Alright. You know how I have been saying the plantar fasciitis in my foot has really been bothering me? Well, it really has gotten bad so I made an appointment to go to the ortho docs office the other day. I was concerned maybe there was a bone spur or something in there that was causing me so much pain. I saw a different ortho doc, not the porno model one, but one that looks distinctly like Will Ferrell. Made me question whether or not I should take him seriously. Kind of like this:
But after x-rays and moving my ankle and foot around to where it hurt even more, he had me walk for him up and down the hall. Walking barefoot is even more painful so I am sure I was limping and grimacing quite well. Will Ferrell then pulled up my x-rays and showed me what was wrong. First, he told me my ankle had grown weak compensating for my knee injury. Then he pointed at my x-ray and showed me the stress fracture. Well crap. I wasn’t expecting him to tell me I had a fracture. I was rather expecting him to start playing the cow bell. Then within seconds, I shoved into this contraption called a walking boot (since I refused to be casted and be on crutches for weeks on end) and sent on my way to try to figure out how first to put on my pants over this thing and second how to walk and lastly how to drive home. Huh. Will Ferrell also told me I would be in this thing for three weeks and he did not see me EVER being able to run with the knee injury I had recovered from. Well poop shooter. That totally puts a kink in my experiment. Figuring out how to put my pants on was really not the easiest thing in the world. Since the tech had come in and slapped it on me without a sock or pants on, I was stuck trying to figure out how to get my pants on over it. Yeah. Sometimes I am not that bright. I must plead that I was uber tired having worked the night before and not had any sleep yet, but I actually tried to put my jeans on OVER the walking boot. Like tried to stick the contraption down my pant leg. DOH! When that failed to work and I was left sitting in the chair wondering if I was gonna have to walk out to my car sans pants and freeze my flass off since it was snowing (of course it was snowing!), the lightbulb over my head clicked on and I thought to take off the boot, put on pants and then put the boot back on and pull my jeans down over it. I am pretty. Walking was a challenge as you tend to walk like a gimp with one of these damn things on. Driving was even more of a challenge. Because of course, it is my right foot. To say this is heavier than my regular shoes is a HUGE understatement. I can’t even feel the gas pedal and soon discovered that I was speeding down the residential area and hoping i didn’t hit any small children on my way home. Although hitting Bicycle Boy would not have been a bad thing.
After tearfully texting BFF to tell her my newest plight, she came over to take me Christmas shopping which had been my plans for the day. I did not expect to be in a contraption that not only limited my movement but made me feel like an invalid. Did I mention it was snowing out? So here posed the problem of keeping my foot dry. BFF comes up with a plan (I tell you she is smart) and puts a Target bag over the boot. From then on, all we can do is look down at my foot and laugh repeatedly as she yells “Target Bag coming through!” Pretty sure that is my new nickname. Target Bag.
Kink in the experiment….no working out for three weeks. And I was up .2 pounds this week. Of course my monthly visit from Mother Nature is occurring making me retain water at an alarming rate. Really. I am not a camel. And I am still trying to process the fact that Will Ferrell told me I could not run. Huh.
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I instead have a had a curve ball thrown to me and not quit sure how I feel about it. I am fat girl gimpy leg in a contraption with a Target bag over it running. The experiment continues…….