Epic Fail And Suckage

Alright so it is time to be honest with myself in that the getting fit and losing weight battle lately has been an epic fail. I could blame it on a lot of things….the cold weather, my work schedule, my knee, whatever I can think of but really it comes down to the fact that my will power SUCKS! It is the epitome of suckage. I really started out with great intentions but I swear I am the queen of excuses sometimes. Then there is the power of my couch. I swear sometimes I think it has the world’s most powerful magnet in it that the receiving end is in my flass. Pretty sure the last few days have made a bigger indentation in the couch. I have no one to blame but myself. Even working out was postponed because I was too tired. So in having a discussion with my other BFF and discovering the tightness of my scrub pants, we decided to become weight loss buddies again. We have done this in the past and it worked well. Guess you could say we are both tired of being fat. Just wish I had the will power of the BFF who lives here. Swear she can have three M&Ms and be done whereas I need to eat the entire bag…and I am not talking a snack size bag either. I know she will be our biggest weight loss cheerleader and I so need that.

Lets discuss all the diets I have tried. Pretty sure I have tried them all. I swear that I can see an info-mmercial on a new type of weight loss system and I am sucked into the testimonials and results. I literally have bought and tried several if these with epic fail results. I even did Medi-Fast before my sister’s wedding which was basically a liquid diet. Oh the things us fat girls will do to look good in photos. Who thinks living on liquids is a good thing? Ugh. Then you have never tried it. It tasted like ass. Ass I tell you. Of course I would never admit how horrible it tasted but rather kept at it all in the name of professional photos. I swear I am not vain but dang it I was tired of looking fat in photos. It really did taste horrid. They try to make it taste like normal things like hot chocolate or soup. If these things tasted like liquid ass in real life, then maybe they would be close to tasting like the real thing. Pretty sure I cannot think of anything that might taste worse. I even think I would prefer licking a cat’s butt to drinking that stuff again. It has to taste better than that. Seriously. Go lick a cat’s butt and then get back to me. Of course the minute I stopped the liquid nastiness, I gained all the weight back and then some. Sigh. I even did the Richard Simmons diet plan with the Sweating To The Oldies videos. Yup. I freely admit I did the videos with the gayest man with an Afro and shorty shorts in the world. If that doesn’t make you giggle then nothing will. Especially since those shorty shorts were always a gold lamee color. Maybe I need to rock that look. I am sure running through the neighborhood in shorts like that might make me run faster or at least blind SOTL man. Blind him with the gold fabric and the whiteness of my flass. But I am sure shorts like that would give me a serious case of Chub Rub. I think I will stick with long shorts. And hope for some better will power. If I start sporting an Afro then please shoot me. I plan on getting back on track though with all of it.

Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I instead made new resolve while eating an entire bag of cheddar cheese popcorn followed by skittles. I am fat girl not sporting the gold lamee shorty shorts running. The experiment continues….

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