The Time I Thought I Was In a Secret Porn Video


You might be surprised at this information, but I see a massage therapist.  Yup.  This Fat Girl gets naked every week to get her rolls massaged and all the stress worked out. It really does make a difference in my mood and my migraines.  If you have never tried one, you really should.  I have been seeing my massage therapist for over ten years and she knows my body well and where are my areas of stress.  Just once have I cheated on her by seeing another therapist while on vacation.  And that one time convinced me I was currently starring in a secret porn video.

Sometimes, when you are on vacation, you just want to really relax.  That is what I had in mind when I booked a massage, even though I was weirded out by someone other than my regular massage therapist putting their hands on my fat rolls.  I mean, she has done my massages forever so I am super used to the way she does them.  And plus, she knows my knots and areas of tension.  But, I really wanted to relax so I thought I would give this whole spa thing a try on my vacation.  Everyone always raves about how awesome it is to do a spa thing.  I wonder if they ever had my experience.  I was at least comforted by the fact that my massage therapist was a woman (although to be honest it really does not matter to me).  I started out with a sea salt scrub and that was quite messy.  Would have been nice if they had told me to put my hair up while they were doing it as I felt a little like it got everywhere.  But my skin did feel amazing afeter the scrub.  So soft.  I was anticipating the massage to be just as relaxing.   I was told to shower the scrub off and get back on the table.  This is where the massage started to feel a bit like a secret porn video.

After I situtuated myself back on the table, the massage started.  The massage therapist opened up the oil bottle and proceeded to pour what felt like the entire bottle on my back.  No joke.  I have never felt so oily in my entire life.  I could feel the oil filling in all the fat roll spaces, creating little puddles where I didn’t think oil could pool.  I was so greasy that when she started to massage me I could only feel her hands sliding all along the rolls.  I was actually scared her hands might slip into places that no massage therapist should enter because I was that slippery.  As she moved on, she proceeded to pour more oil on me, like another full bottles worth.  On just my arm.  I am not kidding.  It was right about then that I started to wonder if the porn music was gonna start and the bright lights were going to go on as someone shouted “Action!”.  There was so much oil on me you could have deep fried me.  I waited for the massage therapist to remove her robe and be dressed in some scantily clad unders or something else quite bizarre.  Maybe this was a fetish porn video.  I mean I am a big girl, so that could be it.  Like a hidden camera fetish porn.  Is there such a thing?  It was either that or I was being prepped for some girl on girl oil wrestling match that I was unaware of.  As the massage continued, more and more oil was slopped on me and I was starting to feel it flow down into places it shouldnt.  That is when I really wondered if the secret porn video was going to start.  Any minute now.  I wanted to look up and see but was afraid that oil would spill into my eyes and blind me.  It really was a problem.  I didn’t want to be blinded by oil but I also didn’t want to be part of some Fat Girl fetish porn video without my knowledge. I mean, at least warn a girl so she can make sure her girly bits are properly shaved.

I finally was told to turn over and gratefully snuck a peek around the room.  Nope.  No cameras or sudden wrestling ring.  Whew.  I was hoping she would use some of the leftover oil puddles that had rolled onto my front, but no such luck.  I swear she opened another bottle of oil and lubed me up even more.  I couldn’t even relax because I kept expecting the porn music to start and hear all sort of weird sex noises as I was being massaged.  I was never so grateful for a massage to be over in my entire life.  Totally not relaxing.  Not when you kept wondering when you would hear the cameras rolling.  I was so greasy that the towels couldn’t even soak it all up and my hair looked like it had been drenched in oil.  I mean if I wanted to do a porn shoot or have the slicked back look to my hair, I was killing it.  I even felt like my body squished as I walked as all the oil had no other place to go because my skin was saturated.  I quickly slid back to my room and took what felt like the longest hottest shower to get all the oil off and I still didn’t succeed.  I actually checked in my room to make sure there weren’t any cameras set up to continue filming the secret porn video that I felt like I starred in.  Thank goodness there weren’t any.  So spa experience while on vacation is obviously not my thing.  Nope.

