I have found a new talent. Â One I am so good at I could gold medal in it if it were an Olympic sport. Â The art of procrastinating. Â I mean I truly excel at this. Â Even now I am supposed to be writing and editing for the second book and here I am writing about how I have been procrastinating for the last two hours instead of actually working on my book. Â Sigh. Â I try…I really do. Â Just so many things come up to distract me since I have the attention span of a gnat. Â Let’s discuss the ways I find to procrastinate. Â This diagram is perfect for me:

So let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start….wait….those are song lyrics. Â See…attention span of a gnat. I have every intention of working. Â I get out my laptop. Â I put on a movie I have seen a million times over (Pitch Perfect is a favorite to write to lately. Â Tonight I chose Say Anything because who doesn’t love Lloyd Dobbler?). Â I open up the rough draft and suddenly the above diagram takes place. Â First up is usually Binge Eating. Â Why? Â Because somehow, even if I have just eaten dinner, my stomach decides it needs to eat. Â And not healthy food either…Nope. Â Skittles are usually the first thing I reach for because I think I can eat just a few. Â Who the eff am I kidding? Â The whole bag will disappear while I watch the movie I put on because I didn’t need to watch it while the computer sits there staring evilly at me. Â I might move on to popcorn or ice cream next as I still feel the need to eat. Â If I am eating, then my fingers can’t type. Â Sigh. Â This also usually involves several trips to the kitchen where I will repeatedly open the pantry, fridge and freezer in hopes that the contents have changed in the last few minutes and I will find something new to snack on. Â Why do I stand there and stare at the contents? Â Are they going to magically change into an unlimited supply of original Skittles (the REAL ones not those gross green apple ones they call original)? Â Probably not, but let me look one last time…
Discouraged Napping usually occurs after I have stuffed myself so full of junk that I am now sleepy.  Add into that the fact that I am usually dressed in comfy sweats and covered up with a soft blanket on my couch that eats my soul and it is warm…and pretty soon my eyes will start to threaten to close.  I mean, I don’t need to pay attention to the movie I am “not” watching, right?  And maybe an idea will come to me in a dream.  Or maybe a nap will revitalize me and I will feel like writing since I can’t seem to get motivated.  So if I let me eyes close for just a few minutes…it won’t hurt right?  Pretty soon I am nodding off and sliding down into a perfect napping position on the Evil Couch.  A two hour coma later and I decided it is time to move on to the next step in the pie chart.
Ok…self, I usually say. Â Let’s do this. Â You have a deadline to make. Â Laptop open. Â Rough draft in front of me. Â Here we go. Â Wait. Â I haven’t checked out what had been happening on Facebook since I took a nap. Â That won’t take long. Â Here is where Random Internet Surfing starts. Â It starts with a “quick” check of Facebook. Â It will then move on to taking random quizzes for fun, messing around on Pintrest, answering email, playing a game or two, watching midget porn, looking up random facts about porn…you name it, the internet is way to get lost for several hours. Â And this will inevitably lead back to eating….because that is what Fat Girls do. Â Eventually, the internet or the midget porn or the movie I am “not” watching will give me the one thing I am looking for…Inspiration.
Inspiration will get me going  and then the actual work will start.  Like tonights blog for example…I got my inspiration from my own procrastination.  And here I am writing for you all and hopefully this will lead to finishing up some writing for the second book.  Of course lots of times I look at the clock and go “Holy poop…look at how late it is!”  Luckily, being a night owl does have its advantages.  I do some of my best work late at night.  Of course that usually leads to napping during the day…see how this is a vicious cycle of procrastination.  One I assure you I excel at like no other.  I mean, I have just spent the last two hours writing about procrastinating…gold medal worthy for real.  And why are there no Skittles in my house?  Maybe if I go check the pantry one last time…
Oh yeah. Â I didn’t die today. Â I did do my usual procrastinating when it comes to me having to do something like write my book and get it to my publisher on time but I didn’t die. Â I m Fat Girl gonna go Random Internet Surfing now because I need to find more midget porn Running. Â The experiment continues…
I do proscrastination the same exact way except for Skittles. I have other sugar addictions. Love the pie chart (yum-pie). Sent to all my assoc. Printed and hanging on my desk so I don’t miss any steps to perfect procrastination.