Weirdos At The Theater


BFF and I love to go see live musicals and one of our favorites is Newsies.  If you remember, we saw it over a year ago and had a weird experience where people in Tucson didn’t dress up.  At all.  Well, when we heard it was coming back, we got tickets to the show in Phoenix (AKA the Devil’s Butthole) and were super excited to go.  So we planned a trip and decided to throw in a baseball game while we were down there.  In case you didn’t know, both of us are huge baseball fanatics so we can’t pass up a chance to see one live if we have the opportunity, especially to see the Arizona Diamondbacks play.  Even if it meant a couple of days in the Devil’s Butthole.  But baseball and Newsies with my BFF?  A good time had by all…till we ran into weirdos at the theater.

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Aren’t we the cutest baseball fans ever?  Pretty sure.

The baseball game was great as expected because baseball.  Even though we lost to the Dodgers, we had a great time.  We ate some amazing food and had fun with all the people around us and then walked back to our hotel.  The next night was Newsies and we were so excited to see it again.  If you haven’t seen this one, you really really should.  Disney does an amazing job with musicals and this one is no exception.  So, BFF and I got dressed up appropriately in nice dresses and went to the theater.  This is where the weirdness began.  Is there some unspoken rule now that people don’t dress up for the theater anymore?  I mean, we were not in fancy dresses because it was a mid week show, but we were still in nicer dresses.  People were in shorts and flip-flops, jeans and t-shirts, even kids were in every day sloppy clothes.  The exception was the one little guy we saw all dressed up in a Newsies costume, which was AWESOME!  We should have taken a photo of him because he was so adorable, complete with Newsies bag for papers and all.  Seriously adorable and obviously a fan.  Also, ladies…when you were a dress, make sure your bits and pieces are covered.  I do not need to see most of your arse while we are at the theater. So many girls had on the shortest dresses.  Please save that for other events, like hooking on the street.  I guess I don’t get it.  I was always taught that you dress up for things like the theater or the ballet.  Apparently, when it is hot out, people in Phoenix don’t do that either.  I still feel that you shouldn’t wear shorts and flip flops and a golf visor on your head to the theater.  Nope.  Have some respect and wear at least church clothes, especially when you pay good money to see a Broadway show or a ballet.  Although BFF did point out that some of those people might wear exactly that to church.  Am I just old-fashioned?

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Appropriately dressed for a Broadway show.  Bits and pieces covered.

Once in our seats, BFF and I started looking through our playbills and talking about how excited we were to see the show.  We were there early, so for a bit, our seats around us were empty.  Some ladies soon showed up and one larger girl took the seat next to BFF.  And by took the seat, I mean she almost sat on BFF.  No, wait.  She did sit upon her at first.  So there is poor BFF scooted over as far as she can get in her seat towards me and the gal sitting next to her has turned to talk to her friend and in doing so, pushes up against BFF even more.  Really?  Are you kidding me?  I realize that she was a bigger girl, but so am I and I don’t sit upon people or squish them!  BFF is quite perturbed at this point and quietly I offer to switch her seats but she shakes her head.  I think we were hoping the gal would notice she was practically sitting on top of her.  Nope.  She sure as heck did not notice.  Squishy Lady just kept on talking and then she flipped her hair.  Right in BFF’s face.  BFF was now quite done and said to her in a polite yet bitchy tone “Excuse me but you just flipped your hair right in my face.”  OH!  Now the lady noticed she was sitting right on top of her and moved and apologized.  Thank goodness.  Otherwise BFF would have been squished right up against me for the entire show.  I was afraid she would be trapped there all night, unable to pee, drink water or even breathe.  I might have had to rescue her if the lady had not moved.  We even snapchatted about it quietly (Follow me there for fun stuff!  Snapchat name:  ladymiryaa).  BFF was finally free of the Squishy Lady next to her and we settled back to talk a bit before the show started.  And that is when I noticed the guy sitting next to me.

I hadn’t noticed him before because I was plotting on how to free BFF from the Squishy Lady so that my BFF wouldn’t be a squished little pancake BFF.  But after the Squishy Lady quit squishing her, I reached down to get some water to drink and noticed the man next to me.  The man who had removed his shoes.  Excuse me?  Is this real?  Yes, you read that right.  He had removed his shoes.  And not flip-flops, regular dress shoes.  So, there he sat in his nice dress clothes and his socks.  Hello!  You are not at home in front of your TV.  You are at the theater.  With other people.  You can’t just remove your shoes and fill the theater with your foot funk.  I nudged BFF and tilted my head at the Socked Wonder sitting next to me.  She looked down and then at me in horror and disgust.  Have I mentioned we both hate feet?  Seriously he had his shoes off!  I mean what the heck.  Who does that?  BFF quietly leans towards me and says “You win.  That is disgusting.”  Yahoo?  I won!  Not sure that I wanted to win that competition of having the worst weirdo sitting next to me at the theater, but I did.  Ugh.

Despite the weirdos at the theater, BFF and I had a great time in the Devil’s Butthole for a couple of days.  And go see Newsies!  Hopefully you won’t have your own version of Squishy Lady and Socked Wonder at your show.  And please, for my sake, dress nicely and cover your bits and pieces.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover that people are weirdos at the theater but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl who doesn’t squish people or take off her shoes at the theater Running.  The experiment continues…

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