I vowed never again to cheat on my massage therapist.  Not worth it.  Not unless I suddenly wanted to change careers and become a fetish porn actress.  Hmmmm.  I mean I could make a good living.  But maybe in another life…. (Note to self:  clear browser history on how to become a fetish porn actress).

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did cheat on my massage therapist and regret it once but I didn’t die today.  I am Fat Girl who thought she was secretly in a porn video instead of a massage Running.  The experiment continues…

 

 

 

 

When You Discover Your Mom Has The Mouth of a Sailor


Earlier in this year, my Mommy gave us all a scare. She fell and broke several bones, including her pelvis. It was scary because we think she laid on her floor of her apartment for about 16 hours before Bestie found her and called for help. Some of the scariest moments of my life were when I couldn’t get a hold of her and was waiting to hear if she was ok. Mommy made a full recovery but during that time was when I discovered for the first time in my life that my Mommy has the mouth of a sailor.

Because my Mommy broke her pelvis when she fell, she had to have physical therapy and go to a rehab center to get well enough to go back to her apartment. Now, luckily, she did not need any surgery. While we were in the hospital, she had physical therapy working with twice a day to walk. There we were, sitting in the ICU, when she sees the physical therapists coming towards her room. Mommy turns to me and says “Well here come those mother fuckers again”. Shocked, I looked at her, probably with my mouth hanging open and gasping at her word choice. She just looked back at me matter of factly and said “What? That is what they are. Straight up mother fuckers.”

Never in my life have I heard my Mother say words like this. Ever. I really was shocked beyond words and sat there stunned while she muttered under her breath at the physical therapists as they got her out of bed and made her walk. I am certain she used those words a few more times as well. I even heard her say she was a “foul mouthed old lady” at one point. I felt like a parent wondering where the heck she learned how to cuss like that. I mean…was my mother hanging out in biker bars or with military men when I wasnt around? Maybe I needed to put a GPS tracker on her and find out who she was spending all her time with or what movies she was watching. Was she taking a course in how to swear? Where the heck had she learned that phrase and why was she calling people that? My Mommy had never used language like that. Or at least not in the presence of her children.  I decided I really couldn’t handle her calling the physical therapists that phrase so when she got back we had a conversation.

Me (still shocked): “Um Mom. You can’t call the physical therapists names.”

Mommy (indignant): “I most certainly did not call them names.”

Me (slightly giggling): “Yes you did Mom. You called them mother fuckers.”

Mommy (matter of factly): “Oh yeah. Well they are mother fuckers.”

Me (now trying not to laugh): “Oh ok. So glad to know what you think. Can we try not to call them that?”

Mommy: “Well I guess I can try. But I am not making any promises”

The next time the physical therapists came around, I braced myself. But even though she complained and muttered under her breath, she did not call them MFers.  She did use a string of swear words that I have also never heard her utter as they made her walk, but she didn’t call them names. Seriously where did she learn to seear like this? When she was getting back into bed she said quite loudly “Oh kerflufflebunny”. I busted out laughing with tears running down my face. What the heck was that phrase?

Mommy: ” What are you laughing at?”

Me (in between laughs): “Kerflufflebunny? What in the world is that?”

Mommy: “Well. You told me I couldn’t call them mother fuckers any more.”

Point made.

Oh Mommy. You are too funny. And yes, she made a full recovery (with a lot of swearing).

Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did get the shock of my life with the words that came out of my Mommy’s mouth but I didn’t die. I am Fat Girl who wonders who my Mommy hangs out with to learn such words Running. The experiment continues…

And The Winner Is…


Ever had a surreal moment in your life?  Like you feel if you are in a dream and someone should pinch you to make sure you really are awake and experiencing it?  This happened to me this past summer, when I was nominated for a major award of my career as a nurse and ended up a state finalist for the award.  I know I don’t talk a lot about being a nurse, but it really is my calling to work with kids and I have been a pediatric nurse for over 11 years now.  So, when I was nominated for The March of Dimes Pediatric Nurse of the Year for the state of Arizona, I was stunned.  Never in a million years would I have thought that anyone would have nominated me for such a thing.  And never would I have thought I would be sitting at a luncheon as one of the state finalists for the award.  But yet, there I was, awaiting to hear my category called and to see if I was a winner.  And the winner is…

