lady came up and asked if the seats next to us were taken.  We were the only ones in the entire row.  Do we look like we have that many friends?  Nope.  Seats aren’t taken.  Much to BFF’s chagrin, Strange Lady sits right NEXT to her…no comfort chair between them…and let’s just say she is not a small lady.  She practically sat ON BFF.  I looked around to see if there were other seats this Strange Lady could have taken…pretty sure most of the room was empty.  Unfortunately for BFF, this Strange Lady was a talker.  Like a she won’t shut up no matter how much you ignore her or have RBF talker.  I actually leaned over to BFF at one point and asked her if she wanted to switch seats but she said no.  She should have taken me up on it.  BFF has since stated that she is the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville (remember him??)  and I believe her.  Poor BFF.  She was forced to make small talk with the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville even though she didn’t want to people right then.  At all.  She was soon spared more chitter chatter when the film started and she shut the fuck up.

After the film was over, Gareth David-Lloyd and the guys who made the film held a panel where people could ask questions and they could talk about the film.  It was awesome.  So if you ever get a chance to see the movie I Am Alone, do it.  You won’t regret it. let me tell you something about BFF and I when it comes to panels at a Comicon event.  There is NO WAY IN HELL we are going to get up and ask as question.  Ummm…nope.  Hard pass.  We just enjoy listening to the questions others as and the answers the panelists give.  Our introvertness would never allow us to get up and do something like that in public.  So we sat, listened and endured the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville, who by the way, had finally moved over enough to where she was not sitting on top of BFF.  The panel ended and the moderator told all those that had asked a question to come up and see him (remember way smaller group of people).  We packed up our stuff quickly and tried to get the hell away from the Wife of the Mayor of Poopsville.  As we were walking out, we heard her say “Nurse?  Oh Nurse? Excuse me Nurse?” (at some point BFF had said she was a nurse to her) and I think we both groaned out loud.   We turned around to see her frantically trying to catch up with us and as she did she asked us the most bizarre question.  The conversation went something like this:

WotMP:  “When you go up to get your prize for asking a question, can I have it?”

BFF (with severe RBF and super annoyed now):  “I didn’t ask a question.”

WotMP (confusion on her face):  “Yes you did.  And the moderator said you should go up and get something.  Can I have whatever you get?”

BFF (Murderface has now replaced RBF and she might punch this lady in the vagina):  “I did not ask a question.” (mind you we are still walking at this point) followed quickly by me stating: “No she didn’t.”

WotMP (even more confused and adamant): “Yes you did!”

Me (now I am pissed and want to punch her in the throat and the vagina):  “No she didn’t.  And she never would. So go away.”

At this point we were able to walk away from WotMP and out of the room and looked at each other incredulously.  First off, who the fuck are you to ask us if you can have whatever swag or photo or whatever was being given out for asking questions in a small panel?  We don’t know you.  Neither one of us asked a question.  Not once.  We might have drooled over Gareth but NEVER would we have asked a question.  Secondly, don’t you think we are fans too?  We would probably want whatever was being given to us for asking a question so why the fuck would we give it to you?  Go away.  We are not friends.  And lastly…who the fuck do you think you are?  Rude.  Can you not tell we don’t like to people?  OMG….you cannot sit with us.  Period.  Rude.

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You can’t sit with us.  For reals.  Go away WotMP.

This is exactly why BFF and I don’t like to people at events.  Unless we know you.  Nope.  Because of weird rude experiences like this one.  Guess we need to practice our #murderfaces instead like someone else we know (BS girls you know who I am talking about!).  Seriously we don’t like to people.  Despite the WofMP, the day was not a waste because this happened and BFF’s smile says it all:

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Ianto!  He even said “I will be the filling in your sandwich any day!”  Swoon.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however discover that there is a new level to the weird and rude people you can meet at events like Fanfest which almost made me punch someone in the throat and vagina but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl working on my #murderface and meeting Ianto Running.  The experiment continues…

 

 

PSA: Don’t Let BFF Get Hangry


There is one thing I have learned when traveling with BFF over the years….you have got to feed her.  For reals.  Otherwise she gets hangry.  Do you know what hangry is?  It is when you get hungry and then you get angry and then you snip and snap and are hangry.  It truly is a fine line.  One minute you are fine and the next…boom….hangry.  Nasty things can be said in this state of being hangry.  Take a look at this nice Venn diagram…I love Venn diagrams.  I feel like these can explain just about anything and so simply.

