Layers Of Smells And Stickiness

I have decided I am a total spaz.  Seriously…a total and complete spaz.  How else do you explain the fact that I can trip over air as I walk spilling the load of stuff in my arms, hit my head on the car door twice while loading stuff in the back, smack my elbow on the bathroom counter getting up from the potty and manage to smell like skin so soft bath oil and diet mountain dew all in the course of an hour?  Yup.  Only a true spaz could manage this.  This is my day and I wish I could say it was unusual, but unfortunately it is not.  Remember how I said I fell flat on my face off the Nordic track machine?  See!  Spaz.  Today was no exception.  After sleeping most of my day in preparation for work, I was graced with the wonderous love hate thing called standby.  For those of you not in the medical profession, this is where we do not have enough patients for everyone who is scheduled to work so somebody (and sometimes several somebodies) have to stay home and make the whopping $3 an hour (I know you are jealous here) to sit by their phone and await a phone call that says please come to work tonight.  Sometimes, as in tonight, I relish the standby as it can be an extra day off when I want it.  Other times, when I don’t want it and can’t afford it, it is a thing I loathe and wish for a busload of children to get in a wreck so I can go to work.  Go ahead and say it.  I am horrid for wishing children would be hurt or sick.  Yes, I am already aware I am going to special hell reserved for those who talk in the movie theater and text while driving.  But when you are desperate for hours and a decent paycheck and work in my world that revolves around sick children, it is the only way I can make money.  Tonight, I really just wanted another night off to sit and watch Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix (don’t judge….you know you watch it too).

So, taking advantage of the standby, I decided to put together customer orders for Avon to get those boxes out of my living room.  In doing so, I discover that a bottle of skin so soft bath oil has spilled all over the entire contents of one box of product.  No biggie, right?  Except, this is OIL and has a distinctive smell.  If you have never smelled skin so soft, it is not entirely unpleasant.  My Mom used to use it as bug repellent back when we were children.  Smelled better than DEET anyways.  So every product in this box now smells like skin so soft and in going through all this product and sorting it, this oil gets all over my hands.  Now I distinctly smell like skin so soft.  Hence part of the equation.  In taking orders out to my car, I somehow trip on air, fall, and spill every single bag of stuff all over my kitchen floor.  I could say the cat was in the way, there was a shoe, anything, but no.  It was simply air.  Luckily no one was around to witness my fall from grace.  After re-sorting orders and hoping I got it all correct, I take my spazzy self out to the car to put them in the back of the car.  I open the back of my Rav and as I am putting stuff in the car, the car door falls back and hits my in the back of my head.  Ouch. A few swear words later, I turn to leave the opening and hereby smack the side of my head on the same damn door.  A few swear words later and I head inside to go to the bathroom.  Upon getting up from the potty, I crack my elbow on the counter…who does this?  Who put the counter so close to the potty anyways?  And you would think after having this happen numerous times, that I would learn that the counter is right there.  Stupid fat girl.  Now a few MORE swear words later, I decide I must have not had enough caffeine today so I go to pour myself a nice big glass of Diet Mountain Dew from a brand new 2 liter bottle.  Only a spaz would open said bottle, and instead of pouring it, would squeeze it so that I am now covered with Diet Mountain Dew as well as the counter, the floor and my pile of mail that was on the counter.  Damn.  Now I am sticky and smell like a combo of the peach shower gel I used today, skin so soft bath oil and Diet Mountain Dew.  Layers of smells and stickiness.  I need another damn shower and some clean sweats.  See….spaz.  Point proven.

On the fitness side of things, I must say my pecs HURT today after doing the machines.  stretching today was like WTF did I do to myself and then the realization of the machines hit me.  Wow….a good pain unlike my knees that now hurt from falling in my kitchen.  Damn air.  Oh…and I did not eat too many blueberries you will be happy to note.  We did not have a reoccurrence of the blue play dough poop.  Let’s see what tomorrow brings as I go to my couch to continue my Grey’s marathon with the skittles blueberries in hand and a fresh glass of Diet Mountain Dew.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I was a total spaz but didn’t die.  Probably good I didn’t work tonight cuz no one wants a spaz for a nurse.  I am fat girl covered in smells and stickiness running.  The experiment continues…..

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