Rez Adventures Part 2: Why I Should Never Be a Passenger in a Car


You all heard how GPS Janice failed BFF and I when we went out to Grand Falls with her parental units, but let me tell you about the trip home.  After wandering around on the wrong side of the falls, we decided to make the trek home providing Janice could tell us how to get there.  It was on the way home that I discovered that I am not really a good passenger to have in a car.

Usually when BFF and I go places, I drive us.  Nothing against BFF and her driving…she just hates to drive.  Hence why I am usually the driver.  This time though her Dad was driving so BFF and I were in the backseat which meant I had nothing to keep me occupied.  On the way out to the Falls, we were occupied by the fact that we were certain Janice had gotten us lost but I didn’t have that luxury on the way home.  I turned to talk to BFF and noticed she had fallen asleep (I mean she had worked the night before).  Well now what was I supposed to do?  There was no internet reception and no scenery to look at since we were in the middle of the desert of the reservation.  Hmmmm….BFF was no help.  What was I to do?  Why take selfies with the sleeping BFF of course!  No really.  Yup. It totally happened and it was glorious.  See for yourself:

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I mean what else are you supposed to do when BFF sleeps?
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Can you see all the red dirt on the back window?
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I had way too much fun with her 

Obviously, I am not a good passenger when I don’t have anything to keep me occupied.  Don’t you want to ride next to me?  BFF’s Momma actually saw me and started giggling because it was pretty funny that I was taking selfies.  The other thing BFF was supposed to do besides keep me entertained?  Navigate us out of there.  Good thing I had put it in my phone as well before we lost signal so I was able to direct the parentals on the unmarked dirt roads.  Some help BFF was on both accounts.  Once we were back on the highway, I asked to stop at the one gas station to use the restroom as the sound of water at the Falls made me have to go.  Here is where we had our second adventure of the day.

On our way to the Falls, we had noticed a flea market of sorts across from the gas station and BFF’s Momma had seen a sign that said “kneel down bread”.  We had discussed what this could possibly be on our way out so when I cam out of the gas station, I asked BFF’s Momma if she wanted to go see what it was about.  Now, I must mention that BFF’s Momma is not very adventurous so her agreeing to do so was a big deal for her but I think she was really very curious.  We soon found the table with Kneel Down Bread and we got the last two.  We then scampered back to our car anxious to try this new thing we had discovered on our adventure.

BFF’s Momma handed me one for us to try.  It was wrapped up in a corn husk which I found interesting as I attempted to open it.  It looked and felt like the outside of a tamale when I finally got it open.  I gave a chunk to BFF and broke off a chunk for myself.  It didn’t look like bread.  It didn’t smell like bread.  We were a little confused.  But we decided to try it anyways.  The minute BFF put it in her mouth, I knew she did not like it.  I could tell by the look on her face that the texture was not something she liked. At all.  The look on her face was mixed with horror and fear.  I almost started laughing as I watched her choke it down.  I could tell she wanted to spit it out but there was nothing to spit it out into.  So she instead swallowed and said “Well, that was texturally displeasing.”  I about died.  BFF really has a problem with textures.  She once told me that gummy things feel human in her mouth although I do not think I want to know how she knows what human feels like in her mouth. Well…she does bite people a lot.  Maybe that is it.  All that biting is good practice if she were to ever become a zombie, just saying.  Then she would really know what human tastes like. Ew.

After seeing BFF’s reaction, I was a little hesitant but I do not have texture issues like her.  So I took a bite.  It tasted like masa (the outside of a tamale) to me but not as finely ground.  I could taste the chunks of blue corn in it but I could see how she found it texturally displeasing to her.  It really did taste like corn to me.  I later found out that Kneel Down Bread is also called Navajo Tamales so that makes perfect sense.  I didn’t mind it but I could tell BFF was trying to wash the taste out of her mouth with a bottle of water.  It was pretty funny.  And soon after that, she was sound asleep again.  There might have been snoring.  And drool.  All in all it was a great family adventure.  Matty would have been proud.  #LiveGrandMR

