Flashback To The Case Of The Terry Cloth Jumper

On my way home from work this morning, I saw a fellow fat girl riding her bike.  My first thought was “Good for you fat girl!  Ride that bike!”  Then as I got closer, I had the unfortunate experience to notice she was wearing terry cloth short shorts that were now exposing her entire booty and to top it all off, she was not wearing underwear.  Yeah.  True story.  Now, personally as a fat girl I would never be caught dead in terry cloth short shorts because of two factors:  1) It is not the 80’s and 2) I am a fat girl.  Not saying that I have never worn terry cloth short shorts because I did grow up in the 70’s and 80’s and they were certainly a fashion statement back then but I am sure I would not repeat this mistake now.  I also am pretty sure I would be wearing undies if I was wearing short shorts AND riding a bike (neither of which I do by the way).

Pretty sure these were the shorts I had the unfortunate experience of seeing create a super wedgie

Which brings back a painful memory form when I was a child and did wear said terry cloth short shorts.  Actually it was a terry cloth jumper…even worse.  What made me think at the ripe old age of 10 that this was a good look is really beyond me.  I even have photographic proof that as a chubby child, I wore said jumper as there exists a picture of my Bubby who was a baby at the time and me in the jumper.  Bright yellow jumper might I add.  Must have been before the scarring incident I about to share.

Yeah. This is it. Except it was yellow. I probably looked about as happy as this girl wearing it.

I wore this jumper to school one day.  So you can see that not only did something happen at school but happened so LOTS of my fellow 10-year-old peers could witness it.  Notice how short this jumper is first off.  Not much room there for error and now picture a chubby child in this creation with its oh so forgiving material and elastic waistband.  Really it was not a good look for me.  Now, picture me at recess in this jumper and on the monkey bars.  The chubby girl in the bright yellow jumper looking like a giant pineapple or even a casaba melon on the monkey bars.  Another chubby child mistake. Because as I proceeded to hang upside down on said monkey bars, not only did the elastic waistband ride up on my jumper giving every one around a good glimpse of my camel toe and undies of the day, but the ties on the top of the jumper became untied and I proceeded to flash everyone around me as it fell down.  Awesome.  Half naked and with a glorious wedgie showing off what I am sure were my Holly Hobby undies, I did what any chubby child would do…..I peed my pants.  Yup.  I was so embarrassed that my bladder gave way.  So very awesome.  Pretty sure that incident has scarred me for life and makes me cringe every time I see clothing made of terry cloth.  My poor Mom could not understand why I would not wear this jumper EVER AGAIN since I was so excited about it.  Of course, I could not describe the horror of what happened that day and had really blocked it from my mind until I saw the fat girl in her terry cloth short shorts (wasn’t she worried about Chub Rub?)  and was gruesomely reminded.  Awww….childhood memories are so pleasant…NOT.

Which brings me to another question…why in the world are these making a fashion comeback?  Some things like these shorts and bubble skirts should NEVER have made a comeback.  Terry cloth is never attractive except for a bathrobe and sometimes even that is questionable (for example my Dad’s ultra short robe from the 80’s….another thing that should never come back for his children’s sake.  Just saying.).  And honestly, there are things that nobody should wear, including fat girls and one of these is terry cloth short shorts.  Seriously.  Let’s leave those in the late 70’s  and early 80’s please.  They belong there with our leg warmers, big hair, Aquanet, glasses that eat our face, scrunch socks, and jam pants (Again my Bestie should make sure those pictures are BURNED!!).  Let’s leave the bad choices of fashion in the past.

Oh yeah. I didn’t die today.   Although I am pretty sure I almost crashed my car when I saw the fellow fat girl with an atomic wedgie sans undies today but I didn’t die.  I am fat girl who will never be caught dead in terry cloth short shorts running.  The experiment continues….

5 thoughts on “Flashback To The Case Of The Terry Cloth Jumper

  1. funnyortragic May 11, 2012 / 6:30 pm

    Beyond the fact that no one over the age of 10 should probably be wearing them as it is, the fact that she wasn’t wearing underwear was a bit alarming. And worse, my thoughts were a) doesn’t her delicate booty skin chafe against the seat? oww! or b) she had a sweaty enough booty and crotch that her skin just slide around on the seat. eew! Either oww or eww, it isn’t a good idea…

    • ladymiryaa May 12, 2012 / 8:27 am

      My thoughts exactly! Pretty sure the image is burned into my mind and I might need some brain bleach….

      • funnyortragic May 12, 2012 / 7:52 pm

        Brain Bleach…that’s green apple Fun Dip, right?

  2. Sherry Monaghan May 14, 2012 / 4:19 pm

    Aaaaaahahahahahahahaha! Oh my God! I hate to admit it, but at the tender age of 10 or 12, I also had a beautiful little terry cloth jumper, but in bright, royal blue! And, I too, thought it was the bomb at the time; however, I didn’t have any traumatic experiences while wearing it…or did I, and I have just blocked it from my memory…? Hmmmm. I had totally forgotten about it until I saw the subject line of your post. Hilarious!

    • ladymiryaa May 15, 2012 / 5:34 pm

      Why oh why did we wear them? I plead that I was young and my parentals made all my clothing choices back then.

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