Apparently, there is actually a Superhero day in April. Who knew? I feel like that every day now has something associated with it, but Superhero day? That seems weird to me. Why do we need to have special days for everything? I remember when it was just things like Mother’s day and the holidays. Now we have Left-hander’s Day, Sibling day and all sorts of weird things, like Superhero day. Don’t get me wrong…BFF and I are HUGE Superhero fans. I mean, come on. We dressed as Wonder Woman and Robin for Halloween. But to have a whole day especially dedicated? Nah. We don’t need that. This weird day though did lead me to think about a conversation BFF, Bubby, Pocket Fiance and I had about superpowers. We were trying to think about what would be the absolute worst superpower to have if you were to be given one. I mean we always ask people what superpower they would like to have and you are always granted with the answers of invisibility, flight, mind reading, etc. But what would you consider the worst superpower? Would it be not being able to lie? Hmmmmm. We were all thinking about this question when Pocket Fiance came up with the what we considered to be the worst superpower…the power of the vinegar smell.
Picture it. You are in the car with your friends driving to a fun night out. You see a robbery taking place and your friends yell at you to use your superpower to stop the crime. You get so freaked out you release your superpower in the car. Vinegar smell. In a small enclosed space. Way to be. Now everyone in the car smells like a giant douche and the robber is free. Awesome. How are you supposed to stop a robbery with your super power? Are you supposed to overpower the robber with your acidic smell? I mean, some people hate that smell, but maybe someone would be repelled enough by your smell to run away and forget the robbery. Or maybe they would decide to stop and make a salad or clean out their vagina if they are a girl. Great. So now you are the superhero that cleans out vaginas. Does this mean your name will be Vagina-Cleaning Man? Supersalad? Fermentation Woman? I mean the possibilities on your name are endless but most of them are not so great.
Can you imagine how annoyed all your friends will be when you release your superpower in such a small space? Too small a space to bring that smell my friend! Release that acid smell in the wild! At least if you are going to release that smell, give people a warning! Yell “vinegar smell” and do some sort of little dance so we know you are doing that. It would be almost as bad as a person who lets out egg farts without a warning. At least roll the windows down and say you are sorry. Geez Fermentation Woman…way to ruin a nice car ride. Or there you are at a party and someone asks you to show off your superpower. Doing your vinegar smell dance and hanging your head in shame, you have now cleared the entire room. I guess if you really wanted to have a one person party that is a good idea. It is not like you can leap tall buildings, fly through the sky, hear conversations miles away or cut things in half with your laser eyes. Although, if I were a criminal and I saw Vagina-Cleaning Man coming toward me, I would drop what I was doing and run the other way. Why? Because I don’t want to be that criminal in jail that smells like a giant salad. The other criminals are gonna know who caught me just by the distinct smell. I would get laughed at in prison and be made somebody’s love slave because I was the one caught by the vinegar smell of Vagina-Cleaning Man. My family would be shamed when they came to see me because I am sporting new drawn on scary eyebrows and cornrows in my hair and a brand new home-made tattoo. Nope. I am running if Vagina-Cleaning Man comes to bust me. I am outta there.
I think Pocket Fiance hit the nail on the head with the worst superpower ever of vinegar smell. No amounts of cute dancing and warning can make that superpower tolerable. With this superpower you will never be as cool as Batman. Lame. Totally lame.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did realize how lame having the superpower of releasing vinegar smell would be and how I wouldn’t want to be caught by Vagina-Cleaning Man but I didn’t die. I am Fat Girl not wanting to be someone’s prison love slave and sporting a new tattoo due to my life of crime Running. The experiment continues…