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I wish I had a picture of her face after she actually put it in her mouth…needless to say she won’t be eating Kneel Down Bread again.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, discover that I am not a good passenger in a car ride and that BFF does not like things that taste human in her mouth but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who takes selfies with BFF while she is sleeping Running.  The experiment continues…

Rez Adventures Part One: When GPS Fails You


Have you ever gone on an adventure? BFF and her parentals and I recently went on one and it was quite the experience.  We had every intention of going out to a local attraction and somehow ended up an hour out of our way on a dirt road in the middle of the Navajo reservation all thanks to Google Maps.  What we did discover, however, is that the four of us can make a good time out of even getting lost.

It all started out with BFF’s Momma wanting to go see Grand Falls, a natural waterfall system located out on the Navajo reservation.  It only flows with snow melt and is actually higher than Niagara Falls.  Since none of us had ever been out there and we heard it was flowing rather heavily, we decided to take the trip and go see it.  Instead of asking for directions or looking it up, BFF put it into Google Maps and we headed out early in the morning.  I mean, Google Maps has never steered us wrong before.  Back before there was GPS, we did get lost trying to get to Disneyland and ended up in Compton.  Luckily, Bubby was able to decipher the tiny map I had printed off the computer and get us to where we wanted to be.  GPS always re-routes you if you turn wrong so I felt pretty confident about using it to get out to Grand Falls.  I was so wrong.

Now Grand Falls is only 30 miles outside of town so it shouldn’t have taken us too long to get there.  We followed Janice (that is what we call the voice on Google Maps) and ended up on a dirt road, which wasn’t too surprising.  Since it was a weekend and the falls were so full, I thought we would see a lot more people driving on the same dirt road as us.  Nope.  Totally alone.  On a dirt road.  In the middle of no where with no signs.  An hour and a half later, we were still on various unmarked dirt roads and hoping that somehow, they led to the falls.  I kept thinking that what if we broke down or what if an axe murderer came out of the landscape to kill us all.  Seriously, the reservation is pretty desolate.  Janice kept directing us on all these unmarked dirt roads and I was thoroughly convinced that we were going to end up stranded with only 2 mini bottles of water and a couple of breakfast bars between us.  We might have to resort to cannibalism to survive.  Who would we eat first?  This is a serious question to ask yourself when traveling with a group of people.  Do you not think of this?  No?  Just me then?  Ok…well I did wonder which one of the four of us we would eat first if we were stranded and needed to survive.  Totally normal way of thinking when you are lost on the reservation if you ask me.  Don’t judge.

Eventually, the road turned and we could see the canyon and the falls so we pulled up and got out.  Upon doing that and looking around, I realized something.  We were on the wrong side of the falls.  The official lookout and parking was on the other side.  How the heck we ended up on that side was beyond me.  None of us could figure out how we ended up on the that side.  Where did we make the wrong turn?  We followed GPS.  We listened to Janice.  She let us down.  We risked our lives and almost ate one another to get here and we are on the wrong side?  Sigh.  Well at least we had a good laugh, a great time and ended up with epic pictures.  No, really, they are quite epic and not because of the falls.  Because of BFF’s bang.  Her bang could not compete with the winds around the falls and I couldn’t see because of the sun, so I had no idea what was happening until we looked t the pictures later.  Epic I tell you.  See for yourself.

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Grand Falls.  Can you see the real lookout over there?  Yeah…we aren’t there.
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The wind was really strong….
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It just keeps getting better….the bang
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The family that adventures together.  I just can’t even with that bang.  It’s too good.

