Ever look back on a situation and realize that it was completely ridiculous? Â And I don’t mean a little ridiculous, but deep down did that really just happen ridiculous. Â I had two of these events recently and they both centered around my driveway. Â Seriously. Â My driveway. Â Why should a piece of concrete yield such troubles? Â Well, lets just say it starts with my neighbors…
To say I dislike my neighbors is really an understatement. Â I loathe them. Â And for various reasons. Â But this one really takes the cake. Â I went outside one day to see if my driveway needed to be cleared off since it had been snowing. Â When my garage door opened, I saw a car in my driveway. Â Considering my car was parked in my garage and neither my BFF, my Bubby nor my Bestie were over, I could only presume that this car belonged to one of my neighbors. Â I stood there incredulous that someone actually had the huevos to park in my driveway and then I saw the second car…parked up on the sidewalk and into my yard. Â Are you kidding me? Â Seriously someone not only parked in my driveway, thereby blocking me in but also had parked in my yard! Â I recognized the cars as those belonging to my neighbors across the street (not the Jesus Party Boys but the other house full of college kids) so I marched over there and knocked on the door. Â I told the very sleepy (it was noon by the way) young man that they had 5 minutes to move their vehicles or I was calling the police. Â I was given a surly ok and door slammed in my face. Â Alrighty then. Â I was nice but now the Fat Girl was PISSED. Â This was beyond ridiculous. Â Cops were immediately called and I stood outside waiting for them to arrive. Â Not once did I see any sort of life form emerge from the house across the street. Â Not until someone over there must have seen the cops arrive. Â Mr Po-Po was in the middle of writing them tickets when they came running over to explain their reasons for using my yard and driveway to park their vehicles. Â Really? Â You have a reason? Â Since when is it ok to park in someone’s yard or their driveway? Â Your excuse about your own driveway not being cleared of the snow and you wanted to avoid a parking on the street ticket is invalid dear obvious hung over college student. Â And the fact that you thought I was not home is really stupid of you to say. Â Who cares if I was home or not? Â Mr. Po-Po was obviously as flummoxed as I was by their rationale. Â He informed them under no circumstances was it ever ok to park in someone else’s yard or driveway. Â I looked at them quizzically and said “What if I had to leave in the middle of the night to go to work to take care of a sick kid? Â What if some kid had died because a PICU nurse could not get to work?” Â At hearing this, Mr Po-Po turned to me, smiling and said “Oh! Â You are a nurse? Â Well then, boys, now you are getting another ticket for interfering with a public servant.” Â I do believe he said this gleefully as he wrote a second ticket for each now green looking hung over college boys. Â Then he told them to move the cars immediately or he would call a tow truck himself and that he hoped that they enjoyed the 2 tickets that were now totalling more than a ticket for parking on the street would have cost them. Â Take that parking in my driveway stupid college boys. Â Pretty sure that better not happen again. Â Vengeance is mine!
Not so long after the wonder of having vengeance served in my driveway, I went out to go get the yummies to make Christmas cookies and attempted to open my garage door. Â Attempted as the door opened only an inch. Â I pushed the button several times and it would shut but then only opened an inch again. Â I went and looked at the door and could not find anything wrong. Â Again I pushed the button, even trying the one in my car because that is what a Fat Girl does….repeats the futile button pushing until I realize that this was getting me no where. Â Since I needed to get my car out of the garage in order to go to the store to make the deliciousness that is my Christmas cookies, I decided to open it manually. Â My Bubby had shown me how once when the power went out. Â So, being a smart Fat Girl, I pulled the red cord and attempted to lift the door open myself. Â Attempted to give myself a hernia is more like it. Â Holy cow is that door heavy. Â I texted BFF to tell her what was going on and she and I troubleshooted some more but to no avail. Â Now to say I was getting a little panicked in the thought of being stranded in my own house was an understatement. Â I decided it would be best to try to open the door from the front because that handle was easier to use. Â I went out front, unlocked the door and turned the handle and attempted to open the door again. Â The handle promptly came off in my hands. Â Literally came off. Â I then found myself sitting in my driveway sobbing and laughing as I realized I could not get out of my garage. Â Yup. Â Sitting and alternately sobbing and laughing in my driveway. To my defense, I was taking some hormones for a cyst in the female nether regions so that might have had some contribution to my crying. Â Yes. Â Let’s blame it on the extra hormones. Â And thank goodness BFF could read the panic in my texts and quickly came over even though when she called me I was crying. Â Between the two of us and a few ladders, we did manage to get the door open so I was no longer stranded and crying n my driveway. Â Good lord….that was also ridiculous.
Oh yeah. Â I didn’t die today. Â I did however go between anger, vengeance and tears over the driveway of all things. Â I am fat girl with a lot of hormones rushing through my body causing me to have all kinds of emotions running.
I love your blog! Good golly you make me happy with your stories!
I am so glad Shellie!