Wait…let’s back up a bit and let me tell you first what it was like to even get to this point before I tell you the results.  I know, such a tease, I had to fill out this long ass application to even complete my nomination.  Holy cow.  As I sat and read through all the questions they wanted to answer, I doubted whether or not I should even continue,  I mean, I have no special certifications as a nurse and I don’t teach or activate policies or anything like that.  I am a floor nurse.  I take care of sick kids.  But what I do outside of that is something I am super good at…I do community outreach.  Since that is what I was nominated for, I wrote about starting a quilt program and doing the giant 13 foot high duck in the 4th of July parade every year and collect comic book donations to encourage kids to read.  But really…nobody is going to pick me.  I don’t have all those letters after my name like my co-worker who also was nominated.  She has a tone of credentials, teaching and higher degrees.  I just come to work, take care of sick kids and nice families and go home.  How is this even worth a nomination or a consideration for this award?  Nope.  I even told BFF that my application would go nowhere.  When I got the email that I was a finalist?  I sat there looking at my phone in disbelief.  Wait. What?  They must have read the wrong application and contacted me by mistake.  My co-worker and I have almost the same name so it must be her.  I was stunned.  But it was true and BFF and I headed to Satan’s Asshole to attend the award ceremony.

It was at a fancy swanky hotel and BFF and I were lucky enough to stay the night before and hang out before the luncheon the next day.  My boss and my co-worker, also one of the 3 finalists, were also coming so we met up with them and sat with others from our hospital that had been nominated for other categories.  I mean…BFF and I can clean up real nice when we have to as evidenced by these photos.

18951334_10213396305805969_7407443335399479624_n
BFF cleans up real nice
19059417_10213396306165978_8670645500656618403_n
Adulting hard core

 

I was super nervous and kept telling myself it really didn’t matter if I won or not.  My c-worker was way more qualified than me.  She would for sure win or the other gal that was a finalist who worked with cancer kids. Yeah…this was just a fluke that I even made it this far, so I just needed to calm down and eat my lunch.  So much easier said than done.  I was a nervous wreck.  My stomach felt like there was a million little faeries fluttering around in there and they were taking up so much room, there was no room for food.  Plus, I didn’t want to to come spewing back up at the wrong moment. That would be unfortunate.  And gross.  At least I had BFF with me to distract me.  She is good at that.  Finally it got to my category and my co-worker and I sat there anxiously as they explained what it took to even become a finalist and again I was floored.  10 people blindly read my application and sent it through?  Really?  Nah.  Must have been one of those days where people were feeling generous towards the lowly peds floor nurse who really had no business filling out the application let alone even getting nominated.

Then the moment arrived and they said a name.  Wait.  They said MY name.  What?  I looked to BFF and she said “Oh My God!  That is you!  Stand up! Go!”  I felt like it was so surreal as I stood up, hand covering my mouth, tears in my eyes and told myself “Do not trip up the stairs”.  I want to say that I don’t remember much after that except for smiling a lot and pictures being taken.  BFF said she really wanted to jump up and scream “Suck It Bitches!” to everyone but thought better of it and just clapped and whooped it up for me.  Remember how I said I would be happy just being nominated?  I lied.  People who say that are liars.  I was super stoked I won and there is no feeling like it.  Screw that being happy to be nominated stuff.  Winning feels AMAZING.

18953517_10213397657639764_4335904565425899135_o
Boom.

So yes…I am The March of Dimes Arizona Pediatric Nurse of The Year.  #winning

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did win the biggest award of my entire career but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who lied when I said I was happy to be nominated Running.  The experiment continues…

Always Answer When Your Mom Calls


When BFF and I go to the annual Nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon, we usually spend time shopping in between panels and photo ops.  The very first day?  Oh no…that is dedicated completely to shopping.  The exhibition hall where all the vendors are opens at 4p and we are there, ready to shop till we drop.  Why?  Because we are girls…NERDY girls.  And Comicon is the perfect place for us to get our nerdy shopping on.  We actually have certain vendors that we repeatedly shop and search out before we even get there so we know where there booths are.  I mean, come on…there are not a lot of places for girls to get things like nerdy jewelry and purses and such like Comicon.  The exhibition hall is HUGE.  It actually takes us quite a while to get through all the vendors and artists, so that is why we dedicate that first day to just that…shopping.  This year, we were completely oblivious to a major incident that occurred while we were in our shopping haze.  Apparently, this year, someone had a BIG problem with The Green Power Ranger.