Upon leaving, we ran into others who Janice had led astray and ended up on the wrong side.  Stupid GPS.  Turns out that we went about an hour out of our way and we still have no idea how to get to the right side of the falls.  Or how we got out of there without eating one another.  GPS fail.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did, however, consider which one of us I would eat first if we got stranded on the reservation but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with epic pictures of BFF’s bang on a reservation adventure Running.  The experiment continues…

 

#LiveGrand


I realize it has been quite a while since you heard from me and there is a really good explanation.  Hopefully you read about the loss of BFF’s Grandpa right before the holidays but in January, we had a devastating loss of her 23-year-old nephew, Mathew as well.  BFF and I have been best friends for over 20 years and her family has adopted me as another member, with her brothers calling me their other sister and her nieces and nephews calling me Aunty 2.  So, when we got the news Matty had died in a horrible car wreck, I was devastated right along with the rest of the family.  You see, I had known Matty since he was little and I loved being his Aunty 2.  It was so hard to think about writing and words could not seem to come to me to even begin to express my grief over such a young soul.  But this week, as I was musing over Matty and how he lived his life, the words he lived by inspired me.  Live Grand.

Matty may have only been 23 years old, but the life he lived was so full and rich.  We like to say he lived life going mach 3 with his hair on fire, but really he just lived grand.  He LOVED adventure. This kid ran river tours in the Grand Canyon with the Hualapai tribe for many years and they loved him so much he was actually made a member of the tribe.  He loved to take chances and was a budding photographer, doing anything to get the perfect shot.  So many photos of Matty not only show his beautiful smile but they also show him on the edge of cliffs, playing in the Colorado river, snowboarding down the mountain and many other things that made his life grand.  He loved spending time with the family, never missing a function if he could help it and was always the first one to take selfies with everyone.  His laugh and smile were contagious and you could forgive him of any transgression by that smile and he knew it.  This spirit, this essence of Matty is his legacy.  to all of us.  This sense of loving life and living outside the box is what inspires me.  This is where my challenge to you, my dear readers, is going to present itself.  In memory of BFF and my nephew, I challenge you to Live Grand.

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BFF and Matty 
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That smile….

 

Take a moment and reflect on your life and what makes it grand.  Find one thing that you can do to make it more rich, fuller and bursting with life.  Whether that be traveling to a new destination, creating your own adventure or even just spending more time with your family, find that one thing and do it.  Do not wait until tomorrow or put it off to next year, I want you to do it now.  Matty wants you to do it now.  Plan it, execute it and make your life grand.  It’s that simple.  This is my challenge to all of you…to keep Matty’s spirit alive and make your life grand.  I want you to tag me in posts on Facebook, Instagram and even send me snapchats with the hashtag #LiveGrand and show me how you can change your life to make it your best life ever.  I want to see you #LiveGrand no matter what that means to you.  Show me!  I plan on spending more time with my family and traveling more to make my life grand.  Because if there is one thing Matty taught me, it was that family is not always about blood.  It is about those people who love and support you the most and BFF and her family are some of those people.  Thank you BFF and her family.  You all have given me something I cherish….your love.

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This boy….

Mathew.  I am proud to have been your Aunty 2.  I am glad you never hesitated to tell me you loved me.  I am proud to have known you and been blessed by your smile, laugh and your love.  I am so proud of the man you had become and I will miss you my sweet nephew.  While I will never hear you call me Aunty 2 again and get some random snapchat from you showing me your smile, I will always love you.  You lived grand in life and now you can continue to Live Grand forever.  “Through every door, a new path awaits.”  Enjoy your new path Matty.  And #LiveGrand.

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Mathew Thomas Reyes  1993-2017  #LiveGrand

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover that even through great grief, you can discover a new joy in life but I didn’t die.  Thank you Matty.  I am Fat Girl who is going to  #LiveGrand Running.  The experiment continues…

One Does Not Simply Hike to Mt. Doom or The Quest for the Secret Swing


This past week I was lucky enough to have a visit from my two god daughters, the Reds, for several nights.  Per usual, they were spoiled rotten the entire time they were here.  I also love thinking of new things to do with them while they are visiting, so they don’t get too bored and this time was no exception.  You see, I had heard about this special Secret Swing located up on the mountain behind my house and I was determined to find it.  Just the thought of their being a Secret Swing up on the mountain was intriguing.  Why was it there?  Who built it?  Why keep it a secret?  Is it magic?  Is it protected by faeries?  Is there just one ring to rule them all?  All these questions kept nagging at me and so I got some directions from a couple of co-workers and with the girls in tow, Bubby, Pocket GF and I started out on our Quest for the Secret Swing.  Why?  Because we believe in magic. And in quests.

