Random Blog Topic: Finding Your Parent’s Porn Stash


Have you ever thought about what would happen if you died?  Like what would happen afterwards?  Not with you per say but with all your stuff.   Somebody in your family is going to have to go through your stuff. And by this, I mean all your stuff.  They will find all your deep dark secrets.  Everything you have hidden away from the world.  Now, think about who that might be.  If you are a parent, chances are it will probably be one of your kids.  Imagine your kids going through your closet, your clothes, and all of a sudden they open one drawer or bedside table or box under the bed and what do they find?  To their horror or amusement they have now discovered your porn stash complete with sex toys. Yup. Now we are all adults here, so I see nothing wrong with porn and sex toys.  I know most everybody has them nowadays and nothing wrong with that.   Unfortunately, this random blog topic was brought to you today by my friends, who had this wonderful experience just recently after her Dad died.  So let’s talk about this topic a bit and how maybe we can avoid it.

Like I said, I see nothing wrong with porn or sex toys or anything like this.  This is not what I am discussing.  I am talking about somebody finding your stash that you didn’t intend to find it.  This could cause a little bit of trauma.  I hear stories all the time about children finding their parents sex toys and coming out with them at inappropriate moments.  In fact, one of my friends recently told me about her daughter coming out of her room asking her if she wanted to have a Light Saber fight.  My friend, not looking up, said sure she would but that they didn’t have any Light Sabers to use.  Her daughter said she found a pink light saber and it lit up and turned and everything.  My friends looked up and to her horror, there was her daughter with her vibrator, turned on and brandishing it like a Light Saber.  Wow.  What do you even say to your child at that point?  How do you handle that?  At least it wasn’t in front of other people that is for sure.  Thank goodness her daughter was young enough to probably not remember this incident and need therapy for it.  My friend on the other hand is a different story.  I would need some wine at least.

I can’t even imagine having a small child finding your stash nor can I imagine finding one of my parent’s stash of porn and sex toys.  I am pretty sure that if this happened to me, I would need a whole box of wine, let alone some therapy to get through that.  It would be horrifying and amusing at the same time.  Also it might have a slight icky factor to it.  About like when you walk in on your parents having sex.  Gross.  Or even hear them having sex.  What is worse to you?  At least the sounds I can drown out but the visual effects of seeing your parents having sex will last a lifetime.  A lifetime of horrifying nightmarish visions that will come when you least expect it.  Not that I have had this experience and if I have, I am not sharing.  So gross.  Now, picture going through your parents stuff because they have died and finding their stash.  You open the box or drawer and find all their dirty little secrets.  What do you do?  Do you scream?  Do you close the drawer or box right away?  Do you stare at it horrified not being able to move?  I am not sure what my reaction would be but I bet it would be one of those.  And I would also be traumatized for life.  On one hand, at least your parents had  healthy sex life and maybe  to your horror you will discover they were into dungeon midget porn.  That would be awful.  I wouldn’t even know what to do.  It would for sure end up in the trash but the fact that I found it would still haunt me forever.

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Your kids faces when they find your porn/sex toy stash after you die.  No joke.

I think I have a solution to this problem.  Designate someone to come over to your house after you die to get rid of the evidence before people start to go through it all.  Someone you trust  Someone who wouldn’t care what kind of freaky dungeon midget porn and S&M stuff you had been into before you died.  Someone who won’t judge you after you die.  It’s that simple.  That one person should come and get your stash and ditch it, preferably not in your own trash, and they should also clear your internet browsing history just in case you were browsing dungeon midget porn as well before you died.  It is so simple.  Just make a deal with someone.  I am making this deal with my Bubby cuz I know he won’t care if he finds any kind of freaky porn collection.  Not that I have one.  I mean, I might but I am not telling.  So just figure out who that person is and make a deal with them.. Don’t traumatize your children by leaving it for them to find.  Or at least put a good bottle of liquor in the drawer or box so that if they do find it, they can just get drunk to try to erase the memory.  I am so sorry to my friend who recently had to go through this traumatizing event.  So designate someone today!

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did get a little freaked out by the thought of discovering one of my parent’s porn/sex toy stash but I didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl glad my Bubby will be the one to destroy my stash Running.  The experiment continues…

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