There we were, just minding our own business, wandering around fulfilling our nerdy little shopping desires, when my phone started vibrating in my pocket.  I pull it out and notice that it is BFF’s Momma.  I was actually quite a bit freaked out by this.  Why would her Momma be calling me and not BFF?  What was happening?  Who died?  Is the world ending?  Is the zombie apocalypse starting and here we are stuck in the vendor hall with all these people and no escape?  Are we going to get eaten? All these questions frantically ran through my brain as I went to answer the phone.  In my panicked state that the world was possibly ending, I actually hung up on her Momma and never even got to hear if they were under zombie attack.  Luckily, BFF had seen it was her Momma calling when I pulled out my phone and started calling her back right away.  My sense of panic rising that maybe the zombie virus had, in fact, been let loose and we were going to need an escape route, I then started scanning for our quickest route out of the nerdy shopping heaven.  I had already decided who we could shove in the way of the zombies so that we could get out.  The dude dressed as Link would be useful with his bow and arrow, so he could tag along.  But the kid dressed as Iron Man…nope.  I am so shoving him in front of a zombie so we can escape.  I mean, what good is a plastic mask and a puffed up suit to look like muscle?   Nothing I tell you when it comes to a zombie eating his face or mine.  That fake Iron Man has no value in the zombie apocalypse unless he somehow turns into the real Iron Man.  Then I am catching a lift for BFF and me out of there.  Also the first to go?  The gal dressed as Princess Peach from Super Mario Brothers.  Useless. The big poufy dress might help slow some zombies down but I assure you, unless she has weapons stored under that hoop skirt, she is a goner.

Luckily, as BFF was talking to her Momma, I realized I could stop planning our escape route as I heard her say “No we are fine.  Why?  What is going on? Nope.  We haven’t heard anything about that and we haven’t been evacuated and nobody looks like they know.  Huh.  That is weird.  Is everything else ok?  No, Momma, we really are ok but we will let you know.”  She hung up the phone with a puzzled expression on her face.  Her Momma had called because she heard on the TV that a shooter had been taken down at Comicon and arrested.  Well, whew.  At least it wasn’t zombies.  That would be worse.  We looked around to see if anyone had any clue that this was happening.  Nope.  In the vendor hall, it was business as usual, with all sorts of other nerds wandering around in their nerdy shopping haze.  Hmmmm.  We quickly got on social media and indeed saw that a dude who thought he was The Punisher had brought a bag full of guns to Comicon to apparently kill the actor who plays The Green Power Ranger.  Why the Green Power Ranger?  What had he done to him?  Had he used the wrong color powers?  Was the Green Power Ranger inherently evil and I didn’t know it?  Wait…did he have the zombie virus and this Punisher dude was trying to protect us?  I am still unsure if we ever got the answers to these questions, but at least they got him subdued and arrested before anyone at Con was actually hurt.  I still wonder what The Green Power Ranger ever did to this dude to make him want to actually kill him.  After the phone call from BFF’s Momma and reading about it on social media, BFF and I decided the nerdy shopping heaven would wait.  We peaced out and went back to our hotel.  Also, I was still concerned that maybe the Green Power Ranger was a code for zombie apocalypse and needed a better escape plan anyways for the next day.  Priorities man.

 

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover that while in the nerdy shopping heaven, you can plan a good escape route in case the zombie apocalypse does start while you are there, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl still curious about what the Green Power Ranger ever did to deserve almost dying Running.  The experiment continues…

On Being Geeky Cattle and Possibly Starting My Own Dairy


You know by now that BFF go to the annual Nerdfest that is Phoenix Comicon to get our geek on and one of our favorite things to do is to get our pictures taken with our favorite celebrities from the world of sci-fi and geekery.  We plan this out quite carefully actually.  It is a fine balance between going to panels to hear the stars speak and ties to grab photos with them.  Of course we did it again this year but this year things had changed.  What we didn’t expect was to be herded like cattle into pens to our biggest photo opportunity, Alan Tudyk.

