A Guide to Dealing With Children in Lines: BFF Style

This weekend was Superbowl weekend, which normally BFF and I spend in Disneyland due to nobody being there. This year, however, we postponed our trip due to a co-worker we adore getting married.  We are planning on going at the end of the month instead…measles outbreak be damned.  In fact, we are glad we are going because of the measles outbreak…it means there will be fewer children to deal with in lines than usual.  Plus, we are both vaccinated (Science!) so we have nothing to fear.  As BFF pointed out, fewer children means less annoying events in line which we always run into for some reason…like a child licking the chain repeatedly while we were in line for Space Mountain. On our last trip, the most annoying of annoying events happened while in line and BFF dealt with it in the best way possible.

Let me set this up for you:  we were in line for the coveted Cars ride and we had fast passes for it.  Which meant we wouldn’t have to wait the 90 minutes the regular people in line had to wait.  It also meant that we had a separate line with other fast pass holders and got to officially “cut” in line.  This really is the only way to ride this highly popular ride as teh line is always long.  We were behind a family whose child was not paying attention to the line moving and several times had to be told by his parents to get up with the family.  I hate this aspect of waiting in line the most….people who do not pay attention to the line moving and end up with a huge gap for minutes to eternity until they acted shocked the line moved and finally move up, much to the annoyance of the rest of us behind them.  I really have no patience with these people…especially children who are too busy doing something they shouldn’t (like licking the chain) be instead of moving up in line.  The Cars ride has metal railings on either side of the line (looks like radiator pipes for effect) and for some reason, this little Mouseketeer thought it would be a fine idea to place one foot on either side of the line on these railings to walk.  Thereby, moving the line slowly and leaving a gap a whole car from the ride could fit into the fast pass line.  ANNOYING.

BFF and I were quietly and carefully plotting this child’s “accident” in line when BFF got a call from her Momma so she answered it. Note:  she did NOT in any way hold up the line while on the phone with her Momma!  She was able to manage answering the phone, talking and moving up in line all at the same time.  Amazing.  Not once was she annoying to anyone behind her because she understands proper line etiquette.  The child in front of us, however, was still spread eagle attempting to walk on the railings despite repeatedly being told by Cast Members and his parents to stop doing it.  BFF, still on the phone, looks and sees the now school bus sized gap between him and his family and decides she has had enough.  She looks at me, glances at the kid still straddling the line like Stretch Armstrong, and decides to deal with the annoyance quickly and quietly.  By kicking him square in the booty.  Yup.  Kicks him in the butt.  No apologies.  Square in the tushie she planted her foot and caused him to fall down and run to his parents, all the while looking at both of us.  I turn to her and mouth “Did you just kick him?”  to which she replied by looking innocent and we both hear the people laughing behind us because I don’t think the y realized we didn’t know the Annoying One.  I am trying not to laugh now and BFF is still on the phone with her Momma looking all innocent like nothing happened, hoping we don’t get called out by this kiddo to his parents or to a Cast Member.  The Annoying One hides behind his mother and looks at us, but not once does he rat us out.  I am pretty sure we might have seen Disney Cast Members high-five over it, but it might have been over something else (although I am sure it was BFF kicking this kid cuz I know I would have).  But guess what?  Suddenly we were almost to the front of the line and fast because this kid kept moving.  What a concept.

I am sure BFF will say it was an “uncontrolled leg spasm” and she didn’t kick him right where the sun doesn’t shine, but I can assure you that she did…and that he deserved it.  Maybe it taught him the lesson of appropriate line etiquette but I doubt it…he was probably the same small child a few years ago that licked the chain repeatedly at Space Mountain.  Ew.  I don’t think I would recommend this way of dealing with gap leavers, because I don’t know of anyone besides BFF who could get away with it, but it was awesome.  Highly awesome.  Just watch your kids in line around BFF.  And I am sure those Cast Members really were high-fiving over her swift uncontrollable leg spasm right to the tushie.  For reals.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did learn a great new way to deal with annoying children in line from BFF but didn’t die.  I am Fat Girl whose BFF sometimes has uncontrollable leg spasms to children’s tushies when they are being annoying in line Running.  The experiment continues….

2 thoughts on “A Guide to Dealing With Children in Lines: BFF Style

  1. Ey Wade February 2, 2015 / 5:39 pm

    OMG, I would’ve died laughing, only because it would’ve been an uncontrollable, knee-jerk reaction.
    Now, if it had been my kid…naw, my kid would’ve always been in front of me.
    Carry on.

    • The Fat Girl Running February 2, 2015 / 5:41 pm

      I was dying and we must have laughed about it for an hour afterwards. Seriously she has balls I tell you!

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