Fat Girl’s List Of The 8 WORST Parenting Skills EVER

In honor of the 4th of July and this being an All-American Family Holiday, I want to share some of the WORST examples of parenting I witnessed while on my vacation to Disneyland just recently.  I assure you, NONE of this is made up.  These are true examples of parenting that we all witnessed, as incredibly horrid as they are, they really did occur.  I really wish I didn’t have so many that I could actually make a list, but I do.  Now I must admit, our group of adults must have laughed for hours about these because really they are that funny even if they are horrible.  And the fact that we rated them as to who was the worst…well that was easy because nobody tops number one on this list.  Absolutely nobody.  I think you will agree when you read further.  We lovingly call the 4 o’clock hour at Disneyland the “Smackdown Hour” because it is usually around then that we see children without naps get cranky and parents who are tired of dealing with their cranky children lose their patience.  I wish I could attribute these to that reasoning but since they happened at all hours of the day, I can’t say that it was because of that.  But feel free to laugh like we did as you ponder over whether one is worse than the last.  So here is my list of the 8 worst parenting skills ever:

  • #8 on the list comes to us over heard as we were making our way through a particularly crowded area of DL.  If you have ever been there in the summer, then you will understand it can be quite easy to lose people in your group and even small children. When I went with my god daughters, the rule was that every child must hold an adult’s hand.  I am assuming this was also the rule of the family in front of us as the child ran up and grabbed Mommy’s hand.  Mommy quickly yanked her hand away and hissed at the child “Mommy is tired of holding your hand.  Go hold Daddy’s hand instead.”   Nice one Mommy.  Now that your child is in tears in The Happiest Place On Earth, let’s see if you can try not to send her to therapy later in life.
  • #7  happened so quickly I was not even sure I saw it but sure enough I did.  We were headed to the potty over by the Alice ride when I noticed a child about the age of 3, who is obviously not being paid attention to by her parents, lift up her Princess Ariel dress, drop trow, and proceed to pee right there on in front of the entrance to go see Tinkerbell.  Sad thing is that the parents still did not notice and that the bathrooms were like 10 feet away.  Pretty sure making sure your children have the opportunity to go pee while they are in DL is a must.  I almost peed my pants laughing but at least she had enough sense to lift that Princess dress high so that she didn’t pee on it as she squatted on the ground.  Something tells me this is not a first time squatter either.
  • #6  I overheard while relieving my bladder for the umpteenth time since I had downed so much water due to the boiling temperatures outside.  I mean you know it is hot when you pick rides that are air-conditioned even if you hate them (Small World, anyone?) and buy a big floppy hat to prevent your already toasting head from becoming a burnt hot dog.  Anyways, there I am minding my own business when I over hear a Mother and daughter in the stall next to me.  Mommy says to her daughter “You are not allowed to be grumpy while we are here.  We paid a lot of money for this vacation and you WILL enjoy yourself.  Now pull your pants up and put a freaking smile on your face.”  Hey Mom….are you related to number 8?  Well, at least this Mom took her child to the potty.
  • #5  Remember how I said it was as hot as Hades outside?  Well it was and we were all sitting down to enjoy Mickey shaped pretzels (BFF likes to bite off Mickey’s head) and this gem occurred at the table next to us.  Mommy puts food in front of her child.  Child looks up and  says “Mommy I am not hungry.  I don’t wanna eat.  I just want some water.”  Mommy replies “You will eat the food in front of you or you will get no water for the rest of the day.  None.  nothing to drink at all.”  Pretty sure I saw that child melt at that thought and pretty sure she puked it up later when she was overheated.  This isn’t prison…it’s Disneyland.  Let your child have water.  And a Mickey shaped ice cream at that. (Or a Dole Whip!!  Best treat ever!)  I mean, it is like 95 degrees out.  Call me crazy, but your child might need some water.
  • #4 also occurred to me while in the potty in Cars Land.  I am washing my hands when all of a sudden a small hand reaches up and tugs on my pocket. I look down and there is a tear-stained Princess dress clad 4-year-old who proceeds to tell me she has lost her Mommy.  I must commend her on finding someone to tell and I told her I would help her find Mommy.  I ask her what her name is (Hannah) and what Mommy is wearing (Mickey shirt…great that should be oh so easy in DL).  I take her by the hand and proceed to head to the exit to find an employee when a FRANTIC mother comes running in the potty yelling Hannah’s name.  She sees us and thanks me and then proceeds to tell me that she FORGOT she had brought her in the potty with her and that they had been searching for a good 10 minutes for her.  I am grateful that Hannah told me she had lost her Mommy, but come on Mom…FORGOT you had brought her in the potty with you?  Pretty sure I am super vigilant when I have the girls with me and I ALWAYS know if I took them in the potty with me!  Again…at least she took her potty.
  • #3  made the 4 of us laugh out loud and hard as we watched this gem occur.  We even laughed so hard the parents turned around and glared at us.  But come on….it is hysterical.  As we are walking, a Mom and Dad are in front of us with their child in between them, each one of them holding a hand.  The new Red Car Trolley comes by and Mom says “Oh look! The Trolley!”  They both turn to look at the trolley while walking and proceed to walk their child INTO the trash can.  Face first.  I am not kidding when I say that the 4 of us busted up laughing so hard we had to stop walking.  Walked their child head first into the trash can.  Oh I am giggling now just thinking of it.  Boom! Right smack into the trash can.  Go on and laugh….you know you want to.
  • #2 has also provided us many a joke once we got over the shock.  We were coming off the Indiana Jones ride and there is a Dad and his 2 small children behind us.  Both of them are crying.  In fact, both of them were crying during the ride.  When Dad gleefully and obviously unaware of how terrified his children were asks them how they like the ride, the 8-year-old girl sobs “I. Didn’t. Like. That. Ride. At. All.”  (Insert sobs in between the words here.)  The younger maybe 6-year-old son chirps in with “His eyes were on fwire!  It was vewy vewy scarwey.”  Pretty sure if your child is young enough to still have a speech impediment, he should not have been brought on that ride.  To which Dad replied to them “Well, you are both tall enough to ride it so let’s go on it again.”  (Insert screams of horror and more crying here.) Pretty sure I later saw that Dad in line with those kids for Tower of Terror.  Glad I wasn’t sitting on the same car with them.  I might have had to kick him in the taint.
  • #1  This one takes the cake, however on worst parenting ever.  Honestly.  Your mouth will fall open as you read this.  This one actually occurred while we were at Six Flags for the day.  We were leaving the restaurant where we had stopped to fill our tummys for lunch.  There was a family sitting there with their 7-year-old daughter asking her how she was enjoying her day at Six Flags and if she was having fun.  The daughter then replied that she was having so much fun with a big smile on her face.  The Mother then replied “Good because we had to shoot your pony Buttercup today cuz she was very sick.  Now let’s go ride some more roller coasters”  Excuse me?  Did I hear you right?  Did you just tell your child in the midst of having fun, that you had to SHOOT her pony?  OMG.  I did hear that right because her face immediately fell and she became a sobbing heap.  Really?  What made you think that bringing your child to Six Flags for the day would make up for the fact that you had to shoot her pony?  Pretty sure that child will be forever scarred for life and will always remember Six Flags as a death sentence for all ponies.  You had to say the word SHOOT as well?  You couldn’t say that Buttercup had to go to Pony Heaven and be with Jesus?  Now when you take her to DL she is gonna wonder who else is dead.  Maybe when you take her there, you could tell her you had to shoot Grandma while you are at it. That child is gonna need a lot of therapy and she will never be able to ride a roller coaster without having flashbacks to the day you told her you had to shoot her pony.  Poor Buttercup.

