The Fat Girl Running – Kristann Monaghan

Pretty sure I was a drag queen in another life.  BFF always swears I tend to wear the makeup color choices of a drag queen…..is this a bad thing?  Is she insulting me or jealous?  Hmmmmm…..that is something to be pondered!  I was watching RuPaul’s Drag Race today (don’t judge me for my love of reality tv shows) after shopping in the craziness that is Black Friday (I felt like I was gonna die at Wal-Mart!  Who needs 30 waffle makers even if they are only $3 a piece?)  and seriously wishing I was that gorgeous in a dress and heels!  Seriously.  I think I might have been a drag queen in a former life.  I would be a killer drag queen if I were a guy.  I would rock those crazy outfits with no problems plus all that glitter and makeup and hair!  Oh….yup.  Pretty sure I was one.  If only I was taller….I don’t think my heels make me tall enough to be a drag queen.  I could pad my flass though….wouldn’t that be something?  At least then maybe I would come closer to getting a great butt like BFF.  Damn her and her latina butt.  Why do I have to be Irish, white and have a flass?  And really no amount of working out is gonna create that type of butt.  Might have to take some lessons from those drag queens.

Worked out the other day after work for the first time in a awhile…..I so needed it and ended up looking like the raccoon dipped in a vat of grease with sparkly hair pins (drag queen I tell you) as I didn’t remove my bun I had carefully placed in my hair before work.  At least I was a glamorous raccoon!  BFF and I hit the Y and rode the bikes and I was tired when I was done.  Pretty sure I really need to get my fat flass back in there more often, sparklies and all.  I was good and didn’t eat too much yesterday although I really could have cuz BFF invited me over and my other family fed me a feast! Yummy nummies!  I think surviving the craziness of shopping on Black Friday was enough of a workout.  That was insane.  Remind me never to take my own life into Wal-Mart next year…I don’t think it was worth it.  Bubby described it as a pack of ravenous wolves waiting to get at the movies on sale.  I think he was right.  Tomorrow I shall at least go for a walk and hopefully walk off that whipped cream I just sprayed into my mouth…what?  Like you have never done it.  You know you have.  Don’t be jealous of my boogie!

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I almost died last night in Wal-Mart as I was almost trampled to death for a $3 mini chopper.  I think I have PTSD from that experience.  I am fat girl who was a drag queen in a former life running. The experiment continues…..