Because who doesn't love a good Ven diagram?
Because who doesn’t love a good Venn diagram?

BFF and I like to eat and usually we are very aware when one of us is getting hangry or needs to eat.  For some reason, on this last trip to DL, I was unable to tell that BFF needed to be fed.  Poor BFF.

We went on our usual Halloween trip and BFFE and her family came with us again like they did 2 years ago after my baby box was ripped from my body.  This year, it was unseasonably hot.  I mean it was in the 90’s most days.  BFF and I ended up wearing tank tops and capris and didn’t even touch our jackets.  Usually, it is t-shirt and jeans with hoodies.  I would have died of heat stroke if I had worn that this time around.  There is something you should know about BFFE….she is a super FAST walker.  Like faster than BFF (if that is possible).  I am more like Baymax from Big Hero 6….I am not fast.  I am sure it is cuz my fat slows me down. Fat Girls just are not fast.  There is always a lot of walking when we are there, but we walked on average of 13 miles a day this time!  A half marathon each day!  It was crazy.  I felt like all we did was walk back and forth between parks…..we did not plan well to say the least.  We also did not plan meals very well besides those that we had reservations for.   That was the mistake.

On one day, we ate a nice breakfast and then got started in the park.  It was like Lord of the Rings (or Lord of the Walking as I call it) were they walk and walk and walk and walk and walk…..you get the picture.  I mean we ended up walking 55 miles this trip.  Almost as much as the 3 day event.  I think we might have stopped for churros at one point…because churros.  Not quite sure what it is, but the churros at DL are some of the best around.  Maybe they are sprinkled with pixie dust or something but dang…they are delicious.  But I know we didn’t have lunch that day.  Mistake #2.  The heat and the lack of food made all of us a crabby or in BFF’s case hangry and yet we kept walking.  Snipping a little at each other and having fun, but hangry.  I didn’t notice the signs and I should have.

Stop! I't churro time!  BFF might be getting hangry here....oh wait....nope.  That is just her face.
Stop! It’s churro time! BFF might be getting hangry here….oh wait….nope. That is just her face.

It got to be late in the evening and we decided to finally stop walking and grab some dinner.  I was relieved because I was starving.  A Fat Girl has got to eat.  I mean, I don’t keep up my shapely figure by not eating.  Just saying.  And I love to eat at DL.  Plus, my body hurt so bad and I really needed to sit.  So, I ordered BFF and I a couple of burgers and fries (onion rings for me).  We sat and started eating.  I was so busy savoring my burger that I didn’t look up or talk for awhile and I noticed BFF did not either.  When I finally did look up, BFF was literally shoveling fries into her gob as fast as she could.  Like she had been a POW in a camp somewhere and had just gotten out and been given a meal.  I don’t think I have ever seen her eat so fast (except for the Popcorn Incident of 2015 where she slapped my hand out of the bucket) and you would think she was never going to get another meal again.  I started laughing uncontrollably as did BFFE’s Hubby.  We could not help it.  BFF looked up at me and stated “You HAVE to feed me!!!”  I am sorry my dear BFF….you are right.  I do need to feed you.  Here is evidence of how tired and hangry we had been….these snapchat videos are hysterical (and you SHOULD be following me there —->ladymiryaa)

So there you have it….don’t let BFF get hangry and if you do, by all means gie her fries.  She likes them.  I adore her.  Consider this your Fat Girl PSA of the day.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did walk enough miles to walk a half marathon every day we were there and mistakenly let BFF get hangry but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with a BFF who likes fries Running.  The experiment continues….

