I love that my last post drew my most readers EVER, sparked some feelings in others and created some dialogue! It was a moment worthy of a fat girl dance of joy (with clothes). But wait….here I must feel I need to defend a word I use every day and especially when I blog. I have had some discussions with people at work, Facebook, email and here on my blog about a word I choose to use to describe myself. That evil of all evil words….FAT. Many of you have asked me why I keep referring to myself as fat. So, today I am defending my choice of a word. I am defending the word FAT.
Why do I call myself a fat girl? Plain and simple…because I am. I make no excuses for being fat. I got here by my own horrible choices in life and choosing to deal with episodes in my life with food. I replaced love with food. I will admit it. So why shouldn’t I call myself exactly what I am…fat. I am 5’4″ and weigh 215 lbs (roughly although my enemy the scale has yet to weigh in this week). That, my dear readers, is quite frankly fat. On my medical chart I am sure it says another word for fat…OBESE. And it might even say MORBIDLY OBESE. That is ok. That is what I am. I am ok with calling myself fat. I am honest enough to look at my body and say that I am fat. It’s like me saying I am Irish. It is who I am. Would you rather I say overweight? What is the difference? Isn’t that just a nice way to say fat? You have to understand, I am a brutally honest person and sometimes my big mouth can get me into trouble for speaking exactly what I think. I have my dear sweet friend Stephen to thank for teaching me it is ok to say what I think. So why are people so uncomfortable with the word fat? Hmmmmm. One of my friends, Jenny, on her blog recently defended my fat girl rant by saying ” I, like many of the ladies on my secret Facebook group, am the first to make jokes about my weight and my journey to get rid of a lot of it. Do you know why we do that? Because we think that if we beat other people to it, their comments might actually strike us as funny, and maybe not hurt so much.” (Shameless plug coming up here….but check out her blog too http://ineedtoicaniwill.wordpress.com/ to read more of her response to my rant). Yes, it is true, many people joke about their weight because it is easier to beat people to the fat jokes. And trust me there are many. Those jokes not only hurt, but make a fat person inwardly cringe at the reality of dealing with their own weight. But for me, the word fat is just plain honest. I am not doing it to beat you to a punchline or to save myself some hurt. It is just an honest way to look at who I am.
But wait….let’s look for a moment at why people are uncomfortable with the word fat. I find this very interesting. Why is it that in our society the word fat is negative? It used to be if you were fat, it meant you were healthy. Fat girls used to be celebrated in the world.
So when did it become that FAT is not a word that you should use to describe yourself? We have cookbooks and products that flaunt the word SKINNY all the time. Skinny Girl’s Cookbook, Skinny Girl’s Cocktails….you name it and things use the word skinny in their title. So, why when I use the word fat in describing myself does this make people squirm in their seats like they need to use the potty or have a really bad yeast infection? Why is it not ok to say I am fat? Does my use of the word make you uncomfortable? Then maybe you need to examine why that word makes you uncomfortable. Did you maybe once call somebody fat and see someone else get uncomfortable? Maybe you are uncomfortable with your own body. I am not saying I am comfortable with mine by any means, but at least I am honest and can look down at my stoob and say “Yup. I am fat.” Your boobs and stomach should not be one entity. Yes, I see my panza hanging over my girl parts and have to move it out of the way to trim the jungle. Yes, I see my fat rolls jiggle when I work out. I dread my scale and my bathroom mirror. I shudder to think of what I look like having sex. Why? That is because I am that dreaded word….FAT. Yes, yes…I hear you all when you say I am beautiful. That is a word I will NEVER get behind in describing myself and makes me squirm but I still use it. But that does not deter from the fact that while I might be this word you call beautiful, I am STILL FAT. Look at my statistics, run them through a BMI calculator. Guess what it will say? That I am FAT. My Wii Fit even tells me “That’s obese” when I step on it to record my weight and then it makes my Mii fat…sad fat little Mii. But guess what? The Wii Fit is right! I am obese, large, overweight, fluffy, chunky, plump, big, plus sized, heavyset, roly-poly, hefty….whatever you choose to say to make you comfortable. According to the thesaurus, however, those are just another way to say what I have been saying all along…FAT.
I make no apologies for the use for the word fat in my blog. I make no excuses for being what I call a Fat Girl. Maybe one day, I will be able to call myself a Skinny Girl, but for right now, I call it like I see it and right now I am a Fat Girl. If you don’t like my use of the word fat, then I suggest you examine why you don’t like it. In the mean time, I will continue to use the word fat in describing myself. It’s the truth. And I am honest. If I am not honest with myself, I will not be inspired to lose the weight. All my friends will tell you I am honest…want me to call you fat? I can if you want…I have no problems with the word and neither should you.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I instead chose to use a word most people feel uncomfortable with….the word fat. I am proud honest FAT GIRL running. The experiment continues…..