I told you that you would need to pick your jaw up off the floor after hearing that one didn’t I?  Yup.  Worst parents ever.  I told you I can’t make this stuff up. Really I cannot.  And BFF, my niece and my niece’s BF can all vouch that it all happened….trust us.  Worst parenting skills I have ever witnessed while in DL.  I hope to never witness it again although I did laugh pretty hard at a lot of them.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today. I did however relive some bad parents and make awards but I didn’t die.  Next time I handing out ribbons that say “Congratulations!  You are the worst parent ever!”  I am fat girl hoping some children get some therapy later (especially over Buttercup) running.  The experiment continues….

30 thoughts on “Fat Girl’s List Of The 8 WORST Parenting Skills EVER

    • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 2:14 pm

      I was as well! Pretty sure my jaw dropped several times!

    • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 2:16 pm

      Right? Traumatized is what she is now

  1. HAMesmer July 4, 2012 / 2:13 pm

    #5 Burned my biscuits….maybe I am overprotective, but when we’re in a big, crowded, chaotic place, Annika (who’s 6) and I still use the same stall. Awkward when it’s a small stall (sometimes I pretend I’m a performer for Cirque d’Soliel) but it guarantees we both do what we need to do…safely.
    #1 There’s a special place in hell for #1 “parents.” Ugh. No college fund for her; just a therapy fund…

    • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 2:18 pm

      Oh I share the stall sometimes with the girls as well when need be since they are only 6 and 8. How do you forget your child in the potty? And as for #1…I so wish I could have made that up. When she is on top of some church bell tower screaming “Buttercup” and shooting Looney Tunes characters, we will know why

  2. Carol July 4, 2012 / 3:59 pm

    I have a number of memories when I handled things badly and/or unsensitively and I
    have to admit that when we came back from a trip I was really glad not to be a human jungle gym anymore but sometimes, as a mom, you think to yourself, Wow, I handled that well/cleverly. Next time at DL look for those kinds of things.

    • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 4:05 pm

      We saw tons of great examples of great parenting but unfortunately it was the horrid ones that stood out!

  3. Andrew July 4, 2012 / 4:01 pm

    “Sorry, we had to shoot your pony today…” I almost spit out my Miller High Life reading that. Not only is that a horrible thing to do to a child, but I live in a city, so I never ever hear that conversation. I went to school with a girl who told me once she was sad when they had to take their “pig to market. ” That has just been topped.

    • La La July 4, 2012 / 4:05 pm

      Andrew…you drink the champagne of beer? That’s amazing.

      • Andrew July 4, 2012 / 4:09 pm

        Well, I don’t like to brag, but I keep it pretty classy. I also enjoy pop tarts for breakfast. But only the cinnamon kind. I have standards you know.

      • La La July 4, 2012 / 4:10 pm

        It’s best to keep it classy, especially if you’re going to wake up drunk tomorrow. 🙂

      • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 9:19 pm

        The cinnamon ones are the only best ones really.

      • Andrew July 4, 2012 / 11:49 pm

        It’s clear we’re pop tart experts. I don’t know why we aren’t rulers of the world.

    • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 4:06 pm

      Funny thing is that Six Flags is right outside LA….never thought I would hear that there either!

      • Andrew July 4, 2012 / 4:10 pm

        That is weird. Maybe they’re from Orange County. There’s a huge horse culture there.

  4. La La July 4, 2012 / 4:06 pm

    Well, I almost spit out my orange crush over the thought of someone saying they shot the pony. If someone told me they shot my pony, I wouldn’t sleep for days. I don’t even have a pony.

    • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 9:19 pm

      Remind me not to say that to you then!

  5. Laura Fox July 4, 2012 / 5:58 pm

    Seriously. Laughed out LOUD at the last one. And maybe, I was parent # 6. Maybe.

    • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 9:21 pm

      Oh Fox….I can so see you saying that. For reals.

  6. Jeni July 4, 2012 / 8:05 pm

    You should’ve kicked #2 in the taint…that freaking ride is “vewy, vewy scawey.” This 30-something was crying on the ride, too. Stupid Indiana Jones and the fire-eye dude…oh, and isn’t there a really big snake…boo, hiss! BAD DAD!

    • ladymiryaa July 4, 2012 / 9:22 pm

      My friend Jeni (not you) thinks it is the scariest ride in the park. Seriously. She thought Indie was gonna jump on the hood of the car and she screamed all the way through it. Of course so did Eric when the big snake came out at him….hmmmmm

  7. Nina July 4, 2012 / 11:58 pm

    Right after you left a mother placed her baby that was in a backpack carrier on the floor of Buzz Lightyear. They had to stop the ride before the bar came forward and told her she needed to carry the child. She almost started arguing. Ps. Eric’s taint feels better.

    • ladymiryaa July 5, 2012 / 10:55 am

      I am sure that Eric is so glad you posted about his taint for the world to see! And yet another parenting skill to put on the list…

  8. funnyortragic July 5, 2012 / 11:37 pm

    Okay, anyone who reads my blog knows I’m warped, but my dad took me on scary rides and laughed when I screamed in terror. And as scared as I was, I still thought the whole thing was great an hour later. People wonder why I cackle like a maniac when I get on a roller coaster, and I have dad to thank. And my parents would also be out with us on holiday and tell us if we didn’t enjoy ourselves they’d beat the fun into us. WE knew it was a joke, but we got looks. People can be so literal…
    If nothing else, you just got a crash course into the twisted humor my psyche was built upon.

  9. Curly Carly July 7, 2012 / 8:18 am

    They shot the pony??? No!!! Looks like that child now has a traumatic experience to discuss in therapy years from now.

  10. Elizabeth Lundstrum July 8, 2012 / 12:38 pm

    My face just made an 0 ……and I have too seen some pretty amazing parents in the world….ok, shocking is more like the word…and how in the heck do you forget your child in the potty? The dad with his two screaming kids on the scary ride? when my son and youngest daughter were small, they were afraid of the Haunted House… we left at the nearest exit…now, they love the scary rides and mom doesnt want to go again….

    • ladymiryaa July 11, 2012 / 7:19 pm

      I shall have to blog about my experience in the Haunted House at Universal….thanks for the blog idea!

  11. Shellie :) July 25, 2013 / 9:01 pm

    Oh my gosh, I have no idea how we got on the subject of bad parenting this evening but the pony story came up. I was trying to tell the story and said uh yeah you just have to read it for yourself. My SIL read this and laughed. So now it’s bed time and I just had to read it out loud to my kids (happy bed time story ,LOL) We just laughed out loud so much. Poor Buttercup! Bwahahahahaha Keep writing, u r awesome!! Xo

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