How To Make A Mistake An EXCELLENT Experience….Thanks Disneyland!


BFF and I decided to take another trip to The Happiest Place on Earth off our normal schedule last week because they are celebrating the 60th anniversary of the park being open. We knew there was tons of special stuff being done to celebrate and we didn’t want to miss out on any of it.  Now, if you follow our exploits regularly, you will know that we usually avoid going to DL in the summer because of the crowds.  We decided to go when we knew both AZ and CA had already started school , hoping this would limit the crowds and prevent us from having some sort of Disney throw down because we got cranky.  So we packed up BFF’s car and headed out to have an adventure.  Little did we know this trip would be the craziest trip from the beginning.

We don’t usually do the drive out there in one shot because we decide to stay the first night in a cheaper hotel about an hour outside of LA.  We then get up and drive on in after rush hour knowing we can check into the Grand Californian early and they will hold our bags in bell services till our room is ready.  We were totally excited to try out the Club Level at our favorite hotel like we did at the Disneyland Hotel and couldn’t wait to check in and see their Club because we like to pretend we are fancy.  I think I secretly hope we will run into someone famous since The Grand is the hotel all the celebs stay at, but why would they even come to the Club?  I mean, if I were famous, I would just room service it up since I make a gazillion dollars.  Why would I socialize with commoners to get a free continental breakfast, snacks, desserts and watch the fireworks?  Pssssshhht….I would totally room service it up in the themed suites.  Yup…themed suites people….it is a dream of mine to stay in one of them sometime.  Sigh.  A Fat Girl can dream.

Now, let me tell you something about Disney’s customer service.  It is the best.  Hands down.  If you are in a job that requires customer service, you should take a trip to a Disney resort and see how they do it.  Never have we had a problem with the hotels we stay at there.  Ever…..until this time.  But let me preface this statement by it was NOT with the customer service and you will see why.  It was just the weirdest series of events we have ever had there.  When you pull up to the hotel, they say “Welcome home!”  and it always makes me smile.  Because they do such a good job of making you feel welcome, it is like pulling up to your home with a gazillion people to clean your room, park your car, carry your luggage and cater to your every need/want/desire.  I wish my home was like this!  We pulled up to valet, handed over our keys and the million pieces of luggage we had between us…I am shamed to say the bell hop wrote 11 on our claim ticket for the number of bags…and he was correct.  Ridiculous amount of luggage for 2 of us.  I tried to make BFF feel better when I saw another car had that much till she said “Yes and they have 2 kids with them!”  And just think…this is BEFORE we shopped at DL…..I won’t tell you how many bags we had when we left…. Don’t judge.

We then went in to check in, anticipating the Club Level check in we had gotten at the DL Hotel.  As we started the check in process, the gal started checking us in like normal and BFF and I looked at each other curiously having had a different experience before with Club Level.  Then she made the statement that we had a premium view room…ummmmm….nope.  We never do that because why pay to see the park when all you are gonna do is sleep there?  Confused, I asked her if that room was Club Level and got the confused look back from her and she asked if it was supposed to be.  I explained that I had asked for Club Level when I called and booked the room and immediately she apologized profusely.  She told us to hang on a minute and she would see if she could get that for us and went to the back.  As she went to try to clear up our reservation, which by the way, indeed was even wrong in our email and I didn’t catch it, BFF and I started talking about how it was weird that passholders weren’t being given a special fast pass this time like always.  We then overheard the people next to us checking in and getting those fast passes as passholders….huh. Now we are truly confused as to what happened to our reservation as I know I told the agent we were passholders.  The registration gal comes back, apologizing again for the wait, and tells us she can get us Club Level service but it would be on the 4th floor and not a premium room if that was ok.  BFF and I both assured her that we didn’t care about the room just about the Club Level so she started making adjustments to our rate.  Poor girl….I then asked her about passholders rate/special and she again was confused as to why that was not on our reservation.  Apparently, our reservation had been changed several times in the computer, but quickly, our little gal changed it all and got us what we wanted all with a smile on her face and telling us how wonderful we were to work with and pleasant we were because we weren’t yelling or mad…I guess we didn’t have Resting Bitch Faces on this time. All said and done, she bent over backwards and fixed everything on our reservation (including the special fast passes), even making a special trip back to the back to get the concierge to take us to the Club (bet she got her steps in on her Fitbit).  We knew checking in so early that our room wouldn’t be ready and as she was stating that they would text me with a room number, my phone went off with a room number…..on the 6th floor….a premium room.  Even she was surprised as the concierge came over and told us she upgraded us because we were so patient and pleasant.  All the gals who helped us were AMAZING and really went out of their way to fix everything so we headed up to get into our room and see the Club after asking for comment cards so we could praise our registration gal.

