Mean Girls On Aisle 2

There is this elusive animal at work.  It is one that always seems to be within my grasp but then sneaks away when I wasn’t looking.  I keep looking and hoping it will call my name to come and grab it, but lately (actually since Jan) it has not.  It is called standby.  For those of you not in the medical field, standby is when your patient census is down and you have too many nurses scheduled.  So, you are placed on standby for your shift meaning that you can get called in at any point but it also means you are possibly granted an extra night off.  I keep trying to get it, but the standby Gods just do not want to let me have it.  Either I am the only charge nurse on or there are too many patients.  So much for our normal slow summer.  When I got a message tonight offering me standby, I about squeed like a fan girl about to meet Wil Wheaton.  Yes, thank you, I will take this glorious elusive thing.  Once I finished doing the Fat Girl dance of joy (which might have looked like Chris Farley dancing), I had to decide what to do with an extra night off.  Sleeping is out of the question as I slept all day.  BFF is working so hanging out with her is also out. Hmmmm.  What to do.  Then it hit me!  Grocery shop.  Yup.  I am THAT exciting.

Grocery shopping when you are a Fat Girl can be both a nightmare and a secret joy.  I mean, I love food, so shopping for food can be a lot of fun. It’s like putting a drug addict in front of rows upon rows of their favorite drug and allowing them to have all they want.  That is what food is like to a Fat Girl, except you can’t live without food.  I have sometimes gone into the grocery store, drooling, the concoctions I can make running through my head.  And lets just say I am a really good cook, hence why I am fat.  So to go grocery shopping is quite fun and exciting for me.  Then I remembered that I am on a quest to not be fat.  Damn.  That means skipping over certain things in the store. Like chips, cookies, ice cream, candy (is Skittles a candy or just a food group?) and the baking aisle in general.  All those things that made me fat to begin with.  Ever notice when you are shopping as a Fat Girl, that sometimes you get those judgemental looks from people as they glance in your cart?  Like they expect to see that jumbo box of Twinkies in there but not the 2 liter of Diet Coke.  What?  Don’t you wash your sugar down with fake sugar?  Or they see all your junk food and I can see that they are thinking “No wonder you are fat.”  However, when you are a Fat Girl shopping on a diet, you STILL get those looks.  I literally saw and heard two little skinny bitches in the store look at all my healthy choices and snicker to themselves.  Really?  How is making healthy choices funny to them?  I could hear them making snide little comments about how my diet food was not gonna help and I should just reach for a bag of chocolate.  I finally turned around and said “Yeah.  I’m fat and on a diet.  What’s so funny about that?  At least I can change the fact that I am fat.  You, however, cannot change the fact that you are ugly girls on the inside.  And when your alcohol laden junk food filled STD catching years catch up with you and you gain 90 lbs, I call that Fat Girl Karma.  Because it WILL happen.  So take your skinny little asses away from me before I punch you in the vagina and give everyone else around here something to laugh at. ”  I turned around and kept walking to the applause of other shoppers, leaving the mean skinny girls to pick their jaws off the floor and quickly leave the store.  I mean, was there a reason for that except for they are mean girls?  Nope.  And this Fat Girl does not put up with mean girls.  I eat them for a snack.  Covered in caramel and dipped in chocolate thank you very much.  I hate mean girls.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I did however manage to maybe stay home for an extra night and avoid a vagina punching rampage on aisle 2.  I am fat girl who doesn’t take any sass from any skinny girls but instead spits them out cuz they taste bitter running.  The experiment continues….

18 thoughts on “Mean Girls On Aisle 2

  1. jenny85201 July 19, 2012 / 10:01 pm

    My dearest, sweetest Kristannley…. I love you with all my heart. I am proud of you, and I am right here cheering you on. If I had been there, I would have had to throw in a “boo-YAH!” Girl – you are my inspiration… in getting healthy, and in writing. I mean, hell… you FAMOUS! I want you to remember the pledge I made to myself back in January…..”I aim to become a healthy girl, but never a skinny bitch.” Way to back the sass truck up! And all you mean girls out there…. don’t think for a moment that I wouldn’t hop in my car and come beat your asses if Stann asked me to. I love her that much. She is that good a friend to me. You have been warned.

    • ladymiryaa July 19, 2012 / 10:05 pm

      Don’t piss me off when I am hungry. Or on a diet. Or in general. Just saying.

      • jenny85201 July 19, 2012 / 10:35 pm

        Perish the thought!

  2. swellsbennett July 19, 2012 / 10:05 pm

    Good for you. Thanks for striking a blow for fat girls everywhere. You are awesome!

    • ladymiryaa July 19, 2012 / 10:16 pm

      Maybe it will teach them not to say those kind of comments. Or it will hit them when Fat Girl Karma does. With a high five. In the face. With a chair.

      • swellsbennett July 22, 2012 / 10:49 am

        Actually, I know a few women who have now suffered Fat Girl Karma. It brings me evil joy when I see their Facebook photos these days. LOL

  3. La La July 20, 2012 / 5:33 am

    You should have punched them. Girls can be awful. Good for you and the strength you feel about it–I would have gone home and cried because I am a wuss. Seriously, go you!

    • ladymiryaa July 21, 2012 / 8:07 am

      Next time, we can punch them together and then run away quickly! It will be fun!

  4. sarahnsh July 20, 2012 / 10:00 am

    My mother gets put ‘on call’ sometimes when she works, she’s a night/weekender nurse and she hates being put on call. There’s been a couple of times where we’ve gone out for dinner and she’s been put on call and they call her right before the food comes out. So, she ends up staying at home sleeping and waiting because with her luck they call her just as she starts to do something. And those mean girls deserved it, good for you!

    • ladymiryaa July 21, 2012 / 8:08 am

      I am always fearful of getting called back in when I am doing something so my activities are usually limited to around the house and nothing I cannot stop in a moment. I feel her pain. Yippee for night shifters! We rock!

  5. triedtestedandtruemommy July 20, 2012 / 1:10 pm

    Bravo! Standing Applause from Toronto! Ignore that skinny bitches…I’m a fat girl on a diet and I endorse this grocery aisle outburst!

    • ladymiryaa July 21, 2012 / 8:08 am

      Yippee! I have been endorsed! And by a Canadian no less…woo hoo!

  6. bill monaghan July 20, 2012 / 6:02 pm

    Applause, applause, applause. Just read this to Margie and she about fell out of her chair laughing. I am so proud of you. Love you, Dad

    • ladymiryaa July 21, 2012 / 8:10 am

      You brought me up right Dad! I believe I punched a kid in the nose in school when he was giving me crap….and you were proud then too! Glad I made Margie laugh so hard….it’s my goal in life to make people fall out of chairs. And snort milk out their nose.

  7. Madame Weebles July 25, 2012 / 6:22 am

    You have no idea how many high fives I would have given you if I had been in the store with you. In fact, I would happily have held them down for while you punched them. Women can be vicious.

  8. Lydia June Thanatos Alamo February 1, 2013 / 8:51 pm

    So I just read this one again. (…Actually I decided to read all your blog posts tagged “Wil Wheaton”…for obvious fangirl reasons.) And I love this. I know exactly what you’re talking about here – I can’t be fat and have the occasional dessert? Or I can’t be fat and try to not be fat? PSH.

    Also, if those girls were seriously judging you like that in a store…wow. RUDE.

    • The Fat Girl Running February 1, 2013 / 9:18 pm

      Why are girls so mean? I mean who let a squirrel loose in their house? And who doesn’t love Wil Wheaton??? Some call it stalking…I call it love

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