My Milkshake Brings All The…Who Am I Kidding?


When wanting to bring all the boys or girls to the yard and your milkshake just isn’t cutting it, I have some sexy things that might help you get your groove on.  These are all brought to you courtesy of my new friend Prednisone.  These sexy little tidbits are sure to get the trailer rocking so don’t come a knocking.  I can’t imagine why I don’t have tons of knocks on my door right now…

  1. My new level of energy is sure to bring on hours of bed shaking moon rocking fun if I can keep winded long enough to walk to the bed that is.  It literally feels like I am humming on a different frequency than the rest of the population.  It is like the world is moving is slow motion to the beat of my own heart as it jumps around in my chest cavity.  I feel like I have enough energy to clean the world yet just don’t have the stamina to do so which might make having a little swinging from the ceiling difficult.  Since I can barely walk from the store to my car without having a coughing fit, I don’t think even shaving my girly parts is worth it right now.  However, I do feel the need to stay up all night watching soft girl on girl porn masquerading in the form of a show called The L Word.  Go figure.
  2. The new dance I have perfected on my front porch dressed in nothing but my cami top and panties is sure to bring the suitors  a running.  Why this new shimmy and shake?  I am standing out in the cold temps in nothing but my chonies to make the sweat on my body dry off and maybe make me cool down.  It is a nice new temperature that this drug is giving me.  One complete with these awesome sweats that I am sure could be mistaken for libido.  Go ahead…break out the ice.  I would LOVE that right about now.  Anything to bring down my core body temp that feels like I am living south of the equator in my own skin.  I am sure the neighbors are loving the half-naked fat girl trying to cool off dance at night.
  3. The amount of food that a Fat Girl can eat I am sure just tripled.  Want to get into my bedroom?  Bring me a pizza and a LARGE bag of Skittles.  And some Diet Mountain Dew.  And pie.  Don’t forget the pie.  There must always be pie.  And feel free to bring yourself something to eat as well.
  4. I might have crazy Mel Gibson eyes that you could mistake as love interest or my willingness to try some kinky stuff right now.  If I wasn’t so full of anxiety and humming at a different frequency and feel like I could start crying any minute over a commercial about tampons then I might be inclined to agree with you.  Don’t be fooled.  Pretty sure they are just crazy Mel Gibson eyes at this point.
  5. My inability to keep a train of thought is also a deterrent to any kind of action at the moment.  I am easily distracted so if you hang something sparkly in front of me I may be gone for a while determining where I can hide it.  And while I am gone, I might have started 20 new projects that won’t ever get finished so you might fall asleep before I come back to bed.  Just saying.

I can’t imagine why I don’t have love interests lined up around the block right now.  These side effects are just plain sexy I tell ya.  Excuse me while I go stand outside for a few minutes and attempt to wipe the sheen of sweat off my upper lip to cool off.  Yeah..my milkshake brings all…oh I am so kidding myself right now.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did discover how much fun it is to have these sexy side effects as I wanted to change my clothes several times and eat the entire Panda Express but I didn’t die.  I am fat girl shaking my half-naked fat girl booty on my porch at night and humming along at a different frequency while watching soft girl on girl porn masquerading as television running.  The experiment continues…

8 thoughts on “My Milkshake Brings All The…Who Am I Kidding?

  1. swellsbennett March 5, 2013 / 9:50 pm

    Thanks for transforming your pain into humor and sharing it with the world!

    On a serious note: please take care of yourself, my friend. I’d like to get a chance to see you again on this side of heaven!

    Like

    • The Fat Girl Running March 5, 2013 / 9:52 pm

      I promise I am taking care of myself…pretty sure my BFF wouldn’t let me not at this point. I felt after the seriousness of yesterday’s post, everyone needed to laugh at my plight this time!! Thanks for your support my sister!

      Like

  2. Amy Weller Voss March 6, 2013 / 8:19 am

    That doesn’t sound like much fun, but I like the way your wrote it down. Last summer, when I was wearing that sexy boot on my foot, and taking that zpack looking script of anti-inflams, I felt as sweaty and gritty as you. Three showers a day wouldn’t have rid me of that feeling. Please take care of yourself! And now, I’m off to take a hit on my inhaler. I think I’ll dedicate it to you… ❤ ya!

    Like

  3. jenny85201 March 6, 2013 / 5:11 pm

    Even if your BFF wasn’t making you take care of yourself, I can list at least six people (starting with me) who would break their foot off in your ass (up to the knee) if you didn’t.

    I really hope all this crazy shit with your body gets sorted out soon. My poor Bestie… 😦

    Like

  4. La La March 7, 2013 / 8:11 am

    You should. You definitely should. Now I want a milkshake.

    Like

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