For those that are unaware, Alan Tudyk is HUGE in the geek world.  He has starred and voiced in things like Frozen, Moana, Wreck It Ralph, Dodgeball, A Knight’s Tale, Dollhouse and our favorite Firefly.  We were super excited to get a photo with him and there was no way we were missing it.  We showed up 45 minutes early to be put in a LONG line that had already formed.  In fact, it went into the exhibition hall and it was super hard to find the end.  We just kept asking people if they were there to see Alan Tudyk till we found the end.  No employees told us where to go except with a wave of a hand in the general vicinity of the line.  It was very frustrating.  BUt in line we got and stood because we were not missing this opportunity.  Not even if it meant standing in line all day.  We are that dedicated.

While standing in line, we ran into our favorite Comicon photo worker.  This guy comes in all the way from Chicago to work at Phoenix Comicon and we had the pleasure of meeting him the first year we went to do photos and John Barrowman felt him up in front of the whole crowd.  He is amazing and always makes the photo process smooth and fun.  I am unsure if I should be afraid or flattered that he recognized us and came over to chat and do his own photo-op with us, but it really did help make the time go by faster.  We make our own fun while waiting in line.

received_10214309750881525

Once the line started moving, we all of a sudden realized that we were being shuttled like cattle into pens created with barriers to wait for our photo-op, which was now an hour late.  Why?  Because they oversold the photo op.  I heard several people wondering if they would make the next panel or photo op they had going on due to the delay.  We didn’t have anything at Comicon scheduled but we did have other plans we jammed into that weekend (more about that in another blog) At least our wait was not as bad as the day before when Dick Van Dyke was there and people waited ALL day.  No really, ALL day and some didn’t even get their photo due to the delay.  It was a complete mess from what we heard.  Not only did we have to stand in line, but then we are herded into pens.  I felt like I needed to have a giant bell around my neck or have my name changed to Bessie.  I don’t normally produce milk products but if we were going to be herded into pens, then maybe I should try.  It could be another way to earn income.  Start my own human dairy.  It could be a thing, right?  I mean this could be a new career opportunity.  We could call it Fat Girl Dairy.  It would be a cash cow. Get it?  Cash cow?  So there we were, shuttled like cattle into the first pen, and then the second pen and finally the third pen.  Oh yeah…all before we actually hit the line for the photo-op.  I have to tell you though, no one shoved, no one cut in line and people were polite,  Nerds may get angry and mad but they did not try to take advantage of the situation.  All in all, even though we were shuttled like cattle, we had a good time.  We even made cow noises.  Yup.  That happened.  As did this

20170903_125720
OMG Alan Tudyk!!!! Mooooooo!

Even despite the cattle pens and cowbells, we had a great time and managed some amazing photos with our favorite celebrities and our favorite Comicon photo op volunteer.  Also, we heard the phase “you two are so adorable” over and over from the celebs.  Take a gander….

18698387_10213284268165098_7096641636649010738_n
It’s Lex Luthor from Smallville!
18671050_10213269150347162_5690248086682712246_n
For all my Supernatural fans out there
18739860_10213269150707171_6069281850744071144_n
I must admit I about geeked out over Anthony Michael Hall!  #BreakfastClub4Life
18698329_10213269150107156_6807646124124547100_n
BFF might have had a small fangirl moment with the Star Trek Voyager duo.  And they could not stop telling us how adorable we were.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I was herded like cattle into pens for a huge photo-op, but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who needs a cowbell and is contemplating a new career choice with a Human Dairy Running.  The experiment continues…

Should books be banned?


Warning…this blog is not funny.  I needed to write this and it may cause you to think (the horror) but these words needed to get out.  Recently in the book world, a book and an author came under scrutiny due to the content of the book.  It was declared a “banned” book by Amazon due to its content and that is where the controversy started.  It was even advertised by the author as a “banned” book.  Which led me to ponder, as an author, at what point should a book be banned or never published?  Should we ever silence someone’s voice?  What content in a book is considered unacceptable to be published?  Should book banning be a thing? And where do I stand on this subject as an author?  As a reader?

