The Size Of My Pants Vs The Size Of My Butt

Putting on my scrub pants for work tonight caused me to make a discovery. There is a difference in the size of my pants versus the size of my butt. The two of these do not correlate. Of course, I came to the conclusion that this must be due to shrinkage from the dryer, right? I even tried a different pair of pants but those were also tight. Damn. Seriously? I mean I know I have not worked out as much lately but they should not be tight. Sigh. This must mean my butt has gotten fatter. Is this even possible? Pretty sure I already feel like a fatty. Ugh. Guess that bag of skittles was not such a great idea. Or that chocolate at work last night. Or that cheesy fondue goodness at dinner the other night. Yeah, you get the picture. Guess my decision making skills have not improved. I swear the inner fatty just takes over and hence the tightness of my pants. I felt as if I had to squeeze my fatness into them like a sausage casing. Remember the craze of spandex pants back in the day? Honestly, who thought these were a good idea? Those were not forgiving. You could see every dimple in my cottage cheese thighs. And that is when I was skinny. Can you even imagine wearing them now? Pretty sure it would be something that scares small children and causes them to need loads of therapy later in life. I won’t be wearing those any time soon. Thank goodness for a drawstring. And why is it my flass needs to expand outwards? You know, I would not mind if some of that fat would actually give my poor flass some shape. I am not asking for a JLo butt, just seems unfair that my sister has all the booty in the family. I would just like for my pants to not look like I took a dump in them. It does not need to becomer wider and flatter. How is this even possible? I swear I defy the law of physics. I still say the pants MUST have shrunk in the dryer. That is the only explanation I will allow right now. Hey….where did I put that pie?

Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I squeezed myself into my pants but didn’t die. I am fat girl with tight pants running. The experiment continues…

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