The view from our 6th floor room....hells yes
The view from our 6th floor room….hells yes

After a tour of the Club, which was gorgeous,and grabbing a couple of complimentary Diet Cokes and bottles of water, we walked over to where our room was located.  It was next to a HUGE themed suite and in a corner….nobody on either side of us and right around the corner from the elevators.  I desperately wanted to break into the themed suite and see what it looked like in there. I really had to resist not trying to see if my key might work on that door like magic. I then called bell services for our luggage. 10 minutes later and I opened the door to the bell services guy with an empty cart. Hmmmmm.  He looked at us and our clearly made up room and said “You aren’t checking out?” Ummmmm…nope.  WTH was happening with this trip?  Are we in the Twilight Zone?  Are we being punked?  Do they know I am The Fat Girl?  I smiled and showed him our claim ticket.  He apologized profusely and said he would be right back with our bags.  10 minutes later, he knocked and I opened the door to a cart full of luggage….somebody else’s luggage.  I quickly said that it wasn’t ours and he was so embarrassed and kept apologizing and ran back down to hopefully return with our bags this time.  10 more minutes later and he returns sheepishly with a cart full of…OUR bags!  Yippee!!  He quickly unloaded them, apologizing for the wait and mistakes.  We assured him it was ok and I went to hand him the tip I had ready.  Immediately he pushed it away and said he couldn’t take it because he had messed up and walked away.  I even practically ran after him, insisting he take our tip as he was so upset at making us wait and I finally tucked it into the pocket of his vest…I almost felt like I was intruding on his private space….like I mean I know you are not a bell hop stripper but here is your $20 tip.  Please do not break out into bad porn music and give us something else with our “Club Level” service please.  I wanted to hug him because he was so visibly upset about the wait and mistakes made with our bags.  Never have I had a bell hop refuse a tip and not just once…he kept refusing it until I tucked it into his vest.  I really hope he didn’t get fired…I mean that could have been totally a horrid situation for him if it wasn’t us.  Luckily, BFF and I can laugh about all the mistakes to the start of our adventure (because we knew a good blog would happen).  Plus it really hard to have a bad time when I am with BFF.  I mean look at this:

THIS is what I get when I travel with her....I adore her
THIS is what I get when I travel with her….I adore her

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover what excellent customer service looks like when everything seems to be starting off wrong but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who hopes the bell hop didn’t get fired and is super glad I stuck that tip in his vest Running.  The experiment continues….

Just a Day in the Life of The Fat Girl


Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out what to write about when I blog.  Mainly because I feel like my life is pretty boring.  However, I recently asked my fan group…wait did you know I had a fan group?  It’s true.  I have a fun fan group called Fat Girl Nation:  Revenge of the Fans on Facebook.  You should look it up and join in because it is lots of fun.  You might even get to meet some of the crazy people who allow me to write about them on a regular basis.  For reals though I asked the crazy fans what I should write about.  Pocket GF suggested I blog about what a typical day in my life is like so here goes nothing.

I kind of feel like those gossip magazines that show celebrities doing real things like “Look! Julia Roberts goes grocery shopping!” or “Channing Tatum goes to the dentist!”.  I am sure that some paparazzi is gonna snap a pic of me and BFF shopping at target or me shoving Chick -Fil-A n my gob or me binge watching Friends on Netflix because that is what normally happens in my life.  Of course, the shoving Chick-Fil-A in my gob usually is sans pants as well and nobody wants to see that.  I mean, SOTL Man might wanna see that but really nobody else does.  Would that be considered Fat Girl porn or food porn or both?  Huh.

