Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out what to write about when I blog. Mainly because I feel like my life is pretty boring. However, I recently asked my fan group…wait did you know I had a fan group? It’s true. I have a fun fan group called Fat Girl Nation: Revenge of the Fans on Facebook. You should look it up and join in because it is lots of fun. You might even get to meet some of the crazy people who allow me to write about them on a regular basis. For reals though I asked the crazy fans what I should write about. Pocket GF suggested I blog about what a typical day in my life is like so here goes nothing.
I kind of feel like those gossip magazines that show celebrities doing real things like “Look! Julia Roberts goes grocery shopping!” or “Channing Tatum goes to the dentist!”. I am sure that some paparazzi is gonna snap a pic of me and BFF shopping at target or me shoving Chick -Fil-A n my gob or me binge watching Friends on Netflix because that is what normally happens in my life. Of course, the shoving Chick-Fil-A in my gob usually is sans pants as well and nobody wants to see that. I mean, SOTL Man might wanna see that but really nobody else does. Would that be considered Fat Girl porn or food porn or both? Huh.
So, what do I normally do on my days off? Well, normally BFF and I have the same days off (or pretty similar) so that we can hang out. Let me describe to you my last day off so you have some idea. It starts with breakfast. I mean, let’s face it, BFF and I love to eat so breakfast is a must and I loves me some waffles so we went and got waffles. After shoving food in our gobs at our favorite diner, we went to drop off BFF’s car for an oil change. Of course, this meant we had to pick up my car from my house (since she picked me up for breakfast) and I follow her out to the dealership by the mall. I got in my car and noticed I had no gas, which is a source of contention for BFF. She never lets hers go below half a tank….something I am frequently reminded of when I drive her car to California and back. I, on the other hand, let mine go till the light comes on like a normal person and sometimes lower. Because I live on the edge like that. BFF repeatedly reminds me that if the zombie apocalypse happens, I will be grateful for her half a tank of gas because we will be able to drive somewhere on that half of a tank. I think we will have bigger problems than that if the zombie horde comes through town, but hey…what do I know? I stopped for gas and drove out to the mall to find BFF walking down the street cuz she didn’t want to wait for me at the dealership. Silly BFF.
After dropping off her car, BFF and I proceeded to the mall. Why? Because it was there and we love to shop. A lot. So in we went to spend money and buy stuff we didn’t need. To be honest, we really only wanted to go into VS because we had coupons, but we of course had to stop in Hot Topic because I was desperate for Harry Potter Pop! figures, which of course I found 3 of the 4 I needed to complete my collection. Not like I don’t have a wall of these figures in my office. BFF proceeded to talk herself out of everything she was gonna buy and then ended up in line with 3 things to get that she didn’t need. It is a vicious cycle. After we fulfilled our buying need and picked up her car, we decided to head back to my house to watch some episodes of So You Think You Can Dance I had on my dvr. We are obsessed with this show. Legit obsessed. Fun fact you might not know about me: I am a classically Russian trained ballet dancer. For serious. Hence why I love to dance. There we are watching an episode and we are discussing how one dancer is going to pull out of the competition and BFF says “If he pulls out, she can still get pregnant.” My BFF ladies and gents. While we are watching, my housekeeper shows up. Now, before you start in on me having a housekeeper, I am gonna say this. I am the world’s WORST housekeeper. If left to my own devices, my house would be piles of crap everywhere, food wrappers surrounding the couch and my friends would turn me into the show Hoarders. Sometimes, I do watch that show to really prove to myself that my house is not as dirty as those houses. So, I hired a housekeeper….use your genius my friends….house cleaning is not mine. Let me pay other people to do things that I am not good at is how I think. We continued to watch SYTYCD with our own running commentary that is similar to MST3000. BFF was admittedly a little freaked out by sitting there on the couch while someone cleans my house, but I am so used to it that it doesn’t bother me.
After BFF and my housekeeper leave, I am left to my own devices. This is where it can get quite scary. First off, pants almost always come off. No pants are the best pants. Once the pants have come off, then you might think I am limited to activities inside my house….and you would be quite wrong. I have been known to drive to Chick-Fil-A without pants to get some grub. But mostly I stay inside for the sake of the children. This where the couch usually eats me. I might take the time to contemplate unpacking the boxes sitting in my office from when I had my floors done in December, but then I turn on Netflix or open a book and it is all forgotten. The rest of my day is usually spent trolling the internet, eating, reading, eating, watching tv, eating, or sometimes eating. This is my life. It isn’t that exciting but there you have it. Now let’s see the paparazzi find something to publish about me! “Look! The Fat Girl doesn’t wear pants when she goes to Chick-Fil-A just like us!”
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did however realize how much I do in a day and how much time I spend eating but I didn’t die. I am Fat Girl who hates to wear pants and hopes some paparazzi don’t capture me in without them Running. The experiment continues….