Ever wonder if your life is a dream in someone’s brain and then think who the heck would ever dream about my boring life? I mean, sometimes I find it surreal that people actually read about my life on here. Then I got to thinking…how do random people even find me if they aren’t my friends and read my posts on Facebook? So, I decided to take a look at what brings people to read about a Fat Girl, my issues and my life. I looked at the search terms that bring people to read about my Fat Girl Issues (which can be extensive) and decided to share with you my favorites.
- “How to avoid chub rub” seems to be one of the more popular ways to find my blog which I find funny. That other people call it chub rub makes me giggle but having it does not. I actually got a form of chub rub on my last trip to Disneyland and it was not pleasant. We won’t discuss where. Let’s just say elastic on the panties and wet pants/sweat do not mix. Also not pleasant…taint rub. Ask my niece’s BF how he feels about getting it and trying to walk with it at Six Flags. I thought at first he had pulled a muscle because he was walking so funny. We girls think it’s bad trying to walk without having our thighs touch, try doing it without your taint rubbing if you are a guy. Must be hard. Luckily, this fat girl is also a nurse and told him to go get baby powder and diaper rash cream to protect his sore taint and he thanked me the next day. Although we did get reports that when he farted it was like a poof of white cloudiness all around him. Poor guy. I don’t think I said to use the whole bottle of baby powder. You might then end up like Ross on Friends when he had the trouble with the leather pants.
- “Skinsuit” was a disturbing search term I found. Really? There are people researching skinsuits on the internet? I am not sure this is a wise choice. Don’t you think this might put you on the FBI’s watch list that you research how to make a suit out of skin? And are there really sites that teach people how to make such suits? So gross. I bet the guy who put this into his search engine is also named Buffalo Bill AKA SOTL man. I bet he lives in my neighborhood drives a van has a poodle named Precious and tries to measure fat girls as they run by. Pretty sure I look both ways before I go get my mail from now on. Just saying. Now…where is that chicken bone?
- “Pants and Fat Vaginas” also a disturbingly popular way to find your self on my blog site. Hmmmmm. Pretty sure these pants don’t make my vagina fat. Of course, I don’t take the time to look at whether or not my vagina looks fat in pants. I don’t actually spend that much time contemplating my vagina. Is this a real issue? Do girls really wonder about whether or not their vagina looks fat in pants? Do I need to re-examine whether or not I have a fat vagina? Apparently many people wonder about fat vaginas or are looking for some fat vagina porn and found me instead. I could add some porn music to my site…would that help? For reals, my vagina is not fat. I am pretty sure we covered this and vaginas are the same size fat or skinny. Now, if your pants give you camel toe, then please change them. No one wants to see that. However if you are worried that they are making your vagina fat, then there are more issues to you than a fat vagina.
- “Fat girl plastic wrap squirrel” This search really left me scratching my head. First off, are we combing these? Is this a new type of furry? Am I supposed to wrap myself in plastic wrap and pretend to be a squirrel? Is it porn? Why does everything come back to porn? Hmmmmm….that reminds me that I need batteries but that is a whole different topic. I am so confused by this search term. Why these things together? Maybe it is SOTL man and he is thinking that plastic wrap will soften my skin making it easier to remove and then he will stuff me like a dead squirrel. So many questions about this person. Pretty sure I do not want to meet this person who found me from these search terms. And then the question poses….what if this person now follows my blog. What does that say about me? Am I porn? Sigh. I really need to get laid. (Did I just say that out loud?)
So this is how people find me and read about my Fat Girl adventures. Huh. It is very interesting and disturbing to say the least but at least people are reading! I was even just recently read on an internet radio show! Seriously! You can hear it for yourselves: http://capsuper.podomatic.com/entry/2012-07-06T20_00_00-07_00#.T_hfmAgFk7o.facebook Pretty awesome if I must say so myself!
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did wonder about fat girls, plastic wrap and squirrels but I didn’t die. I am fat girl on the lookout for the amount of people searching skinsuits on the internet running. The experiment continues.