So, what do I normally do on my days off?  Well, normally BFF and I have the same days off (or pretty similar) so that we can hang out.  Let me describe to you my last day off so you have some idea.  It starts with breakfast. I mean, let’s face it, BFF and I love to eat so breakfast is a must and I loves me some waffles so we went and got waffles.  After shoving food in our gobs at our favorite diner, we went to drop off BFF’s car for an oil change.  Of course, this meant we had to pick up my car from my house (since she picked me up for breakfast) and I follow her out to the dealership by the mall.  I got in my car and noticed I had no gas, which is a source of contention for BFF.  She never lets hers go below half a tank….something I am frequently reminded of when I drive her car to California and back.  I, on the other hand, let mine go till the light comes on like a normal person and sometimes lower.  Because I live on the edge like that.  BFF repeatedly reminds me that if the zombie apocalypse happens, I will be grateful for her half a tank of gas because we will be able to drive somewhere on that half of a tank.  I think we will have bigger problems than that if the zombie horde comes through town, but hey…what do I know?  I stopped for gas and drove out to the mall to find BFF walking down the street cuz she didn’t want to wait for me at the dealership.  Silly BFF.

After dropping off her car, BFF and I proceeded to the mall. Why?  Because it was there and we love to shop.  A lot.  So in we went to spend money and buy stuff we didn’t need.  To be honest, we really only wanted to go into VS because we had coupons, but we of course had to stop in Hot Topic because I was desperate for Harry Potter Pop! figures, which of course I found 3 of the 4 I needed to complete my collection.  Not like I don’t have a wall of these figures in my office.  BFF proceeded to talk herself out of everything she was gonna buy and then ended up in line with 3 things to get that she didn’t need.  It is a vicious cycle.  After we fulfilled our buying need and picked up her car, we decided to head back to my house to watch some episodes of So You Think You Can Dance I had on my dvr.  We are obsessed with this show.  Legit obsessed.  Fun fact you might not know about me:  I am a classically Russian trained ballet dancer.  For serious.  Hence why I love to dance.  There we are watching an episode and we are discussing how one dancer is going to pull out of the competition and BFF says “If he pulls out, she can still get pregnant.”  My BFF ladies and gents.  While we are watching, my housekeeper shows up.  Now, before you start in on me having a housekeeper, I am gonna say this. I am the world’s WORST housekeeper.  If left to my own devices, my house would be piles of crap everywhere, food wrappers surrounding the couch and my friends would turn me into the show Hoarders.  Sometimes, I do watch that show to really prove to myself that my house is not as dirty as those houses.  So, I hired a housekeeper….use your genius my friends….house cleaning is not mine.  Let me pay other people to do things that I am not good at is how I think.  We continued to watch SYTYCD with our own running commentary that is similar to MST3000.  BFF was admittedly a little freaked out by sitting there on the couch while someone cleans my house, but I am so used to it that it doesn’t bother me.

After BFF and my housekeeper leave, I am left to my own devices.  This is where it can get quite scary.  First off, pants almost always come off.  No pants are the best pants.  Once the pants have come off, then you might think I am limited to activities inside my house….and you would be quite wrong.  I have been known to drive to Chick-Fil-A without pants to get some grub.  But mostly I stay inside for the sake of the children.  This where the couch usually eats me.  I might take the time to contemplate unpacking the boxes sitting in my office from when I had my floors done in December, but then I turn on Netflix or open a book and it is all forgotten.  The rest of my day is usually spent trolling the internet, eating, reading, eating, watching tv, eating, or sometimes eating.  This is my life.  It isn’t that exciting but there you have it.  Now let’s see the paparazzi find something to publish about me!  “Look!  The Fat Girl doesn’t wear pants when she goes to Chick-Fil-A just like us!”