I wish I could say that we had special weapons with us, magic or even a dragon, but alas we had none of them.  Just water bottles, our cell phones and a cute little doggie named Lola to accompany us.  The Reds were super excited and we made short work of finding our way to the main path into the woods that would take us to Mt. Doom and the Secret Swing.  We accidentally went the wrong way at first but quickly realized our error and turned around.  We got to where one co-worker told us she hikes straight up the mountain we have now nicknamed Mt. Doom to get to our destiny.  We stood there for a few minutes and thought….ummmmmm…..nope.  Not gonna hike up the side of what sure to be certain death with two children in tow just to find a swing.  Nope  Not happening.  I mean, this was straight up a steep hike up the side of Mt. Doom.  Especially with me being asthmatic, the Reds being from sea level and Bubby being a smoker.  Nope.  Luckily, I knew my other co-worker who lived in my hood was up and called her getting the most odd set of directions involving a bed of rocks, several paths and then a hike up to the top of Mt. Doom.  Hmmmm.  We doubted we would be able to find it although Big Red did say maybe we would discover the door to Narnia in our quest and Mr. Tumnus would come out to greet us all.  I must admit, that would be cool. So we continued our trek, finding the directions, once we saw what we were looking for, to be quite accurate in a descriptive way.

Little Red, myself and Pocket GF trying to decipher directions....good thing we didn't have a compass because then we would be lost.
The quest to possibly find the entrance to Narnia

After a short steep trek upwards on a much gentler trail than the side of Mt. Doom, we reached the top and the search began in earnest.  We were quickly realizing that this quest might not come to the end that we had hoped.  The mythical pile of rocks that marked the Secret Swing had yet to be found and we were getting discouraged.  All of a sudden, I see something that could only be described as  pile of rocks in front of a tree and I called out to our group.  Although I had yet to spot the swing, which I am sure was cloaked in magic, we all started running the best you can in the woods towards the rocks.  Bubby yells he sees it and there it is…in all it’s gloriousness.  The object of all our desires…the Secret Swing.  In the middle of the woods, up on top of Mt. Doom, someone had indeed constructed the perfect swing to swing out over the side of the mountain.  It was beautiful.

The legendary swing exists!  We amde it to the top of Mt Doom and we are rewarded!
The legendary swing exists! We made it to the top of Mt Doom and we are rewarded! Now who has the ring?

Happy Dances of Joy were done, virgins sacrificed, and great fun was had by all.  You really could not ask for a more beautiful setting for a swing.  My fat butt even got upon the swing and I had a turn.  It really was a little scarier than it looks if you looked down while you were swinging.  I even called upon my mad selfies kills and managed to take some pics while swinging.  It really is harder than it looks.  Go ahead and try it someday.  If the vertigo you get from trying to take a selfie while swinging doesn’t get to you, you might drop your phone and it might die.  I have mad skills though.

Mad skills I tell you.  WHy is Bubby a creeper?
Mad skills I tell you. Why is Bubby a creeper?
Me attempting to swing....My face though
Me attempting to swing….My face though

After everyone had fulfilled their heart’s desire of swinging, we hiked back down off of Mt. Doom to go eat some burgers cuz we deserved it.  I mean we had just hiked to Mt. Doom to discover its treasure of a Secret Swing.  And no, I won’t tell you how to get there.  No matter how much you beg.  Why?  Because my friends, one does not simply hike to Mt. Doom and discover the Secret Swing.  It is a treasure we shall keep to ourselves…and you can see why….

Beauty...Big Red swinging to her heart's desire.
Beauty…Big Red swinging to her heart’s desire.
My secret little daredevil...take my breath away
My secret little daredevil…take my breath away

Quest completed.  Until our next adventure.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did survive the Quest for the Secret Swing and completed the hike to Mt. Doom to still not find the answer if one ring truly rules them all but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl believing in the powers of magic and secrets Running.  The experiment continues…