We all have heard the stories of books being banned based on content, language and sometimes sexuality.  And not just in other countries.  It happens here too.  In fact, my favorite book of all time, Gone With the Wind, was banned for the vocabulary used in reference to African-Americans.  To be honest, as many times as I have read that book, I was never bothered by the language.  I looked at it as historically accurate.  But, nonetheless, it was banned.  So at what point is a book considered pornographic?  Racially inappropriate?  Is it censorship?

In the book in question, there is an inappropriate relationship between a father and daughter.  One that is romanticized, not condemned.  And not just romanticized, but it is sexually explicit.  It was this content that made Amazon decide not to publish it so it was published on another platform.  The book was advertised as “banned” and many readers grabbed it to see what the hype was.  There is a “trigger” warning on the book, however it is quite vague and does nt really alert readers as to the situation that this book deals with.  A father/daughter relationship that is romantic and sexual in nature with a minor.  The girl is 16 and the book implies that this relationship is consensual.  Now, before I go any further, I must say this.  I do NOT condone this subject matter.  I feel that this type of storyline is bordering on irresponsible as an author.  I feel it could lead to many girls feeling like this situation is ok, that it is not abuse.  And THAT is not ok with me.  But did I feel like it should be banned?  I thought long and hard about this.  It was not as clear of a choice for me to make as I thought it would be.

I have always been in the camp of reading and books should never be banned, but this book and it’s subject matter made me stop and think.  Is it alright to write and romanticize molestation?  Should this voice be allowed to be out there in the world?  This subject matter really sits wrong with me.  But, then again, some forms of pornography also sit wrong with me and I don’t feel it should be banned. Because to each his own.  So why is this different?  Why am I feeling like this should be banned?  This book is about an underage child having a romantic relationship with her father.  **SPOILER**  You do find out at some point that they are not blood related and she is adopted, but still he raised her as his child and she considered him to be her Dad.  This REALLY bothers me.  I cannot stand any children being abused or sexually molested in any way.  It is a topic that is a hot button for me, maybe because I see it way too much in my line of work.  I frequently feel that child molesters should be locked up for life because they cannot be rehabilitated, no matter what people say.  When I heard about the subject matter of the book, I was disgusted and horrified.  How can anyone write about such a thing and romanticize it?  I was actually sick to my stomach over the fact that someone would publish such a story.  It involves a minor.  I do not care what the age of consent is in the state where the story takes place.  It is a child in a relationship with her father.  NOT OK in my book.  Not ever.  And I will always be outraged over this subject matter.

But should it be banned?  Should any book be banned? I sat on this subject for a long time.  It really hit home because as an author, what if I wrote something that someone considered inappropriate and called for it to be banned?  What if someone doesn’t like the word fat?  So this is my view.  No.  A book should never be banned.  Because if we start banning books with this one, then we will end up banning books like Gone With the Wind, Huckleberry Finn and many others over content or language or sexuality.  Readers have the right to read what they want to read and voices should never be silenced.  I realize that this viewpoint may not be a popular one with this book, considering the subject matter, but it is my opinion.  And I stand by it.  NO BOOK SHOULD EVER BE BANNED.  Amazon has a right to refuse to publish it and I have a right to not read it, but it should not be banned.  We live in a country that was founded on freedom of speech and everyone has a right to express their speech however they see fit.  I will choose not to read this book due to its subject matter, same as choosing not to read some forms of pornography but I will say this.  I urge this author to consider the implications of this story.  I urge her to look at whether her story will cause more harm then good and consider whether or not it needs to be out there.  We have responsibilities as authors.  We are responsible for our words and the impact they cause.  We need to look at the cause and effect these words can have on a person.  Therefore, I urge this author to consider her words and their impact and her responsiblity for them and whether the story should actually be out there.  Think when you write.  Was this a story that maybe should have just be kept to yourself? What statement were you trying to make with this subject matter?  As authors we need to consider these things when writing.  I even considered whether or not to write this blog.  But here I am…loud mouth and all.

