The Fat Girl Running – Kristann Monaghan

In honor of the 4th of July and this being an All-American Family Holiday, I want to share some of the WORST examples of parenting I witnessed while on my vacation to Disneyland just recently.  I assure you, NONE of this is made up.  These are true examples of parenting that we all witnessed, as incredibly horrid as they are, they really did occur.  I really wish I didn’t have so many that I could actually make a list, but I do.  Now I must admit, our group of adults must have laughed for hours about these because really they are that funny even if they are horrible.  And the fact that we rated them as to who was the worst…well that was easy because nobody tops number one on this list.  Absolutely nobody.  I think you will agree when you read further.  We lovingly call the 4 o’clock hour at Disneyland the “Smackdown Hour” because it is usually around then that we see children without naps get cranky and parents who are tired of dealing with their cranky children lose their patience.  I wish I could attribute these to that reasoning but since they happened at all hours of the day, I can’t say that it was because of that.  But feel free to laugh like we did as you ponder over whether one is worse than the last.  So here is my list of the 8 worst parenting skills ever:

• #8 on the list comes to us over heard as we were making our way through a particularly crowded area of DL.  If you have ever been there in the summer, then you will understand it can be quite easy to lose people in your group and even small children. When I went with my god daughters, the rule was that every child must hold an adult’s hand.  I am assuming this was also the rule of the family in front of us as the child ran up and grabbed Mommy’s hand.  Mommy quickly yanked her hand away and hissed at the child “Mommy is tired of holding your hand.  Go hold Daddy’s hand instead.”   Nice one Mommy.  Now that your child is in tears in The Happiest Place On Earth, let’s see if you can try not to send her to therapy later in life.
• #7  happened so quickly I was not even sure I saw it but sure enough I did.  We were headed to the potty over by the Alice ride when I noticed a child about the age of 3, who is obviously not being paid attention to by her parents, lift up her Princess Ariel dress, drop trow, and proceed to pee right there on in front of the entrance to go see Tinkerbell.  Sad thing is that the parents still did not notice and that the bathrooms were like 10 feet away.  Pretty sure making sure your children have the opportunity to go pee while they are in DL is a must.  I almost peed my pants laughing but at least she had enough sense to lift that Princess dress high so that she didn’t pee on it as she squatted on the ground.  Something tells me this is not a first time squatter either.
• #6  I overheard while relieving my bladder for the umpteenth time since I had downed so much water due to the boiling temperatures outside.  I mean you know it is hot when you pick rides that are air-conditioned even if you hate them (Small World, anyone?) and buy a big floppy hat to prevent your already toasting head from becoming a burnt hot dog.  Anyways, there I am minding my own business when I over hear a Mother and daughter in the stall next to me.  Mommy says to her daughter “You are not allowed to be grumpy while we are here.  We paid a lot of money for this vacation and you WILL enjoy yourself.  Now pull your pants up and put a freaking smile on your face.”  Hey Mom….are you related to number 8?  Well, at least this Mom took her child to the potty.
• #5  Remember how I said it was as hot as Hades outside?  Well it was and we were all sitting down to enjoy Mickey shaped pretzels (BFF likes to bite off Mickey’s head) and this gem occurred at the table next to us.  Mommy puts food in front of her child.  Child looks up and  says “Mommy I am not hungry.  I don’t wanna eat.  I just want some water.”  Mommy replies “You will eat the food in front of you or you will get no water for the rest of the day.  None.  nothing to drink at all.”  Pretty sure I saw that child melt at that thought and pretty sure she puked it up later when she was overheated.  This isn’t prison…it’s Disneyland.  Let your child have water.  And a Mickey shaped ice cream at that. (Or a Dole Whip!!  Best treat ever!)  I mean, it is like 95 degrees out.  Call me crazy, but your child might need some water.
