Hooked On Phonics Worked For Me! Or Why I Respect My Seester (And Other Teachers)

This past week I did something that was turned out was actually fun but also made me respect the heck out of my seester who is a teacher.  I helped my BFF’s Momma with a book fair.  See, BFF’s Momma runs the library at one of the local elementary schools and needed some help so of course I said I would help.  I had no idea what I was getting into.  I don’t think I have spent that much time around children since I was a camp counselor back in the days of Camp Hantesa and Camp Lakamaga. If you are thinking “But you are a PICU nurse.  You spend all your work time around children.”  I spend my time around SICK children.  BIG difference.  I always joke that I like my patients vented, sedated and orphaned.  Kids are different when they are sick and you are helping them get better.  And once they get better and start pushing that call light too often, then it is time for them to get out of the PICU.  Don’t get me wrong….I really do LOVE children, however there is a big reason I do not have any myself.  I love taking care of them as my job, but sick kids are a whole different monster than healthy, loud, wild children.  Pretty sure I needed a large box drink of wine after helping at the book fair.

All my favorite places
Cuz who wouldn’t want to introduce children to all these marvelous places??

I really did not mind volunteering.  I love children and I love books.  What could go wrong?  I mean, I am the Aunty/Nina who ALWAYS buys books for the kids in my life.  Always.  So helping kids pick out books shouldn’t be that hard, right?  I might have forgotten that children have the attention span of a gnat and when placed in front of carts and piles of books, making a decision becomes the hardest thing they have ever done in their whole lives.  I mean the attention span of a gnat.  When I tell you these are the carts you can pick from that have books for under $5 on them, then do not walk across the room, pick up the hard cover book of Wimpy Kid and ask if you can get that one.  What part of this cart only did you not understand?  Nope…you also cannot have the ultimate guide to Pokemon from that other pile.  THIS cart only.  Ok, let me turn you around.  THIS cart.  There.  Whew.  Not to mention that they also sell all this little crap like erasers, pencils, pens, bookmarks and other assorted nonsense at the book fair.  Ugh.  I actually watched a child come in with $20 and spend $17 of it on that crap.  Do you know how many books you could buy with $20 at a book fair?  But nope, she would rather have the eraser shaped like a kitty, a game controller or a ninja than get books.  Sigh.  Pretty sure all the other book lovers in my life just cringed like I did.  I also did not factor in the fact that children would reach into their pockets, pull out a handful of assorted coins along with lint, gum wrappers and who knows what else and ask you how much money they had.  The amount of sweaty dirty covered in boogers crinkly one dollar bills I had to handle was unbelievable.  And they just dump into your hand along with whatever else was in their pocket and ask you if they have enough for the pencil or eraser or book.  Yeah…I needed the gallon size of hand sanitizer.  We had to keep a high surveillance on the cheap crap as apparently that stuff walks out in pockets.  BFF’s Momma actually caught a little 4-year-old, who was there with his siblings and Mom, put a book under his shirt and walk out trying to steal it.  Nice.  Real nice.  Of course the mom said nothing to the child.  Nothing.  Awesome.  If that had been me, not only would I have been yelled at right then and there, I would have also gotten beaten within an inch of life when I got home (or more likely the car…and then at home as well).

Hahahahaha…pretty sure my seester needs this

The noise level and behavior of some of the kids really made me respect the teachers who have to deal with them on a daily basis for 8 hours a day. Are you kidding me?  I was freaking exhausted after helping out for a few hours each day.  Seriously…I wanna know how my seester does not lose her shit all over her students.  Pretty sure I wanted to several times after redirecting the same child for the third time or after telling the same child that the price of the posters was still $4.50 about fifty times.  Guess what?  The price did not change from poster to poster nor did it change from day-to-day.  Still $4.50 dude.  Fat Girl needed a box drink of wine after all of that.  I was so tired, it was all I could do to watch tv with glazed over eyes and then crawl into bed.  How in the heck was I ever a camp counselor for years?  And who put ME in charge of their children?  Seriously teaching has got to be exhausting.  I am still sure I would lose my shit over the child who asked me for the 100th time how to do an assignment.  Yup.  That would so happen.  Lose my shit and my job.  What scared me was that BFF’s Momma actually told me how great I was with the kids and that I would have made a great teacher.  Yeah……no.  I will take being a nurse where I only have to work 3 days a week and get to play with fun things like vents and drugs and blood and gore thanks.  I even had one of the kids whisper loudly to me “Hey you were my nurse!  I know you!”  Which makes me wonder what I did to torture the poor child for him to remember me.  Teaching children…I will leave that to awesome people like my seester who got voted Teacher of The Year at her school this year.  Yup.  She is THAT awesome.  She gets it from me.  My Fat Girl awesomeness rubbed off at some point onto her.  Kudos to all of you that teach.  I couldn’t do your job without a lot of wine and some Valium(preferably together).

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I thought I was gonna die from the amount of germ filled dollar bills from sweaty dirty little hands that  I handled but I didn’t die.  I am fat girl who has decided that I am glad I am not a teacher running.  The experiment continues….



11 thoughts on “Hooked On Phonics Worked For Me! Or Why I Respect My Seester (And Other Teachers)

  1. swellsbennett October 2, 2012 / 8:19 pm

    Yep. One afternoon with other people’s children is more than enough to remind me of all the great reasons to remain childless. 🙂

    • ladymiryaa October 2, 2012 / 8:21 pm

      No kidding. I honestly don’t know how people do it. Except through alcohol.

    • ladymiryaa October 2, 2012 / 11:44 pm

      That is so freaking awesome! I have never been reblogged before! Love it!

      • nhicksb October 3, 2012 / 12:01 am

        i love your blog, no doubt bout that 🙂

      • ladymiryaa October 3, 2012 / 12:16 am

        Awww, shucks. Thanks!

  2. Cathlin Monaghan Shahriary October 5, 2012 / 3:48 pm

    AWWW! Thanks, Sissy, and you’re right- you’re awesomeness did rub off on me….this has been a tough and stressful week and so needed that! I’m sure you did great!! LOVE YOU!

    • ladymiryaa October 5, 2012 / 7:36 pm

      Pretty sure both my siblings rock and make me so proud! Don’t know how you do it every day seester but I am glad you do!

  3. Shellie October 31, 2012 / 7:31 am

    Welcome to our world! LOL Please tell your sister congrats on Teacher of the year! That’s wonderful!

    • ladymiryaa October 31, 2012 / 9:52 am

      Thanks Shellie! She is pretty amazing if I say so myself!

  4. bill monaghan November 1, 2012 / 8:21 pm

    Yes, if you had tried to steal a book you might have made it to the car, or more likely just outside the school. Oh, and awsomeness is inherited. You all got it from your father

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