I choose not to read this book but I also choose that it not be banned.  Books should never be banned. I will always stand up to censorship.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did think long and hard about book banning and ended up more torn than I thought I ever would but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who feels all authors should write responsibly but should never be banned Running.  The experiment continues…

How To Tell When BFF Is REALLY Sick


Over SuperBowl weekend, BFF and I went on our annual We Hate The Superbowl trip to Disneyland.  We needed a Dole Whip fix you see.  We also needed some fun after having so much grief in such a short period.  So off to the Happiest Place on Earth it was.  Just the two of us.  We made it a short trip and good thing we did because who would have thought that poor BFF would get sick.  And when she gets sick, she gets SICK.  So here is how to tell when BFF is REALLY sick.

IMG_20170206_101631_491
Dole Whip Fix!

The trip started out normally except that BFF complained that her allergies were terrible and that her nose was runny from them.  We really didn’t think anything of it to be honest.  I mean, I know life was throwing us tomatoes and neither one of us was sleeping much, but we really didn’t think she was sick.  I noticed more kleenex growing in a pile next to her in the car like Tribbles, but really I didn’t think she was sick. It was like the kleenex were breeding.  And BFF kept insisting it was allergies.  Then the coughing started.  And I mean coughing.  Hmmmmmm…..

20170206_123327
Even in the rain, we keep going
20170206_141537
I can see here in her eyes she doesn’t feel the best

Fast forward to one night when we came back to get our jackets to continue the night and so BFF could check in with her Momma.  I took the time to lounge on the bed and found a Harry Potter movie to entertain myself.  I mean, my feet needed a rest anyways and I was in no hurry to go back.  I did run over to the Club and grab us some foods to nosh on once she was done talking with her Momma and filling her in on all the fun we were having.  BFF finished her call, came and lounged next to me and we shoved some amazing foods in our gobs.  Next thing I know, we are still lounging watching Harry Potter and I realized something….BFF didn’t feel good.  There is no way she would let us just lounge in the room and watch a movie if she felt good.  I turned to her and asked her how she was feeling.  When she looked at me, I could see in her eyes she didn’t feel her best and she replied “I must not feel that good if it isn’t bothering me that we are just laying here watching Harry Potter instead of playing in the park.”  I then watched her  have a coughing fit and heard her wheezing next to me.  I handed her my inhaler and she agreed to use it, feeling better but not admitting she was sick.

20170205_154756

Despite her not feeling her best and us deciding she must take it easy, she persevered and got some amazing sleep.  We had a great time, despite her still not wanting to admit she was sick and our trip ended a little too soon.  We packed up and headed down to load up the car.  The valet brought the car around and I started helping put the bags where we wanted them for the drive home.  I turned to ask BFF where she wanted a bag and noticed she was on the phone.  Thinking she must be talking to her Momma, I figured it out and we climbed in.  It was then I heard her conversation and realized what she was doing….making a doctor’s appointment for the next morning.  BFF NEVER goes to the doctor unless she feels totally crappy (nurses make the WORST patients).  I mean NEVER.  Her spleen could be hanging outside her body and she would just slap some Saran wrap and duck tape over it and continue on with her day.  Like her spleen should just be hanging around outside her body.  Completely normal folks.  She once broke her toe and it was hanging off to the side.  What did she do?  Put it back in place and taped it to the other toe and put on her shoe and came to work.  BFF is a badass people.  She really never does go to the doctor.  Not even for check ups.  No joke.  So to hear her on the phone making a doctor’s appointment?  She REALLY did not feel good.   I looked at her questioningly when she got off the phone and she said to me “I think I am sick.”  Poor BFF.  And what a trooper to power through a trip at Disneyland.

20170205_210952
Nope. Not sick at all.

By the way, she was totally sick.  Bronchitis.  Antibiotics, and inhaler and steroids.  But you know, it was just allergies.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover what a trooper my BFF is and wish she would have just admitted she didn’t feel good but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl with a BFF who can’t ever admit she is sick until she is REALLY sick Running.  The experiment continues…