Another thing I did while in the oven-like atmosphere of Phoenix this past weekend was to go shopping. Now, BFF and I are skilled shoppers. We can walk into a store and do some pretty significant damage in about 15 minutes. I am not kidding. Especially if we just got paid (which we did), know what we want, or are on a retail therapy session. Trust me….retail therapy works. This weekend, we indeed had a mission. Shopping in F-town is pretty limited when it comes to certain things and we were looking for some cargo shorts/capris/pants for our upcoming trip to Mickey’s House in June. Why? Normally I wouldn’t care but we are planning a side trip to Magic Mountain and having recently experienced the barfability of the rides at a Six Flags park and how they turn you every which way and spit you out in about 2 seconds, I knew taking a purse or bag into the park is very limiting. When I went with my seester in March, my BIL was the one with said cargo shorts and got the joy of carrying stuff for us, including a baggie of tampons for me. What a great guy cuz he didn’t even complain about carrying said feminine hygiene products for his sister-in-law. Most guys run screaming from feminine hygiene products. It’s like you show them one and they suddenly have a loss for words or they back off like it might give them Ebola.
Speaking of tampons and feminine hygiene products, I want to digress here just a bit and ask why the heck the makers of these products felt the need to make maxi pads and pantiliners for girls size 14 and plus. Seriously? Just because I am a fat girl does not mean I have a fat vagina. Or that I bleed worse because I am a fat girl. I have just as heavy a period as when I was a teenager and 100 lbs skinnier thank you. Pretty sure I do not need another product to tell me I am fat. According to the makers, most pantiliners and pads are made for the size 6 woman…wait. So are you saying that most women are a size 6 or that girls from size 6 to size 14+ don’t need products in their size? Are our vaginas proportionate to our fatness? So, tell me, makers of products for our vaginas….do you make special products for the skinny bitches out there that might need special products for their skinny vaginas? I am pretty sure most fat girls undies have the same size crotch as a regular girls. They might add more material around the panty but not in the crotch so I am sure that the regular product will work for my fat girl vagina. My vagina is not so huge that it will swallow you if you come within 20 feet of it. I might have to move my fatness out of the way to see my vagina or do fat girl gymnastics to shave the girly parts, but I am sure it is not fatter than anyone elses that make it necessary for me to buy special products for it when I am on my period. I think I can stick with regular products made for all vaginas and if I feel my vagina is getting fat, I will put it on a special lose weight in your vagina diet. Are there special toning exercises for a fat vagina like when you are trying to work on your booty or tummy area? Pretty sure the makers of pants don’t think about the size of a woman’s vagina when they make them. It’s not like I try on pants and ask my BFF if my vagina looks fat in them. My flass I might ask her about, but certainly not if my vagina looks fat.
Back to the hunt for cargo shorts. BFF and I decided to try the outlet stores and found a Columbia outlet which carried cargo shorts in girl sizes. Booyah! Well….wait a minute…let me back up there. They carried in them in non fat girl sizes. Yup. I tried to put on a size without the dreaded W behind them and couldn’t get them on. UGH. I hate pants shopping. But luckily for me, there was a fat girl store also in the outlet mall and I lucked out and found some there. At least in a fat girl store, the pants usually don’t have a W behind them. I tried the smaller size in the fat girls store too but could not stop worrying about whether or not the material was gonna rip over my fat thighs not to mention the camel toe issue smaller pants can give you (damn you fat vagina!). Pretty sure I walked out of the dressing room and asked BFF if my flass looked ok in the pants but not if my vagina did. Stupid me…I should have thought about that.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did stop and realize my needs as a fat girl are many but not when it comes to my period, but did not die. I am fat girl who does NOT have a fat vagina running. The experiment continues….