I know you have all heard me talk about how sometimes I don’t like to wear pants. But you might be wondering why. Why the no pants? I am here to tell you, my dear readers, why no pants are the best pants (this is also my favorite hashtag btw). I know there are others out there who feel the same as I do about not wearing pants all the time. Who are you? Raise your hands high so we can all check to see if you are wearing pants while reading this and applaud you if you are not. BFF does not understand why I choose to not wear pants. Like at all. So hence this random blog topic which is courtesy of a fellow author Sara Ney….you should check her out as well. I adore her stuff and I might stalk her on occasion, but in reality she likes it. She also doesn’t like to wear pants. Not a lot of us authors do actually when I think about it. We choose outfits to write in that are the least binding and the most comfortable. Some days that involves no pants.
I really do feel that some days are no pants days. No mind you, this is usually best achieved at home as not wearing pants in public could prove to be a risky move on your part. I mean, if you don’t mind the awkward stares and possibly making new friends in the jail, then by all means don’t wear pants in public. But be aware this might put you on a public registry of sorts and you might be told to stay away from schools. Just saying. It is not like I wake up and say “Today is a glorious day to not wear pants”…ok maybe I do. Usually, the first step to not wearing pants is to think about your day. Do you have to go anywhere that would require pants? Are you expecting company? Do you feel too fat for pants? Do you want to just sit on your couch and eat all the things? These are important questions that need to be answered. Once I have decided the answers to these questions, then I usually decide not to wear pants. Pants can be constrictive, cut off circulation, leave indents in your stoob, and make prisoners of your legs. Some days, these things just aren’t worth it to me. So be warned if you show up at my house unexpected that I might not have pants on. For reals.
Some days, the decision to not wear pants happens later in the day. I come home from doing whatever I have been doing that day and the first thing that happens is the pants come off. I don’t need no stinking pants! They are left usually in a sad pile somewhere on my floor awaiting their time to once again imprison my legs and make fun patterns on my stoob with their wrinkles and buttons. I might even glower at them, accusing them of this red design now etched into my skin as I stride off without them. Take that pants! You should try it. Seriously. Right now. Take off your pants and do some normal activity. I am writing right now without pants on. Try just walking around your living room without pants. Now watch tv without them. There is a sense of freedom that comes without wearing pants. Now have a dance party without them….this is the best and I do it frequently. Who cares what you look like without pants? I don’t. Shake your booty and feel the joy of not being caged in by society’s norms.
Some days I feel too fat to wear pants. Every pair is a struggle to get on and comes complete with a jiggle here and a jump around there to even get them on. Even the other day at work I felt like a busted can of biscuits in my scrubs and wished I could not wear pants at work but that might get me fired. And then I couldn’t afford pants or my house if I didn’t have a job. Then I would get arrested because I would not have a home or pants. It would be on some national registry and might have a prison wife all because I didn’t wear pants to work and got fired. So I kept on my scrub pants, no matter how tight they felt. This is an example of when you SHOULD wear pants. But you can guess what I did when I got home….yup removed the pants that caused me to feel like a busted can of biscuits. And then proceeded to not wear pants to bed either. Having a fat day is a perfect example (unless you are working) of an occasion that screams to not wear pants. Then, since you are already feeling fat, you can eat your feelings with all the things. No….really though maybe this will give you cause to stop and think about what you can do to change why your pants are not fitting and stop eating Red Vines by the package (not that I have any experience in this realm and one is not hanging out of my mouth as I type). Not wearing pants might just jump-start you in your weight loss journey because you want your pants to fit better even if you choose not to wear them. So see…good things can come out of not wearing pants.
There are days that my choice of pants are not really what you would call pants. These are days I choose to wear what my friends and I call “butterpants” AKA LuLaRoe leggings. Holy cow people. These truly feel like you are not wearing pants at all. I am not joking when I tell you that these leggings are the softest things you have ever put on your legs and never feel like leg prisons. They really are the best “pants” to wear to write in because they don’t constrict or ind or make the angry patterns on your stoob. They come in fun prints and I just throw them on with a t-shirt and I am set to be at my computer for long periods of time. Plus then the leather of my chair doesn’t stick to my butt or if someone comes over like Bubby, then I am wearing some sort of leg covering and not just my unders and a t-shirt. That is not fun for my Bubby at all. But hey….he has learned to tell me he is coming over so I can put on pants. Some of you might have seen my posts on Instagram (follow me there ——> thefatgirlrunning) when I post pics of my butterpants when I am writing or curled up with a good book. I don’t even care if my shirt doesn’t cover my butt when I wear these. I mean it wont if I am in just my unders so what difference is there? None. These are the days that it might be too cold to wear just my unders and so butterpants are the perfect substitution. This might be an option for you if you have small children around all the time or are freaked out by the fact of not wearing any pants at all. Baby steps for those of you who need them. Those of you who don’t…just take off the pants man. No pants are the best pants.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did sit here, sans pants, and write about the joys of not wearing any pants but I didn’t die. I am Fat Girl who encourages you to not wear pants when it is appropriate unless you want a prison wife Running. The experiment continues…