Fat Girl Fun

I apologize for the lack of posts since I have returned. Pretty sure I was trying to recover from the DL trip and time got away from me. Since returning from the trip all the walking aggravated my plantar faciitis so I have not exercised the last several days as I can hardly walk without pain in my heels. Hopefully this will clear up and I can get at it tomorrow.  Ah..the perils of vacation.   But let me tell you I had me some fat girl fun while I was there!

Being a fat girl is not something I always notice about myself believe it or not. But when you go to an amusement park, somehow you do notice. It sneaks up on you in little ways like sharing a lap bar with your skinny BFF and she practically has lift off on Big Thunder Mountain because the bar only comes down as far as your fat thighs.  The first time we rode this ride many years ago, BFF made the crucial mistake of trying to pull the lap bar down to her thighs.  Needless to say, this ended up in me making a painful squeal as the bar was jammed into my thighs and crotch and I was pretty sure my chances of ever having children had just been limited.  She has since learned to let the fat girl control the lap bar when we share so that riding is not a painful experience for me. Thank goodness since my age is already limiting my ability to reproduce, I don’t need a lap bar injury to also limit it.   Also, it helped that when she rode with my 8-year-old god-daughter, that my god-daughter also did this to her and she experienced the same limiting children pain I did as her uterus was crushed by the lap bar.  She apologized after it happened to her and swore she would never do that again.  I will have to say I had some moments that reminded me I am not THAT fat.  Like watching a cast member ask a guy if he was gonna fit into Space Mountain as he climbed in or when they obviously weight balanced the ride by leaving a car empty behind a gal. How mortifying would that be?  I know she didn’t notice but everyone behind her had to wonder why it was left empty.  At Universal Studios,  they actually have a seat outside The Mummy ride for you to test if you can fit.  I was so scared to sit in that seat.  Would an alarm go off and a flashing light that screams “You are too fat to ride this ride”?   Then everyone would know some fattie had to test out the seat to see if she could fit.  And it’s not like the seat was discretely placed.  It was smack dab in front of the ride.  How humiliating.  At least Disney doesn’t do that.  I mean do they really expect a fat girl to willingly go and see if her fat butt will fit in a seat?  Most of us will just skip the ride instead of suffering the flashing light and siren
alarm screaming at everyone how fat you are.  It could only be more humiliating it actually weighed you and posted your weight in neon. Yeah…that makes me wanna run right over and jump on!  Let me be first in line!

To say I enjoy eating at DL is an understatement.  I seriously LOVE eating there.  The food is absolutely amazing.  If you have never eaten there when you are visiting, then you really must.  Some of the best food can no doubt be found in DCA where we enjoyed adult beverages with our meals and ate this amazing Italian meal complete with tiramisu that was to die for….it was fat girl heaven I tell you.  I really don’t eat a lot of sweets, contrary to the fat girl image, but pastries and cookies are my down fall.  Pretty sure I had some amazing pastries with room service and a cookie that was heavenly at Marceline’s (my favorite place to stop for a treat before I head home).  I probably did eat my way through the park but I also walked my little tushie off.  There is no other way to get around and I swear there must be some serious miles put into my feet when I am there….I estimate about ten miles a day actually.  Seriously.  You might not believe me, but really it is about that many.  Is it enough to walk off the wine, tiramisu, churro, cookie, pastries, and other delights?  I am unclear at this junction but will take the dreaded trip to the scale to find out in the morning.  It might start flashing lights and alarming when I step on it saying “Hey fattie!  Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten all that while at DL!”  I am sure you will hear it if it does!

BFF and I did go to a Halloween party this weekend as well and wore our super cute non labia showing sexy Red Riding Hood and Big Bad Wolf costumes.  Yeah, we had a theme.  Pretty sure I still felt like my ass was hanging out but she assured me it was not and I had to believe her.  Btw, going pee with a tail on your costume is not easy. It is, however, significantly easier than going with big large black wings on like I did one year.  Those bad boys got caught on the toilet seat and I felt like I was gonna be stuck on the john forever.  Like paramedics were gonna have to come and extract the fat girl out of the potty like some episode of a reality show about being fat.  Thank goodness for girls always peeing in twos and BFF being there to extract my wings from the potty and me not having to be the subject of the news that night for that reason.  There is a reason we are BFF.  So she can extract me from a potty. Huh.  Kinda like me helping my sister pee in her wedding dress.  That is a funny moment in history that we actually have photos of.  I just prayed she wouldn’t pee on the dress or on me.  Thank goodness we escaped that unharmed and un-urinated on.

Oh yeah.  I didn’t die today.  I might still be in a post DL coma and need to get my fat butt off the sucking couch but I didn’t die.  I am fat girl having fun this week.  The experiment continues….

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