The Fat Girl Running – Kristann Monaghan

Today the weather SUCKS! Seems winter has finally come and come with a vengeance. I discovered this the other morning when after work I put on my hoodie and walked outside to eighteen degrees! To say the hoodie gave me about as much warmth as not wearing anything was an understatement. Not very pleasant to walk around the hood so I took my half frosten bitten hoodie wearing butt inside to dig out my winter coat and flannel jammies. And to contemplate how to continue my experiment during the cold winter months.

Today I thought I would try to walk due to the snow that is supposed to come this weekend. But I needed a nap after work first, so the flannel jammies came out and armed with my Mickey quilt I headed for the couch. Oh the all and powerful couch. It is like my kryptonite. Foolishly thinking a fat girl like me could lay down for a few hours and it would release me from its clenches, I snuggled into it’s wonderfully delicious broken in cushions and immediately succumbed to the napping powers it has…..and woke up five and a half hours later. Wait. That was supposed to be a couple of hours. And what woke me was the thunder and pouring rain occurring outside. Well poop. So much for a walk although walking in the rain might have deterred SOTL man from being out. I am pretty sure the neighborhood creep does not hold a job because I swear I see him no matter what time of day I am out. Of course, if he is a tailor looking to make a skin suit out of fat girls, he could work from home. Food for thought. But I digress. I could have gone to the Y or done a workout video at home. Lord knows I own enough of them. Plus you can actually stream workout videos on netflix. But what happened next I can only attribute to the power of the couch. I turned on lifetime movie network and snuggled back down into its clutches to remain there for the rest of the day. Yeah that’s right. I stayed in my jammies all day without a shower and watched bad made for tv movies. What? Judge me do you? I know you wanna do it to because laying on the couch intermittently dozing while it is storming outside is wonderful. Try it sometime. I might need to be reminded to turn myself every two hours because otherwise a bedsore might occur on my fat booty. I tell you that my couch is powerful but really you probably had no idea it was that powerful. Oh yeah and pretty sure it also handed me some leftover Halloween chocolate to eat while I was laying there. True story.

Let’s hope I can escape its clutches tomorrow although the forecast for two to four inches of snow overnight does not sound good. Might be time to revisit my love /hate relationship with the treadmill. Sigh. For now, I shall return to my prone position watching Criminal Minds….since I typed this from my phone that shouldn’t be too hard. What? You thought I would actually get up from the powers of the couch to blog? I scoff in your general direction.

Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I was trapped in the clutches of the evil couch wizard but I didn’t die. The experiment continues….