It was a dark and stormy night…wait….maybe just dark since it is almost midnight. I am about to embark into turning into my alter ego, Super Stann, to fight the Big C tomorrow. I have kept busy the last few days trying to prepare, even redecorated the craft dojo since Bubby finished all the painting in there. To become Super Stann takes some prep work, but to fight a big battle like the Battle Against the Big C requires even more work to transform into the superhero I know I am. So here I go…
First off, after cleaning my lair…AKA The Fortress of Attitude… I need to pack a bag to turn into Super Stann. I mean I have to show up as a normal everyday patient, but I need some supplies. Along with the normal slippers and jammies, I have to pack the essentials. Pink Cape of Courage….check. Uterus of Justice….check check. The Uterus is my secret weapon that was sent to me by two of my friends. One of them actually knitted me a new uterus and this one is cancer free. Seriously, who makes someone else a new uterus? My friends. That’s who. Remember how awesome I said my friends were…this just proves it. It is one of the funniest things I swear I have ever gotten in the mail…and I am pretty sure it is real uterus sized. The Uterus of Justice can be used to throw at people and watch out….you never know who I might throw it at! We even tossed it around the nurses station at work my last shift before I went out on leave. Yup. My friends rock.
The next step in transforming into Super Stann in order to fight the Big C is to take a special shower that gets rid of the of all the microbes on my body. I actually had to take a real shower and then coat my body in this special soap…twice…wait 2 minutes and then rinse off the soap. I feel sanitized. Oh…and I smell weird. Like hospital weird. I also must take one of these special superhero power enhancing showers in the morning. Oh joy. And did I mention, you then cannot use any lotions or deodorants. Pretty sure I might need that second demicrobing shower in the morning. I felt a little like Ethan Hawke in the movie Gattaca when he gets into that decontamination shower pod thingy to scrub his skin down. I really did feel like I was in a sci-fi movie coating my body in this special weird soap that smells like antiseptic. But, if it enhance my superhero powers, then more power to it. I still smell weird. Ninja Kitty doesn’t even want to sit with me.
So now, after guzzling a glass of water…because not eating and drinking now will also enhance my ability to fight….I am ready for the fight tomorrow. I promise to get a picture of me wandering the halls in my Pink Cape of Courage. After all, it will cover my flass in that oh so sexy hospital gown. Here comes SUPER STANN! I shall prevail against the Big C…of this I am sure. It will not stand up to my powers!
Oh yeah…I didn’t die today. I did, however, prepare myself for becoming my alter ego Super Stann in order to fight the Big C tomorrow! I am Fat Girl with a Pink Cape of Courage and a Uterus of Justice running! The experiment continues….