Issues. We all have them. But sometimes, us fat girls have more than others. I was reminded of this when I went to the store today for one simple thing. Milk. I left said store with chips, crackers, popcorn , a donut and freaking forgot the milk. Yup. Forgot the milk. I had to go back in to get the milk because there was no way I was gonna eat the donut without it although I have been known to eat donuts with Diet Pepsi. Don’t judge. Fake sugar washes down the real sugar just fine thank you. And yes, the donut was unhealthy. The chips were at least cracker chips and the crackers were just saltines so I had one moment of weakness with the donut. At least it was only one. Trust me, lots of thought and consideration went into choosing just that ONE donut. This is probably what caused me to forget the milk. Damn fat girl issues. So I thought I would share with some of you some of my fat girl issues. Hopefully you can relate and giggle as I do about them.
- I go to Wal-Mart on a Friday night and buy so much snack food that the clerk assumes I am having a study party. And this would be true, if by “study party” she meant “curled-up alone on the couch, chowing down on seven different kinds of cereal, followed by chocolate, Skittles and a 2 Liter of Diet Pepsi while watching an entire season of ‘Jersey Shore.’ “
- Like most girls, my house smells like cakes, cookies, and candies. Unlike most girls, it’s not from scented candles, lotions, or other smelly girly things.
- If I am ever stranded, I could live at least a week off the food stashed in the bottom of my purse or in my car.
- I have the Food Network listed as a favorite channel on my dvr/digital cable. It could be considered Fat Girl porn.
- If no one saw me eat it, then it does not count. And yes, sometimes I eat twice as much when no one is around because Ninja Kitten doesn’t judge.
- “No…. I haven’t eaten yet” is a Fat Girl lie. And yes, I have used it. Damn.
- The backseat of my car has so many fast food straw wrappers that I could probably make an outfit from them like on Project Runway. I really should clean out the evidence from my car.
- I have experienced a food coma. Regularly. The words “Oh. My. God. This. Is. Sooooooo. Good.” are part of my regular vocabulary.
- I have found crumbs and sometimes popcorn from the movies in my bra. Sometimes I consider eating the food left there.
- Not eating all day so I can eat ten times my weight at the restaurant I am going to that night. Yeah. That has happened.
Pretty sure I need Fat Girl’s Anonymous.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I did go to the store for milk and forget to get it because I was distracted by thoughts of eating that one perfect donut. Was it worth it? Hell yes it was. I am fat girl with issues running. The experiment continues….