During my recent trip to DL, I had a near Chub Rub incident. Now, we all know that as fat girls avoiding Chub Rub is an essential portion of our clothing choices. I make it a point to avoid things like wet jeans, short shorts, and pantyhose that aren’t spanx. All of these things can lead to the thigh skin become worn off until your muscle is exposed causing quite a bit of pain for a fat girl. Plus, it is not attractive to walk in the weird avoiding Chub Rub walk that some of us think might stop this occurrence from happening. Really, it doesn’t. It just makes you look like you are trying to avoid picking a wedgie or that you have some sort of weird condition that makes you walk bowlegged. You may think that this sounds pretty extreme, but then you must not have ever had Chub Rub. It really can be extremely painful. Hence why I avoid it at all costs. Sometimes, this condition can not be avoided. I ran into such an incident with on vacation at DL.
It was the day of Mickey’s Halloween Party and we were excited to get dressed up in our flapper girl costumes and we were discussing the components of the costume. It was during this discussion with BFF that I realized the impending Chub Rub. I forgot my spanx. We are talking a full-blown Chub Rub emergency here as the amount of walking in a dress and fish net stockings could really create a chafing issue. Ok, so no spanx. Oh….right. No shorts either. In fact I only brought capris, jeans and even my pj’s were sleeping pants. Shoot. Ok, no worries. Tons of gift shops here so I am sure I can find some shorts. Right? WRONG! I forgot that it is Fall and no shorts to be found, not even sleep shorts in ANY of the gift shops. In all my wisdom, I ask a cast member in our hotel gift shop where I might find some shorts. He doesn’t have any but pulls out this handy-dandy little listing of all the stores in Downtown Disney that I might be able to find some shorts. The only thing that concerns me is that these aren’t fat girl stores. With dread in the pit of my stomach, I go into the Roxy store. A friendly male employee asks me what I am looking for and I explain that I need a pair of shorts to go under my Halloween costume. He immediately tells me that they have some shorts on clearance and proceeds to show me the shorts. Uh. No. First off, I am NOT a size 0…hello! Can you not tell I am bigger than that? I might be able to get a calf into those shorts. And if for some miracle they go higher than a size 4, pretty sure my kooka is gonna hang out and my labia will be available for all to see if I wasn’t wearing a dress. How is this to help the Chub Rub? It will only make the problem worse. And then cause a labial Chub Rub. Ugh. Now how to explain to this dude that these labia showing fanny hanging out shorts are really not what I am looking for without explaining Chub Rub? I politely turned to him and asked if he had any other longer shorts perchance? Nope. This was it for girls except for swim shorts. Hey! Those might work…except they also came in negative sizes and really would not hang past my kooka either. Dang. I tried to explain to this young man that really I needed shorts that went longer than pubic hair, but he had this bewildered expression on his face like he could not understand why I would want longer shorts. It was at this point, that a female employee came over and overheard our conversation. And wouldn’t you know it, she was NOT skinny!!! She turned to me with an expression that immediately showed me she understood my dilemma and told me she could help me. With a knowing smile on her face that told me she had also experienced Chub Rub in her lifetime, she pulled me over to the boy’s board shorts and told me this would be my best bet. They were long enough to cover my thighs and short enough to go under my dress. But how the heck do I know what size to buy? Men’s sizes confuse me and have nothing to so with girl sizes, let alone fat girl sizes. Again, this angel of an employee filled me with some knowledge that I must pass on to all fat girls out there…add 21 to your current size for a guy’s size. Really? Huh. So my size 16 easily converted to a 37….round up and this fat girl was handed a 38 and a 40 size board shorts to try on with a huge smile. YES!!! I didn’t even care about the price at this point as the price of avoiding pain was really priceless. I practically hugged this gal in the store as I walked out and yes we did stop in on our way to the party to show her our costumes. Pretty sure it made her night that she helped a fat girl avoid Chub Rub. I know it made mine. As for the guy employee….he still didn’t get it. But we fat girls do. Lesson learned….remember your shorts!
On the fitness note, went to Spazzercise today despite the pain in my foot from the plantar faciitis. I needed to work off the dessert I had with my gal friends at the greek restaurant (did I mention I LOVE to eat?) from last night. Made it through class but felt like a spaz today. And celebrated that class with some pancakes afterwards (Hey..nobody’s perfect!). I leave you to get into the Halloween spirit since Halloween weekend is approaching….
Oh yeah. I didn’t die today. I survived Spazzercise and didn’t die. I am fat girl without Chub Rub running. The experiment continues….