The Fat Girl Running – Kristann Monaghan

Please forgive me, dear readers, for my absence.  I could blame the holidays (which are partly to blame because we all know how busy those are) or I could blame a million other things, but really the reason is wibbly wobbly timey wimey.  Yes, I have been stuck in another space-time dimension with The Doctor….Doctor Who if you are not familiar.  Damn you Netflix and your ability to stream endless seasons of this great sci-fi gloriousness into my living room.  I am, in fact, watching an episode right now while I write this.  I tell you, it is addictive and has made me a certified Whovian.  I now have debates with my friends on which version of The Doctor is better and whether bow ties are cool or not.  It is a vicious cycle.  But now, brace yourself for a small timey wimey rant.

I feel like I must address something that happened to me after I wrote my last post about what not to say when someone has cancer.  I got TONS of support and lots of survivors like myself who agreed with what I said.  I did, however, have a rather nasty encounter with someone who felt as if I was overstepping my boundaries by stating what I found was not comforting.  I was accused of being self-centered, publicly humiliating my loved ones and friends for saying these things, and bringing judgment on others. She did this in the rather public forum of Facebook (pot calling the kettle black) using very hateful language and while I did defend myself there, it got me to thinking.   Hmmmmm…well let’s address these things, shall we.

First off, this is MY blog and therefore MY opinion.  You do not have to agree with me in all things that I say, in fact I rather like engaging in healthy debate with people.  But to call me self-centered about my own cancer….well yes.  I am.  Why?  Because it is MY cancer and MY journey.  Yours might be different.  But I feel that I have every right to discuss what I found to be not comforting.  And since many survivors have said the same thing to me, I think that this person is more in the minority than the majority.  Yes, I understand that people are trying to relate or “show their understanding” of my diagnosis, but really…can they understand?  Can they know what it feels like to have cancer?  Unless they have cancer themselves, then I say no.  Do not try to understand what I am going through.  Just take my hand and go with me on the journey.  This does not make me the “Queen of what not to say”.  Rather, a voice in what many find comforting and maybe a chance to step back and re think what you might say to a loved one.  It has made me re-think what I say when people tell me things.  If you found what I said offensive, then I suggest you think about WHY it made you feel offended.  Chances are, you have used these phrases yourself and do not like the fact that maybe someone does not appreciate what you are saying.

As far as publicly humiliating my friends and loved ones, there you are mistaken.  My friends and loved ones KNOW I am a blogger and anything they say can and usually will be used in one of my blogs.  If there is something they would rather me not discuss, they tell me.  I do not feel I offended any of them because they would have told me.  It is a strictly honesty policy I have with all my friends and loved ones and if they don’t like it, then they are not my friends.  And if I did publicly humiliate one of them, then let me take this opportunity to apologise publicly for doing so.  It was not my intent.  My intent by that blog post was again, to make people think about what they say before they say things.  It can be applied to any time you are faced with something terrible..several of my friends said that when their spouse or loved one has died that people said similar things to them that they did not find comforting.  And really, if anyone should complain about being publicly humiliated, then my BFF really should, since most of the things I write involve the funniest things we say or do.

The last thing she accused me of was judging people for what they said to me.  Yes, I did.  Don’t we all judge people?  I mean, we can say all we like that we don’t, but I see it in everyday life.  And yes, I am just as guilty as the next for judging others.  But again, this is MY blog and I can say what I like because it is my forum for expressing myself.  If you don’t want to hear what I have to say, then don’t read my blog.  As for judging others…I rather believe that this person judged me by my blog post.  So that is again the pot calling the kettle black. So, see…we all judge people.

Ok…wibbly wobbly rant over.  I feel better.  Again, I love hearing people’s opinions about what I write, I would just prefer that they weren’t so hateful when expressed.  So express yourself!  I know I do…here in my blog.  My forum for my opinions.  Glad you read them!

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however get lost in the TARDIS with The Doctor for a while but returned to this dimension and this time to continue to write my opinions in my blog.  I am the ever opinionated blogger The Fat Girl Running and I love my readers.  The experiment continues…