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however realize how much I do in a day and how much time I spend eating but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who hates to wear pants and hopes some paparazzi don’t capture me in without them Running.  The experiment continues….

When Bathrooms Attack or How BFF Was A Klutz At Comicon


When BFF and I travel together, there is ALWAYS an adventure. This year at Comicon, it was a rather klutzy one for poor BFF.  We headed down to the Ultimate Geekfest as usual to commune with our peeps and to hopefully stalk some celebrities.  John Barrowman was unfortunately not there this year so we could not stalk him or Wil Wheaton.  After checking into our gorgeous cottage room at our hotel, we headed over to join the craziness that is Phoenix Comicon.  Here is where BFF’s tale of woe begins.  A tale of terror in 2 different bathrooms that ends up with BFF being traumatized by bathroom stall doors and razors.

We were up wandering around where all the celebrities were going to be housed so we could see who to stalk and see where to get our photo op done when we both decided to visit the urination station on that floor.  We go in and go to do our thing.  I hear BFF say “Ow!” kinda quiet and figure she had hit herself somehow.  It happens.  I say things quiet like that all the time, although I swear BFF has supersonic bat hearing.  Once, we were discussing gummi vitamins and BFF said she didn;t like gummi anything.  I proceeded to say under my breath in the quietest whisper “Cuz you’re weird.”  She quickly turned her head and said “I am NOT weird!  I am texturally challenged!” How the heck she heard me is still beyond me to be honest.  But I did hear her say “Ow” as we were in the potty.  I was at the sink washing my hands when BFF came out to join me in the washing.  SIDE NOTE:  What the heck is up with people NOT washing their hands after using the restroom?  Ew.  Do you think your parts are so clean that you don’t need to wash your hands after peeing or pooping?  And then you go and touch things or people.  Gross.  I might have just gagged.  I swear I am gonna create and alarm system that will go off if you walk out of a public restroom without washing your hands so people will know how gross you are.  End rant.

BFF then explained the source of her quiet pain…the bathroom stall door had attacked her.  She had run into it pretty hard with her armand she turned to show me.  Holy Bruises Batman! It had immediately bruised bcause she hit it so hard and was starting to swell a little.  She really did get attacked by the door!  Crazy attacking bathroom stall doors at Comicon!  I even documented the bruise to prove it…you can see the progression and feel bad for BFF’s traumatic experience in the bathrooms at the Phoenix Convention Center.

The grevious injury caused by the bathroom stall immediately after it happened...ouchie
The grevious injury caused by the bathroom stall immediately after it happened…ouchie
Nice shade of purple...day 2
Nice shade of purple…day 2
Day 3...still looks gnarly
Day 3…still looks gnarly

BFF’s other tale of terror takes place in our hotel bathroom.  She is in there taking a shower and I am watching TV, awaiting my turn, when I hear a slew of curse words come sreaming from the bathroom.  Now, BFF doesn’t curse very often and rarely uses the Eff word, so to hear this coming from the bathroom repeatedly was a bit of a shocker for me.  When she finally emerged, still swearing, I saw why.  BFF, in shaving her legs, had somehow managed to shave off part of her fingernail. Now, I did not photo document this grevious injury as I was so horrified that I could not even fathom a picture of it.  Her fingernail was missing a chunk from the middle to a ragged point at the end.  It was quite horrifying and made me shudder with how badly that must have hurt to get wet.  Now I understood the proclivity of profanity that came out of her mouth.  She swears like a sailor when she gets injured.  Words I didn’t even know she knew came out of her.  I helped bandage her up and went to take my shower to discover the inside of the shower looked like something out of Psycho….blood spatters everywhere.  I was in a horror film for sure.  It was so gross to look at for the next few days and I can only imagine what it felt like to BFF.  Klutzy BFF.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did experience how bathrooms attack you and leave you with grevious injuries and considered an alarm system if you don’t wash your hands after using a bathroom (again GROSS) but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with a klutzy BFF (who can swear profusely) this trip to Geekfest 2015 Running.  The experiment continues…