• #4 also occurred to me while in the potty in Cars Land.  I am washing my hands when all of a sudden a small hand reaches up and tugs on my pocket. I look down and there is a tear-stained Princess dress clad 4-year-old who proceeds to tell me she has lost her Mommy.  I must commend her on finding someone to tell and I told her I would help her find Mommy.  I ask her what her name is (Hannah) and what Mommy is wearing (Mickey shirt…great that should be oh so easy in DL).  I take her by the hand and proceed to head to the exit to find an employee when a FRANTIC mother comes running in the potty yelling Hannah’s name.  She sees us and thanks me and then proceeds to tell me that she FORGOT she had brought her in the potty with her and that they had been searching for a good 10 minutes for her.  I am grateful that Hannah told me she had lost her Mommy, but come on Mom…FORGOT you had brought her in the potty with you?  Pretty sure I am super vigilant when I have the girls with me and I ALWAYS know if I took them in the potty with me!  Again…at least she took her potty.
• #3  made the 4 of us laugh out loud and hard as we watched this gem occur.  We even laughed so hard the parents turned around and glared at us.  But come on….it is hysterical.  As we are walking, a Mom and Dad are in front of us with their child in between them, each one of them holding a hand.  The new Red Car Trolley comes by and Mom says “Oh look! The Trolley!”  They both turn to look at the trolley while walking and proceed to walk their child INTO the trash can.  Face first.  I am not kidding when I say that the 4 of us busted up laughing so hard we had to stop walking.  Walked their child head first into the trash can.  Oh I am giggling now just thinking of it.  Boom! Right smack into the trash can.  Go on and laugh….you know you want to.
• #2 has also provided us many a joke once we got over the shock.  We were coming off the Indiana Jones ride and there is a Dad and his 2 small children behind us.  Both of them are crying.  In fact, both of them were crying during the ride.  When Dad gleefully and obviously unaware of how terrified his children were asks them how they like the ride, the 8-year-old girl sobs “I. Didn’t. Like. That. Ride. At. All.”  (Insert sobs in between the words here.)  The younger maybe 6-year-old son chirps in with “His eyes were on fwire!  It was vewy vewy scarwey.”  Pretty sure if your child is young enough to still have a speech impediment, he should not have been brought on that ride.  To which Dad replied to them “Well, you are both tall enough to ride it so let’s go on it again.”  (Insert screams of horror and more crying here.) Pretty sure I later saw that Dad in line with those kids for Tower of Terror.  Glad I wasn’t sitting on the same car with them.  I might have had to kick him in the taint.
• #1  This one takes the cake, however on worst parenting ever.  Honestly.  Your mouth will fall open as you read this.  This one actually occurred while we were at Six Flags for the day.  We were leaving the restaurant where we had stopped to fill our tummys for lunch.  There was a family sitting there with their 7-year-old daughter asking her how she was enjoying her day at Six Flags and if she was having fun.  The daughter then replied that she was having so much fun with a big smile on her face.  The Mother then replied “Good because we had to shoot your pony Buttercup today cuz she was very sick.  Now let’s go ride some more roller coasters”  Excuse me?  Did I hear you right?  Did you just tell your child in the midst of having fun, that you had to SHOOT her pony?  OMG.  I did hear that right because her face immediately fell and she became a sobbing heap.  Really?  What made you think that bringing your child to Six Flags for the day would make up for the fact that you had to shoot her pony?  Pretty sure that child will be forever scarred for life and will always remember Six Flags as a death sentence for all ponies.  You had to say the word SHOOT as well?  You couldn’t say that Buttercup had to go to Pony Heaven and be with Jesus?  Now when you take her to DL she is gonna wonder who else is dead.  Maybe when you take her there, you could tell her you had to shoot Grandma while you are at it. That child is gonna need a lot of therapy and she will never be able to ride a roller coaster without having flashbacks to the day you told her you had to shoot her pony.  Poor Buttercup.

I told you that you would need to pick your jaw up off the floor after hearing that one didn’t I?  Yup.  Worst parents ever.  I told you I can’t make this stuff up. Really I cannot.  And BFF, my niece and my niece’s BF can all vouch that it all happened….trust us.  Worst parenting skills I have ever witnessed while in DL.  I hope to never witness it again although I did laugh pretty hard at a lot of them.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today. I did however relive some bad parents and make awards but I didn’t die.  Next time I handing out ribbons that say “Congratulations!  You are the worst parent ever!”  I am fat girl hoping some children get some therapy later (especially over Buttercup) running.  The experiment continues….