I Have A Clone And She Is Stocking Up On Toilet Paper

Went to work the other night and my co-workers tell me that my bank called me to discuss charges on my account.  Yup…I was hacked into.  Upon looking at my account online, I discover that there are charges made in Santa Clarita, CA.  Suck.  So I called the bank to discuss the charges.  The gal on the phone asks me which ones are not mine and we do what we need to do to close the debit card.  Next morning, I get another call from the bank that more charges have been made to my account so I call.  Luckily these were denied.  In talking with the guy on the phone he asks me if I am sure the charges for $250 to a CVS are not mine.  Ok, buddy, first of all, what the hell do you buy at a CVS for $250?  Pretty sure I don’t need that much eyeliner, toilet paper or bandages unless I am stockpiling stuff.  Hmmmmm….toilet paper would be a good thing to stockpile for that impending zombie apocalypse though.  I have such a fear of running out of toilet paper. I would hate to be having a zombie crisis AND a dirty bum.  Just saying.  Then he asks me if the $30 charge to KFC in Flagstaff on the same day is mine.  Sigh.  I hang my head in shame and whisper yes.  In my defense, the bucket of chicken was for a potluck at work. Any good Iowa girl brings bucket o’ chicken to a potluck.  That and Mountain Dew.  And my car still smells like bucket o’ chicken days later.  But since I made a charge in Flagstaff at the same time as the charge in California, pretty sure the latter is not mine unless my cloning project has finally worked.  I mean I could have sent my clone out to CVS to stock up on toilet paper.  She would not want a dirty bum either or want to drip dry after peeing.  Ew.  It’s the little things you worry about after all when there is an apocalypse of any kind.  I could be the queen of toilet paper after the apocalypse hits and make tons of money on it since no one will have any.  This is a new thought.  I did ask the bank guy if he thought my clone was stocking up on toilet paper at CVS, then heading to Rite Aid (the 2nd charge) for more, making a stop at Petsmart for $150 in Ninja Kitten food along the way (the 3rd charge) and finally stopping at RedBox for a movie (the 4th charge) to enjoy amongst all the toilet paper and cat food she had acquired.  He got very quiet and obviously contemplated the scenario before laughing and decidedly spitting whatever he was drinking out before he answered me that it could be a possibility.  I just hope my clone tells me where she stashed it all.  I told him when the zombies strike, that I would give him a free roll of toilet paper.  On the house.

My clone could have a cool uniform while stocking up on TP. Minus the evil that comes with following a Sith Lord.

Oh yeah. I didn’t die today.  I did discover I have a clone in California who apparently likes to shop at pharmacies for her needs but didn’t die.  I am fat girl stocking up on toilet paper running.  The experiment continues….

9 thoughts on “I Have A Clone And She Is Stocking Up On Toilet Paper

  1. joanmamo April 28, 2012 / 9:21 pm

    OMG you are so funny

  2. lazyhippiemama April 29, 2012 / 4:52 am

    This is the first thing I read today and it started me off with a smile this morning. Thanks!

    • ladymiryaa May 1, 2012 / 8:29 pm

      Glad I could make you smile! That baby in your photo makes me smile!

      • lazyhippiemama May 2, 2012 / 7:36 am

        He makes me smile too. 🙂

  3. Jen April 29, 2012 / 10:33 pm

    The 250 dollars at CVS could have been for a prescription. Some of those prescription meds are super expensive. Sorry you had to deal with that.

    • ladymiryaa May 1, 2012 / 8:29 pm

      My co-workers all suggested the making for meth…which got me to start wondering about them and how they knew these things.

  4. funnyortragic April 30, 2012 / 8:51 pm

    I had my identity stolen once. But it the bastard was some guy who was renting out his place and required credit checks…and then STOLE the account number. I cursed him to eternal itchy balls.

    • ladymiryaa May 1, 2012 / 8:28 pm

      Pretty sure we should kick